31. Jane
31
JANE
‘ M orning!’ I chirped as I walked into the office, desperately trying not to wince with every step I took.
I wasn’t joking earlier when I said that I felt like I’d been impaled by a cactus. But I wasn’t complaining. With every sting came a fresh reminder of my incredible night with Jackson and all discomfort was temporarily forgotten.
‘Good morning to you too!’ Jess smiled, then held my gaze. ‘You seem happy today!’
‘Aren’t I always?’ I cocked my head to the side.
‘Yeah, course! It’s just, today you seem… extra happy. You’ve got a kind of glow. Y’know, like if you’d just had a facial… or… no. I know what it is. You’ve got that freshly fucked, post-orgasm glow. The sparkly eyes, the flushed cheeks, the…’ My eyes bulged and Jess’s face fell. ‘Sorry! Still trying to remember to keep those workplace boundaries. Didn’t mean to overstep.’
Whilst Jess was focused on her apology, I was rooted to the spot, shocked that she knew that I’d had sex. Especially when it had happened last night. It wasn’t like me and Jackson had been banging in the bogs five minutes ago and I’d just returned to the office.
Did I really look different?
I felt different, and actually, she was right. When I was getting ready for work earlier, I did notice that my cheeks were flushed. I had an extra sparkle in my eyes. My hair was all over the place and I looked, I dunno… wanton . If someone looked up ‘just been fucked’ in the dictionary, I swear there could’ve been an image of me.
And when I walked to the station with Jackson, I definitely had an extra spring in my step.
Both things were completely understandable. The weight of a thousand elephants had been lifted off my shoulders, and I’d challenge even the grumpiest person on earth not to walk around grinning like an idiot after one night with Jackson.
‘It’s okay. You’re… you’re not wrong.’ The corner of my mouth twitched, then my face broke into a full-blown smile.
I was bursting to tell someone and Jess was the only proper female friend I had right now and I knew I could trust her.
Theo was manning the library and Jackson was working with one of our volunteers in the bookshop, so I was safe to talk.
‘Yeah?’ Jess said.
‘Yeah. It’s a bit embarrassing to say, so please don’t laugh, but last night, I… I finally lost my…’ I was embarrassed to say it out loud.
‘Your virginity ?’ Jess said softly and my jaw dropped.
‘How did you know? ’
‘I didn’t. Not for sure. I just… it was a guess. You seemed really uncomfortable when Celeste was talking in the pub and you said you had period pains, but I remembered you’d had your period the week before because you’d asked me for a pad or a tampon, so I thought maybe there was another reason why you felt awkward. I mean, it could’ve been that you just didn’t like talking about sex, which is totally fine. And I don’t want you to think that I’m some creepy boss who tracks your menstrual cycle or anything.’ She winced. ‘Like I said, it was just a guess.’
‘Your guess was so accurate you should play the lottery.’ I smiled.
‘Maybe I should!’ She laughed. ‘So… if you don’t mind me asking, how was it?’
‘Amazing!’ I said. ‘Well worth the wait!’
‘I’m so happy for you! At least you had a good experience. My first time was on the back seat of some guy’s grotty car and it was over in about thirty seconds. Actually, now that I think about it, I’m being generous. Fifteen seconds is more accurate. So it was a total anticlimax. Ha! Climax! That obviously didn’t happen. That guy couldn’t have found my clit even if I gave him a map and step-by-step directions.’
‘Oh.’ I winced, thinking how lucky I was that my first time was much more enjoyable and that Jackson had given me an orgasm both before and during sex. ‘Sorry to hear that.’
‘Thanks, but doesn’t matter anymore. The amount of orgasms Theo gives me has more than made up for it!’ Jess laughed, then slapped her forehead. ‘Boundaries! Please don’t tell Theo I said that.’
‘Your secret’s safe with me.’ I smiled .
‘So, who was the lucky guy that got to pop your cherry?’ Jess asked.
‘Er…’ I stuttered.
Just as I was working out whether or not I should tell Jess who I’d spent the night with, the door opened and Jackson walked in.
Oh. My. God.
It’d literally only been about fifteen minutes since I’d said bye to him in the corridor, but my stomach was flip-flopping like it had been fifteen weeks.
My eyes widened, my lips parted, my nipples instantly hardened and tingles raced between my legs.
He was so gorgeous. I couldn’t believe his beautiful face was buried between my legs last night.
I couldn’t believe that we’d slept together.
I still couldn’t believe that I’d slept with anyone, let alone him.
‘Hey.’ Jackson smiled at me.
‘Hi.’ I smiled back.
Our eyes locked and we stared at each other in silence.
‘Ohhhhhh…’ Jess said as if she’d just solved a cold case. ‘Say no more…’
I snapped out of my thoughts and turned to Jess, who was grinning like a Cheshire cat.
She knew.
I supposed I shouldn’t be surprised considering I was giving Jackson love heart eyes.
‘Er, hey, Jess.’ Jackson walked over to her. ‘I was just coming to tell you that the silent reading party event is sold out tonight!’
‘That’s amazing!’ Jess jumped up from her seat. ‘Thank you! ’
‘It was a team effort. Jane prepared and sent out the emails to our members and Sarah’s been blasting it on social media.’
‘But it was your idea,’ I added. ‘And you did the posters and leaflets that everyone’s been sharing around town. You were fantastic.’ I beamed at him, another flashback of last night racing through my head.
‘Are we still talking about Jackson’s marketing skills?’ Jess chuckled and I realised I was swooning again.
‘Y-yes!’ My voice shot up.
‘Sure, okay…’ Jess grinned mischievously. ‘Great teamwork, you two. Is everything else prepared?’
