Chapter Four
FOUR
Callum’s revenge comes thick and fast. He knows I’m itching to offload to somebody, anybody about meet-cutes in general, even though he doesn’t know the specifics yet.
Hamish! He’s on this very flight! Even without the specifics, Callum has decided to shut me down, pointedly putting his earphones back in and embarking on an entire film.
So selfish.
I consider turning back to the group behind me, who will probably be way more on my radar than Callum anyway, but Jennifer is now asleep and the rest of the gang are plugged in to their screens.
Damn it.
The drinks trolley is wheeled out and I’m offered a wine. Seems like perfect timing? Callum orders a whisky, flashing a dazzling look at the flight attendant before plugging back into his film.
A meal is delivered, and I’m already starting to get a bit confused by the time of day.
It’s only lunchtime in England but the cabin crew are calling this dinner?
Are they working to Australia time? Not that it matters too much, because the plane food on this long-haul flight looks surprisingly not awful.
On the short-haul flight to Barcelona I made with Penny last year, I ordered a ham and cheese baguette and was presented with a weapon of mass destruction.
The tray in front of me now looks much more appealing!
I’ve got a prawn salad to start, some noodles, a little baguette which is not making my IBS flare up from just looking at it, a fruit bowl and, ooh, what’s a Tim Tam?
Looks biscuity and therefore right up my street.
Throwing decorum to the breeze, I begin with the Tim Tam and Callum gives me a mildly disgusted look, as if he thinks I’m an animal.
I give him a shrug, eyes wide in appreciation.
Tim Tams are good!
While I eat, I drum my fingers on my pull-out table, desperate to offload this huge, Hamish-shaped life update and also absolutely acknowledging that Tim Tam followed by prawn is, in reality, not an ideal combination.
What would the Glucose Goddess say? My stomach makes noises in protest. Our trays are cleared away, Callum’s film finishes, he pulls out his earphones and resolutely does not look at me. Jawline set. Stubborn as hell.
That’s it, I’m just going to go and find Hamish.
I’m about to get up when the plane starts juddering, not a lot, but enough to make my stomach fall.
The copilot announces that we’re experiencing ‘a bit of turbulence’.
It’s only when Callum turns to me, looking for all the world to see like he is actually worried about me, that I realise my knuckles are white as I grip the sides of my seat.
‘Should it be doing this?’ I whisper. ‘The bumpy thing?’
‘It’s perfectly normal,’ Callum says.
‘Is it?!’
‘I didn’t have you down as a nervous flyer.’
‘I’m not a nervous flyer!’ I insist, although all the colour may have drained from my face. ‘I just … I don’t know. I wasn’t expecting it to be literally up and down.’
‘Take a breath,’ says Callum reassuringly. ‘Honestly, this is fine. I’ve experienced worse.’
‘You have? I’ve only ever flown short-haul before. Maybe I am a bit jittery,’ I concede.
‘Do you want some water?’ he offers, handing me a bottle.
‘Because … hydrating will help?’
‘Can’t not.’ He shrugs, motioning for me to drink some. ‘Take some steady breaths, too.’
I do as I’m told, feeling a little easier as the turbulence settles. Callum’s watchful eyes remain on me.
‘Thanks,’ I say with a wince. I then reach for the safety manual, realizing it’s high time I, too, acquainted myself with the ‘what to do in an emergency’.
‘Now she wants to read the instructions,’ Callum says to himself, amused.
I bristle.
‘I do wish you’d stop pointing out my seemingly endless number of flaws, Callum,’ I hiss. ‘We can’t all be perfect.’
‘You think I’m perfect?’
‘Yes. A perfect monster.’
‘And there I was about to invite you to tell me all about that meat queue you’ve been dying to talk about since this plane took off.’
I am seething at this. How dare he read me like a book?
‘Well, I’ve got news for you. You don’t deserve to hear my meet-cute story. It’s very sweet and you’d only taint it by listening.’
Callum is shaking his head.
I give up. Turning forwards, it’s my turn to demonstrably stick my earphones in as I choose the longest film I can find.
The seatbelt sign is still on, and it’s quite clear that I’m neither going to be able to talk about Hamish nor go and find Hamish for the foreseeable.
So be it. There’s the layover in Singapore.
I’ll accost him there. Well, not accost, that sounds a bit much, but you know what I mean.
And for now, I will rise above Callum Bang’s ever-annoying presence by being the bigger person and totally, utterly ignoring him. Two can play that game!
Oh man, this film is long and boring. I’m deeply regretting the decision to go for a ‘sweeping period drama’ when I could have gone for a more on-brand romcom and I am too stubborn to back out of it now.
