FIFTY-FOUR
Aliya
PRESENT
I step out of Milan’s bathroom, wrapped in one of his T-shirts. My hair is damp, hanging in wet strands on my shoulders.
“Come here.”
Obediently, I walk toward him, my steps slow and measured. As I get closer, Milan reaches out an arm to pull me onto the edge of the bed.
He kneels in front of me, his eyes narrowed as he inspects the scratches on my palms.
It’s a sight I could only have imagined in my wildest dreams – and yet, here he is on his knees, tending to my wounds.
Once he finishes with my hands, his gaze shifts to my legs. When he lifts the T-shirt, revealing the blue fingerprints on my thighs, he freezes.
Milan’s eyes darken, and his jaw tightens. He says nothing, but the change in his demeanor is palpable. His gaze travels upward, landing on the sensitive skin of my neck. When he sees the marks from Daniel’s kisses and Damian’s fingerprints, his left eye twitches.
“Was that Damian?” His voice is cold and rough. “Did he do this?”
My eyes widen slightly.
He knows that Damian was at my house?
I shake my head, unable to form words.
His eyes bore into mine, demanding an answer. The intensity of his gaze makes my heart race.
Milan’s expression doesn’t change. He reaches out and traces the spots on my neck. But when I flinch at his touch, he stops.
A muscle in his jaw visibly twitches, and his hand slowly pulls away from me before he rises.
“It’s late,” he says sharply. “You should go to bed. We can talk tomorrow.”
I can see the fury in his eyes, a storm of emotions he’s trying to rein in.
As he turns to leave the room, I feel a surge of panic rise in my chest. Without thinking, I grab his arm, stopping him. “Don’t go.”
I need to tell him my story.
My whole story.
I don’t want to carry any more secrets.
He pauses, his muscles tensing under my grip. For a moment, he’s silent, his body rigid, before he finally turns back to me.
“I know you said that … I don’t have to tell you anything, but I want to talk about it. Will you listen?”
His gaze softens. “You don’t have to ask, sweetheart. I always listen to you.”
As I lean against the bedpost, I feel the distance between us, the space he’s consciously trying to keep.
But I don’t want distance, I want his warmth.
He’s never bothered to give me space before. Now he shouldn’t either.
I climb onto his lap. It takes a moment, but then he wraps his arms around me and pulls me against his chest.
I take a deep breath in and out before I start to speak. “As you already know, my father passed away when I was ten years old. My mother remarried Robert shortly after. My stepfather brought a son from his first marriage. Daniel.”
Saying his name feels disgusting.
“Daniel is nine years older than me. The thought of having an older brother sounded so exciting.”
Innocent images from my childhood flood my mind. I had been an only child my entire life. When my father died and my mother and I were left alone, the longing for a brother or sister felt almost suffocating. I wanted someone to be there when loneliness lay over me like a cold blanket. Someone to play with when the house was so silent.
I always envied Isabell for having Tristan – her older brother, who protected her as if she were the most precious thing in the world. That’s exactly what I wanted.
Then one day, when my mother announced that we were moving into a bigger house and that I would be getting an older brother, it seemed like my greatest wish was finally coming true.
Back then, I thought I would never be alone again, unaware that I would truly learn what loneliness was only after we moved into that goddamn house, where I was introduced to the devil himself as my brother.
Instead of security, he brought darkness. Instead of protection, he brought terror.
“Daniel … He behaved differently than expected. Sometimes it was just simple compliments about my body, but other times he touched me … inappropriately.”
Milan’s body tenses beneath me. It’s as if he’s fighting the urge to explode.
“I started to fear him. But that only made him enjoy playing with me even more. When I turned fourteen-” my voice breaks. “My mother and Robert had gone out. It was their wedding day. I went to bed earlier than usual, but I woke up to the smell of alcohol and the pressure on my chest. He had … tied me to my bed and was undressing me. I screamed and cried, but he muffled my sounds with his hand. I … I couldn’t do anything but wait for it to finally end. For him to finally stop and leave me alone. He raped me, and I … I let it happen.”
I look down at my hands and feel the tears welling up in my eyes again.
Damn it. I don’t want to cry, not in front of him.
Daniel has branded me.
I will never forget what it felt like when he had his hands on me.
Milan was the first person I’d been intimate with after Daniel, and even though our story began unusually, his touches were like a balm for my used body.
I can feel his eyes on me, burning like two hot coals, but I don’t dare look at him.
