Chapter 48 Angus
The Life Experiment: Daily Questionnaire
Property of OPM Discoveries
What are two things you are grateful for today?
The team of oncologists working with Mum. They’re miracle workers
How busy Hugo’s House is keeping me
What are you struggling with today?
Missing Layla. Same as yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that
Do you have any additional notes on what you would like to discuss in your upcoming counselling session?
Unless you know how I can win Layla back, the answer is no
Sunlight filtered through the trees, illuminating Gilly and Peter’s dining room with soft light. Angus smiled at the brilliant blue sky. It looked like a snapshot of summer, not winter. An illusion of the most beautiful kind.
‘Are you going to bring me that water or stand there like a statue?’ Gilly called from across the room.
Stifling an affectionate eye-roll, Angus made his way to her. ‘You know, you’re quite bossy when you paint.’
‘I’m not bossy. I’m commanding.’
‘Are you? I hadn’t noticed.’ As Angus handed his mother her drink, they shared a smile. Going toe to toe with Gilly, Angus had learned, was a way to earn her smiles.
Standing back, he watched his mother take a drink. There was life to Gilly’s features that hadn’t been there a few days ago. Two pink splodges coloured her cheeks, a relief to Angus and his father. In fact, things with Gilly were going so well, Peter had even gone out for the day to play golf.
As Gilly took another sip of water, her eyes traced the canvas on the easel in front of her.
She had been working on something all morning.
So far, Angus hadn’t been allowed to look at it.
It was one of the things that surprised him most after gifting Gilly the paints.
In all other aspects of life, Gilly Fairview-Whitley was confident and self-assured, but when it came to her creativity, she was surprisingly shy.
When Angus perched on the edge of the dining table, Gilly set down her paintbrush. ‘Have you given Manet a run for his money?’ he asked.
‘His title is secure, but I must say, I’m quite proud of this.’
Angus’s eyebrows raised. ‘Really? May I see?’
‘I suppose you had better, seeing as I painted it for you,’ Gilly said.
‘For me?’
‘Yes, you. Don’t look so surprised, Angus. I have been known to do nice things from time to time.’
Unable to hide his smile at this unexpected turn of events, Angus lifted himself from the table. But before he could reach the canvas, Gilly put out a hand to stop him.
‘Before you look, I want to say that you don’t have to use it. I know you’ve been having trouble finding a logo for Hugo’s House, that’s all. I thought if I can’t steer you away from a life surrounded by death, then I might as well do my part. So, I gave designing a logo a go.’
If Angus thought his mother painting something for him was touching, then it being for Hugo’s House was something else entirely. Stepping closer to the canvas, he took in his mother’s creation.
A simple structure of a house, not quite cartoonish but not quite realistic either, sat in the centre of the space. With one side green and the other blue, the colours blended into each other in seamless, fluid brushstrokes to create a solid, undeniable building.
‘I used your favourite colour and Hugo’s,’ Gilly said. ‘It’s a simple palette. You can change it if you like, but—’
‘It’s perfect,’ Angus breathed. ‘You’ve brought Hugo’s House to life.’
Turning to his mother, Angus watched happiness light Gilly up from the inside, until the sound of approaching footsteps broke the moment. There was a jarring urgency to them, making Angus want nothing more than to stop whoever was coming from entering the room.
Especially once he saw who it was.
‘Jasper, Clarissa, what a pleasant surprise,’ Gilly enthused.
Angus was surprised to hear how sincere Gilly sounded.
The Marshall-Haiteses and Dowesses had learned of Gilly’s cancer after her infection forced Peter to come clean.
Still, Angus would have thought his mother would baulk at the idea of anyone seeing her in her dressing gown near midday.
‘Lovely to see you as always, Gilly,’ Jasper boomed, striding into the space. Angus bristled as Jasper inspected the canvas. ‘Well, you’ve certainly been keeping busy.’
‘Hello,’ Clarissa said, avoiding Angus’s gaze as she smiled warmly at Gilly. ‘Mother sends her love. She’ll pop in when she’s back from Edinburgh on Thursday, if you’re free.’
‘I suppose I could make time,’ Gilly replied, but her delight shone through her haughty tone.
