Chapter 10 Wren #2
I’d been half in love with Holt Hartley since I could walk.
But it took some time for him to come around to the idea.
He’d said that he’d always loved me but that the love just looked different at each point in our lives.
I’d thought that would continue forever, never realizing he could simply walk away.
I tugged the keys out of my ignition and wrapped my fingers around them, the metal teeth biting into my flesh. I wished the flash of pain were stronger. I needed so much worse if I were going to make it through the next few hours.
Climbing the steps to the front door, I took one last lungful of mountain air. My steps paused, and I almost lifted my hand to knock as if Holt’s presence had turned this place into a stranger’s home. I shoved the impulse down and opened the door.
The sounds of muted chaos came from the living area. I followed its strains. Grae leapt from the couch the moment she saw me. “Wren!” She engulfed me in a hug. “I was worried you were going to bail,” she whispered.
“Your thirty-two texts might have given me a clue to that.”
She sent me a sheepish smile. “Was weak-a biznatch too much?”
I grinned. “That was my favorite one.”
“Come on. Let’s get a drink.”
She ushered me to the kitchen, and I was proud that my steps only faltered slightly as my eyes locked with deep blue ones. Holt’s stare was like a force field I had to fight against to make any forward progress.
“Hey, Cricket.”
A flash of agony ripped through me, but I simply nodded. “Holt.”
“My girl’s here,” Kerry crooned, pulling me into a hug. “Now all is right with the world.”
“I didn’t bring anything, but I’ve got two hands that can help.”
“All I need is you in this space, and I’m happy as can be.”
Warmth filtered through me, easing the worst of the pain of hearing my nickname on Holt’s lips.
“What’s up, Little Williams?” Nash asked, popping a cherry tomato into his mouth.
Kerry smacked his hand with a towel. “Wren, you can help me by guarding the food from these two heathens.”
Holt’s lips twitched into that devilish smile I’d always loved as he snagged a roll off the cooling rack. “It’s a compliment, Mom.” He popped a bite into his mouth. “I never eat as well as I do here.”
Nathan shifted in his seat. “If that’s the case, you’d think you would’ve made it home for more than twenty-four hours once a year.”
Pain lashed Holt’s face. It was there one second and gone the next. But the depth of it was so intense, I’d never forget the image.
“Nathan…” Kerry said in a low voice.
“Not holding my tongue in my own house,” he grumbled.
I sent Grae a sidelong look, and she gave a small shake of her head.
My gaze shifted back to Nathan, the man who had been nothing but an overgrown teddy bear to me.
He’d occasionally been hard on his kids, but it was always when they’d done something boneheaded.
And he always ended every lecture or punishment by telling them how loved they were.
Sure, Nathan had gotten more cantankerous as his recovery dragged on, but this was harsh—even to my ears.
Holt shifted on the stool at the counter. “You can say whatever you need to, Dad.”
Nathan snapped his mouth closed and turned back to the TV.
Roan stared at his father. His eyes darkened as he took the man in, but he didn’t say a word either.
Lawson’s jaw worked back and forth as he stared at his boots.
What had happened to this family I loved so much?
Had I been oblivious to them falling apart right under my nose?
I knew that I wouldn’t let any of them talk to me about Holt, but they told me about their holidays, ones I knew Holt was present for, and I’d heard nothing but happiness and hilarious stories afterward. This tension had to be new.
Kerry threaded the towel through her fingers, casting a worried look in her husband’s direction. I gave her arm a quick squeeze and started for the couch. Looking down at Nathan, I inclined my head toward the hall. “Take a spin with me.”
“Haven’t you heard? I broke my leg.”
“Please,” I huffed. “That was months ago. And I know for a fact that your physical therapist wants you taking loops on solid ground several times a day. You going soft on me?”
Nash covered his laugh with a cough.
Nathan arched a brow. “You checkin’ up on me?”
“You’re more of a father than I’ve ever had. So sue me if I’d like to keep you around a little longer and stop you from biting everyone’s head off. It’s gonna be real cramped quarters if Kerry kicks your butt out, and you have to come stay with me.”
He tried to glare but it was no use, his lips twitched. It was so similar to how Holt’s fluttered it made my chest ache.
Nathan reached out a hand. “Help an old man up.”
I wrapped my fingers around his, but he really didn’t need my help.
“Seriously, Dad?” Nash gaped. “I’ve only asked you three times to walk with me since I got here.”
Nathan shrugged. “She’s better company than you.”
Grae chuckled. “I could’ve told you that.”
“Come on,” I urged.
Nathan and I moved down the hall, away from the soft sounds of some sports game on the television and the muted conversation. It would take us all the way to the opposite side of the house.
“They’re all talking behind my back now,” Nathan grumbled.
“Only because you gave them a reason.”
His jaw tightened.
“What gives? I’d think you’d be happy to have Holt back.”
“I am.”
His voice was gruff like he’d been a smoker in another life.
“You weren’t acting like a man thrilled to see his son.”
Nathan was quiet for a moment as we walked, his gait labored but better than the last time I’d been here. “He won’t stay.”
“So what?”
His head jerked up. “I want time with my son. I put up with him chasing every life-threatening situation he could find all over the globe, but I’m done with it. I don’t know how much time I’ve got left on this Earth, and I’d like to actually get to know my boy before I’m gone.”
My steps faltered, and I gaped at Nathan. “So, you’re…what? Trying to heckle him into staying?”
Nathan flushed. “Hey, it’s worked so far. He’s made it to the seventy-two-hour mark. That’s the longest he’s been home in a decade.”
My chest ached as I turned to Nathan, my hands reaching up to his shoulders.
“What you two have is precious. Just because it’s rusty doesn’t mean the root of it isn’t still there.
If you want to find your footing again, be honest. Tell him you want him to stay.
That you want a chance to know the man he’s grown into. ”
It was a measure of how much I loved this family that I encouraged the very thing that would cut me open and pour acid into the wound.
But I knew what it was like to live with pain.
Over time, I could deal with this, too. The pain would become normal, and I could take it if it meant the Hartleys finding their peace.
Nathan pressed his lips together. “I’ll think about it.”
I looped my arm through his and guided us back toward the living area. “That’s all I can ask for.”
What sounded like a herd of elephants erupted from the basement, followed by shouts of glee and maybe some video game trash talk.
“We’d better get back there,” Nathan said as he picked up his pace, looking way spryer than before. “Those grandsons of mine could eat us out of house and home.”
“Like father like sons when it comes to food motivation.”
Nathan snorted. “I didn’t raise no fools.”
A grin pulled at my lips as we stepped back into the living area. But that curve of my mouth slipped away as I took in the sight in front of me.
“Put me down, Uncle Holt,” Charlie giggled.
Holt tickled the little boy’s side and held him upside down by one ankle. “What’ll you promise me?”
“You get the first slice of pie! I promise!”
Holt lifted him higher, tickling his other side. “I don’t know if I believe you…”
Charlie shrieked and laughed, making a grab for the pie sitting on the counter.
Holt swung him into the air and then caught him in his arms as Charlie begged for him to do it again.
Our gazes locked. An entire lifetime passed in a matter of heartbeats—years full of how Holt would’ve teased our babies, tossing them high and letting the giggles rain down around us. Years full of watching them grow and making that football team of a family we’d always wanted.
I’d been wrong earlier. I’d never learn to live with pain like this. It would swallow me whole first.