Chapter 10
ten
. . .
Alternatives
Present Day
taven
Friday, 10:34pm
I step out of Desiree’s hospital room to speak to Melissa in private. She looks at me quizzically, wondering what I’m up to, I’m sure. I might be wondering the same thing.
The doctor had told us Desiree could be released, but that she needed to be with someone for the next forty-eight hours, in case any other symptoms came up. No more music festival, just rest. We were to watch for things like dizzy spells, forgetfulness, hearing issues given the ringing she was having in her ears, or shortness of breath. Desiree had pushed back, stating that she was a pediatrician, she knew what to look out for and didn’t need babysitting, that she just wanted to get back to her house and rest. Melissa had laughed and patted her leg, telling her, “Over my dead body am I leaving you alone. I’ll stay with you.” Desiree insisted it wasn’t necessary .
Desiree and Melissa were staying at a hotel for the weekend, some spot that was no-frills and meant only for a place to crash. I cringed when Melissa informed the doctor of where they were staying, knowing it was a shitty place. Poor planning and everything else was booked, Desiree explained when I asked why the fuck they were staying at such a shady motel.
Desiree still lives in our hometown, about two hours away from here. Melissa, an actress with sporadic momentum, lives in New York. She was in Ohio for a few weeks, staying with her family between jobs.
All this gave me an idea. When the doc delivered the information that Desiree needed monitoring, the thought popped in. I’d take Desiree back to my place, keep an eye on her. I live much closer, she wouldn’t have to drive home late at night, I told myself.
Really, I’m just hell-bent on this unexpected encounter not being the last we see of one another. It’s been five years since I’ve laid eyes on her. It’s like she’s brand new to me all over again. I need more time with her, have to get to know this full-fledged woman who’s always had my heart. And now that the idea has entered my mind, there’s no way I can get it out.
I lead Melissa to a quiet spot at the end of the hall, and she crosses her arms and waits for me to speak. When I hesitate, she starts the conversation for me.
“What are you up to, Carlisle? Why the clandestine meeting here?” Her eyes dart over to a passing nurse as she waits for me to explain.
I run my hand through my hair, nervous to share my proposition. “Let me take Desiree back to my place,” I finally say. “It’s late, your hotel is no place for rest and relaxation, and my house is only thirty minutes from here.”
She looks back at me, a baffled expression clear on her face. “What? Your place?”
“Yes.” It’s killing me that Melissa’s looking at me like I’m crazy. Like Desiree isn’t one of the most important things to me in the world, despite the hell we’ve been through. I don’t like that her best friend’s expression is full of doubt.
She narrows her eyes at me. “Why would she do that?”
I try and think of some kind of good excuse. “Because,” I shrug, hoping it appears casual. “It’s a shorter drive to my place. In case Desiree doesn’t feel well sitting in the car.” It sounds weak, even to my own ears, but it’s all I can come up with.
Melissa shakes her head, eyebrow arched. “She seems alright.”
“But she lives alone, right?”
That part hadn’t passed me. I perked up with hope when the doctor asked if Desiree lived with anyone, and she responded no. I hoped that meant she was still single. At the very least, it meant she wasn’t married. “And she doesn’t have a…a significant other or anything like that?” Melissa shakes her head no once again, and I feel about a thousand pounds lighter. “Then I’ll take her back to my place and keep an eye on her.”
She glares at me, and I’m reminded of how vocal Melissa could always be with her opinions. “And how would Evelyn feel about Desiree Hatson staying with you?”
Shit. I know it’s a bad idea on that front. A twinge of guilt creeps in, but I try and push it aside. I’ll figure Evelyn out later. She’s out of town and doesn’t live with me anyway. Right now, all I know is that Desiree Hatson, my Dazzle , popped up in my life with a goddamn lightning strike, she’s in need of care, and I’m going to be the one to give it. That’s it, there’s no budging on that.
I rehash some semblance of that explanation to Melissa’s startled eyes, hoping she gets it.
She unwinds her arms with a sigh. “God, you two are exhausting, you know that?”
I let out a nervous laugh. “I think I know better than anyone, other than her, how exhausting we are.”
She pulls her thumbnail up to her mouth, contemplating. “You realize if her dad finds out she so much is talking to you, let alone staying with you, he’ll probably disown her. He blames your family for ruining him back when he was still in Ohio.”
I slip a hand in my pocket and lean against the wall, willing myself to settle the anger that flares up at hearing Melissa mention Frank Hatson. “Funny,” I say, gaze focused on the exit sign at the end of the hall. “I think it’s my family that has every right to be the ones hating him , not the other way around.”
Melissa pops her hands up and to her sides in defense. “Look, I don’t know what the hell happened between your parents and Frank, some business deal gone bad bullshit or whatever, nor do I care.”
“It’s more than that,” I whisper.
She looks up at me, expression stony. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It’s a long story.” I drop my head down and consider how to sidestep this most unwelcome detour in the conversation. “Forget I said anything.”
