Chapter 35 Hallie
HALLIE
Silence swam around us, the kind of quiet that echoed in your ears. The kind that was so absent of sound it hurt.
“You’ve been talking to your mom?” Lawson’s voice vibrated with emotion, so many different kinds I couldn’t pin one down.
Luke lifted his chin, defiance shining in his eyes. “You can’t keep me from talking to her.”
“Wanna bet?” Lawson clipped.
“She said I could go to a judge. That I’m old enough, and they’ll listen to what I want. I could ask to live with her.”
Pain struck through me. For Lawson. For the agony I knew Luke’s words inflicted.
“Have you seen her?” The emotion was gone from Lawson’s tone now. His voice was completely empty. Devoid of everything.
“No. But she wants to come visit. You can’t keep me away from her.”
Lawson studied his son, and even though he was trying to hide it, I could see the brutal pain in those blue eyes. I wanted to go to him, to wrap my arms around him and give him a fraction of the comfort he’d given me.
“Did you go looking for her?” Lawson asked.
“She messaged me on Insta,” Luke mumbled. “She misses me. All of us.”
Lawson stared at his son for one beat, then another. “How long?”
Luke crossed his arms over his chest. “I dunno. Like a year. Is it a crime to talk to my mom now, too?”
A year. I remembered Lawson telling me that Luke had seemed to change overnight about a year ago. It couldn’t be a coincidence. And I could only imagine what Melody might be filling Luke’s head with.
“She told me that you screwed her in the divorce, too. That she’s gotta work two jobs just to pay for a shitty studio apartment,” Luke went on.
Lawson’s jaw tightened, his back teeth grinding together. “She ask you for money?”
Luke’s gaze jerked away, and I knew we had the answer.
“How much?” Lawson whispered hoarsely.
“None of your business,” he snapped back. “It’s my money.”
“Money that you get in allowance from me.”
Luke whirled back toward his father. “I do stupid-ass chores for that money, so it’s mine. You hate her that much? She’s our mom!”
Lawson stared, unseeing. “Gave her every penny.”
My gut twisted, anger flaring again at Lawson’s ex. A woman who would take all the money her kid had. Who would fill his head with lies and cause him untold pain.
Luke glared at his dad. “It’s beyond fucked up that you told her she can’t see us.”
“A judge told her that,” Lawson growled.
Luke blinked a few times as if this were new information for him, but then he brushed it off. “Yeah, ‘cause you’re the police. They’ll always take your side.”
“They didn’t take my side, Luke. They took yours. They took Drew’s. They took Charlie’s.”
“Not letting us see our mom isn’t taking our side. That’s stealing from us.”
The muscle along Lawson’s jaw fluttered as he struggled for words.
I reached out, grabbing his hand and squeezing. My message was a silent one, but I hoped Lawson could hear it. Luke needed to know the truth. It was the only way he’d truly heal.
It didn’t surprise me that Luke didn’t remember. It had been a trauma. He’d blocked it out, even being ten years old at the time. I understood that. There were still holes in my memory from my time in the cave. Things I’d never get back and didn’t want to.
But this was different. Luke needed to understand what his father had been protecting him from all these years. Because it was clear that his mother was messing with his head.
The blue in Lawson’s eyes darkened with emotion as I released his hand, and his throat worked as he swallowed. “Your mother went to prison for a year for child endangerment.”
Luke’s gaze jerked back to his dad. “No, she didn’t.”
“She did,” Lawson said gently. “You can look it up if you don’t believe me. The sentence is public record.”
“You sent her to prison?”
“I didn’t do anything.” Frustration leaked into Lawson’s voice. “She started taking you to parties while I was working nights. I didn’t know it was happening. Had no damned idea until you called me.”
Luke’s brow furrowed. “I didn’t call you from any party.”
“You did. You were ten years old and scared out of your mind. Drew was beside himself. Charlie wouldn’t stop crying. You had locked yourselves in a bedroom upstairs.”
“You’re lying!” Luke accused. “Mom warned me you would. That you’d make up crazy stories just because you want us to hate her like you do.”
Lawson’s hands fisted at his sides as he battled for control. But he pushed on. “You heard gunshots. Shouts. Someone crying. And you called me.”
Luke shook his head angrily. “Shut up! I didn’t. I didn’t hear any of that.”
“I had to trace the call to find the house. When I arrived with backup, a man had killed two people already, was threatening to kill more. Just so he could get drugs from the man your mother was having an affair with.”
Luke’s face screwed up. “Bullshit! I’d remember that. I was ten, not two!”
“Your mom didn’t have one word of concern about you and your brothers. She just wanted me to fix it so she wasn’t arrested. Wanted me to bribe my fellow officers.”
“S-she didn’t. I’d remember.” Luke’s voice trembled slightly as if he were battling with a memory.
“She’d completely forgotten she had kids to take care of. Drew had wet his pants. Charlie was so dehydrated we had to take him to the hospital.”
“I-I’d remember.”
Lawson moved in closer, slowly, gently. “You blocked out the trauma. You called me. You said—”
Luke stumbled back a step. “Daddy, I’m scared.”
He said the words as if recounting a memory.
“Someone was pounding on the door after the shots…” Luke’s words trailed off. “I didn’t know how to get Charlie to stop crying.”
“But you found a phone and called me,” Lawson said, moving toward his son. “You were so brave. And you got help.”
Luke’s gaze shot to Lawson, his eyes filling with tears. “She forgot us.”
Lawson pulled him into a hard hug. “You’re okay.”
“She left us there and didn’t care. I told her Charlie was crying, and she said to go away.”
Lawson gripped Luke harder. “But you got him help.”
“You came,” he croaked, his shoulders beginning to shake with the force of his sobs.
“I’ll always come for you, Luke. Always.”
Luke cried harder, and Lawson just held on as his boy let it all free. My heart broke into a million pieces. For all of them. For the damage Melody had wrought and the damage that had been done by trying to forget it had ever happened.
Lawson’s ravaged gaze connected with mine. I tried to pour every ounce of love into mine. To somehow silently tell him that I was here for him, that he had me. Always.
“Dad,” Luke croaked, pulling out of his hold. “She lied. She said you were mad because she didn’t want to be married anymore. That you kicked her out of all our lives.”
Lawson squeezed the back of Luke’s neck. “Your mom lies. I don’t know what happened, or how things twisted for her. But she’s sick. It’s not because she doesn’t love you. She just can’t show up the way we need her to.”
“She doesn’t love us. She just wants money and to not feel guilty,” Luke snapped.
He’d hit the nail on the head there. It was just that, over the years, Melody’s actions had caught up with her and they were now eating her alive. She’d concocted a whole other story to make herself feel better. Maybe she even believed it. But she didn’t mind getting some cash out of it either.
Lawson dipped his head so he was looking straight into Luke’s eyes. “I know one thing for certain. I love you. With everything I have. You and your brothers are the most important things in the world to me. And I’d do anything to keep you safe.”
Luke’s tears began again. “How can you even look at me? I’ve been such a dick. I thought you were keeping us from her.”
Lawson pulled Luke into another hug. “There isn’t anything you could do that would ever make me stop loving you.”
My tears fell then. Lawson’s love was a force unlike anything I’d seen. And it would bring Luke back, help him find his way again.
“I’m sorry,” Luke whispered.
“Everything’s forgiven. I just missed my boy.” Emotion filled Lawson’s voice as unshed tears glistened in his eyes.
“I missed you, too.”
Lawson’s throat worked as he swallowed. “Why don’t we all go home?”
Home. The place Lawson had created for all of us. A haven of warmth and acceptance. But it was time for someone to give a little of that back to him.