Chapter 45 Roan
ROAN
As I turned onto Huckleberry Lane, I noticed both Lawson’s and Nash’s headlights following me. I groaned. All I wanted was to go to what I thought of as home. To wrap myself around Aspen and make sure she was okay. To listen to Cady tell me all about the many adventures of her day.
But I should’ve guessed that Lawson and Nash would also want to check on them. I turned onto the drive and grimaced at all the vehicles in front of the farmhouse. Scratch that. My entire family had decided they needed to make sure all was okay.
I parked at the end of the row and slid out of my truck, heading for the door. I opened it to laughter. Everyone was piled on every available surface.
I scowled as I took them all in.
Grae caught my look and burst out laughing. “Someone is not happy we’re here.”
Maddie grinned and waggled her eyebrows. “I think he was hoping for some alone time with Aspen when he got home.”
My scowl deepened.
Nash smacked me upside the head as he passed. “Don’t glare at my girl.”
Cady launched herself off her chair and ran toward me. “Mr. Grizz!” She leapt in the air, and I caught her, balancing her on my hip. She pressed her little hand to my stubbled cheek. “Why so grumpy?”
Everyone hooted at that.
I loved my family, but sometimes I wanted to kill them.
“It’s a little loud in here,” I told her.
Cady giggled. “We’re having fun.”
“Yeah, Mr. Grizz,” Grae called. “You should try it sometime.”
I shot her a glare and moved through the throng of people. There was only one other person I wanted to see. I pinned Holt with a stare, and he instantly rose from the spot on the couch. I lowered myself and Cady to it.
“Mr. Grizz, we invited Heather to play at recess, and she was nice.”
My brows lifted, a bit of anxiety swirling in my chest. The last thing I wanted was that kid hurting Cady.
Charlie scrunched up his face. “She wasn’t that bad. She doesn’t like frogs, though, so we can’t be best friends.”
Lawson chuckled at that. “It’s good to have priorities.”
“But also to give people second chances,” Aspen said, ruffling Cady’s hair. “Proud of you, Katydid.”
She smiled as she clambered off my lap and called to Charlie about getting out her new game.
I turned to Aspen. My hand lifted, ghosting across the deepening bruise on her cheek. “You should be resting.”
Her beautiful mouth curved. “This is way better.”
Something shifted in my chest. Gratitude for my interfering, nosy family. That they made my girl feel loved and cared for. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to her forehead.
“Oh, schnitzel,” Grae muttered. “I’m going to cry.”
Caden chuckled and pulled her tighter against him in the overstuffed chair. “Gigi.”
“It’s the freaking hormones,” she muttered.
Wren laughed. “Welcome to my world.”
My dad looked around the room, surveying its occupants. “What’s the latest?”
It was then that I realized he was checking for kids. None of them were here. Cady and Charlie had taken off for her room, and I guessed Luke and Drew were playing video games in Aspen’s tiny office at the back of the house.
Lawson frowned, his gaze shifting to Aspen. “Not good.”
She stiffened next to me. “What?”
I wrapped an arm around her. “The victim was Tyson Moss.”
Aspen sucked in a breath.
“Who’s that?” my mom asked.
Wren sent her a worried look. “One of the podcasters.”
Lawson kept his focus on Aspen, something in his expression telling her to brace herself. “We need to consider the possibility that someone who likes killing came here because of their fascination with John’s case.”
“Oh, God,” Aspen whispered.
“Hey,” I said, cupping her uninjured cheek. “None of this is your fault.”
“People are dead,” she said, the words barely audible. “Animals, too.”
“Because of someone who’s seriously messed up in the head. Not because of you.”
Aspen nodded, but her eyes glazed.
“I think we need to consider asking Holt’s company for a security detail,” I told her.
That pulled Aspen into the here and now. “I don’t know. Having strangers following us would scare Cady.”
“We can explain it to her.”
Aspen’s brows pulled together as she stared out the front windows. “It’s like there’s no good choice. One scares her; the other puts her at risk.”
I couldn’t take the pain in her voice, anything but that. “We can figure out another way.”
Lawson nodded. “We can station an officer at the school and keep one at The Brew. Roan, Nash, Holt, or I can drive you wherever you need to go.”
Gratitude swept through me at my brother jumping in to help.
“What about me?” Caden groused.
“You got a concealed carry permit I don’t know about?” Lawson asked.
Caden scowled at him. “Fine.”
Aspen scanned the room. “Thank you. For keeping us safe. For making sure Cady has the life she deserves.”
I pulled her to me. “Nothing’s going to happen to either of you.” I knew my voice held a hint of desperation, but it couldn’t be avoided.
Aspen’s head tilted back, and she lifted her hands to frame my face. “It’s not going to happen again. We’ll be okay.”
Holt’s gaze narrowed on the two of us. “What’s not going to happen again?”
“Nothing,” I muttered.
Aspen dropped a hand to my chest and whispered, “Tell them. It’s time.”
Everything in me constricted. I knew this secret had built a wall between me and my family. Created a darkness that ate away at me. Until I’d seen Aspen. She’d reminded me of all the good there was in the world. Helped me fight off the darkness before I even knew her name.
