35. Callie
Chapter 35
Callie
July 2023
This weekend has been amazing. I was able to cross a few things off my bucket list, which automatically makes it better. Spending time with Mason in his world has only made our long-distance harder to navigate. I didn’t think I’d ever be back in Mason’s life in any capacity let alone where we are now.
I know that this will work out however it is meant to work out, but that doesn't stop my head or heart from being frustrated with the fact that we’re now living so far apart and having to navigate this us thing in a way that neither of us wants to, but has to.
Since I am leaving early in the morning, we will be making dinner and ending our time together cuddling on the couch and watching another movie together. Although I have so many places in New York that I want to visit and have been to a few of them this weekend with Mason, I think my favorite thing we’ve done is just cozying up and watching movies. It reminds me of the beach vacations we would go on in high school with my parents.
I’m staring up at the night sky as I lay on the back deck of our beach rental. Every night this week Mason and I have come out here and laid in the silence or had deep conversations about life and our goals after high school. I’ve never given it much thought past college, so it was nice to get into that deeper realm of life goals and how we plan to achieve them.
Tomorrow is our last day here so I’m trying to take everything in and enjoy what little time we have left before we head back to real life and work.
“Cal, you see the little dipper?” Mason asks, pointing at the sky.
I’ve never been good at seeing them unless someone points them out directly. “Yeah, I think that’s the clearest I’ve ever seen it!”
“And then right there’s the big dipper. It’s not this easy to see back home, for sure.”
“I’m not ready to go back to real life yet,” I say sighing.
“I don’t want to ruin this moment, Cal, but I’m getting tore up by mosquitos. Can we go in and pick a movie to watch? I’ll make some hot chocolate for us.”
“Yeah, I’m definitely okay with that. They’re starting to bother me, too.”
While Mase goes to the kitchen to get our hot chocolates made I walk through the dining room to the living room. The rental we’re staying at has an entire shelf full of movies and books. This is the same house my parents have rented since Em and I were little. We’ve all grown quite fond of both the house and the owners.
I choose Iron Man and get it started as Mason comes in with our drinks. He sets them on the end table and grabs a blanket out of the basket sitting beside the entertainment stand.
As the movie starts playing, I pull the end table so that it’s sitting in front of us and lean back to cuddle into Mason’s side.
Mase mentioned he wanted to make me something special for my last night here. I’m lying on the couch reading and the smell of spaghetti and meatballs hits me. I can’t believe that he remembered one of my favorite meals. He plates our food and meets me on the couch.
Tonight, I chose How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days because why not? I doubt I’ll make it completely through the movie, my eyes are already getting heavy, and I’ve got to be up early to get to the airport.
I didn’t make it very far into our movie last night. Mason said I was asleep not long after I finished eating which sounds about right. I don’t know what it is about cuddling up on the couch to watch a movie that makes me instantly sleepy.
I’m still tired this morning as I make my third round through Mason’s place to make sure I’ve packed everything. Mason laughs at me every time I walk past him, but I just have this overwhelming feeling that I’m forgetting something even though I’ve checked approximately a hundred, if not more, times.
Once I’m satisfied that I have everything I zip up my bag and set it by the door. As I walk through the dining room, I gather our plates and cups from breakfast and take them to the kitchen, rinsing them off before placing them in the dishwasher.
I’m going to miss the simplicity of Mason’s space. He doesn’t have much decor and while you’d think it would look plain or not lived in, it works with the vibe he’s got going on with the furniture pieces.
I think my favorite part of his apartment is the huge canvas picture hanging above his couch. It’s his family farm. In the picture are his parents, his brother, and Mason standing in front of their house, with the barn in the background.
He's also got pictures of his parents and his brother’s family lining a few shelves of the built-ins on either side of the TV. The smiles on everyone’s faces make me want that familial bond with them. I will always be close to his parents, that I know, but as I’m standing here in front of the bookshelf looking at pictures of Mason with, who I’m assuming are his niece and nephews, I’ve got this deep-rooted need for kids of my own.
“We’ve gotta get going, Cal. I’ll grab your suitcase; do you have your pocketbook?” Mason asks me from the kitchen.
“Yeah, I’ve got it. I’m not ready to go.” I say, my sadness coming through.
“I know. I don’t want you to go either. But if we don’t leave now, you’ll miss your flight.”
“Ugh, fine. I’m coming.” I say, picking up my pocketbook off the couch and heading towards the front door.
Mason’s arms are wrapped around me, his head lying on top of mine as we stand in front of the airport doors.
I know I need to pull away and head inside so that I’m not cutting myself close but no part of me wants to pull away from this feeling. Mason has tried twice now and instead of letting the break happen, I tightened my grasp on his sides. I’m not ready to go home or to leave him.
I sigh heavily into his chest. “I’m not ready to go Mason.”
“I’m not ready for you to leave yet either, but we’ll be together again soon. We’ll plan another visit as soon as we can. I promise.” He plants a quick kiss on my forehead as I pull away.
“This is going to suck , I already know it. I didn’t think it would be this hard this quick… but here we are. Spent one weekend with you and already I don’t want to leave.” I know to some it seems like I’m falling right back into what I had with Mason too quickly but as soon as I saw him at Val’s I immediately felt that same calming sensation. I was still hesitant and my walls remained up but that same feeling I felt in high school came flooding back and it felt good and reassuring.
