Chapter Nineteen #2
My intention was to leave her with that, but as I headed toward the stairs, she huffed something under her breath behind me. A second later, she ran past me, climbing the stairs. I stood at the base of them, looking up and shaking my head. “Fucking hell,” I muttered.
At the top, I found the front door ajar, the heat seeping out into the cold winter night, Carrie’s voice flowing out along with it.
“What the hell is going on, Margo?” she screeched.
“Cardinal—”
“Don’t you dare lie to me.” Carrie’s voice cracked. “You have a bruise on your face and Grayson had to come here in the middle of the night!”
I pushed open the door, finding Grayson by the window where I’d left him.
His dark eyes shot to me and then back to his woman, who was standing in front of the coffee table, waving her arms and demanding answers.
Margo was standing behind the couch, her hair wet from the shower, her face makeup free and utterly horrified.
“Carrie, that’s enough,” I said, shutting the door softly behind me.
She whirled on me, cheeks red from her tears, her bottom lip trembling. “No offense, Hayes, but you can fuck off,” she whispered.
I did my best to conceal the hurt that came with her words, biting down and grinding my teeth. I tore my eyes from the back of Carrie’s head and focused on Margo. “I can kick them out.”
Carrie turned so she could look at both of us, her jaw hanging open, brow etched with hurt.
Margo said nothing, her hands on her chest, frozen.
“Say the word, Temper. Say the word and I’ll fucking do it,” I told her. “I made you a promise, and just because Carrie is here—and I respect and love the hell out of her—doesn’t mean I won’t honor that promise.”
“We’re leaving.” This came from Grayson, who was glaring at Carrie, his own version of betrayal glimmering in his eyes.
“What? No, we’re not. My friend has a bruise the size of a baseball on her face and hasn’t been to work in days, and she’s been ignoring everyone’s calls and texts,” Carrie bore down, shaking her head at Grayson.
“I told you I’d be home in two hours. I told you this was for a case. When have you ever followed me?” Grayson clipped, coming toward her.
“Gray—”
“My job is dangerous,” he talked over her. “Red Snake deals with bad fucking people. You know this.”
Carrie nodded.
He leaned in, ticking his head to the side. “Then tell me, my beautiful sunshine, why in the fuck did you leave our bed and follow me?” The question started on a deadly whisper but ended on a growl that had Margo flinching.
It seemed to snap her out of her frozen stupor. “Don’t talk to her that way,” she ordered, her voice rising with each word.
Grayson looked over to her. “What Carrie just did was stupid, and after everything…” He looked back down at his woman, gripping her chin. “I never thought she would do something like this.”
“I track your phone,” Carrie deadpanned, jerking out of his hold.
His brows came together. “Excuse me?”
“When you were in the hospital, I asked Jake if I could have access to the tracker on your phone,” she explained. Margo came around the couch, folding her arms around herself. She was in an oversized band tee, and PJ pants with key lime pies on them.
“Sunshine—”
“I knew you were here. That’s why I came. I would never break our promise,” she continued. “You saved my life more than once, and I have no intention of deliberately trying to throw it away.”
A few moments of strained silence and then…
“Dammit, Sunshine,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around her. Her head was against his chest, but that didn’t stop her from finding her best friend’s gaze. “I didn’t mean to burst in here and yell at you. I was just scared, and Hayes wasn’t giving anything away downstairs.”
Margo’s head jerked in my direction. “I asked him not to loop you or anyone outside of Red Snake in on this.”
Carrie and Grayson pulled apart, her falling into his side, his arm going around her. “I don’t understand,” Carrie rasped. “We’re your friends, Margo.”
“No, you’re more than that,” she croaked. “You, Sarah, and Rossy are the family I never had.”
Jesus. She was going to kill me.
“Margo—”
She held her hand up, her butterfly shifting as she swallowed her emotions, putting on a brave face.
“No, you can’t—I cannot lose what I’ve found in Astoria.
” Her eyes met mine. “I can’t lose any of it.
” My chest tightened, knowing this was about more than just her friends.
She was saying she couldn’t lose me. “I didn’t escape my old life just for it to ruin my new one. ”
“Old life?” Carrie whispered, breaking away from Grayson. She shook her head. “I don’t—I don’t understand.”
“And you never have to,” Margo declared.
“All I need for you to do is go home with Grayson, get some sleep, and wake up to continue living the life you fought so hard to obtain, Cardinal. You’ve been through hell.
