Chapter 16 Aspen
ASPEN
“He’s still sleeping,” Cady whispered, leaning over Roan.
I frantically waved her back to me. I swore, you let a six-year-old out of your sight for a second, and you never knew what they’d do.
She leaned closer, almost as if checking his breathing. Roan’s lumbering exhale fluttered the hair around her face. He looked so relaxed in sleep. Peaceful. Almost childlike. I’d never seen him with so few defenses in his wakeful hours. And it made me wonder just what he was guarding against.
Cady glanced up at me, and I widened my eyes as I kept waving her over. She frowned, her shoulders slumping, but she obeyed.
“I want Mr. Grizz to have breakfast with me,” she complained.
“Then you’re going to have to wait a bit. Most people don’t wake up at five in the morning.”
Cady let a little giggle loose. “I was excited. I couldn’t sleep.”
Something foreign slid through me. A longing.
For something I wasn’t sure was in the cards for me.
Watching Roan sit as Cady painted each fingernail and toenail last night, letting her talk his ear off and answering whatever out-there question she asked, had made me realize I wanted that.
A partner. Someone to share the ups and downs with.
But that was impossible when you didn’t let anyone in enough to truly know you.
“Okay, I’ll eat now,” Cady mumbled. “I’m too hungry.”
I bit back a laugh. “All right. What do you want? Cheerios and bananas or Cap’n Crunch and strawberries?”
“I want the Cap’n,” Cady answered.
“Coming right up.” I grabbed bowls and cereal, then got to work slicing berries for us both. As I turned around, I caught sight of Pirate slinking around the couch.
It was as if it happened in slow motion. I waved a hand, trying to get the cat’s attention, but she was too focused on her prey. That prey being the bare toes peeking out of the blanket covering Roan.
Pirate launched herself onto the arm of the sofa and attacked Roan’s foot with a vengeance. He came awake on a shouted curse, jerking upright. The cat let out a loud hiss, not pleased to be separated from the game.
“What is that thing? A monster from the seventh circle of hell?” he snarled.
I hurried over to him, snatching Pirate into my arms. “She’s just a kitten. She’s still learning her manners.”
Roan glared at the creature in my arms. “It looks more like that thing went ten rounds with Mike Tyson.”
“She’s not a thing. She’s uniquely beautiful,” I argued.
He lifted a brow as if to say: Is that really what you’re going with?
I knew that Pirate was a little odd-looking with her one eye, half an ear, and patchy fur, but she was loved.
“Mama says looks don’t matter. It’s what’s on the inside that counts,” Cady chimed in helpfully as she munched on her cereal.
“What’s on the inside is a demon. I almost lost a toe,” Roan grumbled.
“Pirate just got carried away. She’s sorry. Aren’t you, girl?” I asked.
Pirate butted her head against my chin.
“I’m not taking any chances. Where are my shoes?”
Roan let the blanket drop, revealing that he had been shirtless underneath it. My mouth went dry as I took in his broad shoulders and muscled chest. A dusting of hair covered his pecs, trailing to a line down his abs and below.
Roan stood, bringing us face-to-face, just a breath apart. We both stilled. It was as if the world went quiet around us, and there was only him and me. So close it would only take the barest of movements to know what his lips tasted like.
Pirate swiped out with her paw, smacking Roan right across the face.
“What the hell?” he barked.
She leapt from my arms onto the couch and then darted down the hallway.
“You scared her,” I chastised.
“She could’ve taken my eye out,” Roan snapped.
“You need some cereal, Mr. Grizz,” Cady said around her bite of Cap’n Crunch. “You’re hangry.”
I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing. “What do you think, Mr. Grizz? Would some cereal help?”
Roan scowled at me, and then a look of interest filled his face. “What kind do you have?”
“Cheerios and Cap’n Crunch.”
“I haven’t had Cap’n Crunch since I was a kid.”
I grinned. “Captain it is. Pirates are partial to you, after all.”
The scowl was back on Roan’s face. “I’m going to get cleaned up.”
He headed down the hall. I chuckled to myself as I headed back to the kitchen and made Roan a bowl of cereal.
“Mr. Grizz is funny,” Cady said, still munching away.
