47. Silas
47
SILAS
I t’s eerie—the similarities between Gil’s room in Manhattan and his room in the Hamptons. I almost can’t tell the differences besides the view. The layout is exactly the same. The furnishings—the computer set-up, the paint. As I walk through, waiting for him to wake up from all the Xanax he took, I take in the view from the windows. There’s not another house in sight on the large swath of land. Everything here is green and lush.
“Does he ever go out here?” I ask Lilah as she wanders with me.
“Just to dinner. Never a party or a club.”
“So…this Z guy. How can we get the two of them together?”
“He wants to meet him. Z wants to meet Gil, I mean.”
“And Gil?”
“He says no.”
“Have they exchanged pictures?”
She shrugs. “I doubt it. You know he thinks he’s hideous.”
I shake my head. Gil is gorgeous. Beautiful, really. Pale, yeah, but it works on him. If he were a woman, he could play Snow White and be totally believable as the fairest one of all .
“Does he know what Z looks like?”
“He hasn’t said.”
“Jesus. What do you guys talk about?”
She laughs. “Politics, mostly.”
“Right.” I grimace. “How’d your protest go last weekend?”
“It was brilliant. I think we really rattled the senator. He never came out of the hotel.”
At the mention of a senator, my interest level rises. “Wait—what was the protest about again?”
“This new judge they’re about to confirm to the Southern District is ultra-conservative. He’s upheld discrimination decisions specifically against the queer community, women, people of color. He’s basically a nightmare. And that fucking Senator Lawther is backing him. Along with his family of course. They were all there at a fire department fundraiser.”
We’re in Gil’s bathroom, and I lean back on the counter, folding my arms over my chest. “And you think a protest can change their minds?”
She sighs. “Lawther ran as a moderate, you know?”
I nod, not meeting her eyes.
“But ever since then he’s been as radical as the rest of them.”
“So he lied. So do all politicians, right?”
“I don’t know. Do they? Maybe some of them make promises they can’t keep, but in terms of what they stand for? I don’t think so.”
I shift awkwardly. I hadn’t realized Lilah followed the news so closely. “Do you…um…”
“Know that you were the guy in the video?” she asks gently, since this has never come up before.
I look at her. That’s not what I was about to ask, which tells me she’s known all along.
“I assumed he hired you.”
“He did. Once. Before he got married.”
“Is that when the video was taken? ”
“No. That was after his wife asked for a divorce. He wasn’t paying me.”
“Oh,” she says softly.
We’re quiet for a while before she says, “You know, no one really believes that shit was AI.”
I nod. “Doesn’t change anything. That’s his story and he’s sticking with it.”
“That sucks, Silas.”
“Yeah.”
“How long were you together?”
“Almost two years.”
“Oh my God.” She sounds genuinely appalled because it really is low what he did to me.
I sigh, and it comes out shaky—all the raw rage and heartbreak rearing its head. I don’t bother telling her not to tell anyone. I don’t give a shit who knows. He deserves to be exposed, but I don’t have the nerve to do it. I went through enough the first time around, and I have no interest in digging up the past and living through another scandal. I have plenty of proof we were together, but it can all be denied. Photos. Texts. My intimate knowledge of an apartment he owned.
None of it matters. And what would it get me anyway?
“He’s such a fucking hypocrite,” she says.
“He’s a coward.”
“So…no love lost?”
“No,” I say, but that’s the biggest lie of all. All my love was lost. It was treated like trash on the street. Unwanted. Inconvenient. Foul.
A gasp comes from the bedroom, and then a shout. “Silas?”
Gil is awake. I head for him, and Lilah sneaks out of the bedroom.
“I’m here,” I say as I approach the bed.
“Get closer,” he mumbles sleepily.
I touch his shoulder softly before placing a knee on the bed. He reaches for me, and a few seconds later, he’s clinging to me like a koala. I press my mouth to his hot neck, not kissing him, but assuring him I’m as close as I can be.
The familiarity of his body rocking against mine makes me hard in a hurry. He’s self-soothing, I get that, but it feels good on my cock.
“Why all the Xanax?” I ask.
“I hate it here.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Because it’s different.”
I chuckle. “Looks exactly the same to me.”
His answering laugh is soft, and he burrows his face deeper into my neck. “I like what I like.”
He’s fucked up and would probably go back to sleep if I told him to, but I sort of don’t want him to. Being held feels good. Sex would be better, but I’m not gonna push it.
I rub his back mindlessly and stare out the window at the green trees and blue sky, illuminating the space with shadows unlike the ones in Manhattan.
“Mm…” he hums. “Silas…” His movements against me slow and drag more purposefully.
I let out a soft grunt against his neck as my dick throbs.
His pounds mine in response, and he says, “I wanna come. Make me come.”
“Whose house is this?” I ask Lilah as I sling my arm around her waist on the driveway.
“No clue,” she says. “Someone rich.”
She pre-gamed before this shindig, so she’s less steady on her heels than usual. We’re trailing her father and his trophy wife, who’s also been drinking in preparation for the party. I’m stone cold sober, having been too busy with Gil and getting ready to shotgun a bottle of wine like these two obviously did.
“Is your friend here?”
“We shall see. How do I look?”
“I’d suggest some water?”
She giggles and her shoulder digs into my side. “I was thinking carbs.”
“Solid carbs, I hope.”
