Chapter 38 – Willa #3
“Hallie, I know you know how cool you are, like, way too cool for my loser of a dad, but I’m really, really happy that you agreed to give him a shot.
I know he’s really grumpy and annoying and has a lot of boring rules, but you two just work together.
You make our house happier, and I’m happy you’re in it with us.
” Hallie gives Emma a shaky smile, and I hear a sniff from behind me.
When I turn, I see Nat is dabbing at her eyes, and Wren is full-out crying.
“You’re also kind, and you’re patient, and you’re the best person I know.
Every single time I’ve needed you, you’ve been there.
You’ve never treated me as anything other than a friend, and you’ve been the closest thing to a mother figure I've ever had.” My own throat aches as I try not to let my own tears fall.
“I’ve been trying to think of something I could do to show you both how happy I am that you got married.
I know the cliche is that daughters hate their stepmoms, but Hallie’s kind of the best, and we all know my dad is the best. He made me after all.
” The room laughs, and she preens with the attention, but with the distraction, I start to stand.
Leo grabs my hand, but I wiggle free, giving him a conspiratorial smile before quietly moving toward Emma.
“And honestly, I think I deserve a raise on my allowance for pulling this off,” she says with a laugh and a flip of her hair.
“But last night, I came up to my close, personal friend to ask for a favor, and she came through.” I let out a laugh, though a couple of faces around us look utterly confused.
“Obviously, since I’m twelve and essentially poor, I couldn’t afford anything for your registry, but Hallie’s always shown me that memories are more important than anything, so I thought what better thing than making your first dance the most epic thing ever.
” That’s when Adam and I move onto the stage, Adam shifting one of the microphones to the center of the mini stage.
When I look out of the room, it’s the smallest venue I’ve played…
possibly ever…But I already know it will forever go down as my favorite.
I almost said no, not wanting to take the spotlight during Hallie’s wedding in the least, but as Hallie has warned me time and time again, Emma is very convincing when she wants to be.
“Hey, Willa,” Emma said last night at the rehearsal dinner. Just like with the photos, even though I was not in the wedding party, Halle insisted that Leo and I attend the rehearsal dinner.
“Hey, Em. How’s it going? Are you excited for tomorrow?” She nodded, but when she bit her lip nervously, looking to the side, my gut dropped. Maybe that was the wrong thing to ask? I knew she and Hallie were close, but maybe there was some drama I didn’t understand.
“Yeah, totally. But I only have a minute, and I have a favor to ask of you,” she says, voice soft.
“Oh,” I said, relief moving through me swiftly. A favor I can do. “Of course! What do you need?” She looked around nervously again before taking in a deep, nervous breath and spitting out her request.
“I want you to sing for Hallie and my dad tomorrow.”
Unease settled in my chest.
“Oh, honey, I don’t—”
Nerves moved through me, trying to figure out how to explain that just because she was a fan didn’t mean that taking the spotlight away from Hallie would be a good idea, but she interrupted, explaining before I could decline.
“Just for their first dance, not the whole night. Just…just the first dance. I want to help make it special.”
I open my mouth, but she kept on going.
“She told me you’re like us. That your mom isn’t the best, and that you get it.
Hallie is…Hallie is everything to me. Everything my mom isn’t, and I want everything to be perfect for her.
” Something warm moved through me at the sincerity in her words, at the clear evidence of just how close Hallie and Emma are.
I know a good bit about Emma’s mom, both because Leo stepped in earlier this year and because of stories I’d heard from Hallei.
I know that a large part of the reason Hallie and Emma bonded so quickly is their shared trauma of being raised by mothers who left them early in childhood.
“They’re dancing to ‘Landslide,’” she continues, probably seeing my argument faltering, and warmth moves through me.
Based on the story of their relationship, Hallie has shared, it’s the perfect song for the two of them, a couple always meant to be, a couple where both of them were terrified of commitment for their own reasons.
“And I know the recording would be fine, but I want it to be special. And I’m a pretty resourceful twelve-year-old, but unfortunately, I’m broke, so I have to get creative.
I don’t think asking my dad to pay for a gift for his own wedding would really send the same message. ”
I smiled then, my decision mostly made up now.
“That’s probably true.”
“I want to surprise them with you singing their song. You’re basically family now, anyway. It would be special for them.”
Her eyes are soft, sweet, and genuine, and I didn’t have a choice.
I nodded.
After that, I went to find Adam, both to see if it would be a bad idea and to see if he could play with me, and he agreed not only that it would be something Hallie and Jesse would like, but also that it would be incredibly special for them.
