Chapter 15
Ihaven’t felt this serene in a very long time. Even half asleep, I can feel that my soul is finally at rest. There’s something so utterly peaceful, so flawlessly delightful in this moment, that I don’t want to wake up just yet. I want to linger in this comforting feeling a little longer.
My flesh doesn’t agree with my mind, though, because it slowly awakens. But as I gently come to my senses, the felicity doesn’t fade. On the contrary, it intensifies.
I’m warm all over, within and without, because there’s a big, powerful body that slightly presses me into the mattress with its weight. My chest swells and expands as my heart threatens to burst within it.
Lex is holding me.
He joined me in his bed after my awful nightmare, proving he’ll always be here for me even when we don’t get along. I fell asleep pressed up against him, but now, after a night together, we’re spooning. As estranged as we might be, having him plastered onto me will always feel familiar.
As I awake more, I realize he’s passed a hand around my middle and, like the greedy man he always was, shoved it under my T-shirt to cup my breast. If he’s awake, he can probably feel my heart drumming under his palm.
When I move a little to adjust, I feel something else that sets my blood in flames.
Between us, straining against the swell of my ass, I can feel his erection.
The contact immediately sends a sensual shiver through my body.
Languorous need sparks between my legs. I’ve been so fucking empty, I crave to have the hard, rigid length inside me, stretching me with powerful thrusts.
We’re reaching three and a half months without sex, and it’s becoming painfully clear.
I’d probably come so fucking fast. I’m a needy wreck right now, and all he’s doing is holding me. I’m so starved for it that, by the time he’s fully sheathed in me, I’d shatter around his girth in seconds. Then he’d plow into me, fucking me hard and deep, conjuring more orgasms.
Fuck, he used to make me come on repeat, and I long for that.
I want to feel a heartbeat in my clit, and the ghost of him between my legs for hours after we’re done.
Shit, I’m so wet just thinking about it.
I press my thighs together, trying to muffle the need blooming between them, but that brings my ass harder onto him, onto his erection.
I almost moan at the shiver that runs through my whole body to end in my core. God, I need him to wake up and fuck me already …
But would he? He either has no appetite for it, or he doesn’t find me as attractive as he used to. All week, I’ve tried to get him to jump my bones using the little seduction skills I have. But I got nothing. Nothing but annoyed glares or indifferent looks.
Even now, I can’t take his erection as a good sign. This is male biology, and he’d have a hard-on whether or not I’m here. It doesn’t matter if it’s lodged between my cheeks, since he isn’t even aware of it.
But I am fucking aware. And it’s setting me ablaze. I’m hot all over now, feeling smothered by the covers. I need to get out from under them, but I can’t move. If I do, I’ll wake him up, and this wonderful—albeit frustrating—moment will end.
But between the heat and the horniness, I can’t stay in place, and Lex inevitably begins to stir.
The first sign that he’s waking up is his hand on my breast that gently squeezes, like a reflex. Then, his warm breath fanning on my neck speeds up. And when he brings his hips forward, just a fraction, I can’t hold back a slight moan.
He freezes behind me, and I want to curse myself for ruining it.
The hand on my tit slips out of my T-shirt to rest on my hip.
He hesitates, probably meaning to push me away and set some distance between us, but I don’t let him.
I back up into him, bold and demanding. His hold tightens on my hip, and I swear he presses me onto him even harder, his dick rock solid against my ass.
Maybe he’ll fuck me, after all. Maybe he’s done with delaying the inevitable and will give in.
I’m so wet I’m probably ready for it. He doesn’t even need to go down on me.
We can lower our underwear, I’ll align my hips, and he’ll give me a slow but implacable thrust until he’s buried to the hilt.
We’re in his bed, where we’ve fucked for hours in the past. I’m sure he’s thinking about it too, about how good we were at it, how good it felt …
Impatient, I reach down to lower my panties. Before I can, though, Lex mutters, “Fuck,” and lets go of me.
He moves away to sit on the edge of the bed, leaving me high and dry, disoriented by the abrupt change. I turn around to say something, but I don’t know what. Do I apologize? Do I beg him to come back against me and fuck me? Do I tell him it’s okay? That I get it?
Instead of talking, I watch his broad back and the muscles on it.
