Chapter 42
If someone had told me a few weeks ago that I would be dating Colt Alistair, I would have bet millions of dollars against it.
Yet here I am, having dinner at a restaurant because neither one of us felt like cooking or eating frozen dinners again.
I guess this is considered a date. Even if it came out of necessity, we’re still two people eating a meal in a public place.
We also sleep in one bed every night and have sex almost every day.
So yeah, dating seems like the right term, even if we have never actually called it that.
“Are we dating?” I ask point blank.
Colt stops chewing, though his cheeks are still filled with his last bite. His elbows are resting on the table. He lowers the burger he is holding with both of his hands and looks at me over the bun. His eyebrows rise, then he quickly chews and swallows his food.
“Yeah… I mean, I guess. We live, sleep, eat, and take showers together. What else would you call it?”
“Roommates? Friends with benefits?”
“I told you how I feel about you.”
“You also told me about banging some girl at MIT.”
A grin spreads across his face, and I don’t miss the sparkle in his eyes as I mention other girls.
“You know I didn’t go to MIT.”
“The girl could have been from around here. I didn’t know if that part was a lie.”
“I didn’t have sex with anyone else. Not that time or any other time. And just so we’re clear, if another guy so much as looks at you too long, I’ll fuck you in front of him, then cut his eyes out and shove them down his throat,” he tells me casually before taking another bite of his burger.
I glance around us to make sure no one heard his over-the-top threat. Luckily, we’re sitting in a quiet corner, and the restaurant isn’t too busy right now.
“So why did you say that?”
“I wanted to see if you were jealous. Clearly, you are.”
I chew on the inside of my lip. Yeah, I guess I am jealous. “I don’t want you seeing other girls.”
“I know, and I won’t. You can trust me.”
“Did it ever bother you that I had sex with Nix?” This is a sore subject, so I’m treading lightly, but I also really want to know.
“No, not Nix. That was different. There was never any jealousy between us. I’m not sure why. Maybe because I always shared everything with him. Or maybe because I trust him so completely.” He drops what’s left of his burger onto his plate. “Let’s get out of here. I’ve lost my appetite.”
“What? No! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“It’s not that. I don’t mind talking about Nix.”
“Then what—”
“Hey, Colt.”
UGH.
Deborah’s voice makes me cringe worse than nails on a chalkboard.
She walks right up to our table but doesn’t greet or acknowledge me in any other way, which I guess is a step up from belittling and bullying me. Alongside her is a guy I’ve never seen before. He seems to be our age, maybe a little older, judging by all the tattoos on his arms and hands.
Unlike Deborah, his eyes are on me, zeroing in on me in a weird and creepy way.
“Funny meeting you here.” She waits for Colt to respond, but he is more interested in the leftover fries than her. “So, did you hear Bradley went on a weekend trip and never came back?” Another moment of awkward silence. If she was anyone else I would feel bad for her.
“Do you mind if we sit with you?” Deborah asks Colt as if I’m not even here at all.
Colt ignores Deborah like she does me and directs all of his attention to the guy next to her. “You know what’s funny, Jeremy? I was just telling Leni if someone looks at her too long, I’ll fuck her in front of him, then cut his eyes out and shove them up his ass.”
“Down his throat, actually. That’s what you said earlier,” I correct him with a grin.
“You heard her. Down your throat.”
Jeremy turns ghostly pale, takes a few steps back, and casts his eyes to the floor.
Deborah giggles nervously. “Well, can I sit with you?”
Now Colt does look at her. “Deborah, I don’t understand how you are this stupid and not realize when people don’t like you.
No, you can’t sit with us. Not now, not ever.
You are nothing but a stuck-up bitch, latching on to every guy who gives you a sliver of attention.
So do us all a favor and get lost before I throw up the burger and ruin this date. ”
I’ve never liked Deborah, but I can’t help feeling sorry for her. She turns her head away like she is about to start crying and doesn’t want anyone to see. “Let’s go, Jeremy.” She takes him by the hand and pulls him out of the restaurant.
I should be happy that Colt stood up for me, that he sent them off while also making it clear we’re dating. I should be giddy that Deborah got some of her own medicine, but instead, I’m reminded of how Colt can be.
The past few weeks have been so nice. He has been kind to me, even loving, and so attentive.
I almost forgot this side of Colt. Just like his dad, he has two versions of himself, and though I’m glad I’m on his “good side” now, knowing that he could change his mind about me any day has my stomach in knots.
Dread pools in my stomach. My mind is so hazy with fear I barely notice the server coming to clear our plates and bring us the check. Colt throws a few twenty-dollar bills on the table.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
He slides out of his seat and comes to stand beside me. “Let’s go home. You look a little pale—”
“What if you change your mind again?” Still sitting in my spot, I look up at him, waiting on his answer.
“What?” He looks confused. “What are you talking about?” He sits back down, but this time, he takes the seat next to me.
“Seeing you talk to them like that reminded me of how you used to talk to me.”
“I told you, I let that hate go. It’ll never be like that again between us.”
“But how can I be sure? How can I admit to loving you if I always have that fear?”
His concerned frown turns into a triumphant smile. “You love me?”
Shit.
“That’s not the point.” I try to play it off, but of course, Colt has no intention of letting it go.
“Well, it should be because that’s all that matters. I love you, and you love me. Why should we let the past get in the way of us being together now?”
“Because I’m scared that our past will be our future.
I can’t go through that again, not after everything that’s happened.
If you turned your back on me now, I don’t think I would survive it.
” That’s it. I’m putting everything on the table.
My darkest fear, my deepest thoughts. We had to go through hell to get here, but now we’ve made it. We came out on the other side together.
“It won’t be. I just know it, and if I have to, I’ll spend the next twenty years proving it to you. I love you, Leni. I want to be with you, and I won’t ever do anything to hurt you again. I swear.”
“I love you too.” The words have barely left my mouth when Colt’s lips are on mine. He buries his hand in my hair, pulling me closer into the searing kiss.
He holds my heart in his hand, and now it’s up to him to keep it safe.