Callum and his eagle eyes are bound to spot it.
At least I’m eating up some time, I think, pausing the film to check the plane’s progress.
Five and a half hours in. Just another seven or eight until we get to Singapore!
I reach forward to tinker with my screen, mounted on the bulkhead wall in front of me, and find a flight map which shows where we are in real time.
I love maps! I watch a mini version of this plane fly across the screen and peer at the city names popping up on the globe beneath it, trying to figure out where they are, but I don’t recognize many.
And here I was thinking I was a geography buff.
It’s my favourite topic at the pub quiz, alongside celebrity trivia.
Penny covers literature and the arts. To be fair we rarely win but as my mum would say, it’s the taking part that counts.
The Caspian Sea comes into view on screen and I make a little ‘ooh’ noise.
Now I know where we are! Right on the eastern tip of Europe.
I peer out of the window but we’re way too high up to see any of it.
I’ve always been fascinated by the Caspian Sea because, spoiler alert, it’s not actually a sea.
It’s the largest inland body of water on the planet, a vast chunk of water surrounded by Azerbaijan and Russia to the west and Kazakhstan and Turkmenistan to the east. Iran to the south.
And to see it on this map, it is, indeed, massive.
‘The Caspian Sea,’ says Callum, pausing his movie and pulling out his earphones. ‘Did you know it’s the—’
‘Largest inland body of water on the planet?’ I fill in.
‘I’ve always wanted to see it,’ Callum says, his eyes trailing from the map to me. ‘What’s up with your face?’
‘Why do people keep asking me that today?’ I frown.
‘Sorry,’ he holds his hands up. ‘It’s just that you’re looking quite, I don’t know, conflicted.’
Makes sense.
‘Right. Yes, I suppose I was just thinking that I, too, have always wanted to see it.’
Callum looks as surprised as I feel to have found another thing in common.
‘Apparently it takes about twenty hours to cross by ferry,’ I supply, filling in this awkward discovery of mutual ground with trivia.
Callum makes a quiet whistling sound, which is all the encouragement I need to bombard him with all of my facts. Turns out being pent up in a plane with no one to talk to has made me happy to engage even the devil himself in conversation.
‘It did used to be an actual sea,’ I’m saying, ‘but about five million years ago a tectonic uplift meant it became landlocked. Apparently it’s not as salty as the oceans but it’s not fresh water either, it’s kind of a mix.’
Callum nods, as if this is a normal amount of information about some random sea just south of Russia to have in my armoury. ‘You’ve got quite a few Caspian Sea facts up your sleeve there, Moss.’
‘I love geography.’
It’s at this point that I realize he is watching the romcom I forwent for the sake of the hefty epic I’m struggling to get through. Note to self, Oscar nominations don’t necessarily make for a fun watch.
‘Is that Ryan Gosling?’ I ask wistfully.
‘Yep. It’s pretty cheesy but quite amusing. Are you watching that foreign language epic everyone’s raving about? Very worthy of you, Moss.’
I roll my eyes.
‘Is it good?’ he asks.
‘It’s … hard work.’
He nods. ‘I’m a romcom man myself.’
‘Me too.’
‘Careful now, Moss, or we’re going to find that we actually have some things in common.’
I give him a look. Callum has jutted his chin out and even I can’t help but notice that strong jawline of his. Such a shame it was wasted on the god of the underworld, Hades himself.
‘For research?’ I ask.
‘Sorry?’ Callum frowns.
‘Watching romcoms,’ I explain. ‘Is it for research? So you can figure out how to lure in your next victim?’
Callum sighs, exasperated. ‘It’s not normal to be so discourteous.’
‘It’s not normal to be so annoying,’ I bite back. ‘And yet here you stand.’
‘I’m actually sitting.’
‘See! Urgh. So annoying.’
‘What is your problem, Moss?’ Callum looks deeply vexed by now.
‘My problem? You’re the one with the problem. And will you please stop using my last name? We’re not in secondary school now, in case you hadn’t noticed. My name is Nina.’
‘Nina,’ Callum says. The way my name sounds in his mouth. Oof. I watch, mesmerized, as his Adam’s apple bobs. ‘I do apologize,’ he adds.
‘What was that? An apology? From Callum Bang? Did someone get that on tape?’ I ask, pretending to look around for witnesses. ‘I need to alert the elders! Hold the front page! I can see the headlines now. “World’s rudest man apologises”.’
Callum folds his arms in front of him.
‘Enjoying yourself?’ he asks.
‘I am, actually.’
‘I’m glad to see that taking the piss out of me is bringing you such pleasure.’