Chapter 8
CHAPTER
EIGHT
JAMIE
“ L ittle crow?” the voice so similar to the one that haunted my dreams said, but this was the voice of a man, not the boy I remembered. It was deeper, its timbre thicker. It ghosted over my skin like velvet, making goosebumps erupt across my body.
I picked myself up and turned toward him. The vision I saw stole the air from my lungs. It felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. He was the same, yet so very different. Dillon now stood close to six-five, towering over my five-foot-nine. I felt small but safe in his presence, like I’d finally found my home. My true north. He’d aged like a fine whiskey, and heat flushed through me, every nerve ending in my body becoming electrified. He was handsome at fifteen, but now, he was beautiful beyond words. His dark-brown, almost black eyes captivated me; it was like staring into the vastness of space, its enormity unknown. I could get lost amongst the galaxies and secrets they held. I’d once been the gatekeeper to his secrets, but I had a feeling I’d lost that right.
His broad shoulders were barely contained by the dark gray Henley he wore, the sleeves rolled up to reveal thick forearms dusted with dark hair. His hands flexed, highlighting the prominent veins and a tapestry of tattoos I wanted to trace with my tongue. I wanted to lick every inch of him. I needed to know his body better than I knew mine. I wanted to taste his pleasure. His love. Him.
Dillon ran a trembling hand through his thick black hair, the sides cropped close to his head, but the strands on the top were long enough to wind around my fingers when I kissed him. I wonder if he tasted the same? I licked my lips at the thought, while my heart thundered in my chest like a herd of wild horses.
We moved forward as if magnetically drawn to each other, both unable to fight the pull that only grew stronger with each passing second. “D-Dil?” I whispered, too scared to speak in case I was dreaming, and my voice would make his mirage vanish. “I-I’ve missed you so much.”
Dillon took a step back, his face distorted in anguish. As if hearing my voice, even whispered, caused him physical pain. My eyes burned, and I blinked away the tears that wanted to fall. I felt like I was being stabbed repeatedly in the heart at his disgusted dismissal. I thought all my dreams were coming true, but what people often forget is that nightmares are dreams too.
“Dill—” I tried again, desperate to find the boy I loved in the man before me.
“Who the fuck are you?” He growled and took a menacing step toward me, a snarl slashing through his sinister lips. He was filled with hatred so vitriolic, it felt like a physical wound on my skin. Fear like I’d felt that fateful night flooded my body, and adrenaline poured into my veins and wrapped around my throat. “No one gets to call me that.”
His words landed like a punch to the face, forcing me backward. I raised my hands in surrender as my heart shattered into a million pieces. “I-I,” my voice wavered. “I must have been mistaken.” A maelstrom of emotion blew up inside me. I lost the battle, and the first burning tear of agony seared into my skin.
“Get the fuck out of here,” Dillon bellowed. My stomach revolted as the boy I loved turned into a monster that was the sum of all my fears. I did the only thing I could as the hope I’d clung to for years turned to dust at my fingertips. I turned and ran as fast as my feet would carry me. I pushed past couples making out on the stairs, lost my footing on the last few steps, and landed in a heap at the bottom. The girl in the red dress from the quad laughed and spat at me as I clambered to my feet.
The walls were closing in around me. I couldn’t breathe. I clawed at my neck, trying to remove the invisible rope around it getting tighter and tighter every time I opened my mouth. I gasped for air as perspiration beaded on my brow and dripped into my eyes. I tried to push through the gathering crowd to the front door, but the bodies were too tightly packed, so I turned and ran toward the kitchen.
I saw Mal, Ava, and the goth girl chatting where I’d left them when I went upstairs to take a piss. Luckily for me, they were far too engrossed in each other to see me stumbling over my feet and rushing to the open back door. I slipped out of the kitchen and ran. I ran around the yard, down the drive, and along the street in the direction I thought we came from when we arrived.
At some point, I’d lost my wings. Right now, I wish I had them and they were real so I could fly away and never come back. Tears poured down my face, and the world around me blurred, but I didn’t care. I had to put as much distance as possible between me and him .
All the times I’d dreamed of seeing Dillon again, it had never gone like this. It might have been awkward and uncomfortable to begin with, but he never looked at me like he hated me. Like he cursed the day I was born.
My legs ached, and my muscles burned, but I kept pushing myself. I wasn’t sure I’d ever put enough distance between us, but I had to try. Then, and only then, would I try and figure out what the hell to do now the one hope I’d clung to was gone. Ripped out of my fingers before it had even had a chance to grow roots.
There was a pain in my side so acute I felt like I could pull a knife out of it. Every movement made the pain spike. My feet were numb, and my body was slick with sweat, while my toga soaked through and clung to my skin. My ankle buckled, and I tripped and tumbled to the ground. My skin scraped along the sidewalk as I rolled to a stop against a wall.
