Chapter Thirty-Seven
Later that evening Mother returns. ‘Querida, book club, how was it? Tell me everything!’ Her smile is so wide it threatens to swallow her up.
I give her a regal stare over the top of my book, because I’ve been counting down the minutes for her to get home and I want her to think I’m completely unbothered by her unusual and rather lengthy absence.
Catlike, I lay sprawled on the sofa, going for an air of majesty, and only hope I’m pulling it off. ‘Not so fast, Mother.’ I’ve always wanted to utter a line like that but haven’t had the chance until now.
‘What?’
‘I’d like to hear about your tête-à-tête with “the neighbour” first, if it’s all the same to you.’
She waves the words away as if she’s trying to brush off the inquisition which I have been mentally planning for the best part of an hour. My, how the tables have turned! ‘Just a quick bite at Papo Cheio, that’s all.’
I take great delight in arching a brow and let that do the talking for me.
Her cheeks pinken. What do we have here? Could a romance be blooming before my very eyes? For a woman who reads love stories at the volume she does, it would be nice to see her have one in real life, just as she suggests I step from the pages, perhaps Mother needs to as well?
‘The eh, window was stuck and the nice man from next door was passing.’
I narrow my eyes. Is she lying to me? Did Mother not read my text where I explicitly told her that the window being stuck is an impossibility due to my rigorous testing? It would seem we have yet another mystery afoot.
‘How strange, because I personally checked each window not a week ago. Which window is it? My safety protocols must be slipping.’
‘Actually, it was the front door! Not the window.’ She slaps her forehead.
‘Silly me. I think the front door being wood expanded due to the oppressive summer heat, and well it kept getting stuck and …’ Mother continues to ramble on, a key indication that she is withholding the truth, because she’s sharing far too many details.
No window was stuck. No door has expanded because I’m terrifically safety conscious and fixate on all the painful ways in which we might die, thus, have a lengthy check list in order to assuage these fears as best as possible.
The conundrum I now face is whether to confront her about these lies or let it be?
These are not lies with malicious intent.
These are the small untruths of a woman who is testing the waters with a new friend.
More importantly, this means that after a tumultuous year Mother is putting herself first for a change, which means she’s possibly going to ease up on worrying about me, helicopter mother that she is.
‘It’s lucky you had help on hand. Did the neighbour manage to fix the stuck door?’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Does this person have a name?’
‘Viviane, is this a case of selective memory? You’ve sidestepped this numerous times after I poured my heart and soul out to you in the library gardens.’
That’s what all that white noise was! A confession, and I’d been too caught up in The Man in the Blue Beret to listen. How to navigate this? ‘Remind me?’
She heaves a sigh of impatience as if I’m purposely being obtuse which makes sense because I do have the mind of a savant and would usually have retained the knowledge.
‘His name is Alfonso. He moved in a few months ago. He’s a lovely man, funny, kind.
It’s nice to have someone to call on if we need it. ’
‘Sure, sure. I can’t imagine any scenario that we couldn’t handle ourselves with enough forward planning, but I understand the sentiment. I’m glad you’ve made a friend who isn’t a relative. As lovable as the family can be they certainly hijack your time.’
Mum grins. ‘It’s what families do.’
I fold my arms across my chest and give her a measured look. ‘Most of their problems could be solved simply by using critical thinking.’
‘But where’s the fun in that?’
It’s puzzling. ‘I will never understand the human race.’
‘Now, speaking of the human race, how did book club go?’
What parts can I share that aren’t about murdery murderers? ‘Old Albert needed a slight reprimand when he had the audacity to besmirch Harper Lee’s good name.’ Her mouth falls open. ‘Don’t worry, I used a gentle tone of voice that belied my inner rage.’
‘Sometimes people just need a listening ear.’
Socialising is downright baffling. Mother is always on about being a ‘listening ear’. ‘That’s nonsensical, what else do ears do?’
‘Promise me you’ll try your best to listen and not shut them down when they do chat.’
She has no idea how far my listening ears have been stretched over the last little while. ‘Promise.’
‘Do you think perhaps there’s a reason you all wound up there in a quiet little corner of Porto?’
‘Yes, because we’re introverts.’ All of whom have a particular set of skills to stop a friend committing murder, I leave that part out.
‘I’ll make us tea.’ While Mum potters around in the kitchen, my mind fixates on a niggle that is just out of reach.
Something to do with this mysterious neighbour.
I think back to the day in the library gardens, where Mum was blathering on while I was trying to hide behind her and scope out The Man in the Blue Beret.
And then it hits me, she asked for my blessing!
She’s been seeing this strange man for quite some time.
She returns with the tea as another, more worrying realisation dawns. I let out a shocked gasp. ‘What is it?’
‘Is Alfonso the creepy neighbour who is always running around naked?’
She bites her lip, but laughter spills out. ‘Not naked, querida, he had a towel on! And I wouldn’t call him creepy.’
I cup my face. ‘Oh God, Mother, why would you choose to date an exhibitionist? You’re better than that!’
‘He’s – he’s not an exhibitionist.’
I make a show of pulling a face. ‘Uh-huh.’
She waits, as if expecting me to solve the riddle of why the man runs along the landing in only a towel. Runs from our front door to … ‘Oh, Mother! How scandalous! You were meeting up with him while he was naked?’
‘To be fair, we were both naked.’
‘Oh, please do not paint me any more mental pictures. Call the therapist, tell them I’m on my way.’
‘Very funny.’
‘This is why your lipstick was smudged and your buttons done up wrong? Oh my God, I thought you were having some kind of breakdown but you were in fact having a dalliance with a strange man!’
‘He’s not a strange man.’
‘He is to me! And I have assaulted this man! Hit him square on the derrière with my metal drink bottle. As my new friend Zephyr would say: big yikes.’
‘Well, I’d love you to meet him.’
‘Baby steps, Mother, baby steps. And tell him he owes me a new drink bottle.’
One mystery successfully solved! And while it’s absolutely not ideal hearing the minutiae of my mother’s sex life, it’s nice to know she’s been able to move on after The Curious Case of the Husband Who Lied Twice.