Chapter Four
Lulu
In the late afternoon, it cleared up, and when Xavi ‘ got tired of having Lulu bouncing around in his space, climbing up and down his walls,’ he called it quits and took Lulu to the Cazenovia Park, which was their favorite.
Joe had joked once that Lulu was like a feral, hyperactive chihuahua and that you needed to walk him at least once a day or he’d jump you, going straight for your jugular.
It was kind of true, but only when around Xavi, Lulu wanted to go straight for Xavi’s balls instead.
“Fuuuck,” Lulu exhaled, stretching his arms toward the crisp blue sky. It was not too cold for December, just a slight chill in the air, a pleasant bite to your skin. “This is the life, isn’t it, osito?”
Xavi hummed next to him. They’d been walking for around thirty minutes now, and Lulu was feeling the last remnants of excess energy leaving his body. It was peaceful, and everything he’d needed. “You think we’ll see a deer?” He bumped his shoulder against Xavi’s.
“Not if you continue to yap away like that,” Xavi grunted, but Lulu recognized the fondness in his voice.
He knew every nuance in Xavi’s voice. Every dip and every little hum or grunt.
How it rose at the end of a sentence into that familiar, loving hermano.
He just loved Xavi’s voice, the deep raspiness of it.
He couldn’t help but wonder what Xavi sounded like when he was aroused, when he was deep in the throes of passion, when he came.
Cono, he bet Xavi sounded fucking delicious when he came.
That cock-lection today on Xavi’s bed had surprised the fuck out of Lulu.
Fucking tentacles. Who would’ve thought, ese?
The look on Xavi’s face had been fucking priceless, especially when that vibrator had kicked into action, causing the dildo to dance across his kitchen counter.
“... tonight?” Shit.
“Huh?”
Xavi frowned at him. “You have rehearsals tonight, right?”
Lulu nodded. “Yeah. Then tomorrow it’s opening night with the final show on Friday.” They were leaving on Saturday for their cross-country trip.
A dark shadow moved across Xavi’s face, then he nodded.
He wasn’t beautiful, not in a classical sense at least, this broody bear of a guy.
He was rugged in a way that clashed with his put-together teacher persona.
The tattoos peeking from behind the neckline of Xavi’s black Henley and the ripped black jeans paired with his beat-up motorcycle boots made him look more like a biker with a criminal record a mile long than a lover of Federico García Lorca’s poetry and 1960s Cuban jazz.
His leather jacket, which Xavi had taken off after only five minutes’ walk, was slung casually over his bulging shoulder, the muscles of his broad chest rippling as he moved. Sexy. As. Fuck.
“Cool,” Xavi hummed, his arm ghosting against Lulu’s, sending barely there tremors through Lulu’s body, even through the layers of winter clothes.
“You’ll come, right?”
“Of course, I will.” Xavi stopped on the path, his eyes soft, his lips curling into a slow, crooked smile.
“I promised, didn’t I, mano?” Lulu stopped too, swallowing as he zeroed in on Xavi’s corded neck, the pulsing bluish vein running down the side behind smooth tanned skin.
What he wouldn’t give to just get to lick along that vein just once.
Just to see if it tasted as good as it looked. To feel Xavi pulse against his tongue.
He nodded slowly, his mouth suddenly too dry for even a simple yes, then he started walking again, Xavi trailing after him quietly. After a few minutes, Xavi broke the silence. “When we get there, you point him out to me, vale?”
Lulu nodded. “Okay, Xavi.” Turning around, walking backward, he smirked. “Just wear your leather jacket.” Shit, he loved Xavi in that old, worn leather jacket. So fucking delicioso. “Just look… scary, all right?”
Xavi snorted. “Scary, huh?”
“Yeah. You know, that scowl you always do. You know, the one where you look ready to burn down the fucking world.”
Xavi shook his head, his pearly white teeth digging into his bottom lip to stifle a smile. “I do not have a scowl like that.” An adorably shy blush crept along his stubbled cheeks.
“Do too,” Lulu teased. He stopped walking, and Xavi, who was just a few steps behind him, nearly collided with him.
They were so close now, their chests almost touching, and even though Lulu was wearing his thick purple bomber jacket and a sweater underneath, his skin tingled with electricity from being so close to Xavi.
“You’re ridiculous.” Xavi took a step back, shaking his head again, mumbling something unintelligible, the blush deepening.
