Chapter 24
Mike is on the couch when I come through the door after a particularly brutal class, sitting cross-legged with a notebook open on his knee, a pen in his hand, and his hair pulled back with a headband he stole from Zara that he looks unfairly cute in.
He’s frowning at the page when I make it to the couch, and I can see why.
It’s blank.
“Are you actually doing homework?”
The frown turns to a pout. “Unfortunately.”
“Voluntarily?”
“It was due yesterday.” He clicks the pen a few times. “But it’s fine. I’m handling it.”
I shake my head and head toward the kitchen, so he can focus, but I stop when I see Damon sitting at the island.
He’s holding a can of Coke and a bag of chips open in front of him, a video playing on his phone. He looks up when I come in and raises the Coke in greeting. “Hey.”
“Oh yeah!” Mike shouts from the couch. “Damon’s here.”
“I can see that.”
I open the fridge and try not to overthink things. Damon’s Mike’s best friend. He’s been here plenty of times. It’s just that I’m sure he knows about what happened with us, and I don’t know what that makes me in his eyes.
The asshole that broke Mike’s heart, probably.
Mike appears at my side, reaching past me into the fridge for the orange juice. He pours himself a glass, sets the carton back, and then he kisses me.
It’s a peck, a welcome home. Except Damon is watching us.
“Don’t worry. He’s cool,” Mike says, nodding toward him.
I look over at Damon, who’s watching us with a chip halfway to his mouth. He eats the chip, and that’s that. He doesn’t look shocked or disgusted or anything.
“Okay,” I say, trying my best to let it be that.
He nods in acknowledgment, while Mike looks between us, his shoulders shaking and a big goofy smile on his face, hairband and all.
“What are you giggling about?”
“Nothing, I just didn’t know how that was gonna go, and it was very anticlimactic.”
Damon crunches his chip behind us while I get myself a glass of water and beg my nervous system to be okay with this.
“So,” Mike says, leaning against the counter, taking on a casual tone that instantly puts me on edge. “While you were in class, Damon and I went somewhere.”
I narrow my eyes. “You went somewhere?”
“Mhm,” he says, bouncing on his feet. “We got your stuff from Ryan’s.”
I set the glass down hard. “You what?”
“You know,” he waves a hand like it’s no big deal. “Your laptop, clothes, keys, everything you left. We got it.”
“Mike. You went to Ryan’s.”
“Yep.”
I run my hand through my hair. The thought of Mike, my boyfriend, going to that creep’s room, has my heart pounding and— “Relax, baby. I brought Damon, remember?” Mike gestures at Damon, and right. I didn’t think about that. “He’s big and scary. It was effective, I thought.”
I look over at Damon for confirmation, and he shrugs, evidently having zero problem with going to intimidate my former friend turned stalker. “We didn’t even have to do anything. Ryan opened the door, and as soon as he saw us, he went to get your stuff.”
“But I told him,” Mike continues, setting his glass down and crossing his arms, taking on an air of protectiveness that gets my blood pumping for a different reason entirely. “That if he comes near you again, so much as looks in your general direction, we’ll kick his ass.”
“You told him that.”
“I sure did. And,” he adds, shifting so that he’s standing in front of me, to slide his hand up my chest. “I told him we’re together.”
“Why did you do that?”
“Because I had to. I had to look him in his big, stupid, mean face and tell him that you’re mine and he never had a chance.” He pauses. “It was important to me.”
“It was important to you,” I repeat, gripping on his hips when he reaches up to my neck, looking up at me with big blue eyes, and fuck, he’s pretty.
He uses it against me.
I can’t be mad at him when he’s looking at me like that.
“One of the better moments of my life.” He says, sounding completely satisfied. “You should have seen his face. I would’ve felt bad for him if he wasn’t such an asshole.”
“He’s not wrong,” Damon chimes in. “Dude looked like he was gonna cry.”
I look between the two of them, this absolute menace that I’m in love with and his best friend eating chips, talking about helping Mike intimidate Ryan, and I try to locate a single ounce of frustration, but I can’t.
“You should have told me you were going,” I say, because that’s what I should say.
“You would have said don’t.”
“I would have.”
“Are you mad?” He asks, close enough that our lips are almost touching.
“A little bit.” Not at all.
He grins, brushing his lips over mine before he pulls back, leaving me wanting more. “I’ll find a way to make it up to you, don’t worry.” Staying in my arms, Mike turns around to face Damon. “Okay,” he says. “You can go home now.”
“Excuse me?” He grumbles.
