FORTY-FOUR
Milan
ONE YEAR AGO
He’s gone again.
And I know exactly where he is. More specifically, with whom.
Aliya fucking Sierra.
Just the thought of her makes my blood boil. She’s been hanging around with Kilian lately.
I see her in the school hallways, where she hides in the background like a shy wallflower. But I know she’s anything but innocent.
“My sister isn’t coming,” Raelyn announces as we prepare for the fireworks tonight.
Tomorrow is the Fourth of July. Independence Day.
“Elena isn’t coming? Why?”
Elena loves fireworks. And she loves the Fourth of July.
For years, we’ve celebrated the day with a barbecue.
“I don’t know. She’s been acting … strange for weeks.”
I freeze in place.
Of course. She’s probably found out that her boyfriend prefers to spend his free time with a minor instead of her.
I tense my jaw. “My brother’s been acting weird for weeks, too.”
“Do you think they broke up?”
They’ve been together for years, and everyone thought they were the perfect couple. But if that were the case, he wouldn’t be a fucking cheater.
The Davis family has lived next door for as long as I can remember. Elena has always been like a big sister to me. But the thought of Lio doing something like this to her makes me incredibly angry.
I hope they’ve broken up. She deserves better.
But my brother isn’t the only one to blame.
She’s changed him. That fucking girl.
He used to be responsible, law-abiding, wouldn’t hurt a fly. But since she stepped into his life, he’s willing to lie and risk everything just to be with her.
One call from her, and he goes to her like a fucking dog.
With her power, she wraps him around her little finger.
It’s been a while since I started watching her from the shadows. It’s become a sort of sick obsession.
And my brother isn’t the only one caught in her spell, because she’s somehow cursed me too.
There’s something about her that drives me completely insane.
Most of the time, her face is a neutral mask, but when Kilian is around, a whole new side of her emerges.
Her eyes light up with a warmth I’ve never seen before. Her lips curve into a smile that brightens her entire surroundings.
But while he lights up her world, she’s dragging him down to his final doom.
His relationship with Elena is shattered, and his once strong bond with his friends is now distant.
But the worst part is that our close connection has been broken too. Since he met her, I can feel him pulling away from me.
In the past, we could confide in each other, sharing our deepest secrets and struggles. But now, it feels like there’s an invisible wall between us, one that she’s built. It’s as if she has taken my place in his life and driven a wedge between us.
And maybe I’m just jealous, but I’ll never forgive her for taking my brother away from me.
Evan is a bastard who cares for nothing but his business. My mom was the exact opposite of our father.
Her loss left a huge void in my life, but Lio has filled it. He has never left me alone, he has always been by my side.
He has been more of a parent to me than Evan was.
And that’s why it weighs on me that this lying girl has complete control over him. It’s as if he’s forgotten everything we’ve been through together, everything we meant to each other.
And because she took the most important person in my life away from me, I want her to suffer just as much.
I will destroy her, just like she ruined our lives.
I will make her feel the pain she has inflicted on us.
And I won’t rest until Aliya fucking Sierra gets what she deserves.
The sun slowly sets on the horizon, bathing the sky in a fiery red with its last rays.
“When are you coming?” Shin asks Damian on the phone.
“Don’t rush me, Shinichiro. I’ll be there soon. Don’t start without me!” Damian replies on the other end.
“Then hurry up.” Shin hangs up but gasps in shock when he notices I’ve handed his younger brother a cigarette.
“What the fuck?” He shoots Ryu a searing glare as he calmly takes a drag from his cigarette.
The fact that they’re brothers and Ryu is four years younger than Shin is sometimes frightening. They’re complete opposites.
“Put that down right now.”
“Calm down. This is only my second cigarette.”
Shin’s eyes darken as he steps forward to snatch the cigarette from his brother’s hand and give him a lecture.
“Isn’t Kil coming?” Raelyn asks me.
I glance toward the driveway and shake my head. “I don’t know.”
He’s probably still off with his little friend.
The fact that Lio always puts her above the rest of us gnaws at me, fueling my anger even more. The repetitive pattern of his behavior only intensifies my frustration, stoking the fire inside me.
How could he have changed so negatively?
She fiddles with her fingernail. “Elena told me he’s … ignoring her calls.”
That motherfucker.
My jaw clenches. The thought of Lio ditching his own girlfriend, who’s been there for him for years, for that slut makes my blood boil.
