28. Jackson
28
JACKSON
‘ I love them!’ Jess said as I showed her the laptop screen resting on the bookshop counter with the merch design proofs. ‘I can’t even pick a favourite. They’re all so amazing!’
The designer had created tote bags and mugs with The Romance Library’s logo as well as fun quotes like ‘Reading is a workout for the mind, so when I say I’m going to the gym, I’m really going to the Romance Library.’ Another option was ‘Buying books and reading them are two separate hobbies.’ There was also ‘Sorry, I can’t talk. The friends are about to become lovers.’
‘I love them all too. The bookmarks and stickers have already been printed and will arrive tomorrow morning in time for the silent reading party. But because the tote bags and mugs take longer and are more expensive, we need to choose maybe two, maximum three options to start with.’
‘We should go and ask Jane,’ Jess said. ‘Actually, it’s gone five, so your shift’s ended. Theo can man the library, so tell Jane she can go home now too. I’ll cover things here.’
‘Okay,’ I said.
I hadn’t seen Jane much today, at least not in person. But she’d occupied almost every thought in my head since yesterday. My brain alternated between replaying memories from last night and creating new fantasies of how it would feel to be inside her. I needed to get a grip.
Anyway, Jess was my boss and she’d just asked me to get Jane’s opinion on the proofs and tell Jane she could leave early, so I was only doing what she’d asked.
As I walked through the main library hall door, Jane was just stepping away from the meet-cute desk. When she spotted me, her face broke out into a huge smile and my heart inflated like a hot-air balloon.
‘Hi!’ She came over and we stepped out into the corridor. ‘H-how are you?’
‘Good, yeah. You?’
‘Amazing!’ She grinned, then held my gaze.
Fuck. Right now I just wanted to carry her back over to that sofa and spread her legs.
‘I…’ My brain froze. I was the one who’d told her that I didn’t want things to get awkward between us, and yet here I was getting tongue-tied. ‘Jess wanted your opinions on these merch designs. What do you think?’
My eyes drifted down to the laptop. I held it up so she could see the screen, which still had multiple windows open with the different designs.
‘Oh my God, I love them all!’
‘Do you have a favourite?’
‘It’s hard to pick, but I definitely like the one about the friends becoming lovers… ’
Jane bit her lip and her eyes locked on mine. I could be wrong, but as well as talking about the design, I got the feeling that she was referring to something else… us.
‘Thanks for your feedback,’ I said, my brain overruling my twitching dick. It didn’t matter that I wanted Jane. I couldn’t go there. I’d already gone too far. It was for the best. ‘Jess also said that you could leave now. Theo will take over.’
‘Now?’ Her face dropped. ‘But it’s only just gone five. I was looking forward to working late so I could sit and read here in peace. I had a run-in with my dad this morning and I’m not in a hurry to go back home.’
‘What happened?’ I ground my jaw.
‘Hi, you two.’ Theo appeared. ‘It’s time to go home. I’m taking over in the library, so I’ll see you both tomorrow.’
‘Oh, okay,’ Jane replied flatly. Most people would be happy to be told they could leave work early, but I understood why she wasn’t feeling enthusiastic. ‘Thank you. See you tomorrow.’
‘I have to put this in the office,’ I said, closing the laptop.
‘I better get my things too.’
‘So what happened?’ I asked as we stepped into the office.
‘In a nutshell, he said he hadn’t forgotten about my “little outburst” and that the photoshoot had been postponed, but I wasn’t off the hook. And seeing as I was working all these extra hours, I could start paying more to stay there because he needed the money to help with his campaign. ’
‘Wow,’ I said. There was a lot more I wanted to say, but it wouldn’t be polite.
‘Exactly. So you can understand why I’m not in a hurry to spend the evening there.’
‘You could come and read at my place if you like?’
As soon as the words flew out of my mouth, I regretted them. After last night I should be keeping my distance, not inviting her into my home. Again. It was hard enough the last time, and then I’d only imagined and fantasised about how Jane tasted. But now I knew from first-hand experience, I’d found it hard to think about anything else.
