THIRTY-NINE
Aliya
PRESENT
The weeks pass in a whirlwind, and with each day, I find myself getting more and more entangled in Milan’s web.
My school life has also changed drastically because of it. Even the most uptight and conservative teachers have suddenly softened toward me. Ms. Grambs has even decided to write me a recommendation for college.
I spend most of my breaks with Silver or get whisked away by Milan to the clubroom. By now the whole basketball team, no, the whole school knows that I’m his. And yet, we’re not even official.
Sure, there’s something between us, something more than just casual.
I still have trust issues. He was a jerk to me, and sometimes, he still is. But his darkness is like a magnet that draws me in despite the danger. His temperament is rough, his brutal honesty both thrilling and terrifying. He’s the kind of person who leaves you breathless, even when you tell yourself to stay away.
I’ve also grown closer to Shin. As for Damian, I’m still cautious.
“What’s this?” I ask Silver as she stops beside me with a mountain of papers in her arms.
“Why did I agree to this?” She drops the heavy stack on the table in front of me with a frustrated sigh. “I must’ve lost my mind to volunteer for the Halloween party preparations.”
I can’t help but laugh as I start flipping through the papers. “Authentically spooky decorations? What does that mean?”
“I have no idea.” She shakes her head. “It’s all so vague. What’s considered authentic when it comes to spooky decorations? I feel like I’m losing it.”
I pat her shoulder consolingly as I continue scanning the lists. “Fireworks? Fireworks on Halloween?”
“Yeah, apparently, they want a big spectacle this year. For most of us, it’s the last Halloween in high school.”
I nod thoughtfully, realizing Silver is right.
In about half a year, we’ll be graduating and heading off to college. Even though I’ve been waiting for this my whole life, it feels so sudden.
What will happen to my relationship with Milan? Maybe he’ll move to California like his brother, and we’ll lose touch.
As if he sensed it, my phone vibrates with a message from him.
MILAN: Where are you?
I reach for my bag and stand up. “I have to go.”
Silver looks up from her papers at me, a smirk playing on her lips. “Going to Shane?”
I feel my cheeks warm slightly. “Yeah, his practice is over.”
“Mhm, sure,” she teases. “Go on, have fun with your bad boy. I’ll let you know if I die during party prep.”
I roll my eyes, laughing, and head out of the break hall.
Classes ended a while ago, so the hallways are empty. As I make my way toward the exit to meet him in the parking lot, a strong grip suddenly grabs me and pulls me back. I gasp as my back collides with his chest, and his arms wrap around my waist.
“There you are, sweetheart,” he greets me. “You’re late.”
I tilt my head back to look up at him. His hair is still damp from the shower, dark strands falling messily across his forehead. He smells fresh, a mix of soap and something distinctly masculine. His muscles seem more defined than usual, and his gray hoodie clings to him in all the right places.
Even after training, he looks so hot , it’s unfair.
“What took you so long to keep you away from me?”
“I was talking to Silver about the Halloween party preparations.”
“Halloween? A perfect excuse to dress up and be naughty.”
The way he says it sends shivers down my spine.
I clear my throat. “That sounds like you have something specific in mind.”
Milan lowers his head, his lips brushing against my earlobe. “Oh, I always have something in mind when it comes to you, sweetheart.” His hands slide lower. “Come to think of it, we don’t have to wait until Halloween to be naughty.”
My breath catches in my throat, and I immediately push his hands away before turning to face him. “We’re at school!”
Milan grins, clearly amused by my reaction. “Last week we were at school too, when you-”
I press my hands against his mouth to stop him from saying more, but I can feel the heat rise in my cheeks as the memory rushes back, my heart pounding.
Last week, I’d waited for him in the gym, but after all the other basketball players left the locker room, I went in to check on him. Well, that check-in ended with him inside me in the shower stalls, trying to muffle my moans with his hand over my mouth so the coach wouldn’t catch us.
A wicked gleam flickers in his eyes, and his lips twitch slightly against my palms. He lets out a short chuckle, his breath warm on my skin, before gently pulling my hand away from his mouth. “You’re flustered. Thinking about last week, huh?”
“Shut up,” I mumble, turning my back to him to hide the effect his words have on me, which only makes him laugh again.
