Chapter 13 #2
My vision swam. I leaned against a fence post. “I-I’m not okay,” I whispered to the empty road. Saying it out loud felt like admitting failure. Like I’d broken some unspoken rule about being too much.
“Talk to me, sweetheart. You’re scaring me.”
The word sweetheart lodged in my chest. I didn’t want to scare him.
I didn’t want to need him like this. But I was already falling, and he was the only one who could see it.
I could hear Anthony’s heavy breathing like he was running.
The sound of a truck door slamming shut. The roaring of an engine.
“I’m scared I’ll do something stupid.”
I didn’t know what that meant exactly. Only that being alone felt dangerous.
“Stay where you are. Don’t move! I’m coming.”
I slid down the post until I was sitting on the curb.
The asphalt was cold through my jeans. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking.
I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to breathe.
I pressed my palms into my thighs, dug my fingers into denim, counted the cracks in the pavement—anything to stay in my body.
“I don’t want sex,” I mumbled. “I just want to feel safe.”
“Elliot? Elliot, can you hear me?” Anthony’s voice sounded far away. “Hold on baby boy. I’m coming.”
Blinding bright lights appeared in the distance. They approached slowly like they were afraid they’d startle me. The truck pulled up beside me and rolled the window down.
“Elliot?”
My stomach dropped at the sound of his voice so close to me. I didn’t answer. Just stood up and started walking away.
Anthony opened the door, jumping out of his truck. “Elliot, wait—”
I didn’t. I couldn’t. The need to run burned through me like wildfire. So I ran. His heavy footsteps followed. He caught my wrist and yanked.
Instead of falling to the ground, I turned and crashed into him.
All the restraint I hadn’t known I was holding onto snapped at once.
My hands fisted his henley. His golden-caramel skin pressed against me through the thin fabric, steady and warm, anchoring me when everything else was chaos.
My forehead found his before my brain could stop it.
It was desperate. Brief. Not a kiss so much as a collision. Warm lips met mine. Coarse beard scraped against my raw skin. For a single second the world stopped spinning out of my control. I felt safe. Wanted. Needed.
He kissed me back with just as much fever. When his tongue pushed past my lips and wrapped around mine I melted. Large, rough hands cupped my face like I was something precious.
It was perfect until it wasn’t.
Anthony froze. Then gently pulled back. A whimper slipped past my swollen lips as they chased him.
“No,” he said softly, thumbs brushing under my eyes. “Elliot. I won’t take advantage of you.”
The words felt like a cold, hard slap.
“They wanted me like that,” I said, too loud, too sharp. “Why don’t you?”
“That’s not—”
“Why am I not enough for you?” My voice broke. I felt the first tear as it dripped down my cheek.
He didn’t answer right away. That was worse. He just swept my feet out from under me and carried me bridal style back to his truck. My fists beat against his shoulder as he shushed me and kissed my temple.
I didn’t want our first kiss to end. I didn’t want the night to end. The intoxicating feeling. Him chasing me. His taste on my lips. My tongue. My eyes fluttered shut as he gently set me on my feet and opened the passenger door.
“Get in, Elliot.” His voice wasn’t sharp. It wasn’t angry. It was pained.
“Fine,” I ground out and slid into the seat and curled toward the window, forehead resting against the glass. His door shut with a heavy, final sound. The engine turned over and we drove.
Silence filled the cab like a fog. I picked at my sleeves. “You could have let me,” I muttered.
Anthony’s jaw tightened. “Let you what?”
“Kiss you for longer.”
“That’s not what that was.”
I huffed a weak, humourless laugh. “Your tongue was in my mouth.” I shook my head. “Everything feels like something right now.”
“That’s the problem,” he said quietly.
I turned toward him. “You don’t get to decide what I feel.”
“I’m not trying to,” he grumbled. “I’m trying to keep you safe.”
“From what?” I snapped. “You?”
Anthony flinched. That shut me down quickly. The rest of the drive passed in fragments—headlights streaking, the hum of the tires, the ache in my chest swelling and receding like a tide.
By the time we pulled into the driveway, I was barely upright. Anthony cut the engine and just sat there for a second.
“You’re going to hate me for this tomorrow,” he said.
“For what?”
“For not letting you fall apart alone.”
The words settled somewhere deep in my chest. Not wanted. Not used. Just… stayed with. No one had ever framed care like that before. Like it was something you did because you could, not because you expected anything back.
He got out and came around to my side. I tried to stand as he stood there holding the door open. My legs buckled as soon as I put my feet down. He caught me before I hit the path.
“Easy,” he murmured against my ear.
He didn’t ask. Just lifted me into his arms. I made a sound—half protest, half relief—and let my head fall against his shoulder.
I could feel the heat of his skin beneath his shirt, every curve and muscle strong and alive against me.
I could have fought him. I knew that. But for once, I didn’t want to prove I could stand on my own.
I wanted to be held up. The difference mattered.
His henley smelled like him and rain and something solid. The world drifted. I vaguely remembered him carrying me up the stairs. Felt him adjust his hold so he could open my door. Felt my bed dip beneath me as he put me down.
He tugged my shoes off. Pulled my blanket around me.
I was already sinking when I felt the mattress shift again.
He was going to leave. Panic gripped me before the thought finished.
If he left now, something in me would go quiet and not come back.
I’d already lost too much to survive another almost.
My hand shot out. “Dont,” I slurred. My fingers curled around his wrist. Anthony stilled. “Don’t go.”
He hesitated. I felt it. The shift in the air. The uncertainty.
“I won’t—I won’t do anything,” I rushed out. “I just—I can’t sleep like this. I feel like I’m still falling.”
His face softened into something that hurt to look at “Elliot…”
“I don't want sex,” I said thickly. “I just want your safety." The words came out crooked but true. I didn’t want to be wanted. I wanted to be held like I wasn’t about to disappear.
He exhaled heavily and sat down on the edge of the bed. Kicked his shoes off then lay down on the bed beside me. Not touching. Just there. I felt the space he left between us like a conscious decision. Like something he was holding back on purpose. The restraint felt heavier than a hand ever could.
I scooted closer without asking permission. Curled into his side like a question. After a second, his arm came around me and pulled me closer until my head was on his chest.
His touch was light. Careful. As if he were afraid I might change my mind. I didn't. I tucked my face into his neck and breathed him in.
“Don't let go,” I whispered.
“I won’t,” he breathed.
For the first time all night, my body believed him. “Thank you for coming for me, Daddy.”
“Anything for you, baby boy.” His lips gently brushed my head like the ghost of a kiss.
A small smile flickered at the corner of my lips before sleep took me.
The fire in my chest finally burned down to embers.
I hadn’t disappeared. I hadn’t been left.
Someone came for me, and for now, that was enough.