Chapter Twenty-One #2
Before he replies, Callum offers me his Tim Tam. He must have noticed how much I like them? Even after all this time, I find I do still have space for another biscuit.
‘Fuck, I missed you that day,’ he says.
My heart swells.
‘Me too,’ I say, mid-biscuit. ‘The timing was awful. You’d literally just told me that you were looping too and I had so many questions, and then I woke up a decade ago.
I was fuming, Cal. But in a way, I needed that.
It was a push in the right direction, and I definitely figured out a lot of stuff that day. ’
‘You did?’
‘I really did,’ I say, realizing that he’s not up to speed on the Hamish thing. ‘Just to be clear, I nipped a whole lot of stuff in the bud. Closed a chapter of my life that had been flapping open for way too long.’
Callum gives me a long, piercing look.
‘The ex?’
‘Dead and buried.’ I nod eagerly.
‘RIP Humphrey,’ he says, not looking remotely sorry for him.
‘I don’t mean that literally!’ I grin. ‘I’m talking about my conflicting feelings. I realized that the past is much better left where it is, that’s all.’
‘You’ve no idea how pleased I am to hear that.’ Callum tips his head back against the headrest.
‘How about you? Did you have some ties to sever?’ Suddenly all I can think about is Callum spending Monday Six with an ex of his and I try not to feel too jealous. After all this time incorrectly mooning after my own ex, I guess I deserve it.
‘You could say that,’ he says, looking at me.
‘I’m desperate to hear all about it,’ I reply. ‘And look, we’re flying over the Caspian Sea again. That gives us hours before we land. Where did you go? Please tell me it was somewhere more exciting than the ghost of Heathrow past.’
‘Oh, much more exciting,’ he grins. ‘I enjoyed a day trip to the very glamorous Port of Dover.’
‘No!’ I splutter. ‘Why?’
‘You really want to know?’
‘Yes! I’m dying to know! I want to know everything about you, Callum,’ I say, before wondering if that came over as way too keen. At least I’m being honest.
Callum’s still got his head tipped back, eyes trained on me. He doesn’t look like I just scared him off. The total opposite, actually.
‘I was at this huge crossroads on a Monday ten years ago,’ he starts to explain.
‘In the middle of a messy break-up, basically. I’d been dating my ex-girlfriend for a couple of years and I’d thought that she was the person I was meant to be with, which, by the way, could not have been further from the truth, I now realize.
But I reckon I needed to get back there and actually live that day again, in a way, to really see what was going on. That sounds insane, right?’
‘Sounds bang on the money to me. You’re describing exactly how I felt about Monday Six Open Brackets Ten Years Ago Close Brackets.’
Callum bites his lip to try and stop himself from laughing.
‘What? It is catchy!’
‘Anyway, I spent the day getting the coach down to Dover with Sara.’
Sara. Sara. Urgh, that’s an annoyingly nice name.
‘And?’ I’m on tenterhooks.
Callum winces, and I’m plunged into a panic. Oh heck. What if he decided that she was the woman for him? What if his future doesn’t involve me after all? What if he was kissing me at the airport because he’s just a bit of a dick?
‘It was pretty grim to relive. Suddenly having your memories come back in technicolour is—’
‘Traumatizing?’ I offer.
‘Yes. We will need so much therapy if we ever get out of here, Moss.’
We? My heart skips a beat.
‘First time around, I’d been convinced that Sara and I had a future together.
She was less convinced. That’s why we were going to Dover, actually.
She was taking a ferry over to France to spend a year teaching English over there.
And I was trying to convince her that I should go too, or that we should try the long-distance thing. ’
He pauses, shakes his head.
‘It’s kind of embarrassing to talk about, but I want to be honest with you.’
‘I’m very much not judging,’ I say. ‘You’ve witnessed first-hand a lot of my ridiculous behaviour over the past few days.’
Callum takes off his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose. My insides explode.
‘First time around, I put my heart on my sleeve, told her I loved her and didn’t want things to end. Might have even cried a bit. It was not cool.’
‘You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.’
‘Well, anyway, Sara wasn’t having any of it.
She got on the ferry and I left with a heavy heart and a promise to myself: I would never let myself get burned like that again.
It was too much. I can remember getting back on the coach, leaving Dover and feeling like I was shutting down, you know?