‘Wonderful, I’ll let her know. What are you painting?’
Angus cut in before his mother could answer Clarissa’s question. ‘What are you both doing here?’
‘Well, obviously, we wanted to visit Gilly,’ Jasper replied. ‘But also, we need to talk to you.’
Confused, Angus prepared to take them elsewhere to talk privately, but Gilly grabbed his arm. ‘Stay. It’s been so long since I’ve had a visitor. I would love to catch up with you all.’
Unable to deny her, Angus gestured to the table and chairs. Jasper and Clarissa took a seat, and Angus followed suit. As he moved, he noticed how tight Clarissa’s shoulders were.
‘Is everything okay?’ Angus asked once they were seated.
‘That depends,’ Jasper replied. ‘What’s your definition of okay?’
Angus’s lips pressed together, worried. There was a playfulness to Jasper he didn’t trust. No doubt he was there to rope Angus into some harebrained scheme or night out, but Angus hadn’t touched a sip of alcohol in days.
He wanted to keep it that way. He felt clearer, sharper, more level-headed.
Besides, the last time he’d had a drink, he’d been sat in a wine bar, waiting on Layla.
She’d never arrived.
Angus had called. Texted. Called again, but no reply ever came.
It had taken him two hours to accept that Layla wasn’t coming. Two hours for heartbreak to sink its teeth into him once more. Downing the rest of his drink, Angus left the bar.
When he reached home, worry hit. Was Layla hurt? Had something happened to her en route? He tried contacting her again with the same result.
A few days later, Angus saw three dots indicating Layla was typing.
She never sent a response.
As his fingers moved to text Jasper and see if he wanted to meet for drinks, Angus had stopped, unnerved.
He didn’t want to go drinking to numb his pain.
He didn’t want to rely on that crutch or be a person who couldn’t process their emotions.
For years, Angus had lived with the consequences of that.
His behaviour had already let his family down once. He wouldn’t let it happen again.
So, the no-drink rule was implemented. It was a vow Angus planned to maintain, no matter how convincing Jasper was.
As an impish grin took over Jasper’s face, Angus’s patience wavered, and he steeled himself for the finest display of manipulation he’d ever been on the receiving end of.
‘You’re going to love me,’ Jasper chimed, leaning back in his seat and grinning.
‘Jasper, we already love you,’ Gilly joked, but when she looked between her son’s flat expression and his friend’s cheeky one, her smile faltered. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘It is now. Not that you’d know it from looking at Angus. Don’t be so serious, my friend,’ Jasper chided. ‘This is a good thing! Clarissa and I have found the key to ending your moping.’
‘I’m not moping,’ Angus protested, but Jasper shook his head.
‘You’re a moper, Angus. It’s quite annoying, especially when you won’t say why. I’ve been trying to figure out what could have gotten you so down. We know it can’t be money, so what could it be? Then I bumped into Clarissa.’
A subtle blush coloured Clarissa’s fair skin when she spoke. ‘I told him about our run-in at the park, with your friend Layla.’
‘Who’s Layla?’ Gilly asked.
‘Exactly!’ Jasper replied. ‘Who is she and why has she broken my best friend’s heart?’
Heat burned the back of Angus’s neck as he felt his mother’s eyes on him.
‘Your heart is broken?’
‘I know, Gilly. I didn’t think he had a heart to break either,’ Jasper quipped.
‘Anyway, I wanted to find out who this mysterious Layla was. See about fixing things for our boy here. And seeing as you so rudely never introduced us, I had to do a little digging. With Clarissa’s help, of course.
You should see her skills, Angus. It’s quite frightening, actually.
Five minutes on social media and bingo! She found her. ’
‘It helped that I’d seen her, too,’ Clarissa added.
‘Needless to say, we now know everything there is to know about Layla Cannon. The next step is to use that knowledge to get you back together,’ Jasper said, pulling his phone from his pocket, but Angus groaned.
‘Jasper, please. I messed up with Layla. There’s no going back.’
‘There you go moping again. How do you know that?’
‘She was supposed to meet me the other day. She never turned up. If that doesn’t prove that she’s done with me, I don’t know what will.’