When they were younger, Xavi had worn his hair longer, but now it was buzzed close to his head, adding to the rough look.
Lulu fucking loved it. Xavi’s hair was cut so close to his scalp you could see every outline of his skull, every fine vein.
If there ever was such a thing as a sexy skull, it was Xavi’s.
“I don’t have a scowl,” Xavi repeated, smiling knowingly.
And then, just when Lulu thought he wasn’t going to, Xavi did it after all—scowled. And they both cracked up laughing.
They continued to walk, the clean, sharp winter air filling Lulu’s lungs to the point of bursting.
If he could just stay right here forever, with Xavi’s stoic, calming presence right next to him, the occasional brush of skin against skin when their hands met, he’d be happy for the rest of his life.
His childhood had been so chaotic, so unpredictable, especially after his mom had left.
At first, Lulu had wondered where she’d gone off to and why she hadn’t taken him and Manu with her.
Why she’d left them behind. As he’d gotten older, he’d stopped wondering, realizing she’d probably never come back and that if she wasn’t dead, she’d probably forgotten all about him and Manu.
The thing was, Lulu didn’t resent her for leaving.
Lulu had made peace with his past a long time ago.
At least for the most part. What was the point of dwelling on something that you couldn’t change anyway?
It would just eat you up inside, and life was too damn short anyway.
Soon he’d be thirty, a third of his life—if he was lucky—gone within the blink of an eye.
Nah, he’d made a conscious decision to forgive both his parents.
Didn’t mean he’d forgotten, though. Some things were just harder to forget than others, especially if you had the scars to prove it as a constant reminder.
“Wanna go down to the water?” Xavi nodded toward the path leading toward the Cazenovia Creek, which flowed through the park.
It was Lulu’s favorite part of the park, providing a habitat for a lot of migratory birds, and occasionally some black swans, too.
They always ended up there, sitting on a wooden bench facing the water, their bodies so close together that, from the outside, it must have looked like they actually were. Together.
Lulu swallowed, then nodded eagerly. “Thought you’d never ask, oso.”
They cut across the park and headed down a narrow path covered with leaves, dead branches crunching underneath their boots.
Lulu had foregone his new purple ankle boots and instead wore his comfy black leather boots with a faux fur lining.
He didn’t want to mess up the purple ones; they’d cost him half of last month’s pay from the director’s assistant job.
The path was slippery in places from the rain and the odd stone or two, and just when Lulu thought he was home free, setting off into a run when he saw the creek, his feet slipped beneath him, and he stumbled forward.
He just managed to brace himself with his hands before he hit the ground, instead slamming both his knees into the stony surface.
He knew right away that it wasn’t good, a sharp pain shooting from his kneecaps and up his thighs.
“Fuuuck,” he groaned, clawing at the wet ground, trying to get up, but he kept slipping.
“Lulu!” Xavi was right next to him, crouching in front of him. “Wait, let me help you.” His breath was warm, moist puffs of air against Lulu’s chin. “Are you hurt?”
Lulu nodded, tears stinging his eyes. Lulu knew pain, and on a scale from one to ten, where ten meant getting stitches or breathing your way through a broken rib or two, this wasn’t too bad. It still stung like hell, though, where small pebbles were digging into his knees.
“I’m okay,” he whispered, blinking back the tears. He’d ruined his jeans for sure, and they were his favorite. If anyone asked him if he’d dressed up for Xavi, he’d lie through his teeth, but the truth was that he had. He always did.
“You don’t look okay,” Xavi gritted through his teeth, a deep, worried frown digging through the space between his dark eyebrows.
“Shit, baby, you’re bleeding.” Baby. Lulu’s heart thumped in his chest, his head spinning, in part from the nausea because Xavi was right, he was bleeding, and also from the echo of that word swirling through his head.
Baby. Xavi hadn’t meant it. Not like that.
Still, Lulu would cherish it for the rest of his days all the same.
Baby. Then, suddenly, everything became too overwhelming.
The throbbing sensation in his knees, Xavi so close to him, his large hands wrapped around his shoulders, and that endearment spoken so naturally.
Before Lulu knew what was happening, he was sobbing against Xavi’s solid chest.
“I ruined my jeans,” he bawled, knowing for a fact that he was getting snot all over Xavi’s Henley. He rubbed his nose against the downy-soft fabric, breathing in the familiar smell of his favorite person, the woodsy scent with undertones of caramel and coffee.