Chapter Ten #2
I'm suddenly plucked off of Jax’s lap. A quick glance behind me shows that I've been moved by Maverick.
Jax instantly stands, fists clenched ready to do anything to get me back in his arms. Before he can launch himself at Maverick, who is still having to hold me as I strain to get back to Jax, Kai and Hunter each grab hold of his arms.
The only way I can describe this incredible need is as an unrelenting thirst that won't be quenched until he is touching me once again.
Just like with Kai, it's almost painful.
Kai lets go of Jax’s arm waiting until Levi takes his place and then places himself in front of Jax blocking his view of me.
Maverick turns me around so he's cradling me to his chest. Later, without all the heightened emotions, I will realise that he was incredibly careful not to touch my skin with his.
I can feel the others standing around us, tense but trusting Kai to know how to deal with it.
The faith these men have in each other always astounds me.
"I know how you feel! Trust me I know. You need to try and think logically, you are about to attack your brother. Take a deep breath and walk away." Kai explains sternly.
I hear Jax do as Kai suggests and takes a deep breath and murmurs a quiet apology to Maverick, who I feel nod just above my head, and then walks off. The room seems to simultaneously release a sigh of relief.
"Come on Titch, let's get you to bed. You can borrow one of my shirts to sleep in."
The others all mutter quiet good nights giving me brief hugs and smiles.
I try to smile back as convincingly as I can but I'm not sure they buy it, Kai in particular gives me a questioning look but I can't look at any of them for too long, too scared to see any jealousy or repulsed looks.
How can I like, not just one, but all of them equally and worse how could I lose myself and practically dry hump two of them on two separate occasions in front of the other men I am falling for?
I'm a terrible person, they must hate me!
I know I'm on the verge of breaking down, I just need to make it to my room where I can be alone and I can breakdown in solitude.
Maverick leads me down the hall in silence, self-imposed by me.
We stop briefly at his room and as much as I want to look around and see what his personal space is like, I keep my eyes trained on the floor, too ashamed of my actions to indulge in my curiosity.
It's hardly going to matter; they'll be thinking of ways to gently distance themselves from me as soon as I'm out of hearing range.
He comes back out and hands me a soft faded grey t-shirt.
I have the sudden urge to bring it to my nose and inhale deeply.
I catch myself just as my hands are lifting.
As we arrive at my room for the night Maverick wraps me in a tight bear hug.
"Sweet dreams Titch. See you in the morning."
I nod slightly and give him a tiny smile. As I’m closing the door, I see a worried expression adorn his features, almost as if he can read my spiralling thoughts.
I wait until I hear his footsteps fade down the hallway and back towards the living room before I quickly strip off my workout clothes, walking past the bed and pulling open one of the doors on the opposite side of them.
I get it right the first time and without taking any details in, I stumble towards the shower and turn it up to almost too hot.
I step under the spray and start to wash the stress of the last few hours away.
Within minutes my tears are mixing in with the water cascading down the drain.
The years of living with my mother have taught me how to cry silently, and in this moment I’m grateful for that, I don’t want the guys to hear me.
With the tears still slowly making tracks down my cheeks, I dry myself carelessly before slipping on Maverick's shirt, inhaling the scent of him.
The comfort I feel from the scent of his shirt, makes the guilt churning in my stomach bubble up and a fresh wave of tears overtakes me.
I climb into the large bed, barely able to appreciate the sheer luxuriousness of it compared to my own. My thoughts torture and drown me. My last thought before a nightmare riddled sleep finally takes me, is that I simply can't lose my men.
I wouldn't survive it.
Maverick
Leaving Titch in her room I'm consumed by a sense of foreboding.
Something is incredibly wrong with our Sage.
Walking back into the living room all of the guys are sitting around in what would to an outsider appear to be completely at ease postures.
However, I know these men as well as I know myself and it’s easy to tell they're all tense from the small indicators, only someone who really knows them would notice.
Levi’s eyes are tight at the edges, on his otherwise relaxed face.
Hunter’s fists are occasionally tightening before relaxing.
There’s a tightness around Jax's mouth.
Kai's fingers are tapping lightly against his thigh.
"Something is seriously wrong with Titch." I tell them siting down next to Kai.
"What? Why?" Hunter questions worriedly sitting forward.
"I know why." Kai states.
We all look at him expectantly waiting for him to explain.
"Think about it, guys," he looks at us waiting for us to catch on, "she doesn't know what we know.”
“She doesn't know that we’re ok with her having feelings for all of us.
" I continue on from him, sitting forward in my seat, "from her point of view she's just gotten intimate with two guys from our group in front of the others.
" I say taking a deep breath. "As far as she's concerned, she's expecting us to be jealous of each other and angry with her.
She's probably got the worst scenarios running through her mind at the moment.
" I scrub my hand down my face hating the kind of things she must be thinking and wanting to fix if immediately.
"How do we fix it? I mean I'm not over the moon to be witnessing her like that with one of you but I'm not angry, jealous or anything similar.” Hunter explains, and we all nod in agreement.
"The only thing that will fix it, is if we tell her everything.
Everything about the book and Soulmates.
We could be wrong; she might not have the tattoo and we might just all have feelings for her.
Either way I want to move forward, to pursue a relationship with her.
We all need to be in agreement though. Are we?
" Levi asks, his gaze landing on each of us to judge our reactions to his words for himself.
We all glance around at each other and voice our agreement. Either way, she means the world to each of us and we will not lose her now.
"Good, we will tell her tomorrow morning after breakfast. We need to tell her soon or she's going to run before we can explain it to her." Levi adds as soon as we’ve agreed.
A sombre mood permeates the living room.
The thought of losing her causes an actual physical pain in my chest right over my heart.
From the way the others are grasping at their chests they can feel it too.
Although I feel better knowing that we can tell her soon, that she will soon understand everything that has been going on and why we feel like we do or at least why we think, we feel like we do.
I still have a foreboding feeling, like something bad is going to happen and I can’t for the life of me figure out what it is.
Suddenly an ear-piercing scream rings out through the house.
Immediately all of us have our guns out and are racing on silent feet towards Sage's room.
Our training kicks in and with Levi in the lead using hand signals to direct us, we silently enter the room all of us expecting the worst. As soon as we enter, we secure the room and I'm thankful that there isn't an intruder, but my relief instantly evaporates as my eyes land on Sage crying and thrashing around in the bed.
I rush forward.
"She's having a nightmare! We can't wake her, it's dangerous but we can try to comfort her." Levi explains.
I lie down next to her on top of the covers.
Levi does the same on her other side. Kai, Hunter and Jax all crowd around the bottom of the bed and on the large, padded bench that's placed there and lay their hands on Sage through the covers.
As soon as we are all touching her, on top of the covers, she calms down completely.
"Don't leave me, don't make me go. Mine.” She whispers brokenly.
"We won't, Darling." Levi replies, settling her further, obviously correctly guessing what she is muttering about.
Once she seems to have settled down, we each start to move away but as soon as Levi lifts his hand she starts whimpering again until he puts it back. We all exchange a look.
"Looks like we aren't going anywhere.” Hunter chuckles lightly.
We all settle in for the night and I fall asleep more quickly and more settled than I ever have before. With our woman in our arms.