Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”
~ C. S. Lewis
It was unlike Gina to stop her usual routine. She always followed the rules, stuck to a schedule, and planned her life a month in advance thanks to her organisational abilities and beloved gadgets. Lately however, she was preoccupied. Everything else had to take a backseat while she manoeuvred her way through this unplanned path. She kept waiting for the right time to arrive, but it never did.
When was the most appropriate time to leave your husband?
1. During dinner? ‘Could you pass the pepper please, and also, could you move out while you’re at it?’
2. Before bed? ‘Goodnight Marvin. Oh, and goodbye too. I’m leaving in the morning. Forever. ’
3. Or via text message when he was at work? ‘You might want to pick up dinner on the way home, because I’m not cooking tonight. Or ever again.’
See, there would never be a good time. Gina had thought of all potential opportunities. Nevertheless, it had to be done. She decided to wait though, until sometime after Marvin’s fortieth birthday party, which she’d planned months ago. The private function room and set menu at his favourite Italian restaurant had already been paid for as part of a special deal, and was non-refundable. She thought she might as well go and enjoy a nice meal; not cooked by herself for a change, and ensure her husband had an enjoyable evening – a kind of compensation for the grief she was about to cause him. One last family dinner to endure, then she’d leave. Of course, there’d be the usual conversations over wine about football, politics, and whose children were developing the quickest. There’d also be the usual questions like, ‘Any babies on the way yet?’ to which Gina would smile politely and answer, ‘We’ll wait and see.’ Funny, how the workings of one’s reproductive system were considered free for public discussion. They might as well ask, ‘When are you ovulating next?’ or ‘Is your period late?’ or ‘Have you tried different positions?’ while sharing a basket of garlic bread.
Wanting some space, Gina had exchanged the gym workouts with jogs through the park, the fresh air and monotonous activity helping her think. She was in no mood to talk about the issues she was facing at the moment. She needed a reprieve from Naomi’s insistent nature, and she’d told the members of The Life Makeover Club what she needed to do, not wanting to return until her mission was complete.
As they drove home from the restaurant after the birthday dinner, Gina’s nerves quivered like autumn leaves rustling in the breeze, her internal saboteur trying to stop her following through... ‘Don’t leave him, how will he cope without you?’ it’d say, and: ‘How dare you break your marriage vows, you’re disrespecting the commitment you made in front of God.’ She fiddled with the cross hanging from her necklace, her collarbones jutting out as though they were trying to escape. The night breeze pushed past her through the open car window and Marvin injected occasional spurts of conversation her way. It was past ten but her eyes were wide, adrenalin high, and she wondered what life would be like for her this time next month. She’d be single for the first time in years, and had forgotten what it was like.
Where would she go?
What would she do about the mortgage she and Marvin shared?
What if she bumped into him in the city’s lunch hour rush?
These were just some of the issues that Practical and Reliable Gina had been obsessing over the last couple of months. This was her life, not a movie where the damaged woman rushed out the door with a suitcase jammed full with clothing, speeding off in her car, tears blurring her vision as she drove nowhere in particular. Gina wanted to know that when the time came to leave, she would be prepared. Tomorrow, she’d check her savings account, research lawyers who could help her, and make a plan of action.
‘What are you thinking about? You seem off with the fairies,’ asked Marvin.
Gina gulped and let go of her necklace. ‘Oh, nothing much, just mentally planning the coming weeks, you know me. Did you enjoy your dinner? ’
‘If only I could eat that way every night,’ he replied, patting his satisfied belly.
Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence in my cooking. Although Marvin had been pleasant, talkative, and happy tonight, not once did he say ‘thanks’ for Gina’s effort in organising the event. Fair enough, it was his day, and everyone deserved to be spoiled on their birthday, but a little thanks wouldn’t have gone astray. According to Marvin, his birthday wasn’t yet over, and he was expecting more special treatment once they arrived home.
After they each showered, Marvin collapsed onto the lounge with his feet up. ‘How about one of your best foot rubs, honey, for the birthday boy?’ His pathetic puppy dog eyes pleaded. Gina removed a wooden massage roller from the coffee table drawer. ‘No, not with your gadget thingy, with your hands, like you used to.’
‘Oh, right then.’ She placed his feet on her lap and rubbed them, glad they were clean from his shower. With any luck, he’d be in such a state of bliss and post-indulgence drowsiness that he’d fall asleep, and she could retreat to the bedroom by herself.
No such luck.
‘Oh, yes, right there ... oh, that’s good,’ he moaned. ‘Now, how about a back massage?’ Marvin removed his pyjama top and rolled over.
Maybe this would do the trick. She’d wait for the tell-tale snoring, then tiptoe off to bed.
No such luck.
Marvin got up off the lounge, and with a grunt, picked Gina up. ‘Let’s go where it’s more comfortable.’ He had that look in his eye; that look, which when they first got together, she welcomed, but now dreaded.
There’d be no way out of this tonight. It was his birthday, and she was worried what might happen if she said she didn’t feel like it. He placed her on the bed and she braced herself. This will be the last time.
Gina’s effort on Marvin’s birthday seemed to satisfy him for the next few weeks, though she had to fake a mild migraine a couple of times and pretend it was ‘that time of the month’ another time. But she couldn’t keep doing that forever. It was almost time; she was nearly ready to leave. She’d found a lawyer she trusted, and organised enough money to take care of expenses. Next on the list would be finding somewhere to stay. First though, there was one little thing she had to do now that Marvin had left for work, as pointless as it seemed...
While waiting, she cleaned her teeth with her electric toothbrush until the in-built two-minute timer beeped, ensuring all the plaque and tartar had most certainly been removed. She ran a tube of lip gloss over her lips and pressed them together, then did what she’d done so many times before – picked up the pregnancy test stick and sighed at the negative result, whether from disappointment or relief she wasn’t sure. But this time there were two pink lines. Was her vision just blurry? She blinked, brought the test closer to her eyes, then held it further away. One line was fainter than the other, but it was most certainly there.
She stumbled backwards.
Two lines. Not one, two. Two means positive. Pregnant .
Oh my God.
Her breaths came in short, sharp bursts, and her bottom lip quivered. This couldn’t be happening. She paced around the bathroom as though lost in a maze with no exit, round and round in circles. I thought I couldn’t ... Why did it happen, why now?
She sat on the edge of the bath for a minute. Dazed, her eyes fixed on the test stick which now really blurred under her gaze, she moved slowly out of the bathroom and into the bedroom.
The bedroom door banged open. ‘I forgot my watch...’ Marvin rushed in, then stopped and stared as Gina looked up to face him. ‘Is that what I think it is?’ he asked. ‘Oh, don’t worry if it’s another negative, we’ll get there eventually.’ He came closer and glanced at the stick.
‘It’s positive.’ The words, barely audible, floated out of Gina’s mouth.
He grasped the stick, eyes wide and mouth gaping. ‘You’re pregnant?’ He looked at her then back at the test. ‘You’re pregnant!’ He put the stick on the bedside table, grasped Gina’s arms, and in her numb state she almost toppled over like a rag doll. ‘Oh, honey, I knew you could do it! This was always meant to be. Our own Little Longwood to carry on the family name!’ He enveloped her in his arms, and she adjusted her cheek sideways against his shoulder so she could breathe under his tight embrace.
Meant to be. Is it really?
Is this a sign that I’m meant to stay?
He pulled back and she looked into his eyes beaming with pride.
I have to stay now. I have to.