Chapter 1
Chapter One
Ten years later
“Turn left here.” Ray pointed, and Theodore made the turn. Almost home. She bounced on the passenger seat, urging the car forward. It’d been so long since she’d seen George and WoodSong.
Ten amazing years ago, George had taken her in as a foster child, then a woodworking apprentice, then a partner. Truly, aside from one hellish incident, it’d been everything she’d ever wanted.
These past months were the longest she’d been away.
Indiana winters lasted forever. To get her bachelor’s degree finished up within the year, she hadn’t even returned for holidays. But now… Back in Washington. Soon to see George. If she didn’t vibrate right out of her skin first. “Turn into this drive. Almost there, almost there.”
“Jesus, Ray, settle down.” After making the turn, Theodore gave her a chiding glance. “You’re hyper again. Nobody enjoys you going off.”
The unspoken words—especially me—were plain as day. Hunching her shoulders, she stared down at the floor mat and tried to control her emotions. Theodore hated when she was what he called over-the-top. Pa had felt the same way. “Sorry,” she whispered.
“Hey, it’s okay.” He reached over to touch her tightly fisted left hand. “You’re excited; I get it. But you’re not a toddler. Act like an adult, yeah?”
Finally, the car came to a stop in front of the house, all curving lines and windows, somehow blending in with the forest around it. WoodSong, another name for home.
When she’d called, George made an exception to his no-visitors rule and said to bring Theodore. He was going to do a protective parental inspection. And wasn’t that cool?
“He might be in the workshop and not hear us.” Ray shoved the door open and jumped out. A long, happy breath brought air scented with fir trees and moss and the briny fragrance of Puget Sound.
The front door opened, and George stepped out.
She dashed up the steps to hug him…and stumbled to a stop. “What…?”
Gray tinted his olive skin. His cheeks sank inward, making the bones jut out. His clothing hung on him as if the shirt and jeans were two sizes too big, except the forest green work shirt was one she’d given him last year.
And it had fit perfectly then.
“No. Gods, no.” He’d looked almost this bad before. Twice. Rather than grabbing him for a hug, she took his hands. “The cancer returned?” No, please, no.
His smile was wry. “I’m afraid so, Ray-chan.” He looked past her. “Welcome. You must be Theodore.”
“I am.” Theodore reached around her to shake hands. “Good to meet you.”
“And you.” George put an arm around her shoulders. She could feel his bones, as if all the flesh had melted away. “Let’s go inside.”
He sounded different, too, as hoarse as if he’d strained his voice.
Pausing to remove her shoes in the genkan, she motioned for Theodore to do the same. He patted her shoulder and complied.
“Have a seat, Theodore.” George motioned to one of the overstuffed chairs and then sat beside her on the couch.
Turning slightly, she saw how pain had etched lines around his deep-set, brown eyes. His short beard and hair were now almost all gray.
Her breathing was already hitching as dread lodged in her gut. “How bad, Faj?”
She saw Theodore’s puzzled frown at the nickname.
Come to think of it, she mostly used it when talking with George in person.
A year after coming to WoodSong, she realized he didn’t consider her a short-term foster.
He was keeping her. How she’d cried. And soon after started calling him a foster-father kind of name, “Father G,” which eventually compressed into Faj.
“Ray-chan.” He took her hand. “It’s my time.”
“No.” She rose so fast she staggered. “You beat it before. Twice. There are new treatments and…”
He was shaking his head. “Too many places, too advanced. The doctors say my time is short.”
“No. No, no, no.” She could hear her voice rise. “We can fix this—fix you again. I know we can.”
Theodore sighed loudly. “Honestly, Ray. Shut it down. He doesn’t need your drama now.”
Flinching, she sat down quickly and put her hands between her knees. Tried to squeeze all her emotions into a cold, dark cave.
“Ray-chan.” George’s frown came and went so quickly she almost missed it.
“I’m sorry, George.” Cold from hiding in her mental cave, she wrapped her arms around herself. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve come back right away.”
He rested his hand on her hair. “That’s why. I wanted you to complete your degree.”
His love could warm the coldest room. She pulled in a shuddering breath. “There’s nothing we can do?”
“No.” His smile appeared. A genuine smile. “I already had the gift of extra time twice. And although living another couple of decades would be nice, I’m not averse to this. I have enough time to get matters in order before a quick exit. My father had Alzheimer’s; I will escape his fate.”
He was a very private person, and she’d always felt honored whenever he shared some of his past. Usually when they were together in the workshop.
His soft voice would carry over the rhythmic sound of sanding.
He’d told her of slowly losing his beloved father over several years.
Of days when his father didn’t recognize him or his mother.
But still…
Tears filled her eyes, and she let out a hiccupping sob. “I don’t want you to die.” She reached for him—
Theodore made a disgusted sound. “Ray, control.”
“Sorry, sorry.” She sat back, blinking hard.
Faj’s mouth tightened, then he rose. “Theodore, I fear this is a poor time for a visit.” He held out his hand. “Thank you for bringing Ray-chan home.”
Caught in George’s politeness trap, Theodore rose, shook hands, and headed for the door. “I guess you’ll want to stay tonight, doll. I’ll leave your suitcase on the porch.”
She swallowed. “Yes. Thank you.”
“I’ll call you…uh, tomorrow so you can start moving into my place.”
Move in? Sure, they’d talked about it, but she hadn’t completely decided. He lived in Seattle, and she’d planned to continue working with George here on Bainbridge Island.
And now…
How could he think she’d leave Faj when he was…was…dying? She shook her head.
But Theodore had already left.
That evening, she carried mugs of hot chocolate into the great room.
Earlier, when she’d gone upstairs to her small bedroom, it was sparkling clean. A bouquet of pink peonies from the cottage garden sat on her dresser.