I pulled my knees up to my chest, my left wet with blood as I wrapped my arms around my legs and buried my face in them. Tears poured down my face, and my teeth chattered as I was battered by the continual onslaught of emotions I didn’t know how to process. The only thing I could think to do was purge myself of them, so I screamed. I screamed until my throat was raw. I screamed until my voice gave out. I screamed until I felt numb inside. The cool wind froze the sweat on my skin into a layer of ice, and I found myself begging for oblivion.
“JAMIE?”
“JJ? Where are you?”
“Jamie Bowen, can you hear me?”
“Please, JJ, answer me!”
I heard voices calling out my name, but it was like I was hearing them through water; every word distorted and far away. I tried to open my eyes, but it was like they weighed a thousand pounds. I couldn’t lift my head, and grit and glass cut into the side of my face. I was too cold and weak to move. I thought the voices were getting closer, louder, but I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t think straight, and my mind was playing tricks on me. I was exhausted in the bone-deep, soul-draining kind of way.
The trouble was, I had no idea where I was. No clue how far I’d run or in what direction. I’d just followed my feet trying to outrun my past. A past I now wanted to forget, along with all the other bad things that had happened.
A bright light burned through my eyelids, making me groan. The sound made it feel like someone had poured acid down my throat as pain lanced through me.
“Shit. JJ?” The broken voice was clearer now. A warm hand touched my cheek and neck. “Hang on, okay? I’m going to get Ava.” Footsteps sounded around me like boulders tumbling down a hill. I curled tighter in on myself and willed sleep to claim me.
I felt like I was floating, lights flickering in and out of the darkness. The bone-deep cold I’d been lost to started to fade as something soft and warm covered me. A whimper escaped as my body jolted. “Shh, angel, we’ve got you. We’re nearly back to campus, then we’ll get you a coffee and wrap you up in bed.” Ava’s soft voice soothed the swelling anxiety inside me, because I didn’t know where I was.
“W-w-where a-am… I?”
A deep chuckle sounded by my feet, and it was then I realized firm hands were massaging my aching muscles. “We’re in Tim’s car, Jamie. He came with us when we discovered you’d disappeared. We tried to call your phone before we remembered you left it in our dorm.”
“Mmhmm,” was all I could manage.
“You scared the shit out of us, you know,” Mal scolded.
“S-s-sorry.”
“Hey, sweetie, it’s okay. We were just worried about you and what had happened,” Ava cooed as she ran her fingers through the tangled strands of my hair, her gentle touch comforting.
“We’re here, guys,” a voice said that I didn’t recognize. It must have been Tom? Tammy? Tim? “Do you need me to help carry him upstairs?”
“What, you don’t think I’m strong enough?” Mal snorted.
“You’re hardly a chopstick. There ain’t no muscles on your scrawny-ass bones.” Tim snickered.
“Hey! I resent that.”
“Boys!” Ava snapped. “Let’s get Jamie inside and cleaned up, yeah? The RA would have left by now. So if you could carry him up, Tim, that would be great. Mal will get the doors.”
“Of course, I will.”
I don’t know how they managed to get me out of the car when my muscles were locked up tight without bashing my head, but they did. The next thing I knew, I’d been laid on my bed, the soft glow of the lamp light giving our dorm a warm glow and offering an ounce of much-needed comfort.
“Well, if that’s all, guys, I better head home.”
“Thanks for your help, Tim,” Mal said softly. I could just about make out him wrapping his arms around a blurry figure before the door snicked shut.
My bed dipped and Ava’s rainbow hair filled my vision. “You alright there, Jamie?”
“Not really, no.” My eyes started to well up again, but I was too tired to hide my tears as they started to fall.
“Oh, honey.” Ava leaned forward, wrapping her arms around my neck. She held me in her arms, muttering soothing words into my ear. She pulled back and gave me a soft smile. “I’m sorry for pushing you to go tonight.”
I licked my dry lips. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t cause this.” I tried to wave my hand up and down my body, but I ended up smacking myself in the face, making her smile. It broke my heart when it didn’t reach her eyes. I hate making people sad because I felt like I’d failed.
“Here.” Mal holds a cup of coffee in front of me. “Ava, can you help him sit up so he can drink this while I take a look at his leg?”
“Sure.”
“Thanks.”
Ava hooked her arms under mine and helped me shuffle until my back was against the headboard, then passed me a steaming cup of coffee. The rich bean scent wrapped around softer tones of chocolate and caramel. “This smells super sweet.” My nose wrinkled as I took another inhale of the dubious mixture.
“It’s my famous I’ve-had-a-shit-night drink. Caffeine for an energy boost, chocolate and caramel for sweetness, and added sugar in case you’re dropping from an adrenaline surge.”
“Listen to Dr. Mal, Jamie,” Ava said as she walked into the bathroom and returned with the first-aid box we kept under the sink.
I took a sip of my drink, noting the flavors as they burst across my tongue and groaned. “It’s good, huh?” Mal said as he undid the Roman sandals that were cutting off my blood circulation. He pulled them off and flung them across the room. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”
I shook my head. “It’s stupid… nothing. Don’t worry about it, okay?”