“It’s been great hanging out, but my boyfriend is home now, so I’m gonna need you to leave my house.”
“I’m eating.”
“Take them with you.” Mike moves toward the island, folding the chip bag closed and giving it to Damon. “Here you go. Safe travels. Miss you already.”
He looks at the chip bag. Then at Mike, then at me, his eyes narrowed, but he slides off the stool and pats me on the arm on the way out. “Good to have you back.”
When the door closes behind him, Mike pulls himself up onto the counter and looks at me with an expression I know all too well.
He opens his arms without saying anything, and I fall into him, his lips finding my ear. “We have lots of time to make up for. I’m thinking we start in the kitchen and then—”
“Actually,” I say, pulling back, already regretting it when his face falls. “I sort of promised Nate I’d help him move this weekend. And I would cancel if I could, but the last time I saw him, I was a total dick and—”
“Okay,” he interrupts, and I can already hear the dejected tone he gets every time I leave. “You don’t have to explain, I get it.”
“Mike—”
“No, it’s fine.” He nods, twisting the fabric of my shirt. “Go help Nate. I’ll be here when you get back.”
I look down at the top of his head because he won’t meet my eyes. Even if he doesn’t say it, I know I’m hurting him right now. I can’t do that anymore.
“Would you want to come with me?”
He looks up, his lips turned down in confusion, like he’s not sure he heard right. “What?”
“I think it’s time I properly introduced you,” I say with a shrug. “Don’t you?”
He stares, and stares, until I start to think that maybe I crossed a line. Maybe he’s not ready for that after what happened.
And then he gets down from the counter to jump into my arms.
I catch him, barely, his legs wrapping around my waist, his arms around my neck, and I stumble back into the counter while he’s vibrating in my arms.
“I love you so much,” he says, into my neck, squeezing hard enough that I can hardly breathe, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“It’s only a weekend,” I say, even though I know how big a deal this really is.
He pulls back to look at my face, dropping his legs back down to the ground. His eyes are brighter than I’ve ever seen them when his hands cup either side of my face. “I get to see where you grew up, your childhood room—”
“It’s not that impressive.” I’m still smiling, I can’t stop. He’s looking at me like I just gave him the best gift he’s ever received, and it’s meeting my family.
“I’ve been waiting for this since October. Do you know how many times I’ve imagined meeting your brother? I have things prepared to say.”
“Please don’t have things prepared to say.”
“Oh!” He adds, pulling out of my arms, heading toward the living room. “I’m gonna need to bring the guitar!”
I lean back against the counter, thinking about seeing Nate this weekend, and the conversation that comes after. The one I’ve been afraid of for years.
“Alex!” Mike shouts from upstairs.
“What?”
“Does Iris like flowers? I feel like I should bring something.”
I lean my head back against the cabinet and smile. Maybe it won’t be so bad. Maybe I’m worried for nothing.
“Yeah,” I call back. “And don’t forget your homework!”
There’s a pause.
“Fuck!” he shouts, followed by a crash.
I love him so much.
The drive into town feels longer than it ever has with Mike in the front seat, messing with the radio.
I’m going to tell Nate.
I made the decision two days ago, when I was sitting on the couch with Mike, telling him the truth for the first time, and even though he says he’s happy, that whatever I can give him is enough, I know what I’m doing to him.
I can’t treat him the way Jason treated me.
Once that thought presented itself in my head, I couldn’t shake it. I’m keeping him hidden from my family, I’m lying to them, and I’m lying to myself if I think that’s any way to live.
I still drive slower than I normally would, knowing that today is the day that I tell Nate the truth, no matter the consequences.
The house is bare.
The yard decorations are gone, and the curtains have been taken off the front windows. There’s a moving truck backed up to the garage and a for sale sign in the yard.
It’s really happening.
I sit in the car after I park, looking at it. My eyes fixed on the boxes sitting in the garage waiting to be moved. Filled with everything from my childhood.
“Hey,” Mike says from the passenger seat, his hand landing on my thigh. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” I clear my throat, reaching for the door handle. “Let’s go.”
The living room is packed up already. The shelves are empty, the picture frames and trophies that used to line them are in boxes on the floor, labeled in Iris’s handwriting. The rug is rolled up against the wall. The furniture still sits in the middle of the room, all that’s left.
I try not to feel sad.
But this is the room where I grew up. Where I watched cartoons as a kid, and where we had our first Xbox, that Nate was so proud to get for us. We stayed up way too late every night that week.
Where I was camped out on that couch, that first week home, when I was still convinced I would never feel normal again.
“Alex.”