Chapter 14
“Ya’ll just need to bone,” Mason explains, chewing on his burrito.
To celebrate Lex’s release, Kevin treated the entire office to lunch. That’s why at noon, around twenty delivery guys came in, arms loaded with bags full of boxes and containers.
“Trust me, I know,” I mumble after swallowing my pad Thai. “I’m down to fuck. He’s the one who has a problem.”
“I bet homeboy misses his prison wife.”
“Mace,” I warn with a scowl.
“Sorry, boo. I don’t know what to tell you. I’d be all over that if I were you. Bending over at the hip, strolling around barely dressed, accidental touches … I’d get him fucked up. Make him feral for it.”
“Maybe I should try that.”
“Do it. He hasn’t gotten laid in three months. I bet he’d be so easy to get on board.”
I eat the rest of my meal in silence, pensive.
Mason’s probably right, and I can likely seduce Lex into fucking me senseless, but would it fix us?
We’ve always been tremendous at sex, and it might remind him how good we are together.
Manipulating him like this sounds a little questionable, but I’m desperate.
A girl needs a good dicking, and her favorite dick in the world is back in town, safe and sound.
“It’s good to see you eating again, boo,” Mace says, pointing at my pad Thai.
“I was eating,” I protest.
“Not enough. Maybe that’s why Lex ain’t jumping your bones. You got a white girl’s ass now.”
I frown, pushing my food around with the chopsticks.
What if he’s right? What if Lex isn’t as attracted to me as he used to be?
I was utterly perfect for him—he made sure that I knew, over and over.
But now … those things he used to love so much about me are practically gone.
At least my boobs didn’t shrink. I don’t really think it’d be possible to have less of them.
I’m still sourly ruminating on Mason’s words as I walk to a trash can to throw out my empty container. “Hi, doll,” Kevin greets me, all smiles and great mood.
“Hi, Kev. How are you?”
“Good. Amazing, actually. I have a beautiful daughter, a lovely wife, and my best friend is out of jail.”
“I guess life is treating you well,” I reply with forced humor.
“It really is. I wanted to check on how it’s treating you. All good?”
“Yes,” I lie.
Per usual, I’m not very convincing, so Kev catches it and winces. “Ah … Is he pissed at you?”
“Pissed doesn’t even begin to cover it.”
“I had a sense he wasn’t taking it very well. He refused to talk about it during the ride back to Seattle.”
“He’s not being very reasonable about it.”
Kev nods before contritely saying, “In all fairness, I understand him. I’d be mad at Shell if she … took the same risks you did.”
“And I get that,” I agree. “But I thought we’d at least be able to talk about it. He refuses to have a discussion, to even hear my side.”
“I see. I’ll talk to him and tell him to stop being a stubborn asshole. I’m sorry you have to deal with that on top of everything you already went through.”
“He went through much more,” I defend Lex.
“Because his experience was worse doesn’t mean yours doesn’t matter. I’ll have a chat with him and remind him you also suffered. And if he keeps being an annoying fool, you know you’re always welcome to stay with us, right?”
“Thank you, but I want to be there for him.”
“That’s very considerate of you, Andy. But what about you? Who’s there for you?”
His considerate question is one I haven’t asked myself. I have friends, and my family is three hours away if need be. But it’s not really the same, is it? Especially since I can never be truthful about what happened and why Lex is mad at me.
“Being married to Michelle, I know how important mental health is,” Kevin kindly continues. “You may feel strong enough now, but everything is stacking up on top of the rest. It can all crumble like a house of cards, so be careful, Andrea.”
Life, especially these past few months, has taught me I’m much stronger than I look.
And my love for Lex, the love we share, makes me the strongest I’ve ever been.
He needs me to be here right now. If I were the one broken, I know he’d be there for me, ready to build me back up, one day at a time.
He’ll get better soon, and that’s enough motivation for me to endure more hardship.
Maybe his mind doesn’t want me there, but his heart does. Nothing can convince me otherwise. I’m too familiar with that man not to realize that.
That’s the mantra I tell myself for the rest of the day. Deep down, he wants me there. No matter what his mouth says, he needs me with him. I’m convinced of it by the time I return to his place after a long day of distracted work.
At least he hasn’t gotten the locks changed, I notice as I twist the key. I hadn’t really thought of it until I got into the elevator. Then, it was all I could think of. What would I do if he’d locked me out? Thankfully, the key easily turns, and I get inside with no bad surprises.