A few beats pass. Some more scrub-clad staff scurry past us, and I wonder what I’m going to do if Melissa decides to veto my idea, all because she thinks she’s protecting Desiree from me or the wrath of her father.
She finally lets out another sigh. “Whatever. I have a feeling I don’t even want to know.”
“You don’t.”
“The point is, this is fucking weird, Taven.”
I step forward and gesture down the hall to Desiree’s room. “She had an accident,” I press. “Why is me wanting to take care of her so hard to accept?”
“Because you haven’t seen her in five years, maybe?” She widens her eyes at me as if to tell me I’m an idiot. “That, and you’re suggesting taking her back to your place where you have a fiancée ? — ”
“Evelyn doesn’t live with me,” I cut in. “And things have been a bit…tense.” She glares at me. We stare in silence at one another.
I look away. “I apologize for interrupting. Go on, you were saying?”
She lets out a sarcastic laugh and shakes her head. “I don’t even know. I just can’t believe you’re here. I mean, what are the odds?” I breathe a little relief at the small smile she gives me.
“Apparently lightning and running into each other again are our odds.”
“Insane odds,” she concludes with an eye roll.
“Agreed,” I say. “So, what do you think? Run with it?” I look her square in the eyes, my expression pleading. “I’ll take care of her, I promise. You can pummel me if I don’t.”
“That does sound like fun. You deserve a pummel or two.” I only nod, waiting for her to make some kind of decision, knowing this is only step one. Step two is getting Desiree herself on board. Her rejecting the idea and throwing me out of her hospital room is far more terrifying to me than the woman before me.
Melissa finally speaks. “My head is saying take my girl home and get her far away from you and this proposition to take her back to your place, but…”
“But?” I ask with hope.
“But my heart is whispering a little something else.”
I smile. “What might that be?”
“Can I ask you something?”
“I have no doubt I couldn’t stop you if I tried.”
She smiles at that, a genuine smile that shows me a glimmer of the friendship we all once had years before. As a bunch of kids, no care in the world. “Glad you still know me,” she says.
“Most people never change who they are at the core,” I say through a smile.
She raises her eyebrows. “That’s what scares me.” I know what she’s insinuating. That she’s worried I haven’t changed. I don’t bother explaining that I’m still me, just the best version of it.
“So what are you trying to ask?” I prompt.
Melissa was always a bit of a gatekeeper for Desiree. As kids, and it’s clear she is again now. Which makes me happy for them both, really. There was a time during college when Melissa wasn’t talking to Daz, and while my girl would put on a tough front, I know it hurt her.
I also know that Desiree has a boundless amount of forgiveness in her heart, something I love about her. I selfishly hope that forgiveness could extend to me. Maybe we could start fresh, though I realize it’s a big request. But we’ve had time. Space. And now here we are, back to the beginning, two adults with an opportunity to get to know one another yet again. There’s hope in that.
Melissa looks up at me, eyes narrowed. “Answer me this, Taven. Do you still love Dez?”
I pull my head back, surprised by the forwardness of her question. “I’ve never stopped loving her.”
“Yeah, okay. But I mean like, really love her? Fiancée and drama bullshit history aside, do you love her?”
“Yes,” I say without hesitation.
“And what do you expect to happen in the next forty-eight hours exactly?”
I lean back against the wall and breathe in the smell of antiseptic. “I want to say that I’m taking it minute to minute here, just following my gut and that I have no fucking idea, but I guess that’s a lie.”
“So what’s the truth?” I look at Melissa’s face and see an even bigger smile breaking through.
I go for broke. “That I’m madly in love with her,” I blurt out, surprising myself at how quickly and easily the words come.
I think about the nights I’ve spent holding any other woman in my arms, yet wondering where Desiree was or if she’s okay. Reaching for my phone to call her and chickening out, knowing she deserves better than me. My mind runs through the countless times I’d had my chances with her, and screwed it up, letting messes, initially fueled by our families, get in the way. And then later, my own messes .
I look back at Melissa and search her eyes from some kind of understanding, or belief in what I’m trying to tell her. “Mel, I’ve always been in love with Desiree, since I was sixteen years old, and probably even before,” I admit. “I’m hoping tonight is a sign from the universe that we are meant to figure this thing out once and for all. And that I have exactly forty-eight hours to undo a cycle of fuck-ups and bullshit that has kept us apart. To undo damages done by our families. To clarify things and make it right.”
Melissa lets out a whistle. “Tall order. That all?”
I tell her that’s all. And that it’s everything. And I have no fucking clue what I’m doing.
She tells me to give her my keys, that she’ll be right back, she’s going to their hotel to pack Desiree’s things.
When I return to the room and approach Desiree with the plan, by some strange miracle, my Dazzle says yes. Says there’s no other place she can think of that she’d rather be.
It shouldn’t surprise me, because whenever we’re around each other we’ve always been right back to the natural rhythm of us , no matter how much time had passed in between. But I’m surprised and relieved, nonetheless. I tell her so, and Desiree tells me I shouldn’t be. We exchange a silent look of mutual understanding.
Evelyn’s name never even comes up.