Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
DELANEY
T he leather of the steering wheel creaked beneath my hands as I stared at my white knuckles, mesmerized by the sight for some reason. It was better than looking up and seeing the house I’d grown up in, which was so different now. What had once been a place of warmth and comfort looked so empty.
I’d been sitting in the rental car for nearly an hour now, avoiding the inevitability of stepping through that front door. What was I even going to find inside? It wouldn’t be my father’s welcoming arms and a fire blazing away in the fireplace. It wouldn’t be the smell of dinner drifting through the house as I frantically tried to finish the last piece of homework.
Those days were gone now.
This place, which had once been a home, had transformed into nothing more than an empty old house. Even the memories felt covered in dust. It had been that long since I’d let myself think of them.
My stomach loudly complained as my back screamed about the hours I’d spent driving. It was enough for me to push the ignition button and turn the car around. The house could wait. Everything could wait. It had been a long night. I was exhausted and hungry, and if I was going to step foot inside town, I might as well do it now when there wouldn’t be as many people around. If I showed my face in the right place, I could use the town gossip to my advantage. Get word spreading about my return, and then hopefully, there would be less chance of those awkward reunions later down the line. And, of course, I meant a certain someone. The sooner Trace knew I was back in town, the sooner he could start avoiding me, and I wouldn’t have to deal with looking at his face. Because there was no way he’d want to reminisce about the time he dumped me when I was pregnant, and I didn’t have the willpower to deal with him today.
Trace had come out of this with everything in his life exactly how he wanted it. I’d been the one to run and hide, leaving everything behind. If he was anywhere near a decent human being, he’d be the one to hide his face for the next few days. Then I was gone. There was nothing left here for me, anyway.
Driving into town, it felt strange to see everything looking the same. This place never changed. Well, not that much. That was part of its charm, along with the clean streets and the cute business fronts looking out to the grass square with the gazebo in the center.
The streets were virtually empty at this point of the day. Most people would only just be waking up to start their day. Soon, the streets would be filled with people heading to work and kids making their way to school. And I didn’t want to be around when that started.
I pulled the car into a space outside the bakery and took a breath to steady myself before climbing out. It was strange seeing the medical practice closed up. Apparently, some things did change.
The bakery was a community hub in Willowbrook. Most people stopped by throughout the week and Marie, who had run the place since I was a kid, was always on hand for a comforting hug and a word of advice whenever you needed one. She also knew absolutely everything that was happening in town, and while she was a vault of secrets if you needed her to be, she was also the easiest way to spread information that you wanted to reach the rest of town.
The bell chimed as I opened the door, and I was hit with the smell of pastry and chocolate. This place was honestly the best in the mornings when it was quiet and filled with the smell of what was baking for the day.
The white tile floor was the same as it had always been, but the cute café style tables and chairs had been updated some time while I’d been away.
“I’ll be right with you,” Marie shouted from the back as I made my way to the glass cases to drool over what she had on offer.
All the breakfast pastries were lined up in golden rows of deliciousness, and my stomach groaned at the sight. There was nothing like one of Marie’s croissants, and my mouth was already watering at the thought of them.
She bustled into the shop front carrying a tray loaded with cookies and the same smile on her face that I’d seen there every day of my childhood. As soon as her eyes locked with mine, her feet tripped and she staggered forward, balancing the tray carefully before she gently placed it on top of the counter.
Neither of us spoke. She looked just the same as she always had, with her flour-dusted apron tied over her bakery uniform and her hair pulled back into a neat ponytail. It was nearly completely gray now rather than the pepper-dusted black it had been when I’d last seen her. A stark reminder that too many years had passed and a strange sense of guilt whelmed at the thought.
I’d turned my back on so much when I’d run from Willowbrook. So many people who had been a fixture in my everyday life. And I didn’t look back. Thinking about it now, I was beginning to think that I’d made a mistake, and as Marie rushed around the counter and wrapped me in her arms, I knew it for a certainty.
These people might have whispered and gossiped, but they never would have turned their backs on me. It was me that had turned away, and with the loss of my father sitting so heavily on my shoulders right now, I was starting to feel ashamed of what I’d done.
“Delaney.” She released me from her embrace, only to hold me at arm’s length as her gaze raked across my face. “You always were beautiful, and you’ve only grown more so with time. I’ve missed you, sweet girl.”
She hugged me again, and I held her back just as tightly. The tears pricked in my eyes for so many reasons, and they finally started to fall as she bustled me into one of the chairs and took a seat across the table from me, holding my hands on the tabletop as if she was afraid to let me go.
“It’s good to see you again, Marie.”
I meant it. There was a reason why I came here first, and it wasn’t just because I wanted the news of my temporary return to spread as quickly as possible. I’d missed this place, missed Marie.
Then that motherly frown crossed her face as she lightly scowled at me. “Ten years, young lady! Not one phone call in the whole time. If it wasn’t for your father assuring me he hadn’t buried you out behind the barn, I’d have been convinced you were dead.”