Milan follows me, his footsteps echoing behind. His presence is magnetic, every step he takes sending a current over my skin.
Finally, we reach the exit and step out into the crisp autumn air.
Milan suddenly stops, his hand gently grabbing my arm to draw my attention back to him. “Wait a second.”
I turn to him. “What’s wrong?”
“I forgot something.”
I raise an eyebrow as he pulls a set of keys from the front pocket of his sweater and dangles them in front of my face. “These are for you.”
My eyes widen, and I reach out with trembling fingers to take the keys he offers. My hand closes around the cool metal.
Three keys dangle from the ring.
Noticing my confusion, Milan smirks. “The first one’s for the back entrance of the SVH, the second is for the club room.”
“The SVH? But why-”
“I heard the school has a nice rooftop.” He walks past me, toward his car. “You said you have a habit of climbing up high places. The third key is for the rooftop.”
My heart skips a beat at his words. The fact that he remembers something I mentioned casually gives me a strange feeling of being seen.
I hurry to catch up with him. A mix of excitement and nerves swirls in my stomach. “Isn’t the rooftop off-limits to students? That’s … illegal.”
“Technically, yeah. But when have I ever cared about rules?”
Milan’s nonchalance is obvious as he unlocks his car and opens the passenger door so I can get in. “Besides, rules are made to be broken, sweetheart.”
Settling into the passenger seat of his car, I feel torn. On the one hand, the thrill of breaking rules is tempting, but on the other, I’ve always been the kind of person who sticks to the rules and avoids trouble.
But what has being the good girl ever gotten me? Exactly, nothing.
His scent fills the small space between us as he sits down beside me.
“Thank you,” I say, looking up at him. “For the keys.”
The hint of a smile tugs at his lips, and his eyes sweep over me. The atmosphere in the car suddenly feels charged, the air thick with tension.
As he starts the engine and pulls away from the school parking lot, my phone buzzes in my lap with a message from Silver.
SILVER: I forgot to ask you earlier. Are you going to Reynolds’ birthday party tomorrow?
Tomorrow is October 31st. Halloween.
But since it’s a weekday, the SVH is holding the Halloween party on Friday.
The irony of Damian having his birthday on the devil’s day is almost too scary to be true.
Maybe he really is the devil himself.
There’s been a rumor going around the school for a long time that Damian’s parties are darker and more twisted than others. They say his parties are a gathering place for those who want to push the boundaries of normality. Some students claim they’ve seen things there that they’ll never be able to forget.
Damian’s definition of fun is apparently anything but innocent.
I glance up from my phone and watch Milan.
He looks relaxed during the drive, the dim light from outside casting sharp shadows across his features, making his eyes look almost wild.
My mouth goes dry.
He’ll probably be there too. Of course he will – it’s his best friend’s birthday, after all. And besides, Milan himself is the embodiment of chaos.
He looks over at me, his eyes catching the soft glow of my phone screen. “Who’s that?”
“Silver, asking about the homework,” I lie, before quickly typing my reply.
ALIYA: I’m not going.
I’m not a fan of parties. I never have.
And the thought of willingly stepping onto Damian Reynolds’ property doesn’t exactly fill me with excitement.
“So you really didn’t go?” I ask Silver over the phone as I slip into my plaid pajama pants.
Damian’s birthday party has already started.
But just like me, Silver decided not to go.
“The party’s overrated. I went last year and almost peed my pants. It’s like he gets off on making others uncomfortable. That guy is literally insane. I don’t know why anyone would go there willingly.”
“So, the rumors are true?”
I step out onto my balcony. A cool breeze blows against my bare arms and up my pajama pants, sending a chill across my skin.
Robert’s car is still parked in front of our house, which means my mother and he are still here.
“Oh, they’re true. The Legions have this tradition. Every year they play this crazy game called ‘ Chase the Girl’ .”
I lean against the railing of my balcony. “ Chase the Girl? What’s that?”
“How do I even explain it?” she begins. “Once the party is in full swing, Damian picks a girl and announces over the loudspeaker that the chase is on. The hunter who catches her first gets to do whatever he wants with her. Isn’t that just crazy?”
Jesus Christ.
I shudder, my stomach twisting into tight knots.
The thought that someone would come up with such a lunatic game is disturbing, but the idea of Milan being involved makes me feel even worse.
