Forty Michaelmas Daisy – Farewell
Forty
Michaelmas Daisy – Farewell
Through a blood-red sky, as the sun finally sets on St Felix, Amber, Jake, Miley and I rush back to the cottage and into the sitting room, where we find curled up in his basket what appears to be a sleeping Basil, with Woody kneeling down next to him. Woody immediately stands when I come into the room.
‘I’m so sorry, Poppy,’ he tries to say as I barge past him to get to Basil.
‘Basil?’ I say softly, kneeling down next to his basket. ‘Wake up, Basil.’
I reach out to stroke him but he doesn’t flinch, his always warm body, which I’d cuddled into many a time since we’d known each other, is already beginning to feel cold.
‘He was quiet in the shop all afternoon,’ Amber says with tears in her eyes. ‘After I’d taken him back to the cottage, Woody and I decided not to go out because we were worried about him. But then Basil seemed to rouse a little, and he even managed some of his dinner. He seemed quite happy before he curled up in his bed to go to sleep, didn’t he, Woody?’
Woody nods furiously.
‘We decided to stay in and watch a DVD anyway,’ Amber says, ‘so we didn’t leave him. But when I got up to check on him halfway through the movie, I realised something was wrong. I tried to wake him, but he didn’t respond. I tried calling you, Poppy, several times.’
‘My phone was on silent,’ I tell her weakly. I’d switched it off while I was in Caroline’s garden.
‘So when we couldn’t get hold of you, Woody went out to look for you, didn’t you?’ Amber turns to Woody, and he puts his arm gently around her shoulders.
‘We think he must have passed away in his sleep,’ Woody says, visibly upset.
‘He looks very peaceful,’ Jake says, passing Miley to Amber. He kneels down next to me, and pats Basil on his side. ‘The old fella had a good life. And a happy one too.’ He puts his hand on my shoulder. ‘We’ll need to call the vet, Poppy. It’s too late for them to do anything, but they need to know.’
‘No!’ I cry, flipping his hand away. ‘No, he can’t be dead, he’s Basil, he’s always with me. He’s my friend.’
I try again to wake him, but his eyes remain closed, his expression peaceful, like he’s having one of his long naps after he’s had his dinner.
‘Oh, Basil,’ I sob, cuddling one last time into his fur. ‘You were the only one that really understood. The only one that I could tell everything to. What will I do without you?’
My tears fall on to Basil’s body, and are immediately absorbed into his brown and white fur.
Jake stands up and fetches a blanket from the chair.
‘He’s at peace now, Poppy,’ he says gently.
‘Yes,’ Amber says, crouching down next to me with Miley. ‘He’s gone to be with your grandmother. He’ll be happy again. You know how much he missed her.’
‘I know he did,’ I sob. ‘But I’ll miss him too, he was my best friend.’
Little Miley wriggles out of Amber’s arms, and stands in front of Basil.
We all watch her, wondering what she’s going to do. But she reaches out her paws and wraps her arms as far around Basil’s neck as she can, to give her hero one last hug. Then she climbs back into Amber’s arms, and buries her face into Amber’s chest like she’s sobbing.
Moved by Miley’s emotional reaction, I reach out and stroke one of Basil’s long soft ears for the last time. Then I look up at Jake and nod.
Jake gently lays the crochet blanket over Basil’s body, covering his head last.
‘Goodbye, my wonderful, grumpy friend.’ I smile as tears stream down my face so hard I can barely see any more. ‘I hope they have lots of cheese up there. Then I know you’ll be happy.’
I take one last look at the blanket, then I stand up and turn to Jake. He wraps his arms tightly around me, while I bury my face into his chest like Miley had done to Amber, and then I sob long and hard into his warm checked shirt.
For the rest of the evening, Jake and I cuddle together with Miley on the sofa, not too far away from Basil.
All four of us had tried to drink the customary healing cup of tea together, then Amber had made us all some food, which none of us had wanted, before Woody had returned home and Amber headed off to bed to get some sleep, after Jake had assured her he’d look after me.
Jake and I then dozed together on and off through the rest of the night – me, dreaming horrible nightmares about Basil being arrested and banged up in jail for being drunk and disorderly, then me returning to the cottage to find Caroline curled up in Basil’s basket with a glass of red wine by her side.
I awake with a start after that particular dream, and hope for one moment that it has all been a dream, and Basil will be sitting at my feet demanding a walk or his breakfast.
