Chapter Eighteen
Lulu
Asmall part of Lulu had feared Xavi would wake with regret in his eyes, making up some excuse that they’d both been too emotionally drained, too raw, too tired last night, and that they hadn’t meant what they’d said.
So it was with his breath held that Lulu got out of bed and tiptoed into the ensuite bathroom, where Xavi was already brushing his teeth.
Because of course, Xavi was already up. He’d sprung from the bed the minute his alarm had gone off at the ass-crack of dawn, while Lulu had just buried his head under the pillow and pretended he hadn’t heard it.
But it had been impossible to go back to sleep, with last night so vivid in his mind, that he was wide awake within seconds.
“Buenas.” Xavi smiled at him in that crooked, careful way of his, toothpaste dripping down his chin, and Lulu’s mind immediately strayed to all sorts of dirty places, something else trailing down Xavi’s chin, mingling with his morning scruff.
“Buenas.” Lulu returned the smile, digging his teeth into his bottom lip to silence anything flirty he was about to blurt.
Xavi’s cheeks instantly pinkened as his finger-thick, near-black brows lifted into a silent question, the same question that was burning inside Lulu.
Where do we go from here? What happens now? Are we really doing this?
“Sleep okay?” Xavi tilted his head, the toothbrush buried in his mouth, his generous lips so fucking inviting even with saliva and foam covering them. Especially with saliva and foam covering them.
Lulu nodded, leaning his hip against the sink, for the first time in his life at a loss for words and strangely modest, too aware of his morning hard-on tenting his sleep shorts.
“Good,” Xavi mumbled around the toothbrush, the corner of his mouth lifting into a shy grin, that damn dimple popping, causing Lulu’s heart to pop-pop-pop right along with it.
Reaching for Lulu’s toothbrush, where he’d placed it in a glass the night before, Xavi turned on the faucet and wetted it.
With nimble fingers, he then grabbed the toothpaste and distributed some on the toothbrush, then handed it to a stunned Lulu. “Here you go.”
“Thank you.” Lulu swallowed, accepting the toothbrush from Xavi’s fingers, then stared at it like it was an alien tool from far out of space and not a damn toothbrush.
“What’s wrong?” Xavi’s brow furrowed, his coffee eyes filling with worry.
“Nothing.” Lulu’s gaze dipped to the toothbrush. Then, before he could look up again, he felt Xavi’s presence, so close to him, their chests brushing up against each other, his hot minty breath hitting Lulu’s nose.
“Will you look at me, mano?” Xavi’s voice came from far away, muffled by the ringing sound in Lulu’s ears, and he fixated on that small familiar word that they’d both spoken a thousand times or more. Mano. “Please.”
Looking up, he found Xavi smiling carefully at him, the very same sentence burning in his dark eyes that was racing through Lulu’s body. I want to, but I’m afraid.
“Are you…” Lulu started as he looked up at Xavi, their gazes locking onto each other. “Are you okay?”
Xavi tilted his head, that frown back. “About last night?”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah, cisne. Strangely enough, I am.”
“No… uhm… no…” He couldn’t bring himself to speak the word.
“Regrets?”
“Yeah.”
“None. I’ll never regret you, cisne.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I know what you meant.” Xavi’s face sobered, heat moving through his eyes, determination too.
Funny how Lulu knew every little thing about Xavi.
How Xavi felt when he looked a certain way, how certain mannerisms were connected to certain thoughts, and right now Xavi looked fucking determined, without a trace of doubt in his eyes.
Brushing his free hand across his face, Xavi took a deep breath. “Let me see if I can put this right.”
Lulu couldn’t help chuckling, although his heart was racing in his chest. It was so typically Xavi. Always so careful with words.
Scratching the back of his neck, Xavi held out his hand, and for a few seconds, it just hovered there between them. Then, carefully, he reached for Lulu, sweeping his fingers along Lulu’s forehead in a barely there touch, tracing the outline of a worried line, his touch just a whisper.
“Don’t worry, mano,” Xavi smiled, warmth dancing in his eyes. “It’s all good.”
Lulu sucked in a clipped breath, then another, Xavi’s touch so featherlight, yet so reassuring.
Twirling his fingers around a stray lock of hair, Xavi exhaled, his chest vibrating against Lulu’s.
Then, slowly, he tucked the strand of hair behind Lulu’s ear, his fingers lingering just a few seconds on the shell, before they traced its outline and brushed along Lulu’s earlobe.
It was all so erotic yet so innocent, and Lulu’s body stirred with arousal like it had last night.
Everything inside him screamed at him to leap into Xavi’s arms and just let their mouths, their tongues, and their bodies do the talking again.
Xavi tugged carefully at his earlobe, pulling Lulu from his lust-induced trance.
