Chapter 19
Alison
Alison climbed into her father’s old bright red Jeep and was immediately hit by another wave in a seemingly endless tide of
grief.
The thirty-year-old Jeep smelled of him. Leather and pine and sawdust.
She knew that her grandmother or Pat Bailey, the ranch manager, started it up and drove it around every week to keep the battery
charged and the oil flowing freely. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to climb behind the wheel before, though.
Her father would never drive it again, and the reality of that hit her every time she looked at the Jeep.
He had loved this toy. After the winter snow melted and the mountain roads became drivable for the summer and fall, Carson
used to love taking the Jeep into the mountains. After her mother died, he would take Ali with him sometimes. He would load
up the dogs, a notebook, his fishing gear and a lawn chair and they would head up, exploring all the two-track roads in the
area.
He didn’t accomplish much writing during those trips, but she knew that hadn’t mattered to her dad. He had taken her because
she had been lost and sad and desperate to be with her one remaining parent.
While he sat beside a stream and scribbled thoughts in his notebook, she would walk the dogs or drop her fishing rod into
the creek or stretch a hammock between a few trees and curl up with a book.
She didn’t have her dad anymore, but at least she had memory after memory.
Doing her best to ignore the dull ache in her chest that never quite seemed to go away whenever she thought about Carson,
Ali turned the key in the ignition. The Jeep started with a low thrum.
Around the time she turned fifteen and had her learner’s permit, he let her drive it along some of those mountain roads, as
long as the terrain wasn’t too rough. She had learned to drive a stick shift that way.
As she pulled away from the house and turned toward her dad’s writing cabin, the sun sent long shadows across the road.
The air flowing through the open windows felt good after a long day at the bookstore.
What would she do if Loretta decided to sell the place? She couldn’t really blame her. Her grandmother was getting older.
She had plenty of volunteer work and hobbies to occupy her time, and the bookstore wasn’t a huge moneymaker, anyway.
What difference would it make if Loretta decided to sell? Ali was set to take the bar exam and would probably be moving to
Cheyenne to work at one of the three law firms that had made offers to her, until she had enough experience and felt confident
enough to open her own practice.
Whenever she thought about it, the future seemed like a big, muddled mess. Better not to think about it, she decided. Right
now she would simply focus on her sister.
When she pulled up to the cabin, she found June sitting on the porch with her feet up on the railing. She wasn’t reading a
book or looking at her phone or anything. She was simply sitting and looking out at the mountains.
When she spotted Ali, she dropped her legs from the railing and stood up.
“Hi. Good to see you,” June said.
Ali stepped out of the Jeep. “I brought you a present.”
June looked completely confused, until Ali crossed the space between them and handed her the keys to the Jeep.
“Today is the day you can officially drive again, right? I thought you might like some wheels to use while you’re here.”
June stared down at the key then back at Ali, her expression stunned. “I had forgotten I could drive again. Is this yours?”
Ali shook her head, though technically she had inherited everything of her father’s. “It was Carson’s. He loved this thing.”
June took in the Jeep with its big tires and its removable roof and doors. Ali couldn’t deny it was great fun to drive.
“He also has a fancy electric car. You’re welcome to drive that one instead, but there’s nowhere to charge it here at the
cabin so you would have to walk up to the house to get it every time you wanted to go anywhere.”
June walked down the porch steps and headed over to the four-wheel-drive vehicle for a closer look.
“The Jeep is ancient, but it’s in great shape and it’s really fun to drive. I was thinking you might want to use it to explore
the mountain. Though in retrospect, it’s probably not a good idea for you to take off on your own in an unfamiliar area. I
would be happy to go with you when I’m not working at the bookstore.”
“Or studying.”
Ali made a face. She didn’t want to think about the bar exam, since it filled her with all kinds of conflicting emotions.
“Right. Or studying. Maybe we could study while we go. You could drive and I can go over case law.”
“Deal. Thank you! That is really thoughtful of you. I would like to at least go into town on my own. I need a few groceries
and I would also love to check out your grandmother’s bookstore.”
“Want to take it for a spin?”
“Now?”
“Why not? It’s a beautiful evening. We have another few hours of daylight. Though I guess I should have checked. Can you drive stick?”
June smiled. “The very first car I ever bought when I was in college was a really decrepit old Toyota with a manual transmission.
I loved that car.”
“Great. Let’s go, then.”
June climbed into the driver’s seat, looking nervous.
“Where do you want to go?” June asked after Ali walked around the Jeep and climbed into the seat next to her.
“We can go anywhere. This thing can handle any kind of terrain. If you head out to the main road, I can show you some of the
closest mountain tracks where you can head into the back country.”
