Chapter 40
40
It took her a while to find him. He wasn’t in the patisserie or the cafe. In the end, she tracked him down to the park – close to the bench where she’d sat to watch Lili play a few weeks ago – what seemed a lifetime ago now. He was sitting with his back to her, reading a volume she recognised as coming from the shop. Monique must have sold it to him. Something about the curve of his neck, the way he seemed totally absorbed in his thoughts made her heart swell. She crossed the grass, feeling more nervous now, and quietly slipped next to him on the wooden slats.
He looked up. ‘Adeline?’
‘Yep,’ she said, grinning.
‘You are on lunch break?’
She shook her head. ‘Actually—’ she said, wondering how, as a lover of words, she often found that they failed her in moments like this. ‘Actually, I came to see you.’
He turned his book over so the splayed pages rested on his upper legs and gave her his full attention. ‘’You did?’ He looked at her, his eyes full of something she couldn’t define .
‘Yes,’ she said, decisively. ‘Yes. I wanted to say that I was wrong. I’m not going to be ready in a few months.’
The smile vanished. ‘Oh.’
‘No! No,’ she said, shuffling closer, taking his hand. ‘Because I’ve realised I’ve been stupid. What was I waiting for? The stars to align? Everything to be figured out? Because that will never happen.’
He nodded.
She took a deep breath. ‘Look, André. I’ll be honest with you. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of letting someone in. Of… well, getting hurt. Let down.’
‘But I would never…’
She raised a finger to indicate she hadn’t finished. ‘None of us know what we might or might not do. But I think I’ve got to learn to be OK with that. If I want anything… worthwhile.’ She stopped short of saying ‘love.’
He sat for a moment, absorbing her words. Then smiled and leaned in. ‘So what you mean is, we need to make the most of how things are right now,’ he said, his lips close to hers.
As he reached his arms out to hold her and they gently kissed, his book slipped to the floor.
But neither of them noticed.