“That’s sick. And the girls who get chosen just go along with it?”
“Yeah, most of them do. A lot of them are willing to do anything just to get close to one of the Legions.”
The fact that some girls would willingly take part in such a disgusting game just to be noticed by that trio is upsetting.
The image of Milan chasing a girl in this game makes my stomach turn.
“ He doesn’t … participate, does he?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper.
“Well …” Silver hesitates for a moment. “I don’t think Shane, Reynolds, or Masuda actually take part. It’s more like entertainment for them.”
Entertainment?
“That’s a weird way to have fun.” And the fact that some girls feel flattered by it makes me feel sick.
“You said it.”
I walk back into my room, shut the balcony door behind me, and flop down on my bed.
“Speaking of weird,” Silver starts. “Don’t you think it’s odd that Henry Reynolds scheduled a business dinner tonight of all nights?”
I’d already had that thought, too.
Reynolds Solutions is known for its innovative construction projects and engineering solutions. I don’t know Mr. Reynolds personally, but the fact that he picked his son’s birthday to have a business dinner with his partners is more than a little strange.
He could have scheduled it any other day, yet he chose tonight. And it’s a weekday – on Halloween, no less.
“The timing is definitely odd.”
Maybe it’s just a normal thing for multimillionaires to not pay attention to their children. Then again, my mother isn’t much better – and we’re not even rich.
“I can’t really blame him. If I had a son like Damian, I’d find any excuse not to see him, too. He probably regrets the day he was born, so why would he want to celebrate it?” Silver comments, making me laugh.
“When are you here?” I ask her after a moment.
Since we’re probably the only two people from the entire SVH who stayed home tonight, we decide to have a horror movie marathon at my place.
Robert and my mother are going to the Reynolds’ business dinner, so by coming over, Silver will also save me from being left alone with Daniel.
“I’ll be there in about forty-five minutes. Want me to grab some snacks on the way?”
“Snacks sound great. I’ll make some popcorn and get the movies ready.”
“Good,” Silver says. “See you soon!”
With that, she hangs up, and I toss my phone onto the bed before getting up.
I push the dresser I had placed in front of my door back to its original position. Peeking into the hallway, I make sure that both Robert and my mom are still busy getting ready for their business dinner, and that Daniel is nowhere in sight.
Once I’m sure the coast is clear, I leave my room and head downstairs to the kitchen. After putting the popcorn in the microwave, I walk over to the living room and start looking through the movies we can watch.
“Oh, dear,” my mother’s laugh rings out, making me jump a bit. I turn around and see her walking into the living room, wearing an elegant black dress.
“But you look stunning,” Robert praises, following close behind and resting his hands on her shoulders.
She waves him off, looking bashful. “Oh, stop it.”
Watching my mother and Robert joke around with each other, I feel a twinge of sadness.
Seeing her so happy with him always makes me think of my dad. Part of me is still angry that she moved on so quickly.
I’ll never forgive her for remarrying just six months after my dad’s death, while I’m still mourning him years later.
That’s when Robert notices me by the movie collection and raises an eyebrow. “What are you doing?”
“Just picking out a movie,” I reply, pushing my thoughts aside. “A friend’s coming over.”
My mother’s eyes widen as she slips out of Robert’s grip. “A friend?”
I roll my eyes at her question. “Yes, mother, I have friends. What a surprise.”
But honestly, I can’t really blame her surprise.
I’ve never really had any true female friends, let alone had anyone over. Silver is probably my first real friend.
She narrows her eyes at my comment. “Don’t talk to me in that tone.”
Robert pats her gently on the shoulder. “Relax, dear. She’s just being a typical teenager.”
I resist the urge to roll my eyes again and turn back to the movies.
My mother sighs and smooths out the wrinkles in her dress. “Who’s coming over?”
“Silver.”
“Silver who?”
I shake my head. Of course, she wants to know her last name so she can gauge whether my friendship with Silver will benefit her in some way.
“Silver Moore.”
My mother furrows her brows thoughtfully, trying to remember. “Moore as in Moore BioTech?”
“Exactly. And now, if you’ll excuse me.” I grab two movies without even looking at the titles, eager to end this conversation as quickly as possible.
But before I can make my escape, Daniel enters the room with a sly grin.
Every muscle in my body tenses.