Although his sons were grown, Tomo in the military and Kaden with his own family, they each had a bedroom, and Faj had always welcomed them home with flowers in their bedrooms.
She’d never left for long before, but she still had a room here too. And his love, even if she was only a foster child.
Which was why she’d bawled her eyes out in the shower.
“Can we talk now?”
George was in his favorite recliner and accepted his drink with a soft, “Thank you, Ray-chan.”
She managed to smile for him. Curling into a corner of the big overstuffed sectional, she automatically looked around for the cats.
Stupid me. No cats. The ache of loss intensified. Mikan had outlived Yuki by a couple of years but died this winter while Ray was away.
Gods, she’d loved both of the adorable furballs.
When she moved in, sweet Mikan was immediately friendly.
Eventually, aloof Yuki decided she was a nice hooman and added her to his acceptable lap-providers.
But Mikan had been her favorite. The solemn ginger tomcat had placidly listened to her venting about whatever… as long as she kept petting him.
Their absence left a hole in the peaceful home.
What would she do when George was gone too? She swallowed hard. “Faj…”
“Mmmhmm?” He was considering her in that focused way he had. The one that made her feel like a mouse under a cat’s paw…and the most important person in his life at the moment.
Even as warmth spread through her, she frowned. “What?”
A quirk of his lips said he recognized her mock defiance. “When did you and Theodore grow serious enough to plan to live together?”
She talked with George every week while in Indiana. Just to touch base. Although she should smack him for not telling her his cancer had come back. Then again, he never liked to share important matters over the phone. Their most meaningful conversations happened while working or cooking together.
As for his question… “I’m not sure we are serious. Or moving in together. A couple of weeks ago, I thought I was falling in love with him.” She shook her head, feeling her face screw up in the wrinkled way Theodore made fun of.
Faj simply smiled. “That’s your puzzled expression. Have you bumped into a boulder on the downhill slide into love?”
“Maybe?” She sucked down some hot chocolate, feeling the mini-marshmallows bob against her upper lip.
The meeting between George and Theodore hadn’t gone the way she thought it would.
Faj hadn’t been friendly at all. “You can read people so good. Almost like their personalities strip down and get naked for you. How come you’re so much better at it than me? ”
He never minded how her brain swerved off onto side excursions. Even as a teen, she’d known how rare his acceptance was.
“Having a cautious, analytical personality helps. You, girl, leap before you look. I’m also older, more experienced, and”—a corner of his mouth tipped up—“have some…training in observing people.”
She did tend to jump into situations. “You didn’t like Theodore.” George hadn’t given any warm smiles. His voice had been chilly, his posture stiff. She could kind of read people—her friends and family, at least—when she paid attention. “How come?”
“It would be more accurate to say I didn’t enjoy how he talked to you or how you responded.”
“I don’t understand.” Theodore hadn’t talked to her. “Oh, you mean when he told me to calm down?”
“Yes, Ray-chan.” The muscles in George’s face had no padding to conceal the way they tightened. “Rather than offering support, he spoke to you as if you were misbehaving. Were too emotional even when learning someone you love is going to die.”
It took her a moment to get past hearing going to die. She blinked hard and tried a light laugh. “Theodore thinks I’m a drama queen.”
George rubbed his face with both hands, something he did when at a loss for the right words. “You said your father tried to fit you into a cold, emotionless shell. Is this not what your Theodore is doing?”
“What?” She turned her gaze away, toward the darkness outside the floor-to-ceiling windows. When she was younger, Faj worked with her to see how Pa’s behavior had been verbally and emotionally abusive. She’d finally understood…intellectually.
But Theodore? She swallowed. In the beginning, he said he loved her energy, her open emotions. How alive she was.
Recently, his compliments turned to criticism. “You’re such a drama queen.” “Stop acting out.” “What are you, five?”
“Noooo. Am I really dating someone who treats me the way Pa did?” Her belly hurt as her dreams of love twisted and cracked worse than a warped piece of wood. “I am.” She threw her hands up in the air in pure disgust. “He doesn’t like who I am. Not really.”
George tilted his head slightly. Waiting for her to think it all out.
Had she misled Theodore in some way? “I haven’t changed.” On her carved wooden ring, she rolled the tiny fidget beads back and forth. “We met after I won at darts in a bar, and hey, I went into a total screaming victory dance.”
George laughed softly. He’d seen her various victory dances…
for finishing a tricky carving, when a chocolate cake came out perfect, when she’d mastered intricate joinery.
After she’d first arrived, she’d done one without thinking—and seen him, and her bones tried to shrink.
Rather than making fun of her, he ruffled her hair and told her success should be celebrated.
Her father would’ve sent her to her room.
Months ago, at the bar, Theodore had liked her victory dance. “He seemed so wonderful, and we bonded over missing Washington’s cool air and evergreens. He’s the one who changed.” She sighed. “I guess when we got serious. Now he wants me to be a quiet person. Soft-spoken. Placid.”
“So it appeared to me.”
Each time Theodore chided her, she felt stupider. Wrong. And now, when she got loud, she almost cringed, even if she was all by herself.
She was letting him smother her personality. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice.”
Hell, it was because Pa had done the same thing. It didn’t take a psychologist to figure it out. She’d fallen for someone like her father. “I don’t want to be with a person who spends his time hushing me.”
“No, Ray-chan, you don’t. Expecting someone to change isn’t a healthy way to love.”
Theodore doesn’t love me. Not the real me.
She pulled in a shaky breath. She’d get over this. She would. But… “Sometimes it feels as if no one likes me for who I am.” Her eyes burned, and she blinked hard. “And I sound purely pitiful.”
He opened his arms for a hug. “Ray-chan, in the years to come, many will love you exactly as you are. I’m proud to have been one of the first.”