‘That would be amazing! Thank you!’
Too late to change my mind now.
After Jane got her bag and jacket, we walked to the station, then got the train, all whilst exchanging stories about our day.
I put the key in the door and stepped inside Mum’s house. The good thing about being into cleaning was that the place was always tidy.
After taking off my jacket and shoes, I gestured to the living room.
‘Want something to drink and some snacks to eat whilst you read?’
‘Yes, please!’ Jane’s eyes widened like I’d just offered to take her on an all-expenses-paid trip to the Caribbean.
‘Okay. Make yourself at home and I’ll be back in a sec.’
Once I’d washed my hands, I put the kettle on, and whilst it was boiling, arranged some biscuits on a plate. Luckily I’d bought a pack of digestives when I went shopping. Not because I was planning on inviting Jane round here or anything. Just for… I don’t know, really. I saw th em and thought of her and somehow they ended up in my trolley.
These days it was hard to remember a time when I wasn’t thinking about Jane.
I pulled out a tray, then arranged several little bowls on it. In the first I tipped out some nuts. Then I opened a bag of popcorn and filled up the second bowl. Popcorn was one of my favourite reading snacks because it didn’t leave residue on my fingers like crisps did.
What else? Of course , I said to myself. I opened the cupboard and reached for the bar of chocolate I saved for ‘emergencies’. I tried to eat healthily, so treats like that definitely had to stay out of sight so I didn’t get tempted. I added it to the tray.
If I had marshmallows, those would’ve been great too. Maybe next time.
Next time?
Nah. There definitely couldn’t be a next time.
After putting some carrot sticks into the final bowl, I added the tea and plate of biscuits to the tray, then carried it out to Jane in the living room.
She was already curled up on the sofa, her legs up, multiple cushions behind her and her head buried so deep in the book that her glasses were in danger of sliding off her nose.
When she realised I was there, her head jerked up, then when I rested the tray on the coffee table, her eyes popped.
‘Oh, wow!’ she gasped. ‘When you said you’d bring me snacks, I thought you meant a bag of crisps or some biscuits. I wasn’t expecting this ! This is a reading snack platter of dreams. Thank you!’
Seeing how happy and grateful she was that I’d just arranged a few things on a tray for her made my heart swell.
‘You’re welcome. I’ll leave you to it.’
‘You’re not joining me?’ Her face fell.
I wanted to. I really did. The thought of cosying up on the sofa with Jane made every part of my body light up. Including my dick. So, no. I definitely couldn’t join her.
If I sat on that sofa with Jane tonight, I couldn’t guarantee that I wouldn’t ask her to spread her legs for me again, but this time it’d be to fuck her.
Shit.
This was out of control.
I knew I wanted to sleep with her, but the way I wanted to fuck her wouldn’t be appropriate. I wanted her so bad that I’d need to do it hard. She was a virgin. Her first time needed to be gentle, and after craving her for so long, I didn’t think I’d be able to hold back. I’d be too rough. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her.
‘I, er, have some stuff to do, upstairs.’
‘Course. Sorry. You didn’t know I’d be intruding on your evening.’
‘You’re not intruding. I’m happy to have you here.’ Yeah. Way too happy. My dick twitched again. ‘Enjoy the snacks.’
I raced up to my room, then closed the door.
Just as I was about to hide the tripod and the cleaning props that were neatly arranged in the corner, my phone rang.
‘Hey, M,’ I said, pleased to hear from Marcus. I’d messaged earlier to see if he had any updates and he said he’d call me back.
‘Dude!’ he shouted down the phone. ‘It’s happening! Your video’s taking off! I told you! I told you once you got your dick out things would improve and I was right!’
‘Wait, what?’ I sat down on the bed, trying to take it all in. ‘When you say it’s taking off, do you mean I’m getting loads of views or subscriptions?’
‘Both!’ he shouted, his voice dripping with excitement. ‘If it keeps going like this, you’ll be able to pay at least a big chunk of your mum’s fees this month! Check your phone. I’ve just sent you a screenshot.’
I moved the phone from my ear, touched the screen and opened the image.