“After he … After he finished, he passed out. I couldn’t move, and I had to wait for Robert and my mother to come back from their date. They pulled him off me, freed me from him, but-” I bite my lip. “Even though they saw what he did to me, they told me to forget it. They said I was overreacting. They just ignored it, while there isn’t a second I don’t remember him touching me. And at some point, even I started to wonder if I was just being dramatic. Because … Because if it really was rape, my own mother wouldn’t force me to stay silent, right?”
My voice trembles, the memory is still painful even today. But I try to keep talking, to let out the flood of feelings that have built up inside me since that night.
“I ran away from home. I didn’t know where to go, I just wanted to get away. Away from Daniel. Away from my mother. Then in downtown I …”
I hesitate, unsure how to broach my suicide attempt.
“I wanted to throw myself onto a busy street. I wanted to end it all and finally be free. I really thought that was the only way to escape Daniel. At the last second, someone pulled me back. It was your brother .”
I feel his arms tighten around me as if he’s afraid I might slip away if he lets go for even a moment.
“Lio. That’s how he introduced himself. He saved my life. Without him, I wouldn’t be … I wouldn’t be here now. I never told him what happened that night. And he never asked because he didn’t want to push me. But he never left me alone. Whenever I was feeling down, he would rush to me. He distracted me, saved me from myself, and …”
My voice trails off, the words choking in my throat as the tears I’ve been holding back finally fall.
“He was my only best friend.”
For a moment, neither of us speaks. The only sound is the steady rhythm of our breathing and an occasional sniffle as I try to regain my composure.
“Tonight, Daniel and Damian came home together. I didn’t know they were friends and …” I pause briefly, unsure if I should tell him everything Damian said and did. “After Damian left, Daniel tried again. He … almost raped me again, but my mother and Robert returned early from their date, so he had to stop. I thought maybe my mother would understand me this time. But once again, she tried to convince me that I was imagining things. So I ran away and you already know the rest.”
After my confession, there’s an awkward silence. The weight of my words hangs heavily in the air between us.
Suddenly, he releases me, gently pushing me off his lap and getting up. I flinch and watch as he grabs his phone and keys.
“Where are you going?”
“Stay in my room,” he stammers. “I’m going to find that bastard.”
I scramble to my feet, my heart racing as I follow him. “No, Milan, wait!”
His footsteps echo loudly on the hardwood floor as he strides toward the front door.
I catch up to him and grab his arm. “Daniel isn’t here anymore. He’s probably hiding.”
But he simply shakes my hand off, his gaze stoic and determined. “No matter what hole he’s crawled into, I’ll drag him out and make him pay for all of this.”
I can feel the rage and violence radiating off him in waves. It’s like watching a ticking time bomb.
“I have to do this, sweetheart. Don’t try to stop me.”
“You can’t just storm off, Milan. It’s not going to end well.”
His jaw tightens, his expression hardening even more. “Are you doubting me?”
Doubting?
It’s the opposite. I feel like if I let him go now, he’ll send Daniel straight to hell.
“That’s not it. Just … don’t leave me alone tonight. Please.”
He looks torn, his desire for revenge battling with his concern for me. “You’re making this hard for me, you know that?” Slowly, he reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “I won’t leave you alone. I’ll stay.”
He lifts my chin and looks me in the eyes. “But I promise you, one day I’ll find that son of a bitch. And when I do, he won’t just pay, sweetheart. I’ll make sure he suffers in ways he never thought possible. I’ll break every bone in his body and rip out his tongue. And I won’t stop until he’s writhing on the ground, begging for mercy. Only then will I personally send him to hell, where he can wait for me.”
A chill runs down my spine at the cold, calculating tone of his voice. There’s a darkness in his eyes I’ve never seen before, a dangerous sharpness in his words that tells me he means every word.
“Okay.”
“Good.” He nods and lets go of my chin. “Let’s go back.”
Despite the dangerous promise he’s just made me, I feel strangely comforted in his presence, knowing he’ll do everything in his power to protect me.
“You should get some sleep, sweetheart.”
His voice pulls me out of my thoughts as we watch Breaking Bad .
It’s already 7 a.m. and I still haven’t slept. The darkness outside is starting to fade, but inside me, it’s still pitch black.
Every time I close my eyes, Daniel’s eyes appear in front of me. Those eyes that have haunted me my whole life.
“I’m not tired. But you don’t have to stay up because of me.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about me. I rarely sleep anyway.”
“Rarely?”
“I’ve had insomnia since my mother died. I only sleep a few hours. Some days, I don’t sleep at all.”
I didn’t know that.
But now that I think about it, I’ve always fallen asleep before him and woken up after him. I just assumed he was a morning freak.
“Don’t any meds help with that?”
“I’ve tried, but nothing really worked. Besides, I’ve gotten used to it.”