“It probably will suck. We’ll most likely have moments of doubt and at other times be content with where we are. When you’re feeling those moments of doubt I need you to communicate those with me, Cal. Holding them in will only make you feel worse.” He hugs me tight, again, before pulling back and gathering his hands at the back of my neck. As he tilts his head down I lean up on my tiptoes and our lips meet in the most tender kiss.
“Jooooooooo,” I say in the whiniest voice I can muster.
“Ma’am, I’m going to need you to stop whining..” Jo Ellen yells from her office as I’m walking through her door.
“I’ve been home less than a week and I’m ready to go back. I can’t do this. I’m starting to understand Mason’s reasoning for breaking up with me at eighteen and that’s something I never thought I’d say. We FaceTime every evening while we eat dinner so it feels like we’re together. We text each other all the time. We call as much as we can, usually on lunch breaks. Why can’t I quit my life down here and go to New York permanently???”
“Woah, slow down. All of this is completely normal. I was in a long-distance relationship when I was in college. I moved here to live with him immediately after I graduated. I felt everything you’re feeling and couldn’t wait to close that distance. I won’t go into everything that’s happened since then but just know that rushing in any relationship will only harm the outcome.”
“I had no idea you’ve been in a long-distance relationship. I guess you’re right, though, about rushing. I don’t want either of us to feel rushed or skip forward too quickly. I just…” I take a deep breath before continuing, “I want to give this my all this go around. I feel like I could have fought much harder when we were younger and that’s partly a regret on my end.”
“It was so long ago and not something I bring up in conversation anymore. Like I said, I moved down here right after I graduated college. He graduated a year before me and was originally from here. I moved in with him as soon as I got down here and that, looking back now, is what essentially started the downfall of our relationship. We hadn’t been together long, just over a year, and realized that we wanted different things in life. We broke up less than a year after I moved down here and I had nowhere to go. I already worked here so I had to find housing fast or move back to North Carolina with my parents. I’m not saying all of that because I think that’s how you and Mason will end up. I have high hopes for y’all. You’ve got history and you’ve both grown as individuals over time. I just want to make sure you know that the hard parts will be over and what is meant to happen, will happen. Mason is crazy about you, that I do not doubt about. Take a deep breath. When you get a chance, talk to him about how you’re feeling. He’ll be a better help because he’s in this with you .”
“Jo, I am so sorry that you had that experience and I know you didn’t mention all of that to scare me. Thank you for sharing your story with me. It’s nice getting to know more about you. And I will bring this up when I talk to Mase tonight. I promise. I know that dropping everything and moving up there will cause more trouble than good, but ugh… I just don’t want the distance anymore.”
“It’ll be okay, Callie. Give y’all both grace in this situation, you deserve it.”
“Thank you for talking to me. I appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome. Now go make your coffee and get your work done. One step closer to talking to Mason.”
I’m plating my food later that night when I hear my phone ringing in the living room. Setting my plate on the island I run to catch it before it goes to voicemail.
“You’re a little late calling tonight? Everything good?” I ask before clicking the video button to connect to FaceTime.
“I got out of work late tonight. It’s been chaotic today but I’m hoping we got it taken care of, or at least working in that general direction. How was your day?”
“It wasn’t too bad. I had a good conversation with Jo Ellen and I actually want to talk to you about something. When I left New York you told me that when I’m having any kind of doubts to bring it to your attention and while I didn’t really think these are doubts, per se, having a conversation with you about it is important.” Walking back over to the island I lean my phone up against the vase of tulips I have sitting in the middle and pull my plate in front of me.
“This doesn’t sound so good. Let me get my food and drink and then I’m all ears.” Mason says taking off his work clothes and getting into gray sweats before making his way back out to the kitchen.
“It’s nothing bad. I’ve been in my head a lot about how I’m feeling and you’re the best person to discuss it with considering you’re in this with me.”
All I can see on Mason’s screen is the ceiling but he calls out “That I am. One hundred percent, and then some.” A few seconds later he leans his phone against something so I can see his face again. He shoots me a smile before saying “Okay, what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”
“Long story short I hate this whole long-distance thing. I told Jo Ellen earlier that I was ready to drop everything and move to New York and it’s only been a week. A week , Mason. How in the hell am I going to last months or years??” I say, pouting to help get my point across.
Relief shows through Mason’s face and it dawns on me that I might have made this sound like something far worse than it is.
“Well, that’s certainly better than what I was expecting.” He says, confirming my prior thoughts. “Cal, I feel exactly the same way but we both know that’s not a smart move. We’ve both got a lot of responsibilities at work and other things going on in life. I would love nothing more than for us to be closer and get to do all of the normal couple things together but I also know that we need this distance to make sure that what we’re feeling is legitimate. That it’s not our old feelings coming to the surface confusing us. As much as I hate to say that.”
“I know. I agree with you. It just really sucks. I wish things were different. I wish things could be different.” I reply, sliding my plate across the island and laying my head in my hands.
“I’ll come down there as soon as I can but until then we’ll have to stick to the nightly FaceTime calls and as many phone calls as we can manage during the day. It’ll work out, Cal. I have faith in that.”
I love how sure he is of us. It’s a huge change from what I’m used to. At this point, I’m no longer mad at him because this… sucks.