Chapter Thirteen #2
‘I wasn’t thinking much, to be honest, it was so cold in that water.
I was just trying to focus on not getting hypothermia and also saving my friend from imminent death,’ Callum says, rubbing his eyebrow with his thumb.
I bite my lip. ‘As I got closer to him I could hear my mates back on dry land chanting something. “Stand up! Stand up!” And then I got close enough to my allegedly drowning friend and watched as he heard them too, stopped flailing about and put his feet down. I did the same. Turns out the water was so shallow both of us were head and shoulders out of it when we put our feet down.’
I clamp my teeth down on a knuckle.
‘So you didn’t need to risk hypothermia after all?’
‘No, I did not.’
‘And your friend was okay?’
‘Absolutely fine.’
‘That was very sweet of you,’ I say.
‘I thought maybe I’d be in the local press, you know? Man saves best pal from drowning on stag do.’
‘And … were you?’
‘The groom – my absolute bastard of a best friend – filmed the whole thing and put it on TikTok. I got recognized for ages after that, and not in a good way.’
‘Oh no,’ I chortle, passing him the bottle. ‘That is quite embarrassing.’
His fingers brush against mine as he accepts it and takes a long drink. Watching my arch nemesis drink champagne like this is not a chore, I can tell you. Every time he puts his lips to the bottle I find myself longing to be the jeroboam.
‘All right, your turn,’ he says.
‘Oh hell,’ I hiccup. ‘Why did we even start talking about most embarrassing moments?’
He leans back against the wall opposite. ‘You were singing “Mambo No. 5” as we came out here for some reason.’
Damn it. He’s right. And I was embarrassed.
‘I did say that I love that song, though, remember?’ Callum adds.
‘Well, there you go then,’ I say. ‘You’ve already witnessed mine.’
Callum shakes his head. ‘Nice try, Moss, but you’re not getting away with that. You have definitely done some far more embarrassing things than singing a song from 1999 as you snuck into an unoccupied bit of aircraft.’
My gaze meets his, delighted. ‘1999?’
Callum shrugs. ‘Like I say, I like the song.’
‘This is too good.’ I shift my position so that I’m lying with my back on the ground and my legs up against the wall. Don’t ask me why, it makes sense when I’m drunk.
‘All right, let’s see. Okay, so my best friend Penny and I went out for dinner to celebrate her birthday last year, and we had a lot of cocktails. Naturally we became ridiculous in this fancy restaurant. You know when you’re laughing so much you basically forget you need the loo?’
‘I’m scared to hear where this is going,’ Callum says.
‘By the end of the night I’m super tipsy and also desperate for the loo and I do not pay attention to where I’m going, I just stumble into the nearest bathroom. It’s one of those confusing toilet signs where you need a degree just to figure out which one you’re meant to go in or if they’re unisex.’
Callum leans against the wall, arms on knees, and beckons for me to go on.
‘It’s only once I’ve used the bathroom and am putting lipstick on in the mirror that I spot the urinals behind me. Which means I’m definitely in the men’s bathroom. Which is also fine, because I can sneak back out again, no problem. But that’s when Alexander Skarsg?rd walks in.’
‘No!’ Callum is thrilled.
‘Yes.’
‘I love him,’ he says.
‘Me too! But I tell you what, I don’t think Alexander Skarsg?rd loves me, not after my behaviour in the men’s bathroom that night.’
‘Please continue,’ Callum says, rapt, and I adore this about him. The way he makes me feel like he’s hanging off my every word, like nothing else matters in this moment.
‘Well,’ I pause. ‘My first reaction was to squeal his name at him really loudly because I was very excited to see him in the flesh. Who wouldn’t be?’
‘Hard agree.’
‘But then I realized that I was, in fact, in the men’s loos with Alexander Skarsg?rd and instead of, you know, apologizing and walking out of there with my head held high, I just started waffling on about how much I loved him in all his movies and he’s just standing there, being so polite even though he has clearly come into the bathroom for one reason only.
And when it finally dawns on me that I might be holding him up, I start handing him reams of toilet roll to facilitate his trip to the bathroom. It was toe-curlingly awful.’
Callum is rumbling with laughter.
‘See? Very embarrassing.’
‘I don’t know,’ he counters. ‘If I were Alexander Skarsg?rd I’d have been delighted to find you in the bathroom.’
‘You would?’
‘I would.’
I’m experiencing a head rush and it’s not just because I’m lying down with my legs kicked up against a wall.
I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m now certain that Callum likes me.
No, scratch that, he definitely hates me but he also likes me, right?
That love-hate thing? It’s the exact same way I feel about him.