He’s wearing boxer briefs and nothing else, and I was so distraught by my nightmare yesterday that I didn’t even get to enjoy it when he slipped into bed with me.
And now, something tells me I also missed my chance at enjoying his near-nakedness.
Before I can find something to say, he stands up and leaves the room, not sparing me even a glimpse as he walks out.
We were so close. So fucking close …
Frustration has tears welling up in my eyes. This reunion is going terribly, isn’t it? Whatever I’m doing, I’m doing it wrong.
Because I know I’ll end up wallowing in self-pity again if I don’t do something, I pick up my phone from the nightstand and send a text to Mason.
Me
Early brunch? We need to brainstorm and find new ideas. Nothing worked.
Mace the Menace
Nothing?! Damn, that man’s will is strong. Did you try the lingerie?
Me
Dude, I’ve been walking around him half naked since Monday. It’s not working.
Mace the Menace
You’re right, we need to strategize. The Sassy Brunch in 45?
Me
Perfect. See you there.
Drag brunch is exactly the distraction I need.
We’ll have fun, and I’ll get to think of something other than my blue ovaries.
Because it’s on the other side of town, I don’t waste any time.
I brush my teeth, pass my fingers through my hair to tame it, use a wet towel between my legs to handle the situation there, moisturize, and do my makeup in record time.
In the walk-in closet, I pick my peacock-blue dress and realize the opaque black tights I need are in the laundry room—I’ve been keeping a few things there, so I could find excuses to stroll around in my underwear.
Once everything but those is on, I add a black blazer and check myself in the mirror. Honestly, I did great in ten minutes.
Tights, coat, bag, and I’m ready to go. I exit the bedroom, but before I head to the laundry room, I decide I should probably warn Lex. I’ll let him know I’m off for brunch and then join Mace.
Lex is nowhere in sight when I enter the guest room. But I can hear the shower running since he left the bathroom door slightly ajar. Ah, fuck. Checking the time on my phone, I grimace. If I wait for Lex to come out, I’ll be late. After a deep breath, I walk to the door.
“Lex?” I call with a couple of knocks. His answer doesn’t come, so I try louder.
When he still doesn’t respond, I carefully push the door open. It isn’t like I haven’t seen him naked before. I even explored most of him with my hands, lips, and tongue. So, really, there’s nothing new there.
But I’m wrong. I’m really fucking wrong.
Lex is naked under the stream of water, one hand leaning on the tiled wall before him while the other one rhythmically tugs at his dick. Despite the condensation, I can guess at the shape of his length and the fist jerking it intensely.
Fuck …
Him masturbating is the last thing I needed to see right now. He lets out a dangerously erotic groan, and my knees buckle, almost making me lose my balance.
Shit, I need to get out of here.
Forcing my feet to move, I take a few steps back, returning the door to the position it was in. With my legs still weak, I head to the primary bedroom.
So, Lex does have needs and impulses. He very much wants sexual release and the pleasure that comes with it. But he doesn’t want it with me, even though I spent the entire week making it beyond clear that I’m available.
He’s always wanted me. Even before we got together, or when we were broken up. But I guess he doesn’t want me anymore. He’d rather use his hand than me. Part of him still loves me—always will—but not like he used to. I broke his trust, and he might never look at me the same way again.
I’m such a fucking idiot. I’ve been convincing myself that Lex needs me here with him, for moral support and company.
But he doesn’t, does he? I’m the one who needs it.
Who craves it. He’s tolerating me because I haven’t given him a choice.
And if my attempts at seducing him haven’t worked, it wasn’t for lack of trying.
It was because he simply doesn’t want me anymore.
Kevin’s question, which I dismissed then, suddenly rings true. Who’s here for me? No one. I’m alone. I’m here for Lex, but unless I’m waking up with a scream and crying my eyes out, he isn’t here for me.
And I think I’m done giving without getting anything back.
It’s exhausting, and I’m so fucking tired of it.
I need to be loved in return, which is clearly not happening here.
But there’s one place where I can get it, unconditionally.
It’s three hours away, and I’ll head there as soon as my brunch with Mace is over.
My pace is determined as I walk to the dressing room.
I grab a couple of large bags and throw them on the bed to open them.