Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five
LYLA
I set the phone down on the table and let out a sigh. Kyle had given me the name of the therapist he saw, who specifically deals with PTSD. He’d explained that he still does therapy sessions from time to time, especially after losing a patient since that was a trigger for him.
I’d just made my first appointment.
Why didn’t I realize I was struggling? Did I just blindly ignore it? Kyle told me not to beat myself up, but shouldn’t I have recognized the problem?
Adam appeared in the doorway of the small conference room.
After recovering from my panic attack and returning to the station, I didn’t want to be alone.
More than that, I wanted to be near Adam.
He made me feel safe. Seen and not judged.
So, although I couldn’t stay on shift, after I showered and changed, I decided to hang around the station for the rest of the day until Adam was off.
“You ready to go?” Concern and almost something like guilt swirled in Adam’s irises as he approached me.
I’d overheard him earlier telling Zack that he should have known. That he should have done something. But it wasn’t his fault. If I wasn’t able to recognize what was going on, how could I have expected him to?
I nodded and stood, walking toward him. He opened his arms, and I melted into his embrace, inhaling his fresh, clean scent. “Don’t blame yourself,” I whispered, letting the beat of his heart ground me.
“One of the things I love about us is that I can always tell how you’re feeling or what you need.” He let out a deep sigh. “Except when it mattered the most.”
“But I wasn’t even sure how I was feeling or what I needed.” I hugged him tight. “And you were there to help me through it and bring me back. You knew exactly what I needed.”
He pulled back, cupping my face in his hands. “I’ll always be there for you.” His thumbs brushed along my cheeks and his gaze was like a soft caress as he stared at me. “I love you, Lyla.”
My lips parted on an inaudible gasp, but his declaration didn’t feel that surprising. Deep down. I knew it… and I felt the same. “I love you, too.”
His lips were warm and soft as they brushed tenderly against mine. My body relaxed, warmth and peace enveloping me. He broke the kiss, and after tucking me into his side, we walked toward the back of the building and out to the car.
He held my hand tightly as he drove the car toward the lodge. I probably needed to rip the Band-Aid off and go get my car. That should have been my first clue something wasn’t right—when I had no interest in getting behind the wheel of a car.
“You’re calm.” His words were barely a whisper.
I glanced over, tilting my head. I wasn’t sure how to respond.
He looked at me with a slight sigh. “You’re not at all anxious when we’re in the car together.”
I stared out the windshield at the road as he took the curves up the mountain with precision and ease.
Did PTSD conform to a distinct set of rules?
Or could it be triggered by random but specific stimuli.
Adam was trying to make sense of it all, and I not only understood why he was, but I appreciated it too.
I really didn’t have the answers either. But there was one thing I could offer.
“You make me feel safe.” I looked back over at him. “And I don’t worry because I’m confident you’re paying attention, that you have complete control of the car.”
I wasn’t worried when he was driving the ambulance either. I just knew. I trusted him.
He squeezed my hand before bringing it to his mouth and pressing his lips to my knuckles, sending zaps of pleasure shooting up my arm. I shifted in my seat as my mind started to imagine his mouth on other parts of my body.
“Did you want to grab something to eat before we head to our room?” he asked, startling me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah, I guess we probably should.”
As much as I wanted to head straight to the room and let him hold me, touch me, get lost in the feeling of being with him, neither of us had eaten since lunch. And even then, I’d barely had an appetite. Hopefully a quiet dinner, just the two of us, was exactly what I needed.
Being with Adam always made things better.
No matter what we were doing. I smiled, pulling my hair to one side and twisting my curls into a braid.
He’d ordered us a piece of the molten chocolate lava cake, bringing up the fact that I kept salivating over it every time we came, but never ordered it.
I didn’t need the extra carbs and sugar, but after the day I’d had, I wasn’t going to say no.
I finished brushing my teeth and took one final look in the mirror. The cotton sleep tank hugged my breasts and cut low between them. Paired with the short sleep shorts, they were the sexiest pair of pajamas I’d packed.
I exited the bathroom and stopped short, gasping at what Adam had done.
He sat in the middle of the mattress that he had placed on the floor in front of the now roaring fireplace, propping the cushions and pillows up against the sofa to act as a headboard.