I roll myself back to a sitting position.
He’s sitting opposite, one leg now splayed out in front of him, the other bent at the knee. His right elbow rests against that right knee, propping his head in his right hand. His eyes don’t leave mine.
I narrow mine at him.
‘What’s that look for?’ he asks.
‘You,’ I reply.
‘Me?’
‘Yes, you.’
‘What about me?’
‘I find you very …’
‘Very?’
‘Very.’ I land on.
‘I find you very too.’ He smiles. ‘Very many things.’
‘You don’t like me,’ I say.
‘That’s not true.’ He shakes his head once.
‘I think you might hate me.’
‘I do not hate you, Moss.’
‘Then what?’
‘It’s complicated.’
‘Here we are agreeing on something, again.’
Callum pauses to give me a lingering look that fires right into my soul.
‘Why don’t you tell me why it’s complicated?’ he suggests.
‘Over my cold, dead body do I go first.’
‘Is that an invite?’
‘See!’ I can’t help but smile at this. ‘Please, after you. It’s complicated because—’
‘Fine,’ he says, looking upwards for a minute before taking a long swig of champagne and passing it back to me. ‘I’m not sure that’s helping, to be honest.’
‘Fuck it,’ I say.
‘Funny, that’s exactly what I was thinking,’ he says, watching me as I take my own sip. His lips have parted and I have a fight on my hands to stay sitting where I am and not crawl straight over to him and pounce.
The air is thick.
‘It’s complicated because …’ begins Callum.
‘I can’t breathe when we’re in the same place.
I can’t think straight. You occupy every thought I have, every minute we’re together, and it’s intoxicating, Nina.
It’s like a drug and I just want more and I keep coming back to you because I can’t help it even though I know you don’t like me. I know you don’t want me near you.’
My heart is slamming up against my chest so hard I can hear it.
Callum’s just sitting there, casual as you like, describing exactly how I feel about him.
‘So, that’s what is confusing,’ he adds, taking his glasses off and pinching the tip of his nose.
‘I want you so badly even though you hate me and even though your ex is on this flight and clearly, clearly, you two have some unresolved history. And the weirdest thing of all is, I suspect a little bit of you wants me too. Which is probably why I’m still here. ’
I gasp. Pull my hair up on top of my head, because it’s suddenly very hot in here, and let it fall back down again. Callum watches my every move, rolling his bottom lip between his teeth.
‘A few things to address there,’ I say eventually.
‘Oh?’ Callum says with a little hint of a smile.
‘Mmm. Firstly, the unresolved history thing. You’re talking about my ex, and there’s quite a lot of complicated things happening in my life that I sure as hell don’t want to get bogged down with right now, but let’s just say that I suspect Hamish might be able to help me with something pretty major.
And yes, I was in love with him many years ago.
Not now. Now, I’m not sure I even like him massively, but I do think he can help me. ’
Callum nods slowly.
‘Second on the agenda. You’re right.’
‘I am?’ he says.
‘A little bit of me does want you too,’ I say. What the heck?! Here I am speaking my mind like a crazy person. I don’t even feel awkward about it! In fact, I quite like it. Refreshing!
‘Just a little bit?’ Callum asks, and he does not move an inch.
I’m itching to close the gap between us but this feels like a very delicate game of chess and I refuse to be the first to make a move.
‘Just a little bit,’ I reply, the most spectacular lie of all time. Every single last bit would be a more accurate response.
‘So if Humphrey’s out the way and you do like me, albeit fractionally …’ Callum pauses, cocks an eyebrow suggestively.
‘Like you say, it’s complicated. You’re always mean to me, for a start.’
‘You started it.’
I’m about to protest when I cast my mind right back to the first time we met.
I did make assumptions about how he got his job.
And then they solidified when I took it upon myself to wrongly decide he was a Christmas perve.
But nothing can get past the fact that he was rude about my job that very first day.
‘No, you started it,’ I insist. ‘Remember? How absolutely rude you were about my entire career on the day we first met?’
Callum shakes his head.
‘I do not remember that, Moss.’
‘What is up with people not remembering things today?’ I huff dramatically.
‘Here’s what happened. It was a Monday morning and Kat was introducing you, our new starter, to everyone in the office.
You came in, all charming and divine, and by that point everyone else was putty in your hands already. I thought, great, he seems nice.’
‘I am nice.’
‘Not to me! You were awful! Here’s the thing, I overheard you in the kitchen saying my job was “frothy”, and that’s an exact quote because it’s been seared into my memory ever since. That’s right!’ I add, expecting him to look embarrassed because it turns out I caught him out.
Instead, Callum looks nonplussed.