15. Galene
Chapter fifteen
Galene
A foggy haze fills my mind as I drift out of sleep and I find myself entangled with Rourk. My thigh is pressed between his legs and his arm is wrapped around me, his face almost touching mine. I’m still mostly asleep, but I’m aware of him gently moving against me. He is also stirring awake, I think. He hasn’t opened his eyes yet.
Rourk groans softly and pushes my head closer to him. I feel my core dampen as he groans and sleepily moves a hand over my body, lifting my blouse and running his hands along my skin. His touch is nothing more than a gentle caress, but I feel it everywhere . I want it everywhere. I writhe against him and quietly moan with pleasure when one of his hands drifts between my legs and brushes softly over the fabric that shields me from being bare to his touch. I feel like this is a dream, or we’re somewhere caught between sleep and a dream. A place only for us.
Our lips touch, and a wave of heat washes over me, igniting a passionate and tender kiss. I breathe him in and taste his salty, sweaty goodness. He holds my face in his hand and kisses me firmly. I can feel his control slipping and know that I’m not far behind him. My hand shifts down to feel his cock swelling against me. Knowing what I do to him is almost intoxicating. I rub him hard over his pants and gasp when he presses even harder against me. “Fuck,” Rourk groans. “Galene.”
My name on his lips brings me back to my senses. My eyes snap open and I jolt upward. I yelp when I crack my head against the low ceiling.
Rourk’s eyes fully open, too, and I watch him fully settle into his body. Like… like he was still asleep before. His hand flies off my breast as if burned.
What the hell were we doing? “Shit,” I mutter. I quickly shuffle out of the crevasse and crawl into the morning light. There is a gray tint around the mountain, telling me it is a little after sunrise.
Rourk crawls out after me, but I don’t turn to look at him. I just run my hands frantically through my hair as I pace the rock.
“Morning,” Rourk says, and I turn sharply to face him to see him squinting against the low light. The mountain is very quiet in the early morning.
“I didn’t…” I begin, flustered. “I wasn’t… We weren’t…” We weren’t about to fuck each other’s hands . What would that be like? The taste of him is still in my mouth.
But Rourk gives me a confused look. “I don’t remember anything happening. Do you? I just woke up. Why? Did I miss something?”
Several emotions pass through me before I control myself. He doesn’t… remember anything? I don’t understand the disappointment that settles into me at the revelation. I give him a stiff smile. “No. Nothing happened. I—I just woke up, too.” My eyes flash downward, to the stiffness clearly showing in Rourk’s pants, but I quickly look away, chewing on the inside of my cheek as the sight reignites the fire inside my belly.
I’m such a fucking idiot.
“Can we return now?” I ask, deciding the best route to take right now is to change the subject entirely and pretend that nothing—not a single thing—happened.
“We can,” Rourk says. He picks up the pack of supplies and pulls out two water skins, handing me one. He finds a chunk of bread and offers me some, but I shake my head. I can’t even imagine eating right now. Rourk chews on the bread as we make our way down the mountain.
Rourk tries to make some small talk to avoid the awkward silence that has settled between us, asking how I slept and how I feel today, but I can only give brief responses back. Every time our gazes clash, I remember the feel of his skin against mine. His hands were just a layer of fabric away from where I wanted him the most.
Until he said my name, and I remembered who I am. Who he is. Where he comes from.
Once we’re finally out of the foothills of the mountain, we make our way through the rocky landscape and into the surrounding hills and valleys. The atmosphere feels heavy with energy, like something has changed. A part of me wonders if I’ve been feeling this change for some time, but have only been noticing it more as each day passes. It’s a hard thing to pinpoint.
My thoughts shift to what had happened between me and Rourk. I don’t understand why I can’t bring myself to regret it quite as much as I should. He’s an Oathlander . I shouldn’t even want to be alone with him, much less let him kiss me—and much, much more.
Rourk stops us when he sees a rabbit darting through the tall grass. It takes him three tries to finally convince me to hand over my knife. And it only takes a quick flick of his wrist to throw the blade into the rabbit. It dies before it can even process what just happened.
“So they can’t tell us we’ve returned empty-handed,” Rourk explains, picking up the limp rabbit.
The sun clears the mountain and bathes us in its warm glow. The air feels heavy and charged with energy from the lingering remains of the storm. Our boots squelch in the soft wet earth. The awkwardness has cleared with the rising sun and the time spent walking behind us. Besides, I have Rourk to myself right now. I might as well use it to my advantage and try to get to know him a little better.
“Are you really just a soldier?” I ask as we walk.
“I’ve been in the military for over twenty years.”
I nod, unable to help the small smile that curls at my lips. “I forget that you’re an old man.”