But no, as I see the basket with the blanket covering it, the same feeling of emptiness and sorrow engulfs me once more.
I gently wriggle away from Jake’s embrace, and leave him sleeping soundly on the sofa, with Miley not too far away covered with a blanket on the rocking chair, and walk over to the French windows, opening them as gently as I can, before stepping out on to the balcony.
It’s daylight already, and last night’s sunset seems to have been correct in predicting a beautiful morning in St Felix. I stand very still watching the sun’s rays dancing off the top of the waves as they race along into the harbour, eventually becoming hypnotised by a never-ending stream of rhythmical sounds and rolling movement. Over and over the waves keep coming, until, with no one to tell them how or when, they simply turn and work in reverse, pulling the sea and all its inhabitants back out towards the horizon.
After I’ve stood on the balcony for a few minutes, I hear a voice.
‘Are you OK?’ Jake asks from the doorway. I turn to see him looking dishevelled and bleary-eyed, he can’t have had much more sleep than me, and the stubble that had just begun to show on his face last night is even more apparent. ‘You’ve been standing there ages, looking at the sea.’
‘You’ve been watching me?’
‘You looked so peaceful. I didn’t want to disturb you.’ Jake, still wearing his clothes from last night – a pair of blue jeans and a crumpled checked shirt with the odd mascara stain on it – steps out on to the balcony with me.
‘The sea is an amazing thing,’ I say, turning back to watch. ‘It’s a never-ending circle. No one is its master, it does its own thing.’
‘But it does it very well,’ Jake says, and I feel his arm around my shoulders. ‘Life is a circle, Poppy, a never-ending round of birth and death. Sometimes people and animals we care about leave us to make room for something else to live or be born into this world.’
‘How do you mean?’
‘Basil may have left us so that another dog can take its place in someone’s heart, and look out for them like Basil did for you, and you did for Basil when Rose was no longer able to. You both needed each other and were there for each other.’
I feel the tears welling up in my eyes. ‘Oh, Jake, that’s a beautiful way to put it,’ I tell him, and I can do nothing but hug him once more, while he wraps his arms around my body and holds me.
‘Someone told me something similar when Felicity died. I can’t say it took the pain away, because nothing ever does that, only time. But it helped a little.’
I lean back in his arms.
‘I don’t want to take her place, you know?’ I suddenly tell him. ‘No one could ever do that. Felicity was your wife, the mother of your children. I just… well, I just like being with you, a lot.’
Jake nods. ‘I know, I feel the same. The reason it took me so long to do anything about it is I thought I was being disloyal to Felicity’s memory, and I was scared. Scared of appearing unfaithful to her, and scared of how I felt about you. I know I’ve told you before, but this is the first time I’ve cared like this about anybody since Felicity. It scares me, Poppy, I never thought it would happen again.’
‘Oh, Jake,’ I say, stroking his face. ‘I’m scared too.’
‘Why are you scared? Because I’m older, because I have a family?’
‘No, of course not. I told you last night your age doesn’t bother me, and I think the world of Bronte and Charlie, you know that.’
Jake’s face is quizzical as he looks down at me. ‘What is it then?’
I take a deep breath. ‘I’m scared of loving someone and then them leaving me. It hurts. It hurts a lot.’
‘I know it does.’ He brushes my hair away from my face as the wind tries its best to cover it back up again. ‘Are you talking about a particular person that left you?’ Jake asks. ‘We’ve all had losses in our lives that have affected us – family, friends, animals too,’ he gestures back towards the sitting room and Basil. ‘But nothing ever hurt like losing Felicity. I thought my life was over. It was only the kids and then Miley that got me through. Without them, I’d have lost the plot.’
‘I did,’ I tell him, still looking up into his kind, deep brown eyes. ‘I lost the plot for a while. I went way off the rails too, if we’re looking for euphemisms for a mental breakdown. Actually it wasn’t a while, it was more like fifteen years.’
Jake opens his eyes wide. ‘So when did you regain the plot ?’
‘Not long after I came back to St Felix.’ I look at the town down below us, then I shake my head. ‘I can’t believe I’m saying this, but this town, an enchanted little flower shop, and a group of lovely people, you included, have done more for me than fifteen years of therapists ever did.’
Jake doesn’t look in the least shocked by my revelations.
‘You know I’m going to ask this, Poppy,’ he says gently, ‘but what on earth happened to you, for you to need fifteen years of therapy?’