I try to avoid looking at him, but just his presence makes my blood run cold. I can feel a knot of dread forming in my stomach.
Robert and my mother straighten up at Daniel’s arrival.
“You’re going somewhere?” his father asks him.
Daniel is wearing a well-fitted T-shirt, his blond hair neatly slicked back. But he’s staring at me, his icy blue eyes scanning me with a calculating gaze.
My palms start to sweat. The urge to throw up is strong, but I fight to keep my composure.
“I’m heading to a party.” He turns his gaze to Robert.
“A party? Don’t you think you should be focusing on something more productive at your age?”
Daniel shrugs casually, seemingly unfazed by the criticism. “I deserve to have a little fun, don’t I? After all, it’s Halloween.”
When his eyes land on me again, that familiar wave of unease hits me. He lets his gaze linger just a little too long, sending chills down my back.
“Or do you want me to stay home with you, sis?” His voice is conspiratorial. “We could have our own little party.”
His suggestive tone makes my stomach churn. I clutch the movies in my hands, desperate to find something to anchor myself.
He always makes me feel suffocated.
Robert’s stern voice cuts through the tension. “That’s enough, Daniel.”
Daniel just shakes his head with a laugh and heads for the door. “All right, then. I’ll just go and party somewhere else.”
The door slams shut behind him, and suddenly, the house feels eerily quiet.
My mother’s attention shifts back to me, and I feel the room closing in. My breathing becomes shallow, and my heart is pounding so hard it feels like it might burst out of my chest. The walls seem to spin as another wave of nausea washes over me.
My mother clears her throat, breaking the silence. “So, which movies did you pick?”
I glare at her, anger simmering inside me. Her attempt to change the subject, to pretend like nothing just happened, infuriates me.
“Why do you always do this?” Tears well up in my eyes, and I try to blink them away, but I can’t. “Why are you like this?”
She looks at me as if nothing’s wrong, surprised by my sudden outburst. “What do you mean, honey?
I can’t believe how dismissive she’s being. It’s unbearable.
“You-” I start, but the words get stuck in my throat. The tears that were threatening to spill finally roll down my cheeks.
“This!” I shout, pointing to the spot where Daniel had just stood. “You ignore everything that just happened! Again!”
She stares at me for a moment, her expression unreadable. “What do you want me to say, honey? Your stepbrother just made a few stupid comments. There’s no reason to get upset about it.”
I can feel the frustration building inside me, the urge to scream growing stronger by the second. But I know it wouldn’t make a difference. It never does.
Mother will never understand how I feel.
“You don’t care how I feel, do you?” My voice trembles, on the verge of breaking. “I’m your daughter, Mother.”
She falls silent for a moment, and I can see that I’m starting to annoy her. She thinks I’m overreacting, that I’m too sensitive.
And that’s enough of an answer for me.
“Fuck you all.”
As I storm past my mother and Robert, I hear them calling after me, their voices blending into a mix of surprise and irritation. But I don’t turn around.
I’m tired of justifying myself and hoping they’ll understand me one day. They will never put themselves in my shoes – not until it’s too late.
When the door slams shut behind me, I finally allow myself to release the emotions that have been building up inside. I slide down to the floor, pressing my back against the solid wood of the door, burying my face in my hands.
I hate my mother.
I hate her.
The feelings continue to overwhelm me, and the desire to do something, anything, to make this aching in my chest go away grows stronger. Anything to find some semblance of comfort.
My eyes scan my room until they land on Kilian’s book lying on my desk. If there’s anyone who might understand my hatred for my mother, it’s him. He’s the only one who knows what it’s like to have a monster for a mother.
I wipe away my tears and pull myself together.
Carefully, I sit down at my desk, pick up the book, run my fingers over the cover, open it, and take out the envelope.
It’s been a while since I last read it.
To be honest, I wanted to stop. Because reading about Milan and Kilian’s past without telling him feels wrong. Forbidden.
And I know Milan wouldn’t be happy at all if he found out I’d been reading his brother’s letters to him behind his back.
God, he would be furious.
I can understand it, because I wouldn’t like it either if he read something from my notebook without my permission.
But right now, I need Kilian’s words more than ever.
Slowly, I rip open the envelope, take out the sheets of paper, unfold them, and begin to read.