4. Mason
Chapter 4
Mason
June 2023
Ma opens the front door, humming loudly as she makes her way through the house to the kitchen. It’s loud enough to pull me out of my thoughts.
I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here at the bar. My brain can’t come to terms with the fact that Jo Ellen not only knows Callie but she works with her, too.
“Oh hey, Mason. I didn’t know you were in here. I assumed you were out in the barn with your dad.” Ma says while setting the shopping bags on the island.
I shake my head to fully bring myself back to the present. “Not yet. I will be heading out there shortly, though. Do you need me to do anything before I go?”
“No, I’ve got this. I know you two have a good amount of work to get done.” Ma grabs a few boxes and walks towards the pantry before adding, “Actually, have y’all had lunch yet? I know it’s a little late for lunch but if y’all haven’t eaten I’ll make y’all a sandwich really quick.”
“Dad’s been outside since you left, and I haven’t eaten a thing,” I say back, not even sure I can eat.
“Then go grab him and I’ll make y’all a sandwich and cut up a cucumber,” Ma says, turning to put a gallon of milk in the fridge.
I’m halfway to the barn when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out and see a text from Jo Ellen. I stop in my tracks, my finger hovering over the notifications unsure if I want to see what she has to say about her talk with Callie. I decide to swipe it open and my jaw drops at what I see.
Jo Ellen: Mason, I’m sitting here with Callie and she’s willing to meet up with you. Tomorrow at 1:30 at Val’s Diner on Main Street here in Magnolia Falls.
I read it multiple times, unsure if my eyes were playing tricks on me.
Me: Thanks, Jo. I owe you one. You have no idea how much it means to me that you were willing to get in the middle of this.
Jo Ellen: Don’t even worry about it, Mason. I’ve heard stories about y’all’s relationship and how much it meant to you. I hope it all works out.
So many emotions are happening right now. Excitement to finally see Callie again. Scared to see how this goes. Hopeful that she’ll want to hear what I have to say. Nervous about how she’ll react to what I have to say. Fear that she’s got someone in her life or wants nothing to do with me. If she chooses she wants nothing to do with me I have to be okay with that, but I’m not sure how I can be okay with that.
I don’t have much choice in that regard, though, considering the absolute hell I put her through. With no explanation.
I honestly don’t even know where my head was that day, or the few weeks leading up to it. I didn’t want to break up with her. I didn’t want to go off to college single. I didn’t want to hurt her in the worst way. But I did.
Having her in my life during my first year of college would have been very helpful. I was in a new town, hell a whole new state. I didn’t know a single person and felt alone. But it was my fault. I was the one who ended my relationship with Callie when now, looking back, it was when I needed her more than ever. We would’ve been fine. She would have made sure of it. That’s who she is. Who I hope she always will be.
Placing my phone back in my pocket I continue my way to the barn.
“Hey, Dad. Ma’s going to make us some lunch. Then we can both come back out here and knock out the rest of the list you’ve got made up.”
Dad looks up from his shop table and you can see the tiredness on his face. “Yeah, okay, son. There ain’t much left to do but I know we can tackle it today. For sure.”
After we finished lunch I told Dad to relax while I knocked out the few things that he had on his list. None of the tasks were hard, mostly just tedious.
Dinner time comes and goes and before I know it I’m lying in bed, tossing and turning. I have no idea what I’ll say to Callie tomorrow, or if she’ll even let me get a word in. I’m sure she’s pissed at me, and rightfully so. I never gave her the time to ask questions or speak about our breakup. I just walked right out of her life and didn’t look back.
I woke up to a text from Jo Ellen wishing me luck today. As if I wasn’t nervous already, that made it worse.
My heart is attempting to beat right out of my chest. My internal thoughts were bursting at the seams, making what was already going to be a stressful day for me much worse.
I know that I’m overthinking and creating the worst-case scenario in my head, forcing myself to believe that that’s how today will go.
Ma made pancakes, bacon, and eggs for breakfast. I’m sitting here, plate basically untouched, even after both of them have finished their breakfast and moved on with their day.
I think back to that day and the nerves I was dealing with. It’s much like the nerves I’m dealing with right now. I had so many people telling me that long-distance at eighteen wouldn’t work and I believed them. Maybe they were right. But I should have brought up my concerns instead of ending things. There are so many things I would have done differently. Should have done differently .
We met when we were fifteen and all through high school we were inseparable.
Up until I made the biggest mistake of my life…
We had just graduated high school and I was getting ready to move across the country to go to college. I knew we could last if she was okay with the long-distance aspect, but something told me that I would want to be free and experience college for everything that it was. It didn't help that everyone else was telling me the same thing.
Everyone had one reason or another that I should go to college without my relationship so that I could focus on my education, my career path, and the scholarships that I had received from playing football.
I called her that morning and explained to her that I had planned the whole day and to wear something comfortable.
I picked her up in front of her house an hour later. When she climbed in my car I knew this was going to be a hard conversation for me to have with her. I loved Callie Grace, and everyone knew it. Throughout the day I had multiple moments of doubt, where I didn't want to go through with it. I kept glancing over at her - she was so happy, so free. Our day was turning out amazing. We went and got breakfast at her favorite diner then headed to The Paint Bar downtown.
She chose to paint a sunrise and I did my best to paint her. I never claimed to be a good artist, but she enjoyed it, so I always did my best. Anything I did with her was fun. She had this way about her that made everything enjoyable.
Why was I doing this? I thought.
The more time I spent with her the less I wanted to go through with it. I knew it was going to break her. When we finished our paintings we flipped them around to show each other and her laugh lit up the entire room. Her painting was beautiful, my drawing of her... not so much.
After we painted we strolled through a park and talked about how things were going to be now that I was leaving and we'd be so far apart. She was already planning trips up to see me on breaks and mentioned that I could come home at Christmas, and we'd have that whole time together.
I was leaving in two days to head to New York for college. I knew I had to have this conversation with her now before all this planning got even more carried away than it already had.
Ma’s booming voice breaks me from my flashback. “Son, if you don’t eat soon you won’t be hungry when you meet with Callie for lunch.”
She’s right but I can’t eat. My stomach is in knots not knowing what to expect from Callie.
“I know I need to eat but, Ma, I just can’t. I’m so anxious about meeting Callie for lunch.” I say pushing my plate away. Ma tries to grab it but I stop her. “I’ll clean my plate up and get the dishwasher going. Go sit down.”
“Mason, I know that today could go two ways–negatively or in your favor. Just know that if it does go negatively, you’ll get closure. I want nothing more than for you to be happy, and if that means with Callie, then I hope that’s what happens but don’t worry yourself to death about it.”
I take a deep breath, not knowing what to say. I know Ma means best but telling me not to worry myself to death doesn’t help at all. In fact, it does the opposite.
“I know, Ma. I’m hoping for the best but will have to come to terms with whatever the result of today is.”
I rinse off my plate and the few other dishes that are in the sink before placing them in the dishwasher.
Maybe taking a cold shower will help.