“Yeah, sure, whatever. I bet there’s crab cakes. I could eat five of those. There better be crab cakes.”
“The size of this house?” I say, looking up at the massive modern structure. “I’m sure the options will be bountiful.”
She snickers again.
The front doors are standing open, so the four of us walk into a grand foyer with a view to the rear of the house, which includes a palatial pool, elaborate gardens, and the sea. It’s breathtaking.
“Daddy, I want one,” Lilah says.
He ignores her as usual and walks into the fray of other well-dressed, white guests. “Let’s go out back,” Lilah says. “I won’t feel as bad about taking off my shoes.”
“Sounds good.” I’m wearing a loose-fitting, pale blue button down with the sleeves rolled up over equally loose linen pants. I picked the outfit myself, and Lilah was impressed. Especially with my expensive loafers.
On our way out back, a server holding a tray of cocktails offers us drinks. We each take one, and I warn Lilah to sip it until we find the food.
“You don’t want to be sloshed when you run into the love of your life.”
“I don’t see her. She might not even show.”
“Let’s manifest better things.”
“You’re right.” She sighs as I help her over the threshold to the patio. Someone’s got the grill going in the outdoor kitchen and another server appears with a tray of elaborate appetizers .
We each pick one up and I survey mine while Lilah pops hers into her mouth un-inspected. It might be shrimp toast? But there’s something else on it—something green I’m not sure about.
“Oh my God, that’s good,” she says, her mouth still full. “Eat it.”
“What’s the green part?”
“I’m getting spinach and avocado. It’s magical.”
Trusting her, I shove it into my mouth and chew. She’s right. It’s a flavor explosion and all good. I sip my cocktail to wash it down. The taste of gin and mint is refreshing. “Still don’t know whose place this is?” I ask.
She looks around, taking note of the guests with the sharp, assessing eye of a would-be socialite. “Hm. I have a guess.”
“Care to let me in on it?”
Her glance up at me is wary. “Definitely Daddy’s crowd.”
“Which means?”
“Republicans.”
I frown.
“I think it’s The Lawthers,” she mumbles before hiding her mouth with a gulp of her drink.
“ What ?”
She turns away and points to a table of food. “Look! There’s more!” After stepping out of her shoes, she heads in the direction of the outdoor kitchen, and I take a quick look around before following her.
For the moment, I don’t recognize anyone.
As Lilah stuffs her face, though, my lucky streak ends. Holden Lawther stands at the other end of the pool gesturing as he speaks to a group of women who laugh like he’s the funniest man to ever walk the earth. I spot his wife among them.
None of this means he’s here.
Just because a family has a home in the Hamptons doesn’t mean they all come to it together all the time. Though it is summer. And he has been around town lately.
And also, I can feel his presence. It’s a mild tingling beneath my skin. A prick of awareness at the nape of my neck. A roiling anticipation in my gut. I have zero appetite for any of the offerings set out, even the crab cakes.
“So, what are you gonna do?” Lilah asks.
Since she doesn’t ask what I want to do, it means I’m stuck here for the time being. The answer is I have no idea. Surely he wouldn’t want to be seen anywhere near me. I wish I were wearing sunglasses. While Graham would still recognize me, it’d be less likely anyone else would. I have to remind myself it’s been over a year since the video was circulating online
“Can we not mention my name maybe?”
“Ooo…you want a fake one? What about Antonio? We can pretend you’re Italian and don’t understand English.”
“Your father would love that.”
“My father is easy to avoid, and if he hears about it, he’ll just think I’m being obnoxious.”
“I shouldn’t be here,” I say instead.
“We’re twenty miles from the house.”
“They have Uber in the Hamptons, don’t they?”
She gives me a look like I need to get over myself. “No one’s gonna recognize you.”
“ They will.”
“ They’re not gonna say anything. Chill.”
I drain my cocktail, set it down, and shove my hands in my pockets, keeping my eyes on the ocean.
A moment later, Lilah’s hand grips my arm. “She’s here.”
I sigh and drop my head. “Please don’t leave me alone.”
“Silas, you know you’re like my third favorite person in the world, but today I need you to run interference.”
“Interference is à la carte.”
“I’ve got deep pockets. I’m not asking you to mingle, but keep an eye on my dad, okay? Text me if it looks like he’s looking for me.”
With that, she’s gone, leaving me too close to the food and without a body to hide behind.
Keeping my head down, I skirt the side of the lawn and make my way back up to the house. I catch sight of Lilah’s reunion with her childhood friend, sharing a long hug that shows no signs of stopping. Her father is outside, too, steering himself in Holden’s direction.
I slip into the house where there are fewer people, mostly the older ones, perched on luxurious furniture and giving me only a cursory glance. My current plan is to locate a bathroom, regroup, and find a place to ride out the rest of this party in relative obscurity. If that means hiding in a bedroom closet or behind a rock, so be it.
There’s a half bath off the entry hall, but the door is closed. I contemplate going upstairs, but then I see a long hallway branching off the main living area.
The first door is a reach-in linen closet. The second, a small guest room where half a dozen little kids are playing. The third, finally, is a large, full bathroom. I go inside, moving to close and lock the door, but before I shut it, a hand slips around the wood, and the force of someone entering shoves me back.
I stare in shock at Graham Lawther as he closes and locks the door behind him.