Chapter 45 Layla
The Life Experiment: Daily Questionnaire
Property of OPM Discoveries
What are two things you are grateful for today?
Michelle putting me in contact with her friend in legal aid. We’ve only chatted once, but I felt more excited after that call than I have in ages
Maya visiting for the weekend. It will be nice to not be alone
What are you struggling with today?
Being excited for the future when I know I won’t be around long enough to enjoy it
Do you have any additional notes on what you would like to discuss in your upcoming counselling session?
I guess we should talk about Angus, but honestly, I don’t know where to begin
Layla didn’t know what was more irritating – Maya barging into her bedroom or Maya throwing her curtains open. ‘Stop!’ Layla protested as the bright light burned her eyes.
‘Don’t be such a misery guts,’ Maya argued, jumping on the bed and throwing her arms around Layla. ‘When I said I was coming to London, I pictured going to cocktail bars and sightseeing, not Rhi working all the time and you sulking in your bedroom like a moody teenager.’
‘I told you, I’m tired.’
‘And I told you, I don’t believe you,’ Maya replied, pulling back Layla’s duvet. ‘Come on, Layls. What is it? What’s wrong?’
The words filled Layla’s throat, but they were too difficult to say. She chose to stare at the radiator instead, hoping the silent treatment would be enough to fend off Maya’s questions.
Layla should have known better.
‘Is it work?’ Maya pushed. ‘I thought your project was going well? Didn’t you just get a miscarriage leave policy approved?’
Layla sighed. ‘We did, yeah.’
‘So, what’s the problem? Why are you in bed when it’s almost lunchtime? Is it to do with Angus?’
Layla shot her sister a sideways look. ‘Not everything relates to men, you know.’
‘I know that. Christ, I’ve not had a boyfriend in years and look how happy I am! All I’m saying is, last time I saw you, you and Angus were talking nonstop, but you’ve not messaged him once since I arrived. Is he away or something?’
Layla’s shoulders tensed at the innocent question. ‘Drop it, Maya.’
‘No,’ Maya said, shuffling closer. ‘I’m worried. Talk to me. Please.’
Layla thought she could ignore her sister’s pleas, but when Maya pulled at the duvet once more, something inside Layla snapped. ‘I said drop it! What part of that don’t you understand?!’ she cried, sitting up so quickly she nearly knocked Maya from the bed.
‘Watch it,’ Maya protested, but her anger faded as she eyed her sister. Concern dipped Maya’s brows. ‘What’s going on, Layla? And don’t dismiss me. I know you. I know when something is wrong. What aren’t you telling me?’
A rebuttal sprang to Layla’s mind, but she couldn’t bring herself to push Maya away again. As Layla looked into her sister’s sharp eyes, the words she had struggled to contain since learning her death date bubbled in her throat.
Layla knew she couldn’t say anything. There were just under two weeks left of the experiment. She had to stay quiet. If she didn’t, she would break a legally binding contract. She would leave herself ineligible for the experiment’s benefits.
But Layla was tired of carrying this secret alone. She was so, so tired.
‘I only have two years left to live.’
The words erupted from Layla as if a dam had broken. In the aftermath, Layla waited to feel guilt or dread or any of the other awful feelings she had convinced herself she would feel if she let the truth out.
Instead, Layla simply felt at peace.
Maya stared at Layla for what felt like an eternity. ‘What?’ she asked, a strange, disbelieving smile stretching her mouth. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘I only have two years left to live,’ Layla repeated.
‘Layla, you’re scaring me now,’ Maya said, her voice wobbly.
Taking a deep breath, Layla came clean about the experiment. She broke every clause of her NDA, but she was past caring about legalities. Let Saira sue her. She’d probably be dead by the time the case made it to court, anyway.
But the more Layla spoke, the more Maya’s face relaxed. After hearing Layla’s explanation, Maya simply looked up from the OPM Discoveries website Layla had loaded on her phone and blinked.
‘Is this supposed to convince me it isn’t bullshit?’ she said.
‘You don’t believe me?’
‘I don’t believe any of this crap. It’s like going to a fortune teller and believing you’ll meet a handsome stranger when you least expect it.’
‘It’s not like that at all. They did tests and everything.’
Maya scoffed. ‘Come on, Layla. I thought you were smarter than this.’
‘Maya, it’s a legitimate study. OPM Discoveries is a research lab. They’ve won more awards than I can count. They ran a million and one tests.’
‘So? Tests are wrong all the time. Tests can’t take into account every random part of life. Think about it. You could walk across the road tonight and get hit by a bus.’
‘The experiment analyses your biological date of death. Obviously OPM Discoveries can’t control the randomness of life, but they can make an assessment based on health data and—’
Maya’s wry laughter interrupted Layla’s train of thought.
‘Surely you can’t really believe this?’ she asked, but when Maya looked into her sister’s terrified eyes, she saw that she did.
Turning the phone to Layla, Maya pointed to a photo of Saira.
‘This is the person in charge of the study? Saira Khatri?’
Layla nodded.
‘If she’s in charge of a biological study, why are her qualifications in psychology?’
Layla’s hands trembled as she took her phone back.
Saira’s list of accomplishments flashed before her.
A degree, a masters, a doctorate. So intelligent, so educated.
‘Saira does the counselling,’ she explained.
