Chapter Fifteen
Xavi
More. Fuck, he wanted more. So much more. If he ever confessed to Lulu how much he wanted him, craved him, Lulu would probably run screaming for the hills. Because Xavi didn’t just want Lulu. He wanted to own him, body and soul, in a way that terrified him and would probably terrify Lulu, too.
Xavi focused back on the road, while Lulu scrolled on his phone.
The weather had taken a turn for the worse in Nebraska, according to the weatherperson on the radio, so they’d probably stop in Des Moines tonight and see how it played out.
Good thing there was plenty of time until the wedding.
If they ran into a snowstorm in Nebraska, they’d perhaps be delayed by a day or two, but Xavi had planned for that.
Of course, he had. He always had at least plans B and C lined up.
Well, that was true for the most part, at least, because he hadn’t seen it coming that Lulu would turn their relationship upside down like this.
And he wasn’t only planless but clueless, too, it seemed.
Every step he took was into the unknown.
It scared him shitless, but he also knew deep within that if he didn’t see this thing through, he would regret it for the rest of his life.
“Oh my God!” Lulu suddenly jumped forward in his seat, squealing.
“What?”
“You never mentioned that we’d be passing Madison County.” Turning his head, Xavi found Lulu’s eyes wide and glowing with excitement.
“No? Something particular there?” Xavi feigned ignorance.
“Are you shitting me, oso?” Lulu fanned himself, gasping in horror. Then, whispering with awe, he continued, “It’s Meryl-land.”
“Meryl-land?” Xavi snorted. He knew how much Lulu loved Meryl Streep, as in worshipped her.
Lulu basically knew all her movies by heart, and they’d spent countless nights over the years watching Deer Hunter, Kramer vs.
Kramer, and obviously The Bridges of Madison County, with Lulu always ending up sobbing against Xavi’s shoulder.
“You know how I feel about Meryl.”
“I do.” Xavi chuckled, fighting hard to focus on the road instead of losing himself in Lulu’s beautiful eyes.
“Did you know we’d be passing?”
“Yeah,” Xavi admitted. He’d been planning on surprising Lulu if they’d made it past Des Moines today, but with the way the weather was acting…
“Were you gonna tell me?” Lulu’s voice came out unsure, suddenly vulnerable.
“Of course I was.” Lulu brightened instantly.
“It’s just… With the way the weather’s acting, it might be better to just spend the night in Des Moines and then head straight for Nebraska in the morning.
Snow’s coming, and in this car…” Xavi trailed off, shrugging.
No way he was going to get caught with Lulu in a snowstorm in a fucking FIAT 500, which Atención Alio had deemed fit for a cross-country road trip.
“I know, but what if I can find a hotel in Winterset?”
“Winterset?”
“Yeah.” Lulu frowned, glaring at his phone.
“That’s where the Madison County Welcome Center is.
They say they have guided tours, but we can just go by ourselves if you wanna.
The bridges are open during the nighttime, too.
Wouldn’t it just be…” He felt Lulu’s eyes on him, burning into his skin.
A tender kind of burn, though, allowing a comfortable warmth to spread throughout his body, so unlike those devastating flames which had once destroyed his body.
“Romantic?”
A small gasp spilled from Lulu’s lips, and it was only then that Xavi realized he’d spoken the word.
“Yes.” Lulu nodded slowly. “Romantic. Something boyfriends would do.”
Silence stretched out between them. Was he ready for this?
Was Lulu? If they went to see the bridges tonight, it would be the equivalent of a date, wouldn’t it?
There was no way around it. It would be fucking romantic.
Lulu was right. It was something couples did.
Lovers. Xavi bet it was even a place people went to propose.
It might end up being an epic mistake. Still, deep down, Xavi knew he couldn’t deny Lulu this, just like he hadn’t denied him when he’d come up with that ridiculous idea of being trial boyfriends.
“If you find us a place to sleep, we can go.”
“Oh my God, really? We can go?” Lulu squeaked, and if it hadn’t been for the seatbelt, Xavi was sure Lulu would’ve jumped into his lap.
“Yes.” Xavi laughed, his heart soaring at the sound of unadulterated happiness in Lulu’s voice.
“Thank you, oso. I’ll find us the best little hotel in all of Winterset,” he panted, as he tapped eagerly on his phone.
“Cono, I can’t believe we’re going to Madison County.
I never thought this was gonna happen. It’s on my bucket list, you know?
