Chapter 48
The Old Post Office is heaving. The regular swimming crew are here, plus Kate’s new mum friends. Jay has been busy making cups of tea for everyone, Rosie in the sling, watching everything with fascination. When Phoebe and Luca arrive on the doorstep, still dripping wet, Kate sends them straight up to the bathroom, lending them clean towels and dry clothes from her and Jay’s wardrobes.
Now they’re all sitting in the small living room on an assortment of chairs and cushions. Jay stands by Kate’s side with a hand placed on her shoulder. He might not be a swimmer, but he knows how much it means to her and how much the river has come to mean to her too.
Every time she glances again at the headline of the Avon Times which is spread out on the coffee table, she can’t quite believe it. Not their river. She might only have been swimming there for a short space of time, but it’s down on the riverbank and among these women that she has found herself again. She can’t afford to lose that. Just the thought of going back to the dark place she has been in for so long makes her shiver. She can’t let that happen, not for herself and not for Jay and Rosie either.
‘Well, this is bloody awful,’ says Sandra. She leans forward and reaches for a biscotti. Luca had briefly nipped down the lane to the deli for supplies. Kate likes him already. She wants to grill Phoebe about the date, but every time she looks at them and sees their damp hair, all she can think about is the river.
‘I can’t believe we’ve been swimming in, like, sewage,’ says Hester.
‘Or that the water company is able to get away with dumping literal crap into our river,’ says Jazz.
‘I fed my baby as soon as I got back from our first swim,’ says Lexi, shuddering. ‘I mean, I wiped myself with a wet wipe, but …’
Kate glances at Rosie, thinking the same thing.
‘So, no more swimming, then?’ asks Phoebe.
‘Or rowing,’ adds Luca, looking just as dejected as everyone else.
‘You don’t know how much that river means to me,’ says Sandra, her voice far quieter than usual.
‘I know, we all love it there,’ says Kate, passing her an understanding smile. But Sandra shakes her head.
‘There’s something I need to tell you. It’s about my father.’ She sniffs loudly. ‘We were always so close. My mum died when I was young, you see, so, for most of my life, it was just me and Dad and my sister. He wasn’t at all fazed by having two daughters – he did everything with us, playing with us, taking us swimming, learning how to do our hair. And when we grew up, he became an amazing grandfather too, so hands-on and involved.’
‘He sounds great,’ says Kate.
Sandra sniffs again.
‘He was. And the river was his favourite place in the world.’
There’s quiet as everyone takes in the meaning of Sandra’s words.
‘He passed away a year ago. He might have been eighty-five, but the truth is, I still miss him every day.’
‘What was his name?’ Kate asks quietly, already guessing the answer.
‘Thank you for asking. His name was Bert.’
Kate blinks rapidly, a lump in her throat, and notices that the other women’s eyes have grown shiny too.
‘When I came here the week after Dad died, that’s when I saw the kingfisher for the first time. It’s not that I think my father has actually been reincarnated as a kingfisher – I’m not totally bonkers – but whenever I’m at the river, I feel him around me. “Morning Has Broken” was his favourite hymn. We sang it at his funeral and whenever I sing it, I think of him.’
‘Oh, Sandra,’ is all Kate can manage to say.
‘I’m so sorry,’ says Phoebe, reaching out a hand and squeezing Sandra’s arm.
‘I haven’t told you everything either,’ says Jazz suddenly. The others look in her direction and she takes a deep breath, brushing her curly blonde hair away from her face. ‘I suffer from chronic pain. It’s why I had to move back home. I was struggling to cope with living on my own. I’ve spent the last few years going back and forth to a whole bunch of doctors, but they all end up telling me I’m mad, that the pain is in my head. But sometimes it’s so bad I can’t even get out of bed. Then I read an article about how cold water can help some people manage their chronic pain.’
‘Has it helped?’ asks Phoebe.
Jazz nods. ‘I couldn’t believe it, initially. The cold is always a shock at first – painful, almost – but once we get going, it always gets so much better. When I swim, it’s like I’m not even aware of my body. That never happens. Something always, always hurts.’