‘She’s here to support us through the aftermath of our result and analyse our reaction to it. ’
‘But why would a psychologist lead this experiment, not a biologist?’ When Layla failed to find a response, Maya reached across the bed and took her sister’s hands in her own. ‘Listen to me, okay? This is bullshit. No one can tell you when you’re going to die, not even people in lab coats.’
‘But they—’
‘No, Layla,’ Maya interjected, holding Layla’s hands tighter.
‘You went into an experiment unhappy and unfulfilled. You’d have believed anything they told you because you needed a wake-up call.
Fuck OP-Whatever-They’re-Called. How can they tell you that you’ll die of stress in two years when, right now, you’re not stressed at all? ’
Tears spiked Layla’s eyelashes. ‘You think I’ve changed my results?’
‘I think your results were like your life – yours to determine,’ Maya replied. ‘I mean, look at us. I wanted to be a hairdresser, so I became a hairdresser; you wanted to be a lawyer, so you became a lawyer. We worked hard and we made our dreams happen.’
‘But my job is killing me. It said so, in my results.’
‘Layla, you’re not listening. There’s no way this study can actually predict when exactly you’ll die.
What if you decided to only eat junk food from now on?
What if you threw yourself into training for a marathon?
There are lifestyle patterns that can influence your health, sure, but nothing as definitive as this. ’
‘You really think so?’ Layla asked, her voice lifted by hope.
‘I know so! Don’t live your life on a countdown, Layls. You are no more on a clock than the rest of us. Enjoy yourself. Keep working hard and being a good aunt to Jayden. Date Angus and see where it takes you.’
At the mention of Angus, Layla’s head bowed. ‘What if it’s true, though? What if I do die in two years? How can we be together if I know the end is coming?’
‘Layla, there’s no relationship on earth that doesn’t have an expiry date. Whether it’s a break-up or a death, an end is inevitable, but that’s not what matters. What matters is the bit in between. Who cares if what you have with Angus goes on for two months or two decades? Just enjoy yourself.’
Layla raised her head. ‘I’m scared.’
‘Well, that’s okay. Life is scary, but the Layla I know doesn’t believe in letting fear rule her. Not enough to stop her going for what she wants, anyway.’ Leaning closer, Maya wiped a tear from Layla’s cheek. ‘Call Saira. Ask her if it’s real.’
Layla blinked. ‘I can’t do that.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because. What if she says it is, that I really do have two years left to live? Then what?’
Shaking her head, Maya pushed the phone into Layla’s hand. ‘Call her.’
With Maya’s encouragement, Layla braved calling Saira.
She picked up after three rings. ‘Layla, is everything okay?’
Even through her professional tone, Layla could hear Saira’s concern. She had every right to worry about an unscheduled call. Especially from someone she gave two years to live , Layla thought bitterly.
‘Is it real?’ she asked. ‘The experiment, is it real?’
‘Layla, has something happened?’ Saira asked.
‘The experiment,’ Layla repeated through gritted teeth. ‘Is it real?’
The pause on the other end of the line told Layla everything she needed to know. As the air was knocked from her lungs, Layla folded at the waist. Maya’s hand rested on her back in a gesture of comfort, but Layla was in so much shock, she barely felt it.
‘How could you?’ she whispered. ‘How could you let me think I was going to die?’
‘Layla, that was never our intention, but—’
‘Never your intention?! You told me I had two years left to live!’
‘Layla, it’s okay,’ Maya soothed, but Layla didn’t want her sister’s platitudes. She wanted Saira’s answers.
‘Why do this, Saira?’ she demanded. ‘Why torture people?’
‘The purpose of The Life Experiment was never to make you obsess over when you would die, but to make you think about how you wanted to live,’ Saira explained desperately.
‘Our aim was to assess how candidates responded to the news and hopefully help them grow. Make positive changes. Trust themselves. Believe me, Layla, it came from a good place.’
‘A good place ? You think putting me through this hell has helped anything? You think making me lie to everyone I love has been a positive experience?’ Layla closed her eyes as the exhaustion of the last few weeks ploughed into her.
The days she had lost, crying in bed over a fate that wasn’t real.
The pain in her chest as she carried the enormous burden alone.
‘You told me I was dying, Saira,’ Layla stated acidly.
‘Only to help you face your fears. You weren’t happy, Layla.
Your body was telling you what to do, but you didn’t trust yourself enough to listen.
We aimed to provide a nudge in the right direction.
You were going to find out the truth soon,’ Saira added, as if that made it better.
‘The plan was to tell candidates the true purpose of the experiment when the ten weeks were up, then evaluate the progress they’d made in that time. ’
‘Progress?’ Layla spat. ‘My life isn’t better than it was before, Saira. The world feels scarier than ever now. I thought you’d become a friend. I thought you were on my side.’
‘Layla, I am on—’
‘No!’ Layla’s shout made Maya jump. ‘I participated under false pretences. I deserved the truth.’
Saira’s excuses echoed down the line, but Layla was no longer listening. Without another word, she hung up.
Seconds later, her phone lit up with a call from Saira. Layla watched it ring out.
‘Layla,’ Maya said gently, nudging her sister. ‘Layla, it’s okay.’
‘It’s not,’ Layla replied, tears welling in her eyes. ‘I let him go for nothing, Maya. I let him go.’