I scanned the room. The lights were off, but Adam had arranged tealight candles everywhere.
Emotions flooded me. I’d never had anyone do something so sweet and romantic for me before. But I couldn’t help giggling, thinking it would be my luck if they activated the fire alarms. Zack would never let us live it down.
“I had this planned for after your first day back, and I think you could use it even more after today.” He spread his legs wide and patted the mattress in front of him. “Come here, love. I have something else for you.”
I raised a brow. I hoped he was talking about his mouth or his cock.
“Not that.” He chuckled darkly. “At least not yet.”
I sent him a pout as I scampered toward him and onto the mattress, sitting between his legs and settling my back against his warm, solid chest. He grabbed the hem of my shirt, lifting it up and over my head.
My bare skin broke out with goose bumps, but the hot air from the fire soothed it.
After picking up the bottle of massage cream from the blanket next to us, he put some in his large palms, spreading it over my shoulders and down my back before reaching around and rubbing some along my chest.
I sighed as he began kneading my tight shoulder muscles. “No one’s ever done anything like this for me before.”
“I will never stop showing you how you deserve to be treated.”
Warmth spread through my chest at his words and the meaning behind them. His hands slid down my arms and then back up, leaving a wake of sensations along my skin.
Sucking in a deep breath, I focused on the feel of his hands and not the ache between my thighs.
His thumbs found a spot just under my shoulder blades and I almost drew blood as I bit down hard on my lip to hold in the moan that wanted to slip out.
Adam’s hands were magic as they worked over the muscles that lined my spine and then glided back up before repeating the pattern.
Between the fire that burned bright, casting the room in a shadowy glow, and the soft flicker of the candles all around us, this was by far the most romantic moment of my life.
He pulled me against his chest, massaging the muscles around my collarbones.
The moan finally tumbled from my lips when he inched lower, stroking and teasing my breasts.
“Adam,” I whimpered, arching my back.
“Shh,” His warm breath skated across my ear, and he moved his hands back up over my clavicles. “Relax.”
“Kinda hard to do that when you’re driving me wild.”
He nipped at my ear. “I’m just getting started.”
He hadn’t even touched me where I needed it the most, but I was already wet and throbbing for him.
He flattened his palms and dragged them down over my nipples, causing a bolt of intense pleasure to shoot straight to my core.
I dug my fingers into his knees as he did it again and again.
My breath came in short gasps as he lavished attention on each breast.
“Spread your legs, love. Drape them over mine.”
Another tremor tore through me as I obeyed his command, anticipating the moment he realized I wasn’t wearing any underwear.
He smoothed one hand down my stomach and over the fabric of my sleep shorts, applying pressure and rubbing back and forth while continuing to massage my chest with his other hand.
“Please,” I begged. “I can’t take anymore. I need you to touch me.”
“Where?” The deep timbre of his voice egged on my desperation. “Show me.”
Being with him was such a different experience than I’d ever had. He constantly pushed me out of my comfort zone, and I loved it. He made me feel sexy and desired.
Needed. Craved.
I embraced the feeling, letting it push me further. I draped my fingers over his and moved them lower, brushing the sleep shorts to the side and trailing them through my wetness.
He nipped at my ear. “You were planning to go to sleep like this?”
I shook my head, continuing to tease my entrance with our entwined hands. “I wasn’t planning to sleep.”
“Such a naughty girl.” He slid two fingers deep inside me. “Is this what you needed?” he asked, gliding back out.
“Yes.” I applied pressure to his knuckles, pushing him back in.
“So needy,” he rumbled, diving in without another warning, pulling the air from my lungs.
The hunger in his voice was almost feral, and with the way he curled his fingers, hitting that spot that made me see flashes of white, my hips moved of their own accord, rocking to meet his strokes.
Blood pounded through my veins, and every beat of my heart was faster than the one before.
Pressing back into him and lifting my hips off the floor, my moans echoed around us.
He plunged into me harder. Twisting, curling, and using his palm to rub against my clit.
He held nothing back, as it was obvious he had one goal in mind—to completely and utterly destroy me. And damn did I want him to.