Her normally bouncy voice shakes. Kate thinks back to the evening when they helped move all the furniture into Phoebe’s flat and how Jazz held back, directing proceedings because she said she’d done her back in.
‘Oh, honey, that’s awful,’ says Sandra, pulling the younger woman into a hug.
‘I can’t believe you’ve been dealing with so much,’ says Kate. ‘You poor thing.’
Sandra and Jazz part, but Kate notices that Sandra has taken hold of Jazz’s hand and Jazz doesn’t let go.
‘Chronic pain is super common. But it has made life pretty … difficult. I watch my friends moving on with their lives, but I feel like I’m stuck. I’m still hopeful I might one day get some better help from doctors, but in the meantime, swimming is the one thing that helps. But I don’t think I could manage driving to any swimming spots further afield. It would just be too much for me.’
‘I think I’m going to fail my exams,’ blurts out Hester suddenly, her already pink cheeks burning crimson. ‘It’s not that I’m stupid or anything. It’s just … whenever I sit down in front of an exam paper, it’s like my mind goes completely blank, like there’s this bright light shining in my eyes and I can’t see or think anything. But whenever I swim in the river … Well, I feel sort of OK afterwards. Like I can breathe again.’
There’s a brief silence as they all sit with the weight of everyone’s stories. Kate thinks about the first meet-up of the mental health swimming group too and of her mum friends who manage to carve out rare moments for themselves by the river. She thinks about her swim with Erin. And of all those mornings when she fled to the river and may only have paddled her toes but still found comfort and release on the water’s edge among the reeds and the willows.
Then there are all the swimmers, kayakers and rowers who use the river who she has never even spoken to, but who all have their own reasons for choosing that particular stretch of river.
‘So, what are we going to do about it then?’ says Sandra, taking a deep breath, the usual vigour returning to her voice.
Kate can’t help but smile. She glances at Jay and he nods at her, urging her onwards.
‘Well, I may have been doing a bit of research this afternoon …’
She reaches under the papers on the table for her notebook. There are printouts poking from between the pages, sticky tabs marking out particularly useful pieces of information. Colour-coded, obviously.
‘Just a little bit of research?’ Jay says, raising an eyebrow. ‘I’ve watched you this afternoon. You’ve been on an absolute mission. It’s been pretty bloody impressive.’
Their eyes meet and they share a smile that speaks of all the years they have spent together. They’ve had their ups and downs, but he knows her. Over the past few months, she’s felt as though she has lost herself, but throughout it all, he’s been there, his faith in her never wavering.
‘OK, maybe I have done a lot of research.’
And God, it had felt so good. Following the trail of information on and on, deeper and deeper … It always sent her into a sort of meditative state, giving her a buzz unlike anything else. Well, actually, not unlike anything else. When she is stuck into researching and writing a story, she feels the same way she does when she is swimming. As if everything else disappears.
‘I think there might be a story here.’
The others look at each other, expressions shifting from anxious to intrigued, and maybe even hopeful.
‘Go on?’ urges Sandra. Jay nods at her too.
‘Well, it seems that there’s this whole underground thing happening where water companies and factories are illegally dumping into rivers, but there’s nothing really being done about it. It’s a lot bigger than just the River Avon. Very few rivers in the whole of the UK could be classed as clean or in any way ecologically sound. And it’s not just sewage but pesticides and microplastics that are polluting the waterways too. The pollution isn’t just bad for humans but awful for wildlife. The whole thing is one massive scandal. And I think the Heraldcould be interested in covering it. In fact, I know they are. I spoke to my boss just now.’
‘Aren’t you on maternity leave?’ asks Jazz.
Her eyes find Jay’s again.
‘I am. But I think I’m ready to start easing myself back into work. Just a few hours a week at first. My colleagues Emma and Leonie are going to help me. We’re going to cover the story together.’