You’ve found your peace here, in Astoria, with Grayson. Please hold on to that. Focus on that.”
Carrie stared at her for some time. Then she looked at me. “I’m sorry for cussing at you. Clearly, I thought you were just not telling because of your duty to Red Snake and not because my friend has something ugly and twisted in her head and asked you to protect her boundaries.”
“Cardinal!”
“Carrie,” Grayson warned.
She ignored both of their protests, eyes still on me. “I’m going to untangle it. Right here. Right now.”
Something was happening here. Something monumental. Carrie had a gift. She could see through people if she really wanted to, and right now, she was seeing straight through me and into my heart. It was too late for me to shove her out.
Still, my promise to Margo was more important.
I shook my head once. “Unless Margo invites you to do so, I can’t let you do that.”
“I’m not going to hurt her, Hayes.”
“Hello? I am right here!” Margo barked.
I looked at her then, taking in her fierce beauty, her green eyes, her black hair, and her long body with curves that brought me to my knees, but underneath all of that, there was something even more beautiful: her soul.
“I know you are,” I told her gently. My sweet Temper was about to crumble, her anger faltering, but her boundaries were hers and hers alone. Only she could let down those walls. No one, not even me, had the right to break them down.
She looked panicked. “You just said that if I wanted you to kick them out, you would.”
“And do you want that?” I asked, coming to her. I brushed some hair out of her face. “If you still do, I’ll do it. For you, but I need you to really want that and not let your fear lie to you.”
“I’m not lying,” she snapped, glaring at me.
“Yes, you are,” I murmured. I knew she needed this, but I wasn’t going to push her.
I’d kick Grayson and Carrie out if she really wanted it.
But I knew, deep down, she wanted to fall into Carrie’s arms and sob until she couldn’t.
She needed this.
I traced my finger along her jaw and shifted us so they could only see my back and not her. “You don’t have to tell her anything you don’t want to, but I do think you should at least sit down with her,” I whispered, scanning her eyes.
She broke our gaze and stared at my chest—at my heart. “I can’t have her look at me differently,” she whispered back. It was so quiet I could barely make it out.
“She won’t.”
“Really? Because after we left your fucking apartment, you started looking at me that way,” she hotly accused, her eyes filled with rage.
Hell no.
I twisted my neck and said, “Give us a minute.”
Then I stepped back, bent over, and put my shoulder into her mid-section.
“Hayes, what the fuck—whoa!” she gasped as I threw her over my shoulder. “Put me the fuck down, Hayes Mitchell!”
I turned to Carrie and Grayson. He was smirking and shaking his head at me; Carrie’s jaw was on the floor. “We’ll be right back. Please make yourselves at home.”
Once we were in her room, the sweet scent of her pile of clean laundry on her vanity chair hit me as I set her on her feet and put my back against the door.
“Let me make one thing clear to you, Margo Bennett,” I clipped, nostrils flaring, “the way I look at you is going to be different from how everyone else looks at you because I want you.” I paused, letting those words sink in.
“I want you in a way I’ve never wanted anyone else.
I thought I made myself very clear about that. ”
Her plump pink lips parted, and she inhaled a sharp breath.
“When you’re ready to have that conversation, to see if what we have is worth giving it a shot, then we will. Right now, we have too much going on to figure all that out.”
“You just kissed me before Grayson got here,” she pointed out hotly.
“I know damn well what I did,” I growled. “When I kicked down your fucking door, you told me that you weren’t mine.” I took a step forward. “And I told you the world needed to believe you were mine for protection, to keep you safe.”
She stiffened.
“But fuck, baby, I need you to be mine,” I murmured, the words holding a heavy truth that I wasn’t ready to face. It was easier, living in lies, moving day-to-day without. “The way I look at you is because I want you. I want you in my life, in my bed, in my home, in my heart.”
She’d disrupted my life, my perfectly curated lie. And now, after everything, I couldn’t let her leave it. I didn’t want perfection. I just wanted her.
Her eyes closed as she turned her head toward her bed. I watched, jaw tight, heart on the line, with an ache in my soul that I would never be able to heal from if she didn’t want me back. “Superman, I—I don’t—”
“You don’t need to respond; I just needed to give you the truth.” I reached back, grabbed the door handle, and twisted. “The only thing you need to tell me is whether you want me to kick them out or not.”
Those sage green eyes were on me then, shining with hope. She shook her head. “No, I think…I think Carrie and I need to have a conversation.”
Pride swelled in my chest.
“Then Gray and I will give you the space to make that happen.”