‘Holy shit!’ I yelled as I tried to take in the amount of views and subscriptions we’d racked up. I zoomed in on the image, just to make sure I wasn’t seeing things.
‘And this is just the beginning, bro, I’m telling you! I’m not surprised it’s doing so well. Your cock is fucking huge, you lucky bastard! I mean, I don’t get any complaints, but if I had an anaconda in my pants like that, I’d be swinging it about every chance I got. That’s a freaking pussy magnet! If I’d known you were packing that in your trousers, I would’ve suggested you started showing it in the videos from day one. No wonder they’re lapping it up! How soon can you make more? Can you do something tonight?’
‘Er…’ Shit. ‘Maybe later? I’ve kinda got someone here right now.’
‘No way! You’ve brought someone home? That’s major! Glad that monster dick isn’t going to waste. Who is it?’
‘It’s not like that.’
‘Wait.’ The line went silent. ‘Is it your sexy librarian?’
Busted. I hated that he knew me so well .
‘She’s just here to read.’
‘ Read? ’ He laughed. ‘Is that what they’re calling it these days?’
‘It’s not—’ Just as I was about to continue protesting, despite knowing I’d gone down on Jane last night and hadn’t stopped thinking about it ever since, Marcus screamed down the phone.
‘No way! I’ve just sent you another screenshot!’
‘Oh my God!’ I roared as I took in the amount on the screen. The subscription revenue was now enough to pay half of Mum’s fees. With what I earned from the library, I was close to being able to cover a whole month’s care. I still had two other months’ payments that were overdue, but this was going to help massively. ‘This is amazing!’ I cried out again. ‘ Fuck yeah! Thanks, man. For everything. You don’t know what this means to me!’
‘I do, bro. And you’re welcome. Now go and celebrate with your friend. ’
When I hung up, I jumped off the bed and punched the air triumphantly.
It felt like a massive weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Not knowing how I was going to pay Mum’s fees had been so stressful. But now, I could finally see a light at the end of the tunnel, I felt fucking fantastic.
Just as I was about to start dancing around the room, there was a knock at the door.
‘Jackson? Are you okay?’
I practically skipped over to the door and opened it. When I saw Jane standing there looking sexy as hell, my body temperature rose by what felt like thirty degrees.
Her face was flushed, her lips were parted and the top few buttons of her blouse were undone, giving me a glimpse of her soft creamy skin.
‘Hey!’ I smiled. ‘I’m absolutely fantastic!’ I picked her up off the floor, lifted her into my bedroom and spun her around.
‘Oh!’ she said. ‘That’s great! I just heard you shouting, so wanted to check.’
As I continued spinning her in the air, her sweet scent flooded my senses. Fuck.
‘I just got some good news and I’m so fucking happy right now!’
‘Yay!’ she cheered. ‘I’m really pleased for you!’
I loved that she was so enthusiastic even though she had no idea why I was in such a good mood.
Right now I felt high. I was never into drugs, but I’d imagine that how I was feeling had to be a similar kind of buzz.
Adrenaline raced through my veins and I felt so light that if I took my feet off the ground I’d float in the air. I was dizzy with joy, I was…
‘Jackson, we’re gonna…’ Jane called out and just as we landed on a heap on the bed, I realised what she was about to say.
‘Sorry!’
We both burst out laughing.
‘Don’t be sorry.’ Jane turned on her side to face me and I did the same. ‘I’m just happy to see you so happy!’
‘Thanks,’ I said. ‘You’re always so kind and understanding.’ I reached over and brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen from her bun onto her cheek when I’d spun her around like a lunatic.
‘So are you.’ She smiled. ‘I don’t know many men who’d put together such an epic reading snack tray. And I don’t know any other man who’d go down on a friend so magnificently to help her lose her oral virginity and experience her first non-solo orgasm either…’
She bit her lip, and just the mention of me eating her out set my blood on fire.
‘I could pretend that I was a saint and did it purely for you and got no pleasure from it, but that’d be a lie. The truth is, Jane, I fucking loved eating your pussy and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.’
