Chapter 5
5
‘We followed protocol, Kate. He might not see that now, but no papers were signed. We have to make these calls in the field all the time. If we have to get paperwork signed for everything we did, half the soldiers here wouldn’t make it. It’s not like back home, it was an emergent situation. He expressed it verbally, but the situation worsened and we could no longer ask him his wishes. It’s on me. I’ll tell him it was my call.’
‘No,’ Kate felt numb, but she didn’t need anyone to take the rap for her. ‘He needs a doctor he can trust, and I’m not that person any more. Don’t tell him. There’s no point. I made the cut, either way.’ She couldn’t regret her decision. She wouldn’t. She’d followed orders, saved a life. There was no point in regret, not here. It was done, and she would live with it. He’d live – and hate her forever. It was that point that bothered her more than anything else. It was irritational. Unprofessional, but unshakable from her thoughts. She couldn’t explain why this man meant so much to her, at this point in time and place. What it meant. Yet she couldn’t bear to think of him just slipping away, somehow. She knew in her gut that he wasn’t done. Maybe one day he would see that too, and hate her a little less. She would be home in mere weeks, and she would be some woman, part of a bad memory in his head. At least he will be alive ; she comforted herself with that thought as she sat there. After the debrief, when she had a break in duties, she gravitated back to him.
Cooper hadn’t spoken again, he was still sleeping off the meds. She had stayed at his bedside all night, checking his vitals, and now she had a crick in her neck and a heavy weight deep in the pit of her stomach. She had watched him sleep fitfully, his temperature spiking as his body fought off the remnants of the infection. Around five that morning, he had turned the corner, his vitals stabilising. Taking his leg had saved his life, and Kate was so relieved she could cry. His words, however, would haunt her for the rest of her days, and she wasn’t looking forward to facing him once he woke up. She wondered whether he would ever be thankful for what she did, given time. Wished she could be around to see how he was down the line.
For now, she could make sure he wasn’t alone. She got up when her phone rang. Seeing her husband’s name flash up on her screen, she sighed. Thinking about Neil was the last thing she needed right now, but he was back home, holding the fort with their son. After ending things, she owed him to at least pick up.
‘Hello?’ Cooper was still out, and a nurse was nearby. She walked towards her bed, wishing that the day was over already.