Chapter 14 Aspen
ASPEN
I was already mentally making my list. Roan could take me to get my car. I’d just have to make do with whatever Jim had done on it so far. Then I’d need to pack up here. Find someone to care for the animals. I could get Maddie for that.
“You’re not going anywhere.”
My head jerked up at Roan’s voice. It was hard and brooked no argument. “I don’t want to. But I don’t have a choice.”
A muscle in his jaw ticked. “Of course, you do.”
“They’re going to publish that podcast. And even if they don’t…if they found me, others can, too.” I shivered at the thought that someone already had. John. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell Roan about the letter, but I’d already shared too much.
“Leaving is the worst thing you could do.”
I jerked my hand from his. The loss of the contact burned, but I shoved that down. “It’s smart. It’s taking care of myself and Cady.”
“You’ll be out there alone. You have no idea how they tracked you. They could do it again. Here, you have backup. People who care.”
My throat constricted. The thought of leaving Wren, Maddie, and the whole Hartley clan had me struggling to breathe. For the first time since losing Autumn, I had people looking out for me. I’d be leaving that behind.
Roan pressed on. “If you leave, you won’t have anyone looking out for you. For Cady.”
That was the killing blow right there. When Autumn asked me to be Cady’s godmother, I’d sworn to protect her with everything I had.
“I don’t know how to keep us safe,” I admitted in a whisper.
“You let me help. Let Lawson help.”
Everything ached, the feeling of that bit of anonymity I had slipping away. “I don’t want anyone to know.”
My hand slipped under my shirt, finding the raised skin. People looked at you differently when they knew. They either pitied you or blamed you.
Roan’s jaw worked. “Just me and Law. I want him to give those assholes an official warning.”
It was better if Lawson knew. I understood that, but it still hurt. “Okay.”
Roan studied me for a moment. “You’ll stay?”
It might end up being a mistake, but I nodded. “I’ll stay.”
Maddie glanced over at me as we drove into town. “Are you okay? You seem jumpy.”
I winced. Apparently, I hadn’t been circumspect in my search for the silver van as we drove. I kept expecting the two podcasters to jump out and give me away at any moment.
“I think I had too much coffee today,” I lied.
She laughed. “A day off, and you still can’t stay away from the stuff.”
“I guess not.”
Maddie was quiet for a second, but a smile played on her lips. “Looks like you can’t stay away from Roan either.”
I stiffened. Roan had spent the day with me. He’d checked all my windows and doors to make sure the locks were adequate. Then he’d offered to help me muck out the barn. It wasn’t until just now that I realized he was probably supposed to work today.
“He was helping me with Dory,” I said quickly.
Maddie looked confused.
“The deer,” I explained.
“Oh.” She drummed her fingers on the wheel. “He’s not usually willing to be around people much. Don’t get me wrong, he’d do anything for his family, but that’s about it. I think that’s why he ended up at Fish and Wildlife. He does better with animals.”
“He’s good with people, too.”
The words were out before I could stop them. It annoyed me that so many people saw Roan as something other than what he was: a kind, gentle soul. A little rough around the edges, sure, but that was just the exterior.
Maddie’s brows lifted. “Sounds like you’re getting to know him pretty well.”
“Cady likes him,” I said, trying to avoid the subject.
“Well, my bestie certainly has good taste,” Maddie said as she pulled into the school parking lot.
As we slowed to a stop, Cady jumped up and down, waving maniacally. I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of me. It was the first one since Steven and Tyson had shown up. “I think she’s excited you’re picking her up.”
Maddie chuckled and jumped out of her SUV. Cady ran straight at her, and Maddie scooped her up in her arms. Cady giggled. “Today is the bestest. Charlie’s dad took us to school, and you’re picking me up. I gots all my Hartleys.”
My chest constricted. This. This was why I couldn’t rip Cady out of her life here. She’d lain down roots. Built a community. Had a support system.
Maddie squeezed her tightly. “You’re the bright spot in my day, too. You ready to go?”
I grabbed Cady’s booster seat and got to work installing it in Maddie’s SUV.
“I’m the readiest. Charlie already left with his dad.”
“Then it looks like we can hit the road,” Maddie said, setting her down.
Katelyn led her daughter by us, sending Maddie and me a dirty look. I tried my best to ignore her as I got Cady settled.
“What’s that woman’s deal?” Maddie whispered as we headed for our respective doors.
I shook my head. “I have no idea. She’s hated me since day one, and her daughter is awful to Cady.”
Maddie scowled. “I forgot you’d said that. It’s still bad?”
I nodded. “Unfortunately.”
“It’s depressing that some people never grow out of the mean-girl stage and then teach it to their children.”
I sighed as I slid into the SUV. “It’s exhausting.”
“What’s sausting?” Cady piped in.
I should’ve known better than to say anything around tiny ears. “Cleaning up all of Mabel’s poop.”
Cady giggled. “I’m not sorry I missed that.”
Maddie snorted. “I bet.”
Cady chattered on and on about her day as we headed home, telling us who she and Charlie had played with at recess, the book their teacher read to them, and the art project of the day. I didn’t think she stopped for a breath until Maddie parked at our house.
“Can you come in and play, Maddie?” Cady asked hopefully.
“Sorry, bestie. I gotta go train a dog right now. But let’s have a girls’ night soon. We can do glitter manicures.”
“Yes!” Cady cheered.
“Thanks again for the ride. I really appreciate you going out of your way.”
Maddie just smiled at me. “I love getting a little extra time with you two. I’ll be by in the morning to get you.”