‘Yeah?’ She grinned mischievously. ‘Me too. And that’s not the only thing I’ve been thinking about.’
Her gaze dipped a little like she was embarrassed.
I should leave it at that. I shouldn’t ask her what else she’d been thinking about, but I couldn’t help it.
‘Tell me,’ I growled. ‘What else were you thinking?’
‘About how good it would feel to have your… cock inside me.’
‘Fuck, Jane.’ I winced.
‘Exactly.’ She laughed. ‘That’s exactly what I’d like, Jackson. I’d really like you to fuck me.’
‘Jane…’ I swallowed hard as I tried not to let what she’d just said affect me. ‘I… I really, really want to. You have no idea. I’ve been thinking about that too. I think you’re a fucking goddess.’ I traced my finger over her lip, and as a groan slipped out of her mouth, my dick turned to stone. ‘But I’m just not sure that I’m the right person for you to lose your virginity to.’
I wanted to, of course. But this wasn’t about me.
‘You’re the perfect person. I don’t want to go to a bar and hook up with a stranger. I don’t want to sleep with someone who’ll make me feel stupid or incompetent or laugh at me because of my inexperience. I want to do it with someone that I trust. Someone that I’m crazy attracted to. And I trust you . I feel comfortable with you . And in case it wasn’t obvious from the way I screamed your name last night, I really fancy you. I’ve always fancied you. I liked you at school, but now… wow. You’re… you’re like, the hottest guy I’ve ever seen.’
God. Damn.
My eyes bulged and my dick was straining in my jeans so hard, I was convinced that it was about to burn a hole through the fabric.
‘You liked me?’
‘Of course I did.’
Shit. She meant it.
Jane liked me before I got a decent haircut or nice clothes and started working out.
That meant everything.
‘We work together,’ I said weakly, struggling to find reasons not to fuck her right here, right now. ‘Remember what I told you? I dated someone at work before and it ended badly. It cost me everything.’
I knew that argument was lame, because like I’d said last night, Jane was different. But I needed to say something to stop myself from giving into what I really wanted. And that was to go all the way.
I was trying to do the right thing, but it was getting harder and harder to resist temptation.
‘I know. And you know what happened to me and why dating someone from work isn’t a great idea for me either. But I wouldn’t suggest we do this if I wasn’t sure I could trust you. And I hope you know you could trust me too. If you like, I can sign an agreement. I don’t think Jess or Theo would mind, but I’ll sign something to say it was consensual, I’ll even say I begged you if you want!’ She chuckled and the sound made my chest swell.
‘I don’t want to hurt you.’
‘It’ll be just sex,’ she insisted. ‘We can just do it the once. Just so I can get rid of this virginity noose around my neck.’
‘I don’t just mean emotionally. I don’t want to hurt you physically. I’m not saying this to sound like an egotistical prick, but my dick… I’m not exactly small, so for your first time you’d be better off with someone else.’
‘So someone with a micropenis?’ She smiled.
‘Maybe…’
Based on the reaction women had had when they saw me and Marcus’s comment earlier, it was safe to say that I was probably bigger than the average guy.
I knew a lot of women thought they wanted to be fucked by a man with a huge cock, but the reality was for some it was too much. It could be uncomfortable. So it wasn’t going to be ideal for a virgin.
‘This might sound dumb and contradictory, but it’s not so much your penis that I’m interested in—I mean, obviously I need it to help me solve my problem. But what I’m saying is, it’s the man attached to the penis that I want tonight. So it doesn’t matter whether you have a micro or jumbo dick, I want to lose my virginity with you. ’
Shit.
Hearing that pushed me close to the edge.
I was so close to kissing her right now.
This close to finally giving in and doing what I’d wanted to do for what felt like forever.
‘Please, Jackson.’ She looked me in the eyes, then reached out and ran her hand over my chest. ‘Please can you fuck me?’
Game. Over.
Did I just say I was close to giving in?
The woman who lived in my dreams, who I fantasised about, had just pleaded with me to have sex with her. And I wasn’t about to let her down.
If Jane wanted me to fuck her, that was exactly what I was going to do.