Lex is nowhere in sight as I get rid of my things, settling them on the rack by the entrance. I don’t find him in the hidden room or in his home office, which doesn’t fail to worry me. Has he gone out? Instead of locking me out, has he left?
Just as I’m about to ask Iris where he is, a movement to my right catches my attention.
My eyes fall on him, and my jaw drops slightly, bewildered by the sight.
It looks like he was in his home gym, his drenched T-shirt resting on his shoulder, his impressive torso shimmering with sweat.
I ogle the tight muscles there, hypnotized. How is he even fitter than before?
There’s barely any body fat left on him, and whatever exercise he just did has his muscles popping. Holy shit. I need him to use all these muscles to fuck me into a mattress. Or into a wall. Or the floor. I don’t care, I just need him sweaty, naked, and above me.
Confusion crosses his face when he sees I’m here, and he checks his watch before mumbling something into his beard. Ha, literally … I stare shamelessly as he struggles to slip on his wet T-shirt.
Jesus fuck, I need to listen to Mason and somehow seduce Lex. He must have such an easy trigger at the moment, after months of abstinence. I don’t know if, like me, he hasn’t indulged at all, but even if he did, nothing’s like the real thing, right? Especially for us.
Once all eight of his abs are out of sight, my blood stops rushing to what must be the female equivalent of an erection, and I say, “Hi. How was your day?”
“Fine.”
So, we’re sticking to single-word replies.
Alright. Not giving up yet, I follow him to the kitchen, and while he pours himself a glass of water, I hoist myself up on the kitchen island, sitting precisely where he fucked me a few times.
The edge in his steel gaze tells me he notices, even if he keeps pretending to ignore me.
“My day was fine, too. Thanks for asking,” I say with patience. “Kev got lunch for the whole office. It was very festive. Everyone had a lot of questions about you. They want to know when you’ll be back.”
“I don’t know,” he mumbles once he’s done drinking.
Because I can tell he’s about to leave, I say, “Shelly texted. She wants me to let you know she’s available if you need to talk. She sent you messages, but you never replied, so she wasn’t sure you got them.”
“I did.”
God, what a drama queen. “Don’t you think it would be a good idea to talk, Lex? To a licensed therapist at least, if not to me.”
“Must we really do this, Andrea?” he mutters, miffed.
“We have to at some point, Alexander.”
He sighs with annoyance and walks away. I jump down from the counter and follow him.
“Lex.”
“Not now.”
“Then when?”
“When I’m ready.”
“How will you be ready if you don’t talk about it to anyone, Lex?”
“I’ll figure it out.”
We’re in the guest room now, the one he used last night. “At least talk to Shelly,” I insist, following him into the bathroom.
He lets out a cynical snort. “Right. Given how her husband is clearly on your side, I bet it’ll go splendidly.”
“What?”
He glowers at me before removing his sweaty T-shirt and throwing it in the hamper. “I can’t believe you’d drag my own best friend into this, Andrea,” he utters reproachfully.
Oh, so Kevin called him … Given how affected Lex seems, I’d venture he gave him an earful.
“I didn’t,” I defend myself. “He kindly asked how I was doing, and when my lie didn’t sound convincing enough, he decided to let you know what he thought of the way you’re treating me.
If you want to know the truth, I defended you, even though I’m not sure you deserved it. ”
Something flinches in his eyes, doubt, sadness, more annoyance …
I don’t know, but I don’t let it stop me from saying the rest. “Stop assuming the worst of me, Lex. It’s offensive, and I only have so much patience.
I get that you’re hurt, and I get you need time.
” I pause long enough to breathe and get the trembling of my voice in check.
“But I also know you want me here, despite everything you say. Otherwise, you would have had the locks changed today. So, keep telling yourself what you want to believe. I, personally, am not fooled.”
I leave him standing there, returning to the living area.
Miraculously, I slam no doors on my way there, which I’m quite proud of.
My skin tingles with a mix of frustration, nervousness, and pride.
I’m glad I found the strength to call him out.
Maybe with a few more scoldings like this, he’ll open his eyes and see what’s really going on here.
In the meantime, I’ll be doing my thing. Or rather, Mason’s thing. Sex is a great way to release some steam and maybe make him—and me—more amenable. If a good, rough, and intense fuck is what we need to talk, then so be it.
We’ve never been good at fucking our feelings out of our systems, but maybe it’ll work this time around.