I winced at her words because she was right. I hadn’t told anyone anything. I was so heartbroken by Trace’s rejection that I hadn’t wanted to step foot in town. All I could think about was running as far as I could as fast as I could. I might have only made it four hundred miles or so into the city, but it was far enough to feel like I could start again. And the only way I’d ever have the strength to do that was to make Cade my complete world and forget about the life I’d left behind.
Marie sighed in resignation when I didn’t respond immediately. “Let me get you some coffee and something to eat, and we can chat while I wait for the muffin timer.”
I knew she was busy, and I equally knew that meant she didn’t have time to sit here with me, catching up on what she’d missed and telling me everything that was going on in town. But I couldn’t bring myself to refuse. I needed this small sliver of the old normalcy before facing my childhood home again.
“That would be really nice. Thanks, Marie.”
She nodded and smiled before bustling away back behind the counter and starting up the coffee machine.
I watched her for a moment, but it didn’t take long for my eyes to be drawn to the windows and Willowbrook starting to come to life for another morning. A few cars passed by, none that I recognized, but I guessed that was one more thing that would have changed while I was away.
Was Trace even still here anymore? I knew his parents had plans for him to take the reins of the family business, but we’d always daydreamed about leaving for college and never coming back. Instead, we’d find a tiny apartment in the city and strike out on our own, living off ramen and forging our own paths.
All the memories I’d had of Trace were tainted now by my last day in Willowbrook. It had felt so real at the time, but we were just two kids surviving the small-town existence. Now that I was an adult, I could see it for what it was: nothing but a lie that we told ourselves until we were ready to move on to the next step in our journey.
He’d been so convincing back then of his dreams of our future together. Had it always been a lie? Did he ever think we’d actually do it, or was he just going along with my dreams while killing his time with me?
The bell at the door rang as someone came into the shop, but my mind was too stuck in the past to really be concerned about the next customer talking to Marie.
It took me a moment to realize that someone was standing next me and a split second longer for it to register that they were talking to me.
“Are you even listening to me?” the voice hissed.
Shaking off the haze of doubt and grief, I turned to see Chelsea’s angry face glaring down at me. It was so strange to see this older version of her. Judging by the smudged mascara under her eyes and the sour alcohol smell now smothering me, she was on her way home rather than just getting going for the morning.
My father had told me about her engagement with Trace. At least they’d had the decency to wait until after college before she’d swooped in and taken my place at his side.
“Chelsea?”
I’d never blamed her for telling Trace about the pregnancy. She’d been so shocked when she found out, and she’d tried to get me to tell someone what was going on, but I’d been so freaked out and needed time to try to get my mind around my new reality. What had happened afterward was always going to happen. Chelsea wasn’t the one who made Trace turn away from me or his family to see me as the problem. Truth be told, that was what his mother had always thought of me. All she did was move up the timescale. I didn’t even blame her for marrying Trace. She was still here, and I wasn’t. I’d started a different life away from this place.
“I should have known you’d turn up again,” she seethed. The anger in her eyes registered with me now, along with the confusion about what it was that I was supposed to have done. “He’s mine, Delaney. Whatever you had is done and gone. You need to leave Trace alone.”
I reared back in confusion as she leaned over me. I knew I should say something, but the realization that a lot of people were going to come to the same conclusion was something I hadn’t considered at all. What if that was what Trace thought?
“Chelsea, look, it’s not what you think. I’m just here to deal with my father’s affairs. I couldn’t care less about Trace and whatever he’s doing. As soon as I have things wrapped up, I’ll be heading back to my own life. The less time I can spend here, the better. I have absolutely no intention of getting involved with him or your marriage. Trust me, Trace Farrington has nothing that I want.”
It was the first time I’d really said the words aloud, and yet, they didn’t feel right. Not when I was sitting in this place and finally confronting the past I’d run from. Because Trace did have something I wanted.
An apology.
The problem was, I doubted I’d ever get one from him. One thing was for certain: the Trace I’d known was long gone, if he’d ever existed at all.
Chelsea glared down at me, her fists clenching at her sides, and for a moment I worried she was about to hit me. But then Marie was there, herding her away, her scoff of disappointment ringing through the air. Ten years ago, that sound would have had me quaking in my boots, and if I was honest, I could feel it now as well. Chelsea, on the other hand, didn’t seem quite as affected as she started to argue and try to push herself free as Marie opened the door for her.
“We don’t need your business this morning, Chelsea. Go home. Sober up. I’ll have words for you later, missy.”
I was still gaping in shock, staring at the door, when Marie slid a coffee and a croissant in front of me.
“Always a problem with that one recently,” she muttered as she sat back in her seat with her own breakfast in front of her.