I pulled back, searching Aspen’s eyes. I saw nothing but acceptance in her gaze. She’d be there for me either way.
My dad shifted on the other sofa. “What’s going on, Roan?”
I swallowed, my throat going dry. I turned to see all of them staring expectantly.
Aspen wove her fingers through mine, squeezing.
“I lied about something,” I said. My voice was calm and even, nothing giving away the war going on inside me. That calmness had always been my protection. My mask.
I stared down at my hand linked with Aspen’s, the point of contact grounding me. “Remember when I had my mountain bike accident?”
The energy in the room shifted, everyone going on alert.
Every single person aside from Aspen had been affected by that time.
Wren had almost died. Holt had almost lost the love of his life—Grae her best friend.
My parents had been a wreck. It was Lawson’s first murder case.
And Caden, Maddie, and Nash had all been trying to support the people they loved.
“Of course,” my mom said. “You were in bed for weeks. I still think we should’ve taken you to the hospital.”
I swallowed the bile in my throat. “It wasn’t a bike accident.”
Dad’s gaze turned alert. “Then what the hell was it?”
“I got jumped. Didn’t see who they were. It was late in the day, already getting dark. They got me from behind. Thought I was the one who’d helped kill all those people.”
It hurt to say the words. Nearly burned me alive to set them free. And it was then that I knew just how much this had weighed on me. The price I’d paid all these years. How it had made me retreat further and further until I’d almost ceased to exist.
“What?” Mom whispered.
“I didn’t want you to know.” My voice was a husk of a rasp.
“Roan,” she choked. “You were black and blue from head to toe. You had a concussion and broken ribs. Someone did that to you?”
“Who?” Dad demanded. “You must have seen something.”
“I didn’t,” I said, trying to find that calm again. “I have no clue who they were, and I don’t want to know.”
“Why the hell not?” Nash demanded. “They need to pay for what they did. They could’ve killed you.”
I let out a stuttered breath. My feelings on what had happened had changed since I’d met Aspen and come to know her light.
I wasn’t constantly wondering who’d stuck the knife in my back; I simply felt sorry for them.
“I don’t want to put a face to that hate.
Don’t want to know who in my community could’ve been cold enough to do that.
But what I do know is that they have to live with it.
With the fact that they attacked someone innocent.
It likely tortures them. That’s enough.”
“It’s not enough,” Grae choked out, tears filling her eyes. “You changed. I thought it was just being a suspect, but it was this.”
I couldn’t lie to her and say I hadn’t. Because I had.
“But it made him the amazing man he is today,” Aspen said softly, her voice breaking through the crackling energy in the room.
She looked around, meeting everyone’s eyes.
“It made him kinder than anyone I know. More empathetic. It made him want to care for creatures who need our love and protection. It made him fiercely protective of every single person he cares about. What he went through was horrible. But Roan turned all that ugliness into the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. ”
Grae cried harder. She slid off Caden’s lap and crossed to me, pulling me up. Then she threw her arms around my middle. Grae had always been tiny but fierce. And her grip now was that of someone four times her size. “I love you. More than you’ll ever know.”
“I love you, too, G,” I whispered. “I’m okay. I promise.”
Her gaze flicked to Aspen. “Because she helped you heal.”
I couldn’t lie. That was a huge part of it. Aspen showed me how our worst moments could become our greatest strengths.
As Grae released me, Holt stepped in. So much swirled in those familiar blue eyes. He hauled me into a hug. “I’m so sorry. I was so lost in what I was going through. I couldn’t see that you were hurting.”
“Holt,” I choked out. “You nearly lost the person you love most in this world. You didn’t need to be worried about me.”
“You’re my brother.” There were tears in his voice. “You never should’ve dealt with it alone.”
Wren had tears tracking down her face as she squeezed my arm. “We should’ve done more to protect you. I tried to tell them you didn’t have anything to do with it. I should’ve tried harder.”
“Wren…” I pulled her into a hug. “You were healing from being shot. It’s a miracle you had it in you to tell them what you did.”
Each member of my family hugged me in a way they hadn’t in years. And for the first time, I really let them. We all needed it. I knew that much.
Lawson stepped into my space, his gaze hard. “You should’ve told me.”
“I didn’t want anyone to know.”
“I was a damned cop,” he growled.
I took his shoulders, squeezing hard. “Not everything is your responsibility.”
“I could’ve done something. Got camera footage. Found witnesses,” he argued.
“Law. I’m okay.”
His dark eyes blazed. “I’ve seen you battling something these past weeks, so on edge with everything happening to Aspen. It was more than just being worried for her. It was terror.”
I let out a rush of breath. “I know what it’s like when people turn on you.”
Lawson cursed.
“I have to battle with that knowledge. But it helps that my family has stepped up for her in every way. Helps me trust that she’ll be safe.”
The muscle beneath Lawson’s eye fluttered. “The way you should’ve been safe.”
“I’m not going to say I regret it,” I told him. “Because it brought me to where I am. Here. Now. And even with the shitstorm swirling around us, this is the happiest I’ve ever been.”
I let my older brother really see that. I didn’t hide beneath a mask of calm nothingness. I let him see the fear but also the sheer joy.
The problem was, being this happy meant I had more to lose.