“He is.”
A few minutes later, Roan emerged dressed in a fresh Fish and Wildlife uniform that accentuated his shoulders and chest. I instantly dropped my gaze to my cereal.
The chair between Cady and me slid out, the legs dragging against the wood floor.
“Are you gonna help more animals today?” Cady asked.
“I’m not sure yet. Maybe,” Roan said as he took a bite of cereal.
I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. His light brown hair was a little wild, swooping across his forehead. My fingers itched to get lost in the wavy locks.
Cady peppered Roan with question after question. He never lost his patience with her or got annoyed. Instead, he asked what her favorite animals were and if there were any she wanted but didn’t have.
An ache settled in my chest as I watched the two of them. I wanted this for Cady. But it wasn’t something I was sure I could ever give her.
“All done,” she chirped.
Her voice snapped me out of my swirling thoughts. “Teeth and outfit time. You want some help?”
Cady shook her head. “I can do it. Can I wear my glitter boots today?”
There was so much hope in that question.
“I think we’d better wait one more day. There’s still a lot of mud out there.” Or there had been when I slipped out to feed the animals this morning. Dory’s wounds were already healing. I had a feeling she’d be good to go in a matter of days.
Cady pouted. “I hate mud. It ruins everything.”
“It just means you’ll appreciate your glitter boots that much more tomorrow.”
Cady slid off her chair and started singing Tomorrow from Annie as she headed down the hall.
“She’s definitely got a flair for the dramatic,” Roan said.
I chuckled. “I predict theatrical productions in our future.”
His gaze roamed over me, heating each place it touched. “What’s with the glitter? Everything with you two is covered in it.”
My cheeks flamed. “Cady has always loved it.”
“What about you?”
“She likes to make sure I have my sparkles.”
Roan was quiet for a moment, simply staring at me. “And you give her what she wants.”
I shrugged. “Something as simple as this that makes her happy? Why wouldn’t I? It makes her feel like we’re connected.”
He swiped his thumb back and forth across the stubble below his bottom lip. “She knows you’re not her birth mom.”
It wasn’t a question. And I shouldn’t have been surprised that Roan had put the pieces together. He always saw a little bit more than everyone else.
“She understands she has two moms. She calls me Mama and Autumn Mom. She also knows that her mom has to be a secret.”
“She knows what happened to her?” Roan’s voice grew rougher with his question.
I shook my head. “Not really. She knows someone took Autumn away. The older she gets, the more she reads between the lines.”
“She’s gonna want to know more.”
I let out a breath. “I know. I never want to lie to her. It’s about choosing my words carefully.”
Roan nodded slowly. “You’re an amazing mom.”
My throat burned. “It’s been trial by fire, but I’m learning. And I love her like crazy.”
“Anyone can see that.”
His words were a balm. I often doubted that I was enough for Cady. That I could be all she needed.
Our eyes locked and held for a beat, then two. An understanding swirled between us.
“I’m going to talk to Lawson about everything this morning, but I’d like to loop Holt in, too,” Roan said, making a swift subject change.
I jerked upright. “No.”
He lifted a brow. “He’s still part owner of Anchor Security, his company back in Portland. He can get an amazing system in place here in no time. And he can do recon on Steven and Tyson.”
I shook my head rapidly. “I don’t need a security system, and after everything with my car, I sure as hell can’t afford one. And Law can look into the podcasters.”
“Holt will keep it to himself.”
“I don’t want anyone else to know. It’s hard enough that you’re going to tell Law. I just—it makes people look at me differently. And the more people who know, the easier it’ll be for it to get out, even if they don’t mean to slip up.”
It was already sending me into a panic that Roan knew. The fact that he was so quiet helped. He wasn’t a chatterbox. Didn’t get loose lips.
Roan sighed. “Fine. We’ll start with Law.”
“Thank you,” I breathed.
His steely blue gaze met mine. “Just want to make sure you’re safe.”
My breath caught in my lungs. I couldn’t inhale or exhale. I’d wanted that for so long, someone to care what happened to me. If I lived or died. If I was all right. And here Roan was, handing that care to me as if it were the easiest thing in the world.
The gift was dangerous. Because all I wanted was more.