June started up the vehicle, looking nervous at first as she worked the clutch and the gearshift into Reverse and backed out
to the driveway then headed toward the ranch exit.
At first, she seemed uneasy, her shifting between gears slightly jerky, but she gradually relaxed.
“It feels good to be able to drive again. I hadn’t realized how much I missed it.”
“I have a friend from school who lost his sight from a congenital condition. He once said driving is like sex. You never know
how much you need it until you can’t do it.”
“I don’t know. I think I’ve missed driving much more than I’ve missed sex.”
Ali grinned. “Then you obviously haven’t been doing it right.”
To her delight, June laughed out loud. “I can’t disagree.”
“How did your day go?” Ali asked.
“Pretty good. I stayed busy reading your dad’s journals. I’m very sorry I didn’t have the chance to meet him.”
“He would have loved meeting you, too,” she said quietly, earning a surprised sidelong look from June.
She shifted, suddenly uncomfortable at the secrets between them.
“Take the next right,” Ali said. “Ahead of this curve.”
June slowed down as she approached the turn then sent Ali a wary look. “Are you sure about this?”
“Yes. The first part is a little bumpy, but then it smooths out. Or at least it did the last time I came this way with Dad.”
The road was worse than she remembered, rutted and rocky, jostling them from side to side as they bumped along.
“I’m not so sure about this,” June said. “Maybe we should turn around.”
“Give it a minute,” Ali said.
Sure enough, when they turned around the next bend, the road evened out substantially. It was still a mountain road, not a
paved highway, but it wasn’t as rough.
“See? Not so bad.”
“Says the person who’s not driving,” June muttered. She kept both hands on the wheel as the Jeep climbed a hill then dipped
down another one.
“Where does it lead? How far do you want me to go?”
“There’s a waterfall about a mile in. We can go that far, if you want. It’s really pretty in the evening.”
June looked doubtful, but she kept pressing forward. Ali leaned back in the seat, closed her eyes and simply inhaled the familiar,
beloved smell of pine and sage and mountain.
“This is great,” June said, “but I’m afraid I’ll end up lost somewhere in the mountains if I ever headed off on my own.”
“I’ll go with you anytime you want. We have a couple of off-road maps for the area at home. I’ll find one for you and you
can look through it and plan your next adventure.”
“Thanks. I appreciate that.”
They drove on and were nearly to the waterfall when Ali caught movement through the trees in the early-evening light.
“There’s a moose,” she said as her gaze sharpened.
“Where?” June hit the brakes as if afraid she was about to hit it.
“Right there, to your left. See that big pine? Look to the left in the river bottom. Oh, it’s Morty. He’s a big bull who always hangs out here.”
“Morty? Why do you call him Morty?”
“Dad named him one year and it stuck. We’ve always called him that.” She smiled at the memory of their delight whenever they
would cross paths with him. Her dad had written an essay about him once, she remembered. She would have to look for it.
“How do you know it’s the same one you call Morty? I would think all moose look the same.”
“He’s the biggest guy around. Hard to mistake him for anyone else.”
They sat in the Jeep, watching the big creature, who didn’t seem to be paying any attention to them. Eventually, he ambled
into the willows along the river where they could no longer see him, and June put the Jeep in gear again.
They turned another corner and there was the waterfall. It was more of a cascading series of small falls as the river moved
downhill to follow the terrain, but Alison had always loved coming here. The river rock was all covered in moss, and trees
hung over the water, creating an idyllic spot that was as lovely as it was restful.
“You can pull off here,” Alison said, pointing to a place where the road widened. It wasn’t really necessary, since she doubted
anybody else would be driving on this remote track, but driver etiquette dictated it was best to get out of the way in case
someone else came along.
June turned off the engine and the two of them walked to the water’s edge. The water glinted silver in the afternoon light,
and Ali thought she could see a few fish darting between the rocks.
She inhaled deeply, filling her lungs with sweet, clear mountain air.
June’s shoulders seemed to relax and she closed her eyes, lifting her face to the dying sun.
“You were right. It’s beautiful. I’m amazed this is so close to the main road.”
“There are all kinds of magical places that are only a short drive into the mountains. Now you have the Jeep, you can come
here whenever you want.”
“If I’m willing to jostle through those first rough few minutes.”
Ali suddenly frowned. “I should have thought about your heart. Are you okay?”
June momentarily looked annoyed. “I’m fine. My broken rib is a little tender, but not bad. I’m glad you brought me here. It’s
lovely.”
Ali nodded, guilty she hadn’t been more protective of her sister.
“If he were here, Dad would have offered up some philosophical commentary about how most of life is like the drive up here
to the falls. Whenever you want to see the beautiful spots, you have to first find the courage to bump your way through the
rocky parts.”
