Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Kit
CORRIDORS brANCHING OFF ON EITHER END of the white walled hallway of the infirmary marked my pacing as I tried not to shake.
Now that Gus was out of my sight, I couldn’t stop thinking about the blood.
I couldn’t stop thinking about him getting badly injured because of me.
He could have been killed, and I would’ve been a witness. Probably the next victim, too.
What if he was hurt worse than he pretended?
What if he’d only been so alert to keep me safe and get our stories straight?
Did he collapse the second they took him back where I couldn’t see him?
I wanted to tug at my hair, but I could feel the nurse’s eyes on me already, and there was recognition in them.
She knew who I was, and this would already be all over town without me making a scene on top of it.
No one could know how important August North was to me.
Or what we really were to each other, because people wouldn’t care that Gus was a wonderful man who was damn good at his job, that he was self-sacrificing and always tried to do the right thing, in spite of having his faith shaken by the man who raised him.
All they would care about was his homosexuality. They wouldn’t see there was nothing wrong with anything we ever did for each other or how we felt, then or now. They wouldn’t see the love in it. And it wasn’t fair.
Angry footsteps rang out in the hallway behind me, and I spun to face whoever was coming, adrenaline on a tripwire.
George rounded the corner, his uniform sharp and his features sharper.
The scowl on his mouth matched the rage in his eyes.
They landed on me briefly before moving on to the nurse.
He rearranged his expression, breaking into a charming smile.
“Hi, Gloria. Do you have a room open where I could speak to Mr. Daring privately? I know you’re busy, but it’s official business, and I’d appreciate any help. ”
She blushed under his attention and nodded. “Let me just double check, I think I’ve got one you can use.”
By the time Gloria returned, beaming at George, I was certain there wasn’t anything official he was after. He wanted somewhere private to shout at me. I couldn’t blame him. She led us to a hospital room with an empty bed.
When the door closed behind us, George scowled even harder. “You look like you were hit by a rail car.”
“Thanks, I feel like it. You can save yourself the breath. I’m going to back off.
I can’t… Gus almost…” My throat closed up, and though I despised showing emotion in front of someone who hated my guts, I couldn’t keep it in and speak at the same time.
My voice was ragged when I kept going. “Ted wouldn’t want Gus to get killed looking for him.
He wouldn’t want me to either, and it’s my choice to make, but if I keep trying to track Ted down, Gus will follow my lead. I can’t let him.”
Knowing I was giving up on Ted detonated in my chest, guilt and sorrow that left me near to gasping.
But the image of Gus bleeding all over, the memory of startling awake at the crash of bodies on the floor and going from groggy to horrified as I realized Gus was fighting off an armed intruder.
.. It kept running through my mind in an endless, sickening loop.
My stomach heaved and I swallowed again, rubbing at my sternum.
George sighed and pressed the palms of his hands to his closed eyes.
“Way to take the steam out of my sails, Kit. I can’t yell at you when you’re like this.
” He waved a hand at me. “I was ready to call you a selfish brat who thinks he’s the centre of everything, but I guess you must still care about Gus a little somewhere in that cold, dead heart. ”
I could lash out and say something cruel, continue to fuel his animosity, but in the end, I didn’t want to.
It was easier now with my jealousy cooled to admit I’d hurt George, and he’d never deserved it.
Thinking that anything could have happened between him and Gus when I left had been foolish.
They’d been like brothers. They were still like brothers.
And if someone treated Ted the way I was treating George, I’d have words for them. “I’m sorry.”
“What?”
“I said, I’m sorry. For not saying goodbye when I left. For not answering your letters. You didn’t deserve that, and I’m sorry.”
George’s tense jaw and flinty eyes didn’t cover up the way his voice came out rusty. “What is this? Wear your heart on your shirtsleeve day? You really are rattled, aren’t you? Guess it only took almost getting your throat slit and Gus killed too.”
I felt like I’d been slapped. “I know you’re mad at me, and I know you can’t stand me anymore, but can you wait a dang minute and let me get my head on straight before you knock it off again?
I’m not the centre of everything, but in case you missed it, a whole lot of garbage is piling up around me.
I can’t fight with you on top of everything else. I haven’t got the energy.”
Silence met that declaration, and I finally noticed how pale George was. His face should’ve been red with anger, but it wasn’t. He looked drawn and tense. And, it dawned on me, frightened.
“Look, I…” Nothing I could offer would make any of this right.
“No, you look. Gus is the only person I have left. The only friend I have in the whole wide damn world. My parents are both gone and there’s not a single other soul who cares about me, and if you get him killed, I’ll…
” His eyes were wet now, and mortification made his voice come out soft as a whisper. “I’ll be alone.”
Shame settled heavy on me; the full weight of what I’d done to him seventeen years ago like a solid anchor holding me in place. I’d been so insufferably selfish in my guilt over Elsie and my grief at losing Gus, and I’d used those feelings to hurt someone else. Someone I loved too.
“I’m sorry.” My voice scraped roughly. “I really want you to know that. I’m not saying it to get you to calm down.
I’m really, genuinely sorry, George. There’s no excuse.
You deserved a better friend than me. If I had it to do over, I wouldn’t have been such a jerk.
I wouldn’t have burnt my bridges, and I certainly wouldn’t have made you feel disposable.
Because you weren’t. Aren’t.” I’d missed him, even though I was the one who’d abandoned him.
Lips pressing tight together, George crossed his arms self-protectively.
I knew him; if he wasn’t trying to seem stoic, he’d be chewing on his lip with uncertainty as he weighed up my words.
Wondering whether to trust them or if I was another person yanking his chain.
I needed to earn back his trust. And it struck me how much I wanted to.
Even if I didn’t stick around Halifax once I finally found Ted, I wanted to patch things up with George.
A timid series of taps at the door interrupted our conversation, and he opened it to find Gloria there, twisting her hands with worry. My stomach lurched. Surely Gus was fine, his injuries had been serious but nowhere near deadly. Right? “Is… Gus. Is he…?”
Her eyes went wide. “Oh, no, Mr. North is fine, Mr. Daring. It’s just that he’s able to leave any time now, and well. Meggie O’Shea just waltzed into his room. I thought I should warn you, Constable Baker.”
By the time we scrambled to Gus’ room, Meggie was already gone.
Gus was sitting with his socked feet on the floor, buttoning up his stained shirt.
He greeted us with a raised brow and a small quizzical smile.
“Thanks for coming, George, but I’m fine.
Or did you come to take our statements? Joudrey said we could do it at the station in the morning, but if he changed his mind, I’m finished up here. ”
George’s eyes narrowed fast and I could tell he was about to say something mean because he felt slighted, so I squeezed his arm and said, “George was worried about you when he heard, Gus. Obviously, he came to see how you are.”
George didn’t shrug me off, but he stiffened slightly and gave me a shut your mouth look that rivaled the one he’d sent Gus. “I wasn’t worried. I was angry that you’re both reckless numbskulls.”
“Mhm.”
Spluttering, George turned to face Gus again.
“Don’t look at me,” Gus said with a faint grin.
It was easy to see how happy it made him to watch us joking around together, like a warm glow coming off him.
Relief at Gus’ good humour and the proof he was all right unknotted tension in my shoulders.
“I can’t make Kit knock it off any more than I used to be able. ”
George rolled his eyes. “Well, it looks like you’re in one piece, at least. What did Meggie have to say?”
“I guess we can stop looking for Lester Tomlin.”
The man who’d attacked Ted at work?
“Who knows how she found out so fast,” Gus continued, “but Meggie came to tell me that it was Lester who broke in.”