” Lulu continued rambling, and it was just the cutest thing ever.
If only Xavi could bottle up Lulu’s happiness this very moment and keep it for a rainy day sometime in the future when this would all just be a faded memory.
“What’s on your bucket list?” Lulu looked at him, his face glowing.
“I don’t have one.”
“What?!” Lulu gasped. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Nope.”
“But… but why not?” Lulu’s voice dripped with disbelief.
“I never really saw the point in having one. Either you do stuff, or you don’t.
” Xavi shrugged, feigning indifference, when really he knew exactly why he didn’t have a bucket list and why he never wished for much in general.
Because you only ended up setting yourself up for disappointment.
Xavi’s list would just end up becoming a constant reminder of how little he’d accomplished in life, a list of eternal regrets, staring him right in the face, mocking him.
“That’s fucking bullshit, and you know it, mano. Everyone oughta have dreams. If you don’t have dreams, then what’s the whole point?”
For once, Xavi didn’t know what to say. Lulu’s logic hit something deep inside him, poking at something he thought he’d buried good and hard in a place he couldn’t reach.
Dreams. Not just of the things he wanted to accomplish or of places he wanted to go.
But also dreams of the kind of life he secretly wanted.
A life with someone. Love. Romantic love.
Passion. A family. Children. Because if he allowed himself to access those dreams, they would automatically materialize and become real.
And they would eventually all end up in the same place.
Lulu. Because Xavi wanted all those things with Lulu and no one else, and if he couldn’t have them with his best friend, he’d rather go without, and how fucking sad was that?
There was no way he could admit that, especially not to Lulu.
“Well, fuck that. We’re making you one.” Lulu placed his phone in his lap, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“Lul—”
“We are. And visiting Lorca’s memorial in Madrid goes right to the top three.”
“You’re ridiculous,” Xavi hummed, but his heart soared. Madrid with Lulu.
“Kissing under the stars goes on it too,” Lulu rambled on. “Because that’s an easy one. It’ll get you started. We’ll do that one tonight on one of the bridges.”
“Sorry, what?”
“Yeah, we gotta practice. You still owe me a ‘real kiss.’” Lulu used his fingers to make quotation marks. “That’s what you said, right? That it wasn’t a real kiss unless you had to scoop me up off the floor afterward.”
“I didn’t exactly—”
“Well, you can kiss me under the stars tonight, oso, and then scoop me up off the bridge like a half-melted ice cream scoop.”
“Right.”
Lulu did, in fact, deliver and had found them a small and quaint bed-and-breakfast in Winterset. After chucking on layers of warm clothes, Lulu had beamed at him expectantly, his gray hat framing his lovely face. Xavi had just swallowed a dopey smile, and off they’d gone.
It had cleared up by the time they reached the Cedar Bridge, which was located almost three miles north of Winterset.
As they’d learned at the Welcome Center in Winterset that the bridge had been built in 1883 by someone named Harvey P.
Jones. And… and well, yes, the bridge was a bridge as far as Xavi could see.
Crossing a small river or perhaps more of a creek, it was indeed covered in what Xavi assumed was red-painted cedar planks.
It looked more like a huge red box than a bridge, and why an author would’ve ever thought these bridges would make for a romantic setting blew Xavi’s mind.
Then again, you could hide inside them, keeping your forbidden love a secret to the outside world.
“Isn’t it weird that they spent time covering the bridges with sideboards and roofs?
I mean, the bridges are tiny. How much time do you actually spend on it to need shelter?
Unless the bridges were commissioned by the American Adulterer Society?
” Xavi scratched the back of his neck as he took in the rather unremarkable construction.
Lulu stared at him, his mouth slightly agape, before he took a careful step inside the Cedar Bridge like the floorboards were going to jump up and bite him.
Then, crouching down, Lulu brushed his fingertips along the old flooring, which looked remarkably well-kept, considering the bridge was as old as it was.
“It’s the original planks, you know?” Lulu looked up, his cheeks painted a pale pink from the bite in the evening air.
“That’s why the bridges are covered. Not to shelter the people who crossed them from the weather, but to protect the timber.
” Xavi swallowed, his eyes now transfixed by Lulu’s fingers as they slowly swept along the timber planks, caressing them carefully.
“They had to shelter them from the weather, you see, because replacing the timber was much more expensive than replacing the lumber used to cover the sides and roof.”