Chapter 20
That night at the bar, after Zack left with his friends, Muriel found a flier for a women’s hiking group that met once a week and was delighted to discover it met the next morning. She left the bar with the flier and headed home for bed. She didn’t call Zack or even text him goodnight; she finished writing in her journal and fell asleep dreaming of seagulls and lighthouses.
The next morning, she rose early, ate breakfast, and headed out to the meeting spot for the hiking club. The group consisted of all age groups, from as young as five to as old as seventy-six. She liked all the women she met, but she instantly clicked with two women around her age. Megan and Katie were already friends but quickly included the newcomer to hike along with them. She found out the two also taught and had joined the group for a summer adventure.
“We teach middle school,” Katie said. “I teach art and Megan teaches science.”
The mere mention of middle school reminded Muriel of Oliver. “I teach third, but this summer, I worked with a group of middle schoolers and really liked it.”
“We’re always looking for people to come over to the dark side,” Megan said. “You should move up.”
The hike followed a trail that started along a river with granite cliffs covered in moss and ferns. The water surged over boulders and smoothed their surfaces. As the trail continued, it wound through the interior of the forest of maples and pines. Their canopy made the trail cool and shaded from the warm summer-morning sun. They climbed up a mountainside for a while before reaching a vista that overlooked the Merrimack River.
The women all took in the sights as they stood silently. Muriel took the time to say a little prayer and make a small wish. She wanted opportunities to come to her organically, but she also needed to open her heart to those opportunities. She needed to be willing to allow them to come into her world.
“Look over there!” Megan said. “It’s a bald eagle!”
Muriel swung her head around and saw the magnificent bird soaring over the river. She would let go of control and let life take her where she needed to go.
Muriel sat down on a rock and pulled out her journal, then wrote the date. Hiked a mountain. Felt like a bald eagle.
Her phone began to vibrate in her bag, but she ignored it. She didn’t want to know who was calling. She wanted to be there at that moment on top of the mountain, taking witness to the beauty around her. She didn’t want the drama. So, she continued to write. She wrote down everything that came to mind, everything around her, including her new hiking group. Then she wrote down how she felt when her phone started to ring. Dread. She felt dread. She wrote about how great Zack had been for a boyfriend in college. How he had been a safety net for her for a long time.
But she was ready to fly.
The whole way back, she walked with Megan and Katie, and when they reached their cars, the women exchanged numbers.
“Would you like to come over for our traditional junk food and TV night at my place?” Megan asked Muriel. “We’re watching The Bachelor.”
“I’d love that,” Muriel said, even though she’d never seen an episode.
On the way home from her hike, Muriel couldn’t remember the last time she had been asked to hang out with a group of girlfriends. Too long. She hadn’t ever gone out and just had a good time with friends she’d made on her own.
And once again, she thought about texting Oliver about her new middle school teacher friends.
When she pulled up to her apartment, she noticed Zack’s car parked next to her space. With a deep breath, she pushed her door open and got out. As she walked to her apartment, she prepared what she wanted to say and how she wanted to say it. She opened the door and heard Zack talking in the background. There in the living room with her two roommates sat Zack.
“Hey, babe,” he said as she walked into the room. She couldn’t remember a time he had come to the apartment before and hung out.
“Hey,” she said, putting her purse on her hook. “What are you doing here?”
“Muriel,” Hannah swung around and said, “He told us how he proposed to you!”
Muriel shot a look at Zack and wondered why she hadn’t told her roommates. If it had been before, she would’ve gone through every single detail as she walked into the apartment after getting engaged, shown off her ring, and told them all her plans, but now she was almost embarrassed. As if it was a consolation prize for sticking with Zack all this time. It didn’t feel like it was something he had wanted but had to do.
She twisted the multi-karat ring around her finger. It felt big and gaudy. “Yup, he asked me in Blueberry Bay.”
She looked at Zack, their eyes meeting, and the smile on his face fell as she looked at him.
“Want to go for a walk?” she asked him.
He looked at her roommates and then nodded at her. “Sure.”
They walked out of the house and toward White’s Park, which sat across from the law school. Paths crisscrossed along the lawns of the park and around a duck pond on one end. She didn’t love living in Concord, but she loved this park. She had even pictured herself bringing her children there one day, saying, “This is where your daddy studied law.”
But that was not to be.
“Want to sit?” she asked, pointing to an open bench that faced the water fountain. She wished she’d brought bread. She needed something to do with her hands.
“Sure,” he said, sitting down and not looking at her.
“I think it’s time we’re really honest about our relationship,” she said, looking out at the ducks floating toward them. She felt bad that she’d disappointed them. Usually, she did bring bread. She had come to this park so many times, waiting for Zack or hoping to get a few minutes with him. At the beginning of law school, they’d had picnics and he’d told her everything that he experienced. She’d told him about teaching and all the crazy stories form her day. But by the end of law school, he hadn’t wanted to meet up like before or spend time telling her stories. Or listening to hers. “I thought we needed this next step because we’ve gone through all of this stuff together, but now, I wonder if we’re doing it just because it’s the next step.”
He let out a long breath. “I love you, Muriel. I’m sorry I didn’t call you and include you in dinner last night. Now, looking back, I realize I should’ve had dinner with you.”
“I know,” she said. She turned and faced him, grabbing his hand with both of hers. “I’m not mad, nor do I want to be mad or have any type of drama in our lives. I just think we’ve grown in different directions and I’m learning that’s okay.”
She wasn’t the same Muriel anymore, and she didn’t want to go back to being the old one. The one where she’d let someone else choose her life’s path. Not that Zack had been demanding or overbearing, but she had let him dictate things and gone along with things because it was easier. She had followed the path of least resistance and didn’t even notice it.
She would’ve been like her parents, unhappy.
“I love you so much that I’m afraid to let you go.” She squeezed his hand. “But I think it’s what’s best for you and me.”
She let go of his hand and pulled off her ring, then placed it into his palm. She leaned back, allowing him to make the next move.
He looked at the ring, then back at her. “You really were special to me.”
“And you were special to me,” she said, wanting Zack to understand that. “You were a great boyfriend. We just want different things.”
And that was that.
The ducks stuck around longer than Zack. He kissed her on the cheek and left the park, heading toward the school. She noticed he didn’t look back or go inside the brick building, just kept walking until he was out of sight.
She stayed in the park, looking out at the pond, wondering what that all meant for her now. She pulled out her phone, opened her photos, and searched for her pre-engagement photo the night of her birthday. She opened it up, expecting her to look amazing after all the prep work she had done for that night, but as she looked at the photo, Muriel looked…meh.
She flipped to the next one, and it was of the view from her hike with Oliver. A view of all of Blueberry Bay. She zoomed in on her mother’s cottage and then to her aunt’s. She then worked her way to the harbor and found Colby’s boat and the market. She missed them all. She flipped to another, a selfie in front of a waterfall with Oliver while on one of their adventures.
She could go back to Blueberry Bay. Her mother would let her live with her until she could figure things out. But she had a job in Concord and an apartment. Moving to Blueberry Bay with no plan or future plans made no sense. She just needed to be patient and let things happen when they happened.
She’d let life lead the way this time.