Chapter 51 Lawson
LAWSON
The world slowed around me. Muffled shouts. Then one shot, a second, a third. My bullet among them. I lost count after that.
My eyes locked on Hallie. Her face was twisted in agony as she fell.
I was already moving, charging toward them, my brothers behind me. Some part of me was aware they were checking Miller for a pulse. But I didn’t care.
“Hallie.” Her name was part plea, part prayer, as blood soaked the flimsy fabric covering her.
“Blue,” she croaked. “Love you.”
My jaw set as I lifted that damned nightgown, trying to see the damage.
Roan let out a curse as he knelt next to me. “Got a kit.” He pulled out a trauma pad and pressed it to the wound.
Hallie cried out.
I took her hand, pressing my face to hers. “I’m sorry. So goddamned sorry. He’s trying to help.”
“Blue.” Her voice was more of a whisper now.
“Call for a medivac,” Roan shouted. “There’s space to land at the mouth of the cave.”
Footsteps pounded on the stone.
I squeezed Hallie’s hand hard. “Stay with me, Little Minx. Gotta stay with me.”
“So tired,” she mumbled.
“No, you don’t. You can sleep later, once they’ve fixed you up. Not now.”
“Love…you.” The words were drawn out, more of a wheeze. And then the soft puffs of air against my cheek stopped altogether.
I stared down at my hands. They were red, the skin raw. But little flecks of dried blood still stained my nail beds and the ridges and whirls of my fingertips. It was the kind of stain that would never leave. And the glaring hospital lights only made it worse.
I wasn’t sure if five minutes had passed or five hours. I was just waiting. Alone in this godforsaken room.
Flashes of memory, of my hands pressing down on Hallie’s chest, of forcing her to breathe. I’d hurt her. Caused her pain in hopes of keeping her alive, and it all might’ve been for nothing.
Everything hurt. I felt a kind of pain I hadn’t known existed. Because it was as if the most vital part of myself were being ripped out of my soul.
Footsteps sounded. Not just one pair. A herd.
My head jerked up. A herd was right. Mom and Dad came in first. Mom’s face was pale, her hand wrapped around Dad’s. But they were quickly overtaken. Charlie ran for me, hitting me in the middle and bursting into tears.
I hauled him into my arms. “I’ve got you, bud.”
I couldn’t say everything would be okay because I wouldn’t lie to my kids. Not about something like this. Not ever.
Charlie clung to my neck. “I want my Hallie!”
My throat constricted. “Me, too, bud. Me, too.”
Drew’s face was unnaturally pale as he stepped forward. “Is she out of surgery?”
I shook my head. I wouldn’t share that Hallie had flatlined on the chopper ride to Seattle. Wouldn’t tell him that she’d lost so much blood her skin had taken on a grayish hue. “Still waiting.”
Luke’s eyes were red, his hand clasped in a vise-like grip by Violet, who was pressed to his side. “Is she going to make it?”
I swallowed hard. “We need to wait for the doctor.”
It was all I could say.
“Let’s sit,” Mom encouraged.
More family piled in. Roan carried Cady, who clung to him like a monkey. She was clearly shaken by Charlie’s state and everything going on around her. Aspen rubbed her back as they sat, muttering sweet nothings.
Wren leaned into Holt, his lips sweeping across her temple. The tender action made my heart jerk.
Grae sat right on Caden’s lap, curling into him. I knew this had to bring back hard memories for her, as well. But Caden never let her go.
Nash guided Maddie to a chair, kissing her forehead before moving to me. “Can I get you anything? Coffee? Water? Food?”
I shook my head. I wouldn’t be able to keep anything down. Not now.
Instead, I sat, letting Charlie cry everything out. Drew sat on my one side. Luke and Violet on the other.
Reverend Hooper and his wife stepped into the waiting room. His face was somber as he crossed to me. “I don’t want to intrude, but I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. I’d like to pray for the girl. She has a goodness our world needs.”
My throat clogged. “Thank you, Reverend. I’ll take all the prayers you’ve got.”
I’d take anything. I’d do battle with the Devil himself for Hallie.
Hooper nodded and bowed his head. The room went silent as he led us in prayer. I wanted to believe that God was listening, that he would intercede. But everything in me was too damn terrified to hope.
The reverend wasn’t the last visitor. Slowly, the room filled. Clint and Abrams. Daniels. The only one who hadn’t shown was Anson. And I didn’t blame him. He’d been down this road already, and a hospital wasn’t anywhere he’d ever willingly go again.
Another two hours ticked by as we waited. I straightened as two figures filled the doorway.
I recognized Emerson first. He had the same gray eyes as his sister, his blond hair just a few shades darker. I stood, handing a sleeping Charlie to my mom.
I strode toward Emerson, who had his hand clasped in a darker one I knew had to belong to Adrian. My throat worked. “I’m Lawson.”
Emerson’s eyes shone. “Any word?”
I shook my head. “Not yet. We’re still waiting for the surgeon. I’m so sorry. So sorry I didn’t protect her.”
Emerson dropped his husband’s hand and took hold of my shoulders. “You did everything you could. She told me.” His eyes shone with unshed tears, even as he tried to smile. “She was annoyed at you for being overbearing.”
My chest throbbed. I could practically hear Hallie complaining.
“My sister,”—his voice hitched—“she’s strong. She’s going to make it through.”
I nodded, unable to speak.
“Halston Astor’s family?” a voice asked from the hall.
All our eyes instantly went to the woman with golden-brown skin and dark hair. Her expression was kind but carefully masked. “I’m Dr. Dalal. I’ve been taking care of Halston.”
“Hallie,” I rasped. “She likes to be called Hallie.”
Dr. Dalal’s expression softened. “Of course.”
Adrian grasped Emerson’s hand. “How is she?”
The doctor scanned the room. “She’s in serious but stable condition. The wound caused a tremendous amount of blood loss. I’m afraid we lost her for a minute on the table.”
My heart jerked as if it could beat double-time for Hallie’s.
“We were able to get her back and repair the trauma to her abdomen. Unfortunately, her kidney was beyond repair, and we had to remove it.”
“What does that mean?” Emerson asked.
Dr. Dalal turned to him. “Many people live long and healthy lives with just one kidney. As long as there isn’t any brain damage from lack of oxygen, I expect a full recovery.”
“When will we know?” Dad asked.
“We need to wait for Hallie to wake up. She’s breathing on her own now. I can take one of you up to ICU to sit with her.”
Emerson and I shared a look. He motioned me forward as he swallowed. “I’ve always been her person. But that changed when she moved here. You brought her back to life, to fully living. You’ll bring her back again.”
“Thank you,” I choked out, the pressure building behind my eyes.
I followed the doctor out of the waiting room and toward a bank of elevators. Neither of us spoke on the journey. I didn’t have words.
She motioned to a hand sanitizer machine, and I quickly cleansed my hands. She punched in a code and led me through a busy room surrounded by other smaller rooms. She stopped in front of an open door.
“Hallie has a few machines tracking her vitals and stitches in her stomach. But you can hold her hand. Talk to her. It’ll help.”
“Thank you,” I whispered.
As I stepped into the room, the first tears fell. She looked so tiny in the hospital bed. So pale it appeared as if she might fade away.
My feet carried me toward her as if they had a mind of their own. I sank into the chair, taking her hand and pressing my lips to her palm. “I’m right here, Hallie. I’ve got you. And I’m never letting go.”