Chapter 19 #2
Lord Alton visibly clenched his jaw. “I despise all of this,” he muttered. He offered Cordell a light bow, showing the same courtesy to Aislynn as well. “I shall take my leave for now, to allow this revelation to process. I will return in short order.”
“Good. I wish to rid myself of this issue once and for all.”
Once the viscount was gone, Cordell finally allowed his gaze to shift to Aislynn, who was giving him that damned look he’d been dreading. He knew it was coming, but he had been able to stop it. Pity. “Cordell—”
She attempted to reach out to him, but he evaded her touch.
He could not allow himself any sort of comfort, because that could very well be his undoing.
After his father had died, his uncle had been the only person left on this earth he believed that he could count upon in times of hardship.
He had been his rock when the waves were the most turbulent, and now, his entire world felt unsteady, as if someone had taken the entire earth and tilted it several degrees.
He could feel the edges of his vision starting to close in around him, the darkness threatening to consume him, but he gritted his teeth, forcing the madness at bay.
He would not give in to the pull of the abyss until he was assured that Aislynn was safe.
Afterward, he would not fight it any longer.
He would let it drag him under without a fight because everything he had to live for would be gone.
He couldn’t look her in the eyes when he murmured, “I think it would be best if you went to stay with Mary until all of this is settled.”
“No.” He recognized the firm tone of her voice and reluctantly faced her. There was no doubt that there was mutiny flashing in her green gaze. “I am not going anywhere. If you are going to confront your uncle, then I am going to be right there with you.”
“Absolutely, not. It is far too dangerous.”
“Nothing will happen with you, Lord Alton, and the Bow Street Runners there.”
Cordell knew he would have to try another tactic to dissuade her. “Why would you want to be there? Do you intend to confront a madman?”
“There is a part of me that wants to demand answers, yes, but that is not why I want to go.” She moved closer and he tensed. Thankfully, she did not pursue him. “I want to be there for you. This is not going to be an easy task. I know how much you feel you owe him.”
“He saved my life,” Cordell murmured harshly. He could feel his chest tighten, emotion that he didn’t want to feel starting to swirl up inside of him. He shoved a hand through his hair, choosing to replace his upset with anger and resentment. “Bloody hell.”
“Cordell—”
He wasn’t looking so he didn’t notice her reaching out a second time.
When she touched his arm, it was as if the material beneath her grasp caught flame and burned through to his skin.
“Leave me!” he shouted more harshly than he’d intended, but he could tell he was about to implode and he did not want to do that in front of her. “You have to leave. Now.”
He waited for her to argue with him, to complain about how he was being unfair. Instead, she said nothing. She did not do anything at all but slowly walk out of the room. He was not facing her, he could not, but the sound of her footsteps softly moving away was his undoing.
He stumbled to the nearest chair and collapsed onto it, his head falling into his hands.
* * *
Aislynn told herself not to get upset. Cordell just needed some time alone to work through the devastation of his uncle’s guilt.
No doubt the reasons for the duke’s actions was plaguing him relentlessly.
Whether he was a high-ranking peer or not, murder was not something that was tolerated.
It was not a crime that anyone could turn a blind eye to, nor was it something that money could protect.
His uncle would be tried and sentenced for his reprehensible actions.
It was going to be scandalous and the entire population of England would eventually hear of it.
She knew that Cordell had worked tirelessly to obtain what he had, regardless of whether he had significant connections within the peerage.
He had not used that for his gain. If anything, he had shunned any advantages he might have otherwise had in favor of learning how to take care of his own needs.
He was not the sort of man who allowed others to take care of him.
He had opened his home to others in order to offer the same fighting chance at redemption.
And for all of his good deeds, all of it threatened to come raining down on top of him.
No doubt that was the worst part of it all.
He would lament sending his uncle to confinement, or worse, for the remainder of his days, but she knew it was much more than that.
Unfortunately, she could not repair what would happen when word started to circulate.
All she could do was be there for him when his entire world started to fall.
She did not think that he would allow her to remain at his side and weather the storm, but he did not have the power to send her running away.