June looked out at the rippling water, lifting a hand to right below her collarbone then dropping it again.
“I actually wanted to talk to you about your dad.”
Our dad.
Alison tensed, the truth hovering between them. She had to tell June. If the other woman could handle driving a Jeep on a
rough mountain road, why couldn’t she handle finding out everything she thought she knew about her life was wrong?
“Oh?” she asked, her mouth suddenly feeling frozen and stiff.
“Do you know anything about a manuscript he might have written years ago, one he might never have published?”
Ali released a breath, relieved at the switch in topic. She didn’t have to say anything about their shared paternal DNA. She
didn’t want to ruin the beauty of the evening and risk setting back June’s recovery.
She would tell her, just not yet.
“Dad doesn’t have any unpublished manuscripts. Purgatory River was his first-ever book and then Beneath the Dusty Sky came after that.”
“What about between the two? It was nearly four years between his first book and his second. What if he wrote another one
in between there?”
Ali considered the possibility, but quickly discarded it. “He couldn’t have. He always said that during the gap between books,
he was searching for his soul. He traveled through Africa, India, parts of Tibet and Vietnam. He worked on a cargo ship. He
studied eastern philosophy. He walked the Camino de Santiago and lived in a monastery for a few months. He said he needed
those years to figure out who he was.”
“I’ve been reading about some of his adventures in his journal. He sprained an ankle badly on the Camino during his first
week and that’s why he lived in the monastery, recovering until he could finish. And he fell overboard on that cargo ship
during a winter storm and had to be rescued.”
“OMG. You’re kidding? He never told me that!”
“You’ll have to read the journals.” She paused. “But he also made some notes about a manuscript he was working on that bears
no resemblance to Beneath a Dusty Sky or any of his other works, as far as I can tell. This one is more of a Great Gatsby kind of story about an ill-fated love
affair and a man in love with another man’s wife, which wasn’t at all like the coming-of-age story in Dusty Sky . He called it The Forgotten Road .”
“If he wrote another book that remains unpublished, I’ve never heard about it. But he didn’t talk a lot about the early days
of his career. I didn’t know anything about the cargo ship, for instance.”
“I could be wrong, but he writes so clearly in his journals about it. He even records a few passages from it. He says, It wasn’t in the way she left, but in the silence that followed. I knew, as I watched her go, that there would be no letters,
no whispers of regret. She loved me, yes, but love was never enough to bend the world to our will .”
Could her father have been writing about his relationship with June’s mom? Ali was still trying to figure out the timing, but June had said her father was in the military and died when she was a baby overseas. Was it possible her mother had been married when she met Carson?
“If he wrote it and didn’t publish it, there must have been a reason. Maybe he thought it was too imitative of Fitzgerald.”
“Beck said he might have burned it.”
She blinked, surprised. She had no idea the two of them had the sort of relationship that encouraged literary discussions.
“When did you talk to Beck about it?”
Alison was suddenly interested to see a slight tinge of pink across June’s cheekbones.
“This morning he came to the cabin looking for Hank. He agrees that it’s curious. He thought we might find something in his
papers that are stowed around the cabin.”
“There are boxes and boxes. But if you want to sort through them, I’m totally fine with that.”
“Thank you. Right now I wouldn’t know where to look. I would like to read further in the journals first to see if I can find
out more.”
“I’m heading on an overnight ride into the mountains Sunday with a friend, but when I get back, I can help you.”
“That sounds fun.”
For some reason, Ali could feel her face heat now. She couldn’t seem to shake the memory of that photo album.
“Yeah. I’m going with my pal Xander. We’ve been talking about it for years and this is the first time in forever we’ve been
home at the same time. He’s a travel vlogger who’s always on the road, but he’s home for the summer to stay with his great-aunt
who raised him and his sister. She had hip replacement surgery. Xander was my best friend in school. My ride or die, you know?”
She clamped her teeth together, aware she was talking entirely too much about the man.
“That’s nice,” June said. “I feel that way about Adam and Rudy.”
“You’ve been friends since your college days, right?”
“That’s right. I don’t know where I would be without them.”
“Yet, you never... dated either of them?”
“I dated Adam for a while. It felt wrong somehow. We both realized we were better off as friends.”
Yeah. That was what she had to remember about Xander. He was closer to her than just about anyone else on earth. How could
she risk ruining that by letting herself see him in a romantic way?
She sighed, her head aching from chasing the same thoughts through her brain around and around.
“We should probably head back if we want to make it out of here before dark.”
“Good idea, especially since I’m driving.” June stood up and swiped the dirt off her legs before she climbed into the driver’s
seat of the Jeep, turned around and headed back down the road toward home.