When the idea came to her earlier, she’d felt initially hesitant. ‘Maybe it’s mad that I’m thinking about getting back to work when Rosie is so little,’ she had said, glancing guiltily down at her daughter, who slept soundly in her arms. The moment they’d shared at the baby swimming class had been wonderful and Kate can already feel that connection that had been lacking start to grow, little by little. But while she’s determined to do what’s best by Rosie, she’s starting to realise that doing what’s best for her daughter might also mean doing what’s best for her.
‘It’s not mad at all,’ Jay had said. ‘It’s just you. And it’s one of the reasons I love you. Having a baby hasn’t changed the person you are. You’re still Kate, a swimmer, a campaigner, a journalist. You’re just a mother now too.’
‘Jay’s going to drop to part-time so he can help out more with Rosie,’ Kate explains.
Ever since her social media post using his photographs, he has been inundated with bookings for his ‘unfiltered’ parent and baby photo shoots. It’s given them the confidence to think he can scale back his hours. He’s excited about the prospect of more time with Rosie and Kate already can’t wait to get her teeth into a story again. And Emma and Leonie were beyond excited when she told them. The story will be something that brings them together again. Even if they will probably end up doing the bulk of things, Kate will still be involved.
It’s a set-up that feels like it’s going to work for her family, and for once, Kate is letting herself shake off the guilt of how she feels she should be doing things.
‘That all sounds great,’ says Phoebe. ‘But what does it mean for our river swimming spot? None of us wants to stop swimming there. And my patients … They’ve only just fallen in love with the place. I hate the thought of what this could do to them.’
The mood falls sombre again.
‘Oh yes, of course,’ says Kate, flicking to another section in her notebook. ‘I did research on that too and I think I have an idea …’
At that moment, her phone begins to ring on the coffee table. She glances down to see her stepfather’s name on the screen. Her heart flips over inside her chest. When she calls home, she might hear her stepdad in the background, or her mum might put the call on speakerphone so he can chip in, but he never calls her by himself. Ever. Her thoughts return to the message she saw on her mum’s phone that has slipped from her mind with everything else that’s been going on.
‘Sorry, everyone, I need to take this.’
She grabs the phone and disappears into the garden. The air smells of roses as she heads under the arbour and to the shade of the apple tree.
‘Brian? Is everything OK?’
‘Hi, Kate, sweetheart. Are you free right now? If you’re not busy, it would be great if you could come over. Your mum and I have something to tell you. I’ve called your sister too and she’s on her way.’
‘Is everything OK?’ Panic scratches at her voice.
Brian clears his throat.
‘I think it might be best to talk in person. If you’re free? I know you’ve got a lot going on, what with the little one …’
‘No, no, it’s OK. Of course I’ll be there,’ Kate replies, her heart hammering against her ribs. ‘I’ll be there soon.’
‘Sorry, everyone, but I’m afraid I’ve got to go,’ she says once she’s back inside. They all look up at her in concern.
‘Is everything OK?’ asks Phoebe.
Kate feels dazed, the room spinning.
‘Um, I’m not sure. I’m sorry to leave like this, but everything’s in here …’ She passes her notebook across to Phoebe, who takes it carefully as though holding something fragile.
‘Got it,’ she replies. ‘We can take over from here, Kate. You go do what you need to do.’
‘Yes, you’ve done so much already,’ says Sandra. ‘Let us help you now. We all want to, don’t we?’
Everyone nods and chips in with their agreement and it warms her, despite the anxiety coursing through her body.
They say their goodbyes and Jay follows her out to the car, Kate catching him up on the call with Brian.
‘Do you want me to come with you?’
‘No, you stay here with Rosie. I think maybe it’s best if it’s just the four of us for now.’
‘OK,’ he says, kissing her on the forehead. ‘But call if you need me and I’ll be right there, OK?’
‘I will,’ she says, meaning it. She reaches for him, taking comfort in the feel of his lips on hers and then on the softness of Rosie’s hair as she leans down to kiss the top of her head.
Then she’s off, heading towards the family home and knowing that even though she isn’t certain what is awaiting her when she gets there, life is surely about to change forever.