She cared about him too much to desert him when he needed her the most, even if he didn’t seem to realize it at the time, he soon would.
She spent most of the time in the front parlor where she had a good view of the study but Cordell did not open the door or leave the room until Lord Alton returned with Reynolds in tow.
One look at Cordell’s terse expression broke her heart but she would not allow him to contend with this on his own.
She would prove that she was there for him, no matter the cost.
The procession to the viscount’s coach was rather grim as the four of them entered, a separate carriage with three other Runners following a short distance behind. Together, they headed out for the duke’s estate situated at the edge of London.
Aislynn was forced to sit beside the viscount, diagonal from Cordell, situated as though he wanted to put as much distance between them already. Her fists clenched.
“He will realize you are not the enemy,” Lord Alton murmured at her side. “You just have to give him time.”
She gave a slight nod of her head but watching him stare out the window of the coach with such a cold detachment was cause for concern. She would give him the time he needed to contend with this latest devastating blow, but she would not allow him to forget her completely.
As the carriage continued to trek further out of the city, drawing ever closer to their destination, Reynolds finally broke the tension filled silence. “How do you think you will get your uncle to confess? Is Miss Sims’ presence supposed to coerce him?”
“I do not think it will be that easy for him to admit his guilt merely by setting eyes on her,” Cordell amended. “But her presence will certainly make him uneasy and easier for me to set him on edge.”
The Runner exhaled heavily. “I am sorry your hand has been forced in this manner. If you need anything—”
“I just want it to be over.”
The finality of those words hung in the air and Aislynn was not sure she liked the sound of that.
“Just make sure your men are ready to move when I give the signal.”
“Of course,” Reynolds murmured. “Until then, we will remain concealed as you instructed.”
The rest of the journey was spent returned to the same, thick silence as before.
Aislynn wondered if she had laced her stays too snugly that morning, because she was finding the air entirely too stifling.
Then again, she was about to meet Cordell’s closest living relation, only to have to clap him in irons and send him to the Tower.
Not the most joyous reunion, to be sure.
Before the carriage pulled into the long, winding drive that led the Otlingham estate, the driver stopped so that Lord Alton and Reynolds could exit the vehicle.
The viscount paused as he shut the door and looked somberly at Cordell.
“I would wish you well, but this is a task I would not wish upon anyone.”
Cordell offered a slight nod and the carriage set off once more.
Aislynn wondered if he was intending to maintain the stillness until they made their way to the duke’s front door. But to her surprise, he started the conversation. “I wrote to my uncle this morning to expect us for dinner, that there was someone special I should like him to meet.”
This was the first Aislynn had heard of this. When he had spoken of his plans, she had not been involved in the proceedings. “And?” she prompted, feeling there was more he had left unsaid.
He gave a slight smirk, as if annoyed that he actually had to converse with her. “We must appear a happy couple or he will start to suspect otherwise.”
“Odd, because I was under the impression that we actually were a happy couple,” she returned sourly.
He sighed heavily. “I am sure you understand that things will change drastically after today. I will be a walking pariah in society and if you associate with me, so will you. What do you think that will do to your career?”
“Hang the theatre.” Cordell’s brows winged upward and Aislynn could tell that she’d surprised him.
Taking advantage of the moment, she added, “All I ever wanted to do was make something of myself, to shine on the stage and win the adoration of London. I wanted to be a name people would recognize, one that would be remembered long after I was gone. But most importantly, I wanted to prove that someone with a lower-class background could rise from the mire.” She shook her head.
“I no longer care about that. I would give it all up just to be with you.” She paused to gather her courage. “I love you, Cordell.”
She was not sure how he would respond to her confession, but she hadn’t been expecting anger. “You cannot say things like that. I will not allow it.”
“But it is the truth!”
“No!” His dark eyes flashed, his jaw clenching until she could see the muscle ticking in his cheek.
“We have not been known to each other that long. You are feeling these emotions because you are no longer an innocent. I understand these things are commonplace for delicate female sensibilities but it is an illusion, a fabrication of the passion between us and nothing more. After today you will have to forget that I exist and return to the stage where you belong and live your dreams, the ones that do not include me in them.”