A small frown furrowed Jasper’s brow. ‘When exactly was this?’
‘Why does that matter?’
‘It matters more than you might think. What day did she stand you up?’
Sighing, Angus stuck out his jaw. ‘Tuesday.’
Jasper nodded as if he expected as much. Biting his lip, he flicked through his phone. When he handed it over, Layla’s sister’s Facebook profile was loaded.
‘Why are you showing me Maya’s social media?’ Angus asked.
‘Just look,’ Jasper replied.
‘What is it?’ Gilly asked, but Angus could barely hear her over the pounding in his ears. It grew louder as he read the text on the screen. A screenshot of Maya’s status announcing the death of David Cannon and the details of his funeral.
‘Layla’s… Layla’s dad died?’ he whispered.
Jasper nodded. ‘A heart attack. I’m guessing you didn’t know?’
It took everything in Angus to find the energy to shake his head.
As Gilly quizzed Jasper about Layla, Angus’s eyes closed. He thought back to his many conversations with Layla about her family. Her father was her hero, that much was clear. Every word she spoke about him dripped with love and respect… and now he was gone.
‘Why are you showing me this?’ he said gruffly, pushing the phone away.
‘So you can go to her,’ Jasper replied, like it was simple, but Angus shook his head.
‘I can’t.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous, of course you can!
Didn’t you read the death notice? David’s funeral is in three days.
It’s in Hull, another place to cross off your bucket list.’ Jasper laughed at his own joke, but his smile faded when he saw Angus’s pain.
‘Look, I know I’m not always the best friend.
In fact, most of the time I’m a shit one. A bit like you’ve been recently.’
Angus smiled weakly. ‘Can’t say I don’t deserve that.’
‘You do, but it’s okay. Friends forgive each other.
They also point out when their friend is being an idiot.
Well, right now you’re being an idiot, Angus.
I saw how much you cared for Layla. I’m guessing she felt the same.
Trust me, “friends” don’t talk on the phone as often as you two did.
It’s the twenty-first century – we communicate through emojis and likes.
But you two? It was sickening.’ Jasper grunted as Clarissa nudged his side.
‘Sweet, though, I guess. If you’ve found someone you want to talk to that much, don’t walk away from it. ’
‘I’m sorry I didn’t realise that when I met her,’ Clarissa added softly. ‘I was shocked to see you with someone. Hurt too, I suppose.’
‘Don’t worry, one day it’ll all be water under the bridge,’ Jasper replied, patting Clarissa’s hand. ‘All that matters is that Layla forgives Angus for being an idiot.’
Angus tried to find the words to reply, but his throat was tight. Painful memories of Layla stirred in him. Lingering glances and shy smiles and firework touches and the constant, pressing thrill of butterflies… Angus’s time with Layla had meant everything to him. Everything.
But thanks to his lies, it was over.
‘No,’ Angus replied, crossing his arms. ‘Layla wouldn’t want me at her dad’s funeral.’
‘Of course she would! You clearly love her!’ Jasper protested, but Angus shook his head.
‘I hurt her, Jasper. I’m not showing up on the hardest day of her life and doing it again. I appreciate your efforts, but they were wasted.’
Despite Jasper’s protests, Angus stood and began to walk away.
‘Angus,’ Gilly called. Something in her voice stopped him. ‘Angus, remember what we spoke about. Love is being there. It’s showing up, especially when things are hard. It’s saying, “I’m here if you need me”. It’s loving them more than you love yourself.’
‘But Layla won’t want me there. I ruined everything between us.’
‘Did you? Or did you simply give up?’
Anger flamed in Angus, but his retort died on his tongue. Had Angus ever told Layla what she meant to him? Had he ever rested her hand on his chest so she could feel the way his heart pounded when she was close?
Had Angus ever told Layla, plainly and simply, that he loved her?
As his shell-shocked gaze met his mother’s, Gilly offered Angus a gentle smile. ‘Go to her, Angus.’
Swallowing hard, Angus nodded. Gilly was right. He had to go to Layla or he would spend the rest of his life wishing he had.
Maybe now wasn’t the time to delay or ask questions.
Maybe now it was time to do something.