“Hey,” Rourk says, his features sharp with the sting of my words.
But I just laugh. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever laughed in front of him. “Well, I may be twenty and five, but I’ve always felt older than I am.”
“You have an old soul,” he agrees. “Only twelve years between us.”
“I suppose you’re not that old,” I say. Then, still smiling, I cup a hand to the side of my mouth and yell, “I said, I suppose you’re not that old.”
Rourk blinks at me with wide eyes before a bark of laughter escapes him. I can’t help but laugh again, too. I don’t think I’ve seen Rourk so… at ease before, and I have to admit that it sets something free in me as well. A chain reaction. Something that connects us.
Rourk wags a finger at me. “I see how you are.”
After some lingering chuckles, I sober up. “That trick you did with Bohan. Where you bent his wrist. Can you… show me how you did it?”
“I feel like the Shanti people are going to have a lot of broken wrists if I do that.”
I smile, and Rourk smiles back. I can’t help but stare at him, and he stares right back. I’m not so sure I would agree with Kris when she called Rourk handsome. No, he’s… beautiful.
“I promise only to use it in life or death situations,” I eventually say, and press my hand over my heart in a swear. But then I add, “Or when someone truly deserves it.”
Rourk gives in, leading me off the trail and to somewhere just a little more protected. Private. We reach the shade of a cluster of trees and face each other. Birds chirp and rustle above us.
Rourk goes through the motions of slowly throwing a punch to show me how to grab his wrist, where to place my fingers, and where and when to exert force. It only takes me a few tries to get the hang of it. Within minutes, I have him down on one knee with his wrist twisted back.
“I can get used to this,” I say with a wicked grin .
I gently apply more pressure to his wrist before releasing him with a sweet smile.
“But can you do it at speed?” Rourk asks, and we try a few more times with him throwing fast but soft punches at me.
I adapt to the change of pace quickly. “Like a natural warrior,” he praises. I hate how good his words make me feel.
“What else do you have to teach me?” I ask, bouncing lightly with adrenaline.
Rourk stares at me for a long moment, then shakes his head and grins. “Okay, Galene,” he says. “Let’s see what else you can do.”
He shows me how to throw a punch, and then a combination of punches, but then I ask about self defense. So he teaches me what to do if someone grabs me.
He comes at me from the side, moving slowly as he explains what he’s doing and what I should do, and reaches for me. He shows me how to raise a hand to intercept his arm and how to twist his arm with both of my hands, forcing his arm to bend. I admit that I take a little too much pleasure in twisting his arm, in watching him fold from my actions.
“Now, if someone grabs you from behind,” he says, “you can twist your body to give yourself room to jab an elbow in their ribs.”
With his arms around my neck, he shows me where to place my feet and how to position myself. I restrain myself from hurting him when I elbow his side to get the feel for what I’m supposed to do .
He shows me again, and this time I don’t resist. I let him wrap his arms around me and he presses himself against my back. And then we just… remain there, with his face close to mine, breathing against my ear. His arm is resting gently on the top of my breasts and each breath presses them firmly against him. As I turn my head to meet his eyes, I see his expression turn hooded, and I know that if I stay here even just a few seconds more, his lips will be on mine. I want that.
But I can't let it happen.
“I think that’s enough,” I say, becoming shy and quiet as I ease away from Rourk.
I don’t give him the chance to say anything before turning back towards the path we were taking and striding away, refusing to look behind me but knowing with every bone in my body that Rourk is there, just a step behind.
We crest a tall hill and finally see the edge of the woods that leads to the Shanti Village far in the distance. We still have a way to go, but we’re making good progress.
When we come across another rabbit in the underbrush of a small woods, I insist on catching this one.
Or trying, anyway, because when I toss the knife, I miss. The rabbit scurries away.
“We’ll make a soldier of you yet,” Rourk says encouragingly.
“If only the rabbit had tried to punch me,” I reply, fighting off the smile that threatens to cross my face. “I’d know how to twist its wrist at least.”
We go through the sack of supplies and find some dried meat and hard bread. Along with the water skins, there is a coiled rope, and a rough spun blanket. Neither of us mention how we could have used the blanket last night if we’d known it was in there. I wonder if either of us regrets not having it.
We eat as we walk for a time before my stomach starts to twist. I can’t help the groan that escapes my lips.
“What’s wrong?” he asks. The concern in his voice is palpable.
“I get this when I walk and eat,” I explain. “I’ll be fine.”
“We can rest for a bit,” Rourk says. “We’ve been making good time. Unless… you want to get back as soon as possible?”
I know I should tell him we should push on. I know I shouldn’t want to be alone with him a second longer than I have to. But what I know and what I feel are two entirely different things. I say, “I’m in no rush to get back.”