And now, as I watch Jesse lead Hallie to the center of the room with tears in her eyes, I know that to be true.
When Adam starts playing the opening chords, her tears fall.
Jesse pulls her in closer, brushing the tears away before dipping his head to her ear to whisper something that makes her smile.
They sway, turning as I sing, and when she faces me, her eyes lock on mine, and she mouths a heartfelt thank you.
And with Adam at my side, I sing a song about change and growth and finding love and conquering fears, a song so perfect for my friend and her new husband that I couldn’t think of anything better.
But when I sing, I look at Leo the whole time.
Later that night, another slow song, and Leo pulls me into his arms, swaying me as I soak in everything about the night.
Despite the chaotic, stressful, and sometimes saddening past week, this right here makes every moment of heartache worth it: being here, in Holly Ridge, surrounded by my friends, held by Leo.
I’d do it over and over and over again if it meant I would end up here at the end of it all.
“Do you want this one day?” he asks low, catching me off guard as I’m lost in my own thoughts. I pull back to look at him, a bit confused.
“What?”
“A wedding. Do you want that?” I sit on his question as we sway to the song, thinking about his question and trying to decide how to answer.
“Honestly?” I ask.
“Always,” he responds. I smile and lift a shoulder before answering.
“I don’t know. I never really thought too much about it.”
He pulls back, giving me a confused look. “You don’t know? Isn’t this the kind of thing little girls dream about?” I let out a small laugh as we sway.
“Yeah, well, the other dream little girls have is being a popstar, and I got that one instead. It wasn’t until recently that I thought I might be able to have both.
” He hums a low acknowledgment, holding me a bit tighter, and although I think he isn’t going to push anymore, I continue explaining.
“It was always the one thing I refused to fake,” I murmur.
“A wedding. It felt wrong, or like bad karma, to bring something so fake into something that would be incredibly real. I think a part of me always held out hope that one day, maybe, I’d find something genuine. ”
I look up at him and find he’s already looking down at me and presses his lips to mine.
“Will you freak out if I tell you that we’ll be here again one day?
” he asks low. I stare at him, heart racing, before he continues.
“You and me, dancing at a wedding. You in some white dress Harper made, your hair done by Nat, your girls at your side.” My breathing hitches, but he keeps swaying us gently.
“I don’t think we’ll be able to get away with something this small, but if you want it, I’ll make it happen. ”
“Is this you asking me to marry you?” I ask with a tip of my lips, shockingly not thrown off by this development.
“Not at all. It’s me telling you that’s where this is headed. That one day, this is going to be made real in a permanent kind of way. I’ll need that, tying you to me forever.”
I grin then.
Wide and full of joy, because telling me he’s going to marry me is so very Leo.
And in this new era, it’s Leo and me: stating plainly what we want, what we need from life, and doing everything we can to make sure we get it.
Thankfully, it won’t be a sacrifice to give him this.
“Good, because, when the time comes, you gotta ask me better than that,” I whisper, pressing my lips to his. “I am a world-famous pop star after all.”
There’s a moment before his head tips back, a deep, full-bodied laugh falling from his lips.
“Noted,” he murmurs. “The whole nine. Fairytale stuff.”
“You’ve got time to plan it.”
“I’ve got forever,” he murmurs, and I crunch up my nose.
“I hope it doesn’t take that long,” I whisper, though when he dips his head and kisses me with a smile on his lips, I know he heard me. And I know I won’t have to wait that long. The song ends as we kiss, slowly fading into another recognizable song, and I break the kiss instantly, looking around.
“OH, MY GOD!” I hear shouted.
“WHERE’S WILLA?” another voice calls. I turn back to Leo to tell him I need to go, that I’m being summoned, but he’s already stepping back.
“Go. Have fun, honey.”
And then I go sing Wannabe with my girls, screaming it at the top of our lungs.
The wedding photographer takes shots of us, and the flashes are so familiar, but they don’t even faze me.
And later, when Hallie sends us all the photos from the night, the one of the four of us holding hands and jumping, singing this song at the top of our lungs while the guys watch from the sidelines with lovestruck looks on their faces is my favorite, the one I get printed and framed for my office.
I thought for the longest time that having it all was a lie, some sweet fairytale.
I once believed the lie we are told—that having it all is simply not possible. That you have to choose at some point what you really, truly want most in the world, and let the rest fall to the wayside.
You can’t have the dream career and the movie-worthy love and the friendships that make you finally feel like you belong somewhere.
But the truth is, you can have it all. You just have to fight for it.
Having it all means fighting for it all, and so long as I have Holly Ridge and Leo by my side, I know I will fight tooth and nail to get—and keep—all of it.