All I could think was that I hadn’t come back for Trace but that everyone was going to assume the same thing. No matter what I said, they’d never believe anything I said as soon as Cade got here. All they’d see was a young mother standing on the Farrington doorstep with her hand held out, and that couldn’t be any further from the truth.
I’d never taken anything from that family, and I had the evidence sitting in my wallet like a morbid reminder anytime I had a weak moment and thought about coming home.
“My dad died,” I blurted out as the fear of facing the whispered judgment of the town shadowed my mind.
When I looked up and saw Marie’s face, I knew I’d made a mistake. This wasn’t something you just blurted out in front of a lifetime friend.
Her eyes filled with tears as every drop of color drained from her face. But then she surprised me because she reached across the table and grabbed my hands. “Oh, my sweet girl. I’m so, so sorry.”
I didn’t know what I’d expected, but that she thought of me and my feelings first had me shaking my head in denial. Because I wasn’t okay. There was nothing about this situation that was okay.
“He didn’t tell me he was sick. I…I’m not ready for this. I thought we had time, and now all I can think about is how I neglected him all this time to the point where he couldn’t even come to me…”
It all rushed out of me. All the grief, the guilt.
“Oh, sweetheart. No. I can guarantee you that is not at all what your father thought. He loved you more than anything. He was always in here bragging about how well you were doing and what an incredible mother you’ve become. He saw so much of your own mother in you, and he’s so proud of the young man that Cade is growing up to be.”
“Cade? You know about Cade?”
I looked around at the empty bakery as if I was going to find the answer to my confusion sitting at another table. Did everyone know about Cade or was this a secret my father had shared with Marie?
“Of course, I know about Cade.” She laughed, even if it was a sad one. “Your father is always in here showing me his photographs and telling me about his baseball team.”
I was so confused. All the questions were blending together in my head and every time one came to the surface, it sounded so awful and accusing. But at the forefront of my mind were the papers I’d signed, even if I was pretty sure they wouldn’t hold up in court, saying that I couldn’t tell anyone that Trace was Cade’s father.
Marie must have been able to see that I was feeling overwhelmed as she gripped my hand tighter, silently waiting for me to be able to voice what was going on in my head.
“I didn’t know everyone here knew about Cade and why I left,” I muttered quietly. “I…I don’t think I ever really knew my father at all, did I?”
Marie’s face broke with sympathy, and she tipped her head to the side as she thought. “I don’t think we ever really know our parents as people. It’s one of the hardest jobs in the world, which you no doubt already know. But Barrett was a proud man, and I could see him thinking that he didn’t want to burden anyone else if he was sick, the foolish old goat.”
I laughed then because it reminded me so much of the playful jibes they always had for each other every time I’d been in here with my dad as a kid. There had been a time when I’d thought the two of them could even possibly start something together, but my dad never really got over the loss of my mother enough to consider another relationship.
“Do you think he was happy?”
“I think he had everything in his life that he wanted, honey. Maybe he could have had more, but I don’t think he really had the space for it. That doesn’t mean he wasn’t happy. He had you, and then he had Cade. You guys might not have been able to spend as much time with him as you would have wanted, but you were never far from his thoughts.”
I nodded sadly. I had pushed Willowbrook so far out of my life that I’d even pushed a part of my father away with it. I’d always regret that.
“Delaney…Cade’s father…” She didn’t say anything else, but I could see the question in her eyes. It was the same one everyone would have.
I hadn’t considered what to say. Trace probably wouldn’t step up and take responsibility, and I didn’t even know if I’d want him to. He had his own life now, and we weren’t a part of it. We didn’t really need him. But I didn’t want Cade to come here and have people gossiping where he would hear.
“He’s not in our life,” I ended up saying. It was the truth, after all. Even if it wasn’t the whole truth.
Marie nodded slowly. I could already see her filling in the gaps of what I was saying. She’d seen Cade’s picture, so she’d know the truth. Anyone who could do basic math and saw his face would immediately know Cade was Trace’s son. He looked so much like him it was impossible to miss.
“That family,” she hissed, turning her head to the side as if she didn’t want me to see the look on her face. Then Marie shook it off as she took a sip of her coffee. “I’ll start to let people know about your father, sweetheart. Hopefully, that should take some of the burden off you, but if there’s anything else I can do, don’t hesitate to ask.”
“Thanks, Marie.”
I quickly finished my croissant and drank the last cold mouthful of coffee before standing up. “I’m going to head up to the house to see what needs doing.”
She walked me to the door before we shared one final embrace. “Don’t you dare leave without saying goodbye to me this time,” Marie whispered. “And make sure you come back soon with that boy of yours. I’ll have some of your favorite cookies waiting, and we can catch up before the funeral.”
“As soon as everything is arranged, you’ll be the first to know,” I reassured her.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Delaney.”
And I knew she wouldn’t. Most of the town would be there. My father had lived in Willowbrook his entire life, and our family roots ran deep here. It would be a sad day in town the day we laid Barrett James to rest.