Rourk grins rakishly at me, and I regret, for just that moment, pulling away from him this morning. What would it have felt like to let him have his way with me? He says, “Neither am I.”
There’s a group of high rocks ahead which will give us shade and something to lean against while we rest and eat. We sit beside each other and enjoy the quiet stillness of the air. We’re quiet for a long while until Rourk speaks up, as if the silence is wholly unacceptable to him.
“Tell me, Galene,” he says while chewing the tough meat, which I think is some kind of venison. “What do you want most out of life?”
I give him a confused, thoughtful look, silent for a moment. “What do you want most out of life?” I finally ask .
Rourk looks up at the bulging clouds in the sky. “To not be forgotten. To not die alone.”
I watch him for a while as his words settle within me, soaking into every bone in my body. To not be forgotten . I want to promise him I will always remember him. But I say instead, “Do you have anyone back home? To go back to?” Someone else to remember you? Someone to be there when you die?
“My daughter,” he says. “She’ll be worried about me.”
I nod, though I’m truly panicking on the inside. He has a daughter. Which means he has a lover—and he and I—this morning… I swallow thickly. “I’m sure your wife will worry about you as well.”
“She would always worry about me,” Rourk says. “She had the biggest heart I’ve ever known. She worried about everyone.”
The past tense is a sharp knife. A burning question I cannot ignore. But he doesn’t make me ask, either. He continues, “She was taken by an illness. The red cough. It’s a disorder some people have. There was nothing we could do for her.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that,” I say, my voice full of emotion. How horrible is it I feel relief just as much as I feel sadness for him?
“That was ten years ago, though,” he says. “We find ways to move on after loss. Even if the person is always with us.”
“Around the same time my mother was taken from me,” I say dully. I’m trying to sympathize, to show him that some small part of me understands even a little of what he went through, but…
Thoughts of my mother race through my head.
I can no longer meet Rourk’s eyes.
“Galene,” Rourk says. “I want you to know that I’m deeply sorry for what happened to your mother. I know it won’t bring her back, or ease your pain, but I will look into the matter when I return home. I will find out why she was killed.”
I shake my head. “There’s no need. It happened and cannot be undone.” I swallow thickly and force myself to meet his gaze. “For what it’s worth, I can see you’re not who I thought you were. You helped us during the Wildmen attack, and you helped repair the village in the following days. You looked out for Freddick, who was grieving his father. And you stayed back for me when the others left. I can see you are a good man, Rourk. But that does not mean I can truly trust you. Or like you.”
He stares for a long moment, then nods. “Fair enough,” he says. “I’ll take what I can get.”
I give him a small smile. Some of the tension has seeped away, leaving a warm familiarity.
“You didn’t answer my question,” he says finally. “What do you want most out of life?”
I chew the inside of my cheek while I go back to considering the question. But the answer is more obvious now than it was before. “To have a peaceful life, filled with love and acceptance. And safety.”
Rourk slowly nods. “I like that. I hope you find it someday. ”
We finish the last of the food and decide it's time to head back. A golden ribbon of light in the sky catches my attention. It’s like an eel, I think, but it’s drifting casually and intentionally through the air. Its scales are golden and a faint golden aura is emitting from it.
“What is that?” Rourk asks, pointing.
I study it for a moment, absorbing the details before I give him an answer. “A sky eel, of a kind I have never seen before.”
“You’ve seen a sky eel before? I didn’t think there were any around here?”
“Once. Far to the north, near the coast. When I was younger. When the world felt safer. This, however… must be a fiorin.”
“You mean a magical creature?” he asks.
I nod.
Some time passes with us walking in comfortable silence. But as we draw nearer to the village, I tell Rourk about the surrounding lands and the names of places, and share a story or two about each place we pass.
The village finally becomes clear in the distance when we exit a small forest and head down an inclining path. We’ll be there within the hour.
“Are you looking forward to your Task finally being complete?” he asks me.
I shrug. The answer is more complicated now than it was yesterday. Yes, and no. It’s not so simple. “It’s a lot of pressure. It will be a relief. You will leave once we return?”
“Aye. I made a promise to your father.”
I don’t know why I’m so disappointed by his answer. His knuckles brush against mine, and I know it’s not an accident. I can see it in his gaze. It feels like an apology—an apology, and something else. Something I’m unwilling to even try to identify. My mouth tightens as I look away, falling silent. The idea of him leaving hits me hard. I know he has to go. I know that a friendship with me would never be enough to hold him here, especially with a daughter in the Oathlands.
But I also know that I will think of Rourk for years to come and ask myself— what if ?