I need answers, and I need them now.
As if on cue, the sound of an engine roars up the street. Raelyn and I turn our heads, watching Lio pull up in front of the house and roll his motorcycle toward the garage.
“So he showed up after all.” Raelyn sounds relieved. “I’ll text my sister. Maybe she’ll come too.”
“Took him long enough,” I mutter, standing up. “Shin!” I call out to him, who’s still busy with his brother. “I’ll be right back. Tell Pavla she can start grilling.”
Shin snaps out of his argument with Ryu. He senses the seriousness in my tone and nods in agreement before returning to his brother.
Raelyn gives me a worried look, but I ignore her and storm into the garage.
“We need to talk. And I hope you have a good explanation for your behavior. Because right now, you’re just pissing me off. You-”
I freeze, the words catching in my throat.
My eyes land on the rolled joint in his hand, which he’s just moved away from his lips as he notices me. His green eyes are bloodshot, his usually neat hair is disheveled, and his face looks gaunt.
He looks like a goddamn crackhead.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I snatch the joint out of his hand. “What is this? How long have you been doing this?”
The brother I know has always been against smoking and drinking. He was the responsible one, the one who never strayed off the right path. And now he’s started using drugs? Fucking drugs?
The smell hits my nose, and I grimace before tossing the joint away.
He looks bored. “For a few months. Just a few times here and there. It’s nothing.”
“Just a few times here and there, huh?” I hiss. “You do realize how fucked up that is, right? You’re a goddamn adult!”
My own life consists of cigarettes, alcohol and drugs. I’ve never been the responsible one in the family, so I don’t give a shit about that part.
It’s not the fact that he’s using that makes me furious, it’s the thought that he’s doing something he’s always been against. The thought that he’s changed .
Lio is the one who’s always lectured me about how dangerous all this stuff is, but now it feels like I’m the older brother.
“The Lio I know would never do this.”
“Kilian,” he corrects me.
“What?”
“My name is Kilian.”
I blink, surprised by his unexpected correction.
As he turns his back on me and focuses on his motorcycle, I feel a wave of anger and disappointment crash over me.
To me, he’s always been Lio, but now he’s Kilian, a stranger.
“It’s her fault, isn’t it?” I start. “She’s the one who’s changed you.”
His attention stays on his bike, but I can see the change in his posture.
“Isn’t that right?” I continue, my voice getting sharper. “That bitch, she’s the reason you’re acting like this, isn’t she?”
I take a step closer to him. “You’re acting like a fucking bastard because of her. You’re throwing your life away, using that crap and God knows what else, all because of her.”
He lifts his head slightly, looking over his shoulder at me.
“Answer me, damn it!”
“She has nothing to do with this.”
“Bullshit.” I feel my blood boiling. “She has everything to do with this!”
I grab him by the shoulder, my fingers digging into his flesh as I forcibly turn him toward me. His expression remains neutral, unaffected, like I’m talking to a brick wall.
I shake my head in disappointment. “What the hell has she done to you, brother?”
Kilian slaps my hand away, causing me to flinch. “Like I said, she has nothing to do with this. Leave her out of it.”
Instinctively, my hand moves up to rub my burning skin. He knocked my hand away.
I clear my throat. “What about Elena? Don’t you feel sorry for her at all?”
He goes eerily still at my question. For a brief moment, it seems like my words have finally cracked his hard exterior. I can see something flicker in his eyes, maybe guilt or shame, but as quickly as it appeared, it vanishes again.
“Why would I?”
“She’s your girlfriend, has been worried about you for weeks, and you’ve been ignoring her calls. All you care about is your new slut you’ve been hanging out with lately.”
“Don’t talk about her like that.”
“Why not?” I fire back. “It’s the truth, isn’t it? You’ve been neglecting Elena for months now. And for what? For a fucking minor you’re cheating on her with!”
His face darkens at my accusation. “Cheating?”
“She’s as old as I am. What’s wrong with you? Can’t find someone your own age to fuck? Are you a goddamn pedophile now too?”
“Watch your language,” he retorts in a deep, threatening voice. “I’m still your older brother.”
“Then fucking start acting like it!”
At this point, I don’t care if the others in the yard hear our conversation.
“Don’t test my patience, Milan.” His hands are still clenched into fists, and I can see the veins bulging in his arms.
“Then get your shit together and grow up!”