“From the first time I met you, there was a promise in your eyes.”
Lulu’s heart nearly stopped beating, then did a weird somersault-like flip in his chest. That was not what he’d expected Xavi to say, and it took him a few seconds to locate his own voice where it had dropped to his stomach.
“A promise?”
“Yes.” Xavi’s fingers moved from Lulu’s ear, down his neck, until his hand came to a stop just where Lulu’s neck met his shoulder. “That you could mean more to me than any other person ever would.”
“Okay…” He was in some alternate universe. He had to be. Or perhaps he was still asleep. That was a possibility, too. Anything to explain away what was currently happening, what Xavi was saying, with such stoic conviction in his voice and naked vulnerability in his eyes.
“A promise that we could be perfect together. Not flawed or scarred or—”
“Or broken?” Lulu blurted out of nowhere, but was met with a grateful smile from Xavi in return.
“Yeah.” A flicker of nervousness moved through Xavi’s eyes as he held his breath.
“I felt it too. I saw it. Part of me didn’t want to, though. To see it. To feel it.”
“Why not?”
“It’s scary.”
A soft chuckle spilled from Xavi’s lips, then he nodded. “It is.”
Then, before he realized what he was saying, Lulu confessed his deepest, darkest, ugliest secret. “Everyone leaves.”
Xavi’s features immediately softened, and a wet sheen coated his soulful eyes. “I know it feels that way, mano.”
“You never do, though. You’re always here when I need you. Always.” Something that looked a lot like regret moved through Xavi’s eyes, then it was gone again, once again replaced by that softness.
“You’re always there for me, too.” Xavi tightened his hold around Lulu’s shoulder, pulling him closer against him.
“I’ll never leave,” Lulu whispered, their mouths so close now, their lips almost touching.
“I’ll never leave either.” Xavi pressed his lips gently against the corner of Lulu’s mouth, dried toothpaste sticking to his lips.
Lulu leaned into the kiss, feeling Xavi’s lips slide across his, then his tongue searching, probing, as it begged for entrance.
Lulu opened his mouth, dipping out his tongue, allowing Xavi inside.
Cushiony and warm, Xavi’s tongue found his, a deep groan leaving his chest, as his other arm reached back and wrapped around Lulu’s waist. Mirroring the thrust of his tongue, Xavi’s hips moved against Lulu’s, the outline of his hardness bearing witness to his clear arousal.
Humming into Lulu’s mouth, Xavi was suddenly everywhere, his scent, the warmth from his body engulfing Lulu.
“Xavi,” Lulu moaned into Xavi’s mouth, his own hips shooting forward, lust burning through him. Eager fingers tugged at the hem of his shorts as Xavi struggled to pull, to tear them down his body.
“Fuck,” Xavi gritted. “What are these? Fucking chastity shorts?”
“No,” Lulu snorted. “But there’s a string,” he teased. “You know what a string is, don’t you, oso?”
“Shut up,” Xavi growled, then started pulling at the string, untying it, before he, in one rough movement, which left Lulu’s head spinning, tore the shorts over his ass and down his thighs—all the way to his ankles. Then Xavi’s grinning face disappeared as he dropped to his knees in front of Lulu.
“Wha—Oh my fucking gawd!” Lulu’s voice morphed into a whine as Xavi, with no warning, buried his face against Lulu’s inner thigh, teeth digging into his skin.
It was just a graze, not a full bite, but it was so unexpected and…
such a possessive gesture that Lulu’s entire world tipped on its axis, and he felt himself falling.
Only Xavi’s strong hands were there, holding him up, clasped firmly around his thighs. “You… you bit me.”
Xavi glanced up at him through hooded lids, his thick eyelashes fanned out against his skin, his eyes dark, near black, a wicked smile curling along his lips. “I did.” The blush deepened, spreading like crimson watercolor down Xavi’s neck.
“Why?” Lulu panted, still feeling like he was in free fall.
“Because I wanted to,” Xavi shrugged, his blunt fingers digging into Lulu’s thighs, the imprint of his teeth burning their way into Lulu’s skin.
“Okay.” Lulu nodded because what the fuck could you say to something like that other than okay? What the fuck did you say to the guy you desired more than anything when he admitted so plainly, so honestly, that he bit your thigh because he wanted to? While he was on his goddamn knees for you.
“Okay?” Xavi lifted a brow, his lips slightly parted.
“Yeah, yeah. It just took me by surprise, is all.” Lulu carded his fingers along Xavi’s buzzed head. “Are you gonna do it again, or are you just gonna sit there, oso?”
Something dangerous moved through Xavi’s eyes. “Only if you ask me nicely.”
“Wha—what?” Heat nipped at Lulu’s skin, like that of a sunburn.
“Ask me to.”