Chapter 26
The new place is nice. I can see that objectively.
It has a lot more space than the old one, with a big yard, and a kitchen we can all fit in comfortably. There’s even an upstairs.
It’s a good house.
It’s just not my house.
But I don’t say that. I pick up my end of the dresser, and I start up the stairs, and I don’t say a word. This is supposed to be a good day, and Nate looks happier than I’ve seen him in a long time.
I want him to be happy, I really do.
“You got it?” Nate asks from the other end.
“Yeah.”
Once the dresser is upstairs, we come back down to find Mike and Iris side by side on the couch, Iris scrolling through her phone, Mike looking down at it too, pointing at something.
“Looking good, baby,” he says when he sees me.
I huff, my cheeks going warm instantly. “Thanks.”
“You two could at least pretend to be helping,” Nate adds, putting his hands on his hips like a disappointed father.
“We could,” Iris agrees, not taking her eyes off the screen.
“That is definitely something we could do,” Mike adds.
They don’t move.
“You know, I’ve been thinking,” he speaks up again, when we’re maneuvering Iris’ new reading chair through the door. “What if you two did the rest of the furniture shirtless?”
Nate narrows his eyes over the chair.
“Hey, don’t look at me.”
“You brought him.”
He looks back at Mike, who is watching this exchange with a stupid grin on his face, and I can see the moment Nate realizes that he’s about to have to put up with Mike Pierce for the rest of our lives. “You’re a menace, you know that?”
“I’ve been told.”
We get Iris’ chair up the stairs, stopping in the middle of their bedroom.
“We can leave it here for now,” Nate says, rolling his shoulders.
“She’s gonna make me try it in about ten different spots before she decides on the first one anyway.
” He complains, even though I know he doesn’t mind one bit to move the furniture wherever she wants it.
“You should’ve seen her with the couch this morning. ”
I try to laugh, but it doesn’t come out right, so I turn toward the window and look out at the backyard that Iris mentioned when she told me about the house.
“Hey. You good?”
“Yeah.” I keep looking at the yard.
“Alex,” he sighs. And I can hear him move closer, settling against the dresser. “You’ve been acting funny all day. I figured it was the stuff with Mike, but you still seem—”
“It’s nothing,” I interrupt.
“Come on, man, you gotta give me something.”
The yard is empty right now, but who knows. In a year, it could have a garden, or a fire pit, or maybe even a baby swing. Everything Nate deserves, and I want that for them, but—
“I don’t want to lose you,” I say, and once I start, I can’t seem to stop. “I know that’s stupid. I know I’m twenty years old and I’m supposed to be fine, and I have Mike and school and I’m not a kid anymore, but—”
“Alex—”
“But you’re selling the house.” I’ve been holding it together all day, but I guess I’ve reached my limit.
“You’re starting a family, you’re gonna have a baby, and everything is already different.
And I want all that for you, but I—” I pause, searching for a way to say what I need to without sounding like the most selfish asshole on earth.
“I still need you. And I know I’m supposed to be okay by now, but I’m not. And I’m gonna get left behind while you start your real family, and I’m—” my voice cracks, and I shake my head, stopping before I dig myself into a bigger hole.
He crosses the room in three steps, and tugs on my shoulder to make me face him. As soon as I see the look on his face, I hate myself for every word I just said. He looks like I reached into his chest and crushed his heart.
“Come here,” he says. “I want to show you something.” He heads toward the door, and I follow him, down the hall, past the bathroom, to the door at the end of the hall.
The room is empty, with plain walls and light coming through the window, a clean carpeted floor, same as the rest of the upstairs. It’s smaller than the main bedroom, but still a good size.
And in the middle are my boxes.
The ones Mike and I packed this morning, full of the things from my room. I assumed they were going into storage, and I didn’t say anything about it, even though the thought made my throat close up.
“A room for you was a requirement for both of us,” Nate says. “So you could come home whenever you needed to, and there would be a place for you.”
I walk around the room, looking at my room, with my stuff already in it.
“Any baby we have,” Nate continues, “is joining our family. Nobody’s being replaced. And it sure as hell doesn’t mean I love you any less.”
“Nate—”
“I should have told you that from the beginning,” he says. “I should have sat down with you and asked how you were feeling about it, and I didn’t do that, and that’s on me.”
I shake my head. “It’s not your fault I’m—”
“Let me finish.” I close my mouth.
“You’re my son,” he says, “in every way that matters. I raised you. I revolve every plan that I make for my future around you. And if I ever made you feel like that wasn’t the case, then I am so sorry, Alex.
” His voice goes a little on the last sentence.
Nate. Who I haven’t seen cry since I was lying in a hospital bed and he didn’t know if I would be okay.
I can’t hold it together anymore.
Everything I’ve been holding in since they started talking about moving and babies and does he treat you right bubbles to the surface, and I let him hug me tight, the way he used to when I was young. “You’re not losing me, you hear me?”
I nod, my voice too unsteady to say anything.
We stay like that for a long time, until I can pull it together and wipe my face with the back of my sleeve. He does the same thing to his own eyes, but neither of us mentions it.
By the time the last box is where it needs to be, and the sun has started to set, Mike has contributed exactly one box from the truck to the house before declaring his back hurt and returning to the couch.
His back doesn’t hurt.
He just wanted to sit with Iris.
I should be annoyed about that, but now that I’m finished, he’s tucked himself against my side, his arms around my waist, and his head resting on my chest, half asleep standing up, and I love him so much.
“Y’all staying for dinner?” Nate asks, opening the fridge even though it’s empty.
“We’re staying,” Mike says, hugging me tighter.
“I guess we’re staying.”
Nate nods, watching us. “Good.”
Iris appears from the living room carrying paint samples. “Should we order a pizza?”
Mike lifts his head slightly from my shoulder. “I’m tired. We should go check out our room while we wait for the pizza.”
Our room.
My heart lights up at those words, Mike making himself at home with my family. I couldn’t ask for anything more. “Yeah,” I say. “We should.”
We make it halfway up the stairs before Nate calls out, “Door stays open!”
Mike pulls me up the rest of the stairs, and when we get to the room, we don’t leave the door open.
He leans back against it, looking at me with hooded eyes, his bottom lip between his teeth. He reaches for me, and I crowd his space, grasping his waist and I kiss him properly, for the first time today.
When we pull pack for air, he looks at me with those icy eyes and that grin that makes my heart melt. “We’d better break it in, don’t you think?”
“Uh-huh,” I agree, kissing him again.
It takes me way too long to notice the sound of the music that’s been playing steadily in the background, being turned up a little bit too loud.