“You should leave now. This conversation is over.” He tries to turn away, but I’m not letting him off that easy. I grab him by the shoulder again, about to spin him around, but he reacts faster.
I let out a surprised sound as he grabs me by the collar.
“Let me go, you bastard,” I snarl, struggling against him.
He pulls me closer until we’re face-to-face, his eyes burning with rage. “You don’t know when to shut your fucking mouth, do you?”
I feel the fabric of my shirt digging into my skin.
“You think you know everything, but you don’t know shit,” he taunts. “You think you’re so smart, but you’re just a fucking idiot. Who are you to think you can lecture me about my life, huh?”
“I’m your brother,” I say through clenched teeth.
He laughs, and his grip on my collar tightens.
“Oh yeah?” he spits out. “You think just because you’re my brother, you can tell me who I can and can’t see? You think you have that kind of authority over me?”
I don’t even recognize him anymore.
What has happened to my Lio?
“Mom would be disappointed in you,” I manage to choke out.
His face hardens. “Mother would be disappointed in me?” He shakes his head mockingly. “Weren’t you the one she was bitterly disappointed in, little brother?”
His words cut like a dagger, reopening wounds that never fully healed.
“After all, she took her own life because of …”
He stops mid-sentence as he sees the shock in my widening eyes.
But I know exactly what he was about to say.
After all, she took her own life because of you.
I flinch, feeling the pain of his remark roll over me, turning my blood ice cold. I never thought my brother would use our mother’s death against me, wielding it as a weapon to hurt me.
I know he’s right. He’s always been right.
Mother’s death was my fault.
I was the one she was disappointed in.
His gaze softens as he realizes the impact of his words. For a moment, it’s as if the cruelty he displayed just moments ago has vanished, replaced by a flicker of regret.
But then, he gives me a hard shove, sending me stumbling back in shock. “Now get out of my sight.”
I head toward the door but stop and turn back to him. “You’re right about what you said.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “But you know what, Li- … Kilian?”
His eyes fix on me, his lips pressed into a thin line.
“I used to think you were different from Father. But you’re just as much of a bastard as he is.”
Kilian’s jaw tightens, but he says silent.
“I’d rather have Mom here than either of you,” I say. “At least she wouldn’t have disappointed me.”
His face suddenly drains of color, and his eyes widen in shock. It’s as if my words have stripped away the layers of coldness and anger, revealing my brother’s raw, vulnerable side.
The look on his face is devastating.
“Milan, I-” His voice trembles, but I’m no longer listening.
I leave the garage, slamming the door behind me with a loud bang. The silence engulfs me as I step outside.
My words cut him deep, but I can’t bring myself to turn back and take them back. He deserved it after everything he said.
After cooling off in my room for a bit, I head back to the garden. The smell of grilled meat fills the air, and everyone’s waiting for me so we can finally eat.
Damian sent a quick apology, saying he’ll be joining later. Elena doesn’t show up all evening, and neither does my brother.
His absence leaves a hollow feeling in my gut, but I push the thoughts of our fight aside and try to enjoy the night.
Hours pass, and darkness settles over us. Just past midnight, we start lighting the fireworks. The crackle of fuses and the bursts of color in the sky captivate everyone. All of Detroit seems to be celebrating Independence Day at this moment.
But my thoughts keep drifting back to my brother.
Where is he? What’s he doing right now?
Maybe he’s with that Sierra bitch, pouring his heart out to her.
The thought tightens in my chest, but I shove it down and focus on the people around me, on the laughter and joy.
A few hours later, just before sunrise, Shin and I are still in the backyard. Everyone else has already left, and the last sparks of fireworks fade in the distance. We’re waiting for Damian, who still hasn’t shown up.
The silence of the early morning wraps around us like a blanket when my phone buzzes. It’s a call from my father’s secretary.
Kilian took his own life in St. Claire Shores.
I don’t remember how I ended the call, or if I even said anything at all. I don’t remember what Shin said to me or Elena’s screams from next door when she got the news.
The colorless world passes me by.
It suddenly feels so empty, like it’s lost all its life.
The world my brother left behind is now a different place.
And while everyone thinks his death was an act of desperation, I’m the only one who knows the real reason behind his actions.
My last words to him echo like a curse in my head.
I’d rather have Mom here than either of you. At least she wouldn’t have disappointed me.
Mom was right when she called me a monster.
I’m a beast that drives others to their deaths.
I killed my own brother.
My words killed him.