The thought of lying awake every night while the world sleeps seems unbearable to me.
“Don’t you get tired?”
“Sometimes. But most of the time I just feel numb. The tiredness fades after a while.”
I watch him in silence. His calmness is almost unsettling. Even when we first met, I noticed he sometimes seems like a statue. The only sign of life is the gentle rise and fall of his chest.
I reach out and lightly trace my fingers along his chin. His black eyes follow my movements.
Milan is so different from me. I crumble under the slightest pressure, but he mostly seems in control, hiding his feelings behind a stoic mask despite everything he’s been through.
The sounds of Breaking Bad barely reach me.
Every detail about Daniel’s attack burns in my mind like I’m reliving it all over again. I feel dirty, even after the long, hot bath I took. It’s as if he’s marked every part of me.
The closeness between Milan and me is the only thing giving me a sense of safety. As my fingers continue to drift over his skin, I can feel my worries slowly slipping into the background.
I want to be closer to him, to feel his body against mine.
Without giving myself time to think, I suddenly swing my leg over his lap and straddle him.
His muscles tense beneath my weight. The change in his expression doesn’t escape me. “Sweetheart-”
I cut him off, pressing my lips to his. A soft gasp escapes him, but he doesn’t push me away. The heat of his body and the taste of his lips offer me a brief escape. I’ve missed kissing him, being touched by him.
My tongue seeks entry into his mouth, desperate to drown out the memory of Daniel’s touch. For a moment, Milan lets me, his mouth opens, but then he suddenly pulls back.
My chest heaves, my breathing ragged as I search his face in confusion.
I can see the desire in his dark pupils, the hunger and frustration warring inside him. “No, sweetheart,” he says, his voice tight. “We have to stop.”
“What?” I ask, dazed. All I can think about is feeling his lips on me.
“Because this isn’t right.”
Despite the obvious bulge I feel beneath me, his hands grip my hips firmly, keeping me from moving.
The rejection stings more than I expected. Otherwise, he’s always been the one to initiate our physical intimacy.
A wave of disappointment and shame crashes over me.
I thought he wanted me.
But now, he’s telling me to stop.
Does he think I’m dirty now?
Does he not want to touch me because Daniel’s presence still lingers on me?
Who would want someone who still has bruises from another man on her neck?
He’s saying something to me, but I can’t hear him.
My thoughts loop endlessly, like a broken record, telling me over and over that I’m dirty . That I’m tainted now.
“Don’t …” My voice trembles. “Don’t you want me?”
His grip on my hips tightens as my voice falters. “You’re not listening to me, sweetheart,” he growls. “I want you. Fuck, you have no idea how badly I want you.”
His voice is raw with lust, his black eyes burning with an intensity that makes my heart flutter.
“But now is not the right time. You’re not thinking clearly. You’ve been through so much today, you’re not in the right state of mind to make these kinds of decisions.”
That’s true, but I don’t want to be rational right now.
All I want is to feel his body against mine, to lose myself in passion and forget everything else.
“I’m thinking clearly,” I protest.
“No,” he says sternly. “You’re acting on emotion right now, and I won’t let you do something you might regret later.”
I know I’m reacting out of a need to forget what happened, doing things I wouldn’t normally do. But that doesn’t change the fact that I want him.
Desperately.
So, I start to move, rubbing against the bulge in his pants.
“Aliya.” He breathes heavily, trying to hold himself back. “You’re making this harder than it already is.”
My chest presses against his, my nipples hardening.
“I want you to give in.” I run my lips down his neck, my tongue brushing over the sensitive skin behind his ear.
“Please, Milan,” I murmur. “I need you.”
“Fuck.” His hand tangles in my hair, pulling me back. “You know I’d give you anything you want, but I don’t want you to do something just because you’re confused, baby.”
I press my lips together. “I know what I want. And I want you. And I-” My voice drops to a whisper. “I don’t want to feel dirty anymore.”
It’s embarrassing how desperate I am, throwing myself at him like this. It’s not fair to use him to make myself feel better. Maybe he’s right, and we really shouldn’t do this. But …
“You’re not dirty,” he says roughly. “You’re perfect .”
“I-”
“Don’t you dare.” His tone is dangerously low. “You are NOT dirty. And you’re not tainted. I won’t let anyone say otherwise, not even you.”
I swallow. Oh.
“You are beautiful , Aliya. Do you hear me? You are so goddamn beautiful. And I’ll say it as many times as it takes until you get it.”
My heart flutters at his words. I feel like I’m melting under his intense gaze, like my mind is slowly crumbling.
Milan kisses my closed eyelids softly, his lips warm on my skin. “Your eyes …”
He releases his hand from my hair.