I tried not to let the feeling of being a burden well up. “So glad you came into The Brew looking for a job.”
Maddie shot me a dirty look. “Do not make me cry, Aspen Barlow.”
A laugh bubbled out of me, and I held up both hands. “I’d never.”
She pulled me in for a quick hug. “Love you.”
That burn along my sternum was back, spreading and taking over. “Love you, too.”
But I wasn’t sure I’d earned the right to say those words to Maddie. Not when I was keeping so many secrets. I released her with guilt swirling around me and forced myself out of her SUV.
I glanced around my property, a shiver cascading through me. I had the sudden bizarre wish that Roan was still here. His big, burly presence made me feel safe in a way I almost resented. I’d been going it alone for years and worked hard to ensure Cady and I were safe.
Opening the back door, I unhooked Cady’s booster seat straps. “Ready for a snack?”
“Obvi.”
My brows hit my hairline. “Obvi?”
She grinned. “Drew says it a lot.”
I could only imagine all the things Charlie’s older brother said. I only hoped Cady wouldn’t accidentally drop an F-bomb in the first grade.
Cady hopped out of the back seat and ran toward the house.
“Just leave the booster since I’m driving you tomorrow,” Maddie said.
“Okay, thanks. Have a great training session.”
“I’m meeting with a chihuahua with aggression issues.”
“Oh, boy,” I muttered.
Maddie’s eyes filled with humor. “He loves the wife but growls and bares his teeth whenever the husband gets near her.”
I chuckled. “Have fun with that.”
“I always do.”
I shut the door and headed for the front porch.
Checking the screen door, I pulled out the tiny piece of wood.
Then I set to work unlocking all the locks.
Each one sounded like a cannon going off.
They used to make me feel safe. Secure. But now I felt exposed.
As if a dozen of them wouldn’t protect me.
Cady charged inside the moment the door was open and began her lovefest with Chauncey. I quickly closed the door and relocked it, stepping to the window to survey the drive. I watched and waited as Maddie drove off. No silver van appeared. But that didn’t mean it wouldn’t.
“Mama?”
I turned at the sound of Cady’s voice.
Her face scrunched. “You okay?”
She was a little empath, through and through, always sensing others’ emotions.
“Yeah, honey. I’m okay.” I wouldn’t lie and say I was good. I wasn’t. But I was okay. We were. And that would stay true.
I let out a long breath. “You know what we need?”
Cady released her hold on Chauncey. “What?”
“Cocoa smash.”
Her eyes went comically wide. “Before dinner?”
I laughed. “Sometimes, you need to treat yourself. But you have to promise me you’ll eat your veggies when it’s time.”
“I promise! I promise!” Cady started booty shaking across the living room toward the kitchen, singing as she went. “Cocoa smash. Cocoa smash. Cocoa smash.”
Warmth spread through me as I grabbed the vanilla ice cream from the freezer and the hot chocolate mix from the cupboard. I dished up ice cream and sprinkled a healthy dose of the powder on top.
“Extra on mine!” Cady begged.
I sprinkled a little more. “Go big or go home, right?”
“I always go big.”
I grinned. “I like your attitude.”
I smashed the ice cream and hot chocolate mix together, creating what almost looked like chocolatey soft serve. Then I handed a bowl to Cady. She took it gleefully. “Tell me the story again.”
Pain struck deep, but it was an agony I always welcomed. “Your mom always had the best ideas.”
Cady was curious about her mom but didn’t bring her up often. She knew Autumn was in heaven and looking over her, and that Autumn had given her all the best parts of herself. But she also knew that it wasn’t safe to tell others about her mother.
Cady smiled as she took a bite of her ice cream. “Maybe that’s where I get my good ideas from.”
“I bet so.” And it killed that Autumn wouldn’t get to see that in her daughter.
“I’d had a bad day at school. Some kids were mean to me.
” I left out that they’d been making fun of me because my clothes were too small and ragged.
“I really wanted ice cream with chocolate syrup—it was my favorite—but we didn’t have any syrup.
Your mom tore the kitchen apart looking. ”
“But she couldn’t find any,” Cady supplied.
“Nope. There was none to be had. But she told me she was going to make me the most special dessert.”
Cady grinned, chocolate all over her teeth. “Cocoa smash.”
“She made up the name on the spot. Made it feel special. That was just the way your mom was. Could make the most normal day feel extraordinary.”
“I wish I knew her,” Cady whispered.
I slid into the seat next to her. “Me, too, Katydid. But she loved you so much. The amount of love she gave you in just a few months was more than most people get in a lifetime.”
Cady stirred her ice cream, now turning to soup. “I’m kinda lucky.”
I stared at the little girl I loved more than life, wondering what she meant.
“I get two of you. My mom and my mama.”
My chest felt shredded. “I’m so lucky I get to be your mama.”
I pulled her into my arms. “Heart explosion. I need to hug you.”
Cady giggled. “It’s too tight.”
“Sorry, I’ve got too much love to give, and it’s leaking out of my eyeballs.”
She squirmed free. “You gotta get control of that love stuff.”
I picked up my bowl of ice cream and took a bite. “Never.”
A knock sounded on the door.
I was instantly on my feet, crossing the space as my heart hammered.
My fingers curled around my Taser as I peeked through the little window, bracing myself.
The air left my lungs on a whoosh as I took in the figure on the other side.
Unlocking the deadbolts and the knob, I opened the door. “What are you doing here?”
Roan’s broad form ate up the space, and the intense energy surrounding him swept outward, cascading over my skin. “You got a couch I could stay on for a while?”