THREE
Aliya
YEARS AGO
Dear Future Me,
In most moments of my life, my existence feels completely pointless.
I’m sure that ending this misery wouldn’t just help me – Mother would be happier if she’d just aborted me back then.
As irrelevant as life seems, I can’t manage to draw a final line. I can’t bring myself to truly end it.
Every time I imagine what it would feel like to touch the soft skin under my chin with a blade or to jump from the top floor of the Renaissance Center, those brutal images in my head are replaced by thoughts of my dad.
He would never forgive me.
But is that really what’s stopping me?
In truth, I’m just a coward who loathes her life to the core but is far too scared to completely let go.
The only thing I’m capable of doing is writing. All my darkest thoughts, the ones I’d never say out loud, I anchor in this notebook.
In the hope that one day my wishes will come true and I’ll finally find the courage to end it all, I’m writing this letter.
This letter of silence.