“… Your ears.” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and presses a kiss to the spot.
“Your lips …” His thumb brushes over my lower lip before he places a soft kiss on it.
“… Your hands.” He takes my left hand in his and kisses each scarred finger with a tenderness that almost breaks me.
In that moment, I feel something inside me slowly release, driving away the cold.
“Your neck …” he mutters softly, leaning down to press his lips against the delicate skin of my throat. I gasp, but I don’t resist. His mouth travels down smoothly and weightlessly.
“Every fiber of your body …” He holds my gaze. “… is beautiful. You are beautiful. So fucking beautiful that I’m afraid I’ll ruin you with my fucked up ways.”
Tears well up in my eyes, and I blink them away as his words soothe my heart.
“Look at me.” His voice is a command, mesmerizing me. “Look at how I’m at your feet.”
Then, his lips crash onto mine, possessive and fiery, with an intensity that steals my breath away. His tongue invades my mouth, taking control. I lose myself in the sensation, drowning in the heat and passion between us as the world fades, leaving only my surrender to him.
“Milan-” I try to catch my breath, but he cuts me off.
“Quiet.” His voice is firm. “I’m trying to pleasure you here.”
He slides a hand under my shirt, his fingers grazing my bare skin, sending cold shivers down my spine. His thumb brushes over my nipple, pulling a soft sound from my throat.
“So sweet,” he whispers near my ear and nibbles it gently.
His other hand moves between my legs, lightly stroking over the slit of the boxers I borrowed from him, brushing against my wet pussy.
I cry out as he thrusts two fingers inside me, my muscles clenching around him.
Instinctively, I push my hips against his hand, desperate for more. My chest tightens, and my breath catches as he finds my clit and applies a slight pressure.
Our eyes lock, and I see the raw desire in his gaze. His lips are wet, his eyes glisten. He starts to fuck me with his fingers, slow and deep, while his other hand continues to massage my breast.
I feel like I’m in a steam bath, every movement of his fingers a new high. The need inside me builds, and I want to feel him, to have him inside me.
Slowly, my hand moves downward, and I reach into his sweatpants. My fingers find his cock.
My mouth goes dry. Wow.
A low growl escapes his throat as my hand begins to stroke him up and down. He’s so big and hard in my hand. I can feel the precum dripping onto my palm.
At the same time, a moan comes over my lips as he thrusts his fingers harder inside me. The rough movement pushes me to the edge of climax. I arch my back, pressing my breasts into his teasing hand, desperate for more contact.
“I … I want to feel you inside me,” I whimper.
“Not yet, baby.” With a sudden twist of his wrist, he curls his fingers inside me, stroking my G-spot. My grip on his cock loosens, and a loud moan bursts from me as the orgasm crashes through my body. His fingers stay deep inside me until the spasms subside, and I can breathe again.
When I look at him, his eyes are dark with hunger. He pulls his fingers out of me and licks them clean.
“Now, say it again.”
I blink, confused. “What?”
With ease, he lifts me high enough to pull down my boxers. I shiver as the cool air hits my bare skin.
“Say you want me.”
Carelessly, he tosses his T-shirt aside and pulls down his sweatpants, freeing his erection that presses against his abs.
I swallow hard, my heart racing as I stare at it, the tip already glistening.
“I want you, Milan,” I mutter. “Please, fuck me.”
A grin creeps onto his lips. He lifts me again, positioning me over his hard cock.
“Wrap your legs around me, sweetheart. I’ll give you what you want.”
My thighs close tightly around his waist as I lower myself onto his throbbing shaft.
I cry out in pleasure as he fills me completely, his length stretching my walls to their limit.
“So fucking tight,” he says through clenched teeth.
Milan holds my hips tightly, guiding me up and down with deliberate slowness. Each thrust sends a new wave of pleasure coursing through me, my inner muscles greedily clenching around him.
“You like that, don’t you? You love feeling my cock deep inside you.”
I nod frantically, unable to speak as the sensations overwhelm me. I roll my hips against him, increasing the pace as I chase my release.
The bed creaks beneath us, the headboard banging against the wall with each forceful thrust.
My moans rise to a high pitch as Milan drives me closer to the edge. I feel my climax building, my insides tightening around him.
His cock plunges in and out of me with ruthless efficiency. He reaches between our bodies and starts rubbing my sensitive spot in tight circles.
As I reach the peak, a surge of ecstasy washes over me, and I come undone, screaming his name as my body wraps around his cock.
The waves of pleasure roll through me, prolonging my orgasm as he continues to pump inside me.
Finally, he buries himself deep within me with one last powerful thrust, finding his own release.