Of course, that was a whole decade ago and I suppose I didn’t even see the change happening, but it did.
Slowly but surely, I let that decision take root.
I haven’t fully opened myself up in a relationship since. ’
‘Self-preservation,’ I say, my heart breaking for him.
‘Misguided self-preservation.’ He nods. ‘So this time, when I got the chance to go back, I undid some of those things. For a start, it became very clear that Modern Day Me was never going to end up with Sara-from-ten-years-ago. Christ, she was annoying. So ditzy!’
‘It does make you wonder what was going through our minds all those years ago,’ I offer.
‘Definitely. Life is a learning curve.’
‘Yup. Got to kiss some frogs before you meet your prince.’ I joke.
‘Does that make you the prince in this situation?’ Callum asks with a grin.
‘One hundred per cent.’ I adjust an imaginary crown. ‘So do you feel different, now?’
‘Like a weight’s been lifted.’
‘It’s so weird, because you never gave off shut-down vibes to anyone apart from me. That’s what I couldn’t understand when we first met. How come this guy was always so charming and open to absolutely everybody apart from me.’
‘Can’t you see why?’
I shake my head.
‘The first day we met was a very confusing time for me, Nina. You took my breath away when I first saw you, standing there in the office in that polka-dot trouser suit.’
‘I love that trouser suit! I actually can’t wait for the winter so I can dig it out again.’
‘I look forward to that,’ murmurs Callum.
‘And I remember fighting hard not to stare at you because I did not want to be that guy, but every now and then I’d glance over and you’d be laughing with colleagues or tapping away on your computer or swishing your ponytail from left to right and, Christ, Nina. The things you did to me.’
‘I had no idea.’
‘And then you walked past the kitchen and you were so rude. And I remember reeling. How could this beautiful woman be such a douche?’
‘Oh my God!’ I snort. ‘I was not being a douche.’
‘I know that now,’ he says, leaving a long and deliberate pause.
‘And neither were you,’ I fill in, pretending to roll my eyes. ‘Although, you still kind of were, actually. What with all the aloof behaviour whenever we talked.’
‘Because I liked you from the moment we met. So I shut myself down around you. That self-preservation you were talking about.’
The plane’s coming into land as I try to process this.
‘You thought I’d do a Sara on you?’
Callum shrugs.
‘Maybe not that, but I was still living life by my stupid old rules. With Sara, I kept offering up more of myself and it was never good enough. I spent our whole relationship trying to twist my world to fit into hers. And after Dover, I said I’d never do that again.
So when you came along, like a firework exploding on a cold, dark night, I did what I always do. Shut down.’
‘So, what’s changed?’ I finally dare to ask.
‘Dover Part Two was a very different experience. Living it again helped me to see that I’d done nothing wrong, first time around. I just needed to stop beating myself up about it.’
‘Sounds enlightening.’
‘Very much so.’
‘But, Callum, what happened then? How did your loop start over?’
Callum rubs his forehead. ‘Nope. It’s too embarrassing.’
‘Oh come on!’
‘That secret will die with me.’
‘I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.’
‘You already said you got electrocuted?’
‘Well, there’s more and it’s very silly …’
Callum narrows his eyes at me. ‘You are a very persuasive person, Moss.’
‘It’s one of my great skills.’
‘Fine,’ he rumbles. ‘I choked on a burger.’
‘No!’ I squeak.
‘Stop laughing.’
‘I’m … not laughing?’
‘You’re almost crying, you’re laughing that hard.’
I wipe the tears from my eyes.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say eventually. ‘You just don’t strike me as a burger kind of guy.’
‘I’m not now, but ten years ago? I figured, while I’m back here and physically at my peak without even having to go to the gym, I might as well.’
The thought of Callum being any more physically ‘at his peak’ than he is now has my head spinning, and I almost trip over as we disembark the plane together.
‘And how was it?’ I eventually compose myself.
‘Gross. Very gristly. And also, you know, it did kill me.’
I bite my lip.
‘My commiserations.’ I beam.
‘Stop looking so happy about it.’
‘I’m sorry! I’m trying not to laugh, I truly am. If it helps, my phone charger killed me. Ooh, speaking of which, I could do with charging my phone again.’
I’m reaching into my bag for the charger when I feel Callum’s fingers wrap around my wrists. The sensation of his fingertips on my skin knocks the air right out of me and I stand stock still in Singapore airport.
‘Stop,’ he says, taking the charger out of my bag himself. ‘I’ll do it. Just in case. You okay?’
‘Your touch,’ I mutter. ‘It feels good.’
A fire flashes across his eyes.
He leans down until our foreheads meet. A sigh escapes my lips and he groans in response.
Passengers rush past.
‘Nina Moss, are you going to make a habit of making us late for things?’ he eventually murmurs.
‘I’m usually very prompt,’ I whisper. ‘This is definitely your fault.’
‘Come on.’ He scoops me up in his arms and marches us both through the airport towards the departure lounge.
‘I could get used to being carried around,’ I announce as he sets me down next to Clio and a drunk Brody.
‘We would certainly arrive at places quicker,’ Callum replies.
‘You two are adorable,’ Clio announces. ‘The last time Brody tried to pick me up he injured his neck.’
‘It’s because you’re so hench, babe,’ Brody calls up, eyes glued to his phone.
‘I’m surprised you noticed.’ Clio tuts, looking pointedly at Brody as his stares at his mobile. ‘My darling fiancé has spent at least half of the journey so far watching some bloke surfing on YouTube.’
‘The Scottish Surfer.’ Brody’s eyes light up. ‘Have you seen him? Mad skills.’
He holds his phone up and we all lean in to see a man perform tricks on his surfboard. I stare at his sandy hair and solid build as he cuts through the waves, recognition igniting. He’s far out on the water but something about the way he moves is so familiar to me. Hamish.
‘Dude’s impressive. He gets hundreds of thousands of likes every time he posts.
Look,’ he says, scrolling to show us the stats under Hamish’s latest video.
I feel a sense of pride swell up in me. I know that Hamish was, in reality, a bit of an idiot, but then he was only a kid when we met.
And it’s not like I’ve covered myself in glory these past few days, either.
So I have to say, I feel nothing but happy for him now as I watch this little slice of the life he is living.
Looks like he took my advice, and I’m chuffed that he’s making a success of things.
‘Good for Hamish,’ I say softly.
‘You know him?’ Brody hiccups.
‘An old friend from way back when.’
‘Could you get me an intro?’ asks Brody.
‘I’m going to say no. Sorry, Brody, but he’s from my past and I am very much focusing on my future right now,’ I say, furtive glance in Callum’s direction.
‘No worries,’ Brody replies. ‘Should we get married on surfboards, Clio? Do you think we can do that? We could have the wedding on the ocean.’
‘You’re drunk,’ says Clio.
‘I have my best ideas when I’m drunk,’ Brody replies, a dog with a bone.
Oh heck. A wedding on the ocean? I look to Clio, who rolls her eyes good-naturedly at her partner.
‘Matching white surf suits, maybe?’ Brody’s eyes are sparkling.
‘I do love that,’ Clio says. ‘What do you reckon, Nina? Is it doable?’
‘Nina can make anything happen,’ Callum says. ‘That’s why she’s the best in the business.’
I give him an incredulous look, to say thanks for the compliment and also cheers for signing me up to planning this massive task. He just beams back at me and I know, deep in my bones, that Callum Bang will always be trouble.
‘Right, absolutely,’ I rally. ‘A wedding on the waves. I’ll get on it as soon as we land.’
‘Maybe not as soon as we land,’ Callum interjects, eyes twinkling suggestively at me.
‘Oh yeah,’ Clio chips in. ‘Tonight’s dinner, can you both come too?’
Callum pulls up his phone calendar. ‘There’s been a change of plan. I’ve moved dinner with the family to tomorrow night because Brody’s brother isn’t getting into town until then, and I know you wanted all the family to be there for it.’
I stare at Callum, surprised by this update.
‘Good thinking, man, we can’t party without Jordy,’ yawns Brody, phone now abandoned as he struggles with the opening of his snack. ‘Plus we’ll be knackered tonight, Clio. Let’s just get home and get some sleep.’
‘Fine by me,’ says Clio as they’re called to board. She turns back to us with a wave. ‘See you both in Perth!’
‘See you there,’ I reply, turning to Callum. ‘You didn’t fancy the dinner tonight?’
‘Wanted to leave it clear.’ He looks at me. ‘Just in case.’