‘Yeah,’ Jackson said. ‘The bottles of Prosecco are chilling in the fridge, the batches of biscuits will be brought over later and I’ll make sure all of the bookshelves are fully stocked.’
‘The extra cushions and blankets came yesterday, along with the beanbags I ordered, so we’re all sorted with comfy seats too.’
‘Perfect!’ Jess said. ‘I can’t wait.’
‘It’s going to be brilliant!’ I added.
‘Anyway,’ Jackson said, ‘I better get back to it. Just thought I’d come and, y’know, say hi.’ He faced me before turning back to Jess. ‘And, er, give you an update. See you later.’
‘Bye.’ I waved like a lovesick teenager and almost put my hand to my heart as he disappeared out the door.
‘OMG!’ Jess squealed. ‘You two are adorable ! I really should start playing the lottery because I told Theo that you two would get together!’
‘What? I…’ I stuttered. I’d never thought that Jess would object to us getting involved, but I still felt weird sa ying anything because it was all so new. And of course it wasn’t anything serious.
‘Don’t worry! This isn’t like a normal workplace, which I think we’ve already established based on our conversation before your lover walked in!’ Jess smirked. ‘I’m happy for you both. Like I said to Theo, it’s like the perfect romance story: friends reunited after years apart and fall in love. Mrs Davis would be so chuffed!’
‘Oh, no!’ I said quickly. ‘It’s not like that! We’re not together. Jackson was just… helping me out. I really wanted to lose my virginity and he was kind enough to do that.’
‘ Wow! What a saint! ’ She laughed. ‘Most men would be absolutely horrified about being the first man to take a dip in a sweet, innocent, virginal pussy, but brave Jackson valiantly stepped forward and accepted the difficult challenge. I’m sure he hated every blissful second.’ Jess erupted into a fit of giggles.
‘Well, yeah, he seemed to enjoy it too, but it’s true. It was kind of him.’
‘I’m only pulling your leg! I can tell Jackson’s a good guy, so I’m not questioning his motives, but I’m just reminding you that taking a woman’s virginity, especially someone as beautiful and amazing as you, would hardly be a hardship. I’m not a man, but I’d put money on that being up there as a lot of men’s ultimate fantasy.’
‘Maybe. But anyway, it was just a one-off.’
‘ Sure, sure .’ Jess nodded and her grin told me very clearly that she didn’t believe me.
‘It’s true! We won’t be doing it again, so please don’t mention it to anyone. I mean, obviously I know you’ll tell Theo, but please don’t say anything to Celeste when she comes back or any of the locals. I’ve seen how quickly news spreads here.’
The last thing I wanted was for Jackson to think I’d gone back on our arrangement. He had his reasons for not wanting anything serious, and even if it was a fantasy of his, I didn’t want him to think I didn’t respect his wishes.
It would be so embarrassing if he had to sit me down and remind me that he wasn’t interested in dating me. Cringe.
‘Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me. But out of interest, why won’t you be doing it again? You two would be great together.’
‘Lots of reasons,’ I sighed.
‘Well, I hope you’re not holding back on your urges because of me. I don’t mind. I know you’ll both be professional. This isn’t Office Delight ! There’s no forbidden workplace romance issues here!’ She laughed. ‘Remember I always said that Mrs Davis hoped that The Romance Library would become a place where people could find love, so I’m not about to stand in your way.’
‘It’s not just the working together thing. Jackson’s not interested in something long-term. He’s got a lot on his plate.’
‘Like what?’ Jess frowned.
‘I’m not sure…’ My voice trailed off.
Every time I tried to find out more about his life outside of work, he shut down or changed the subject.
I knew he’d opened up about what had happened with his last job, but I got the feeling there was something else he wasn’t telling me.
‘Maybe he’ll change his mind. Be patient.’
Even if he did, it wouldn’t be that simple. It wasn’t all about Jackson. I had some stuff I needed to resolve too. Like finding my own place.
My parents would hit the roof if they ever found out that I’d slept with Jackson. But if I started dating him, World War III would break out.
I knew with absolute certainty that they didn’t approve of interracial relationships. And now that Dad was doing his stupid local MP campaign thing and believed that he had to present the perfect family life, he most definitely wouldn’t be happy with me dating a black guy.
Personally, I didn’t understand why it bothered them. All that they should care about was whether I was happy and if the man I was dating was good to me, but that was far too logical for my family.
That was why my focus had to be on getting away from them. Even though Jackson wasn’t going to change his mind about us becoming a couple, it didn’t matter. I needed to be free to do whatever I wanted and date whoever I wanted. I was getting really tired of the control my family had over me. Especially the way my dad butted into my life.
Take last night.
Whilst Jackson was in the bathroom, I thought I was being courteous by messaging Mum to tell her I wouldn’t be coming home. But five minutes after I’d sent the text, Dad started calling. Obviously I ignored the call. It was almost midnight and I was still in a blissful haze after Jackson and I had had sex, then demolished every scrap of food on the tray he’d prepared. But then Dad had sent an angry text asking where the hell I was.
I didn’t reply. Instead, I switched the phone off. I didn’t want anything to ruin my perfect night .
And there was no way I could’ve gone to my parents’. The night that Jackson went down on me, when I got back to their house, I was paranoid that someone would take one look at my flushed, happy post-orgasm face and know I’d been tongue-fucked.
Luckily everyone was already in bed, but I’d had to wash my tights and knickers by hand too because I was convinced they’d somehow smell my juices and know what I’d been up to. And that was just after having oral sex. So given what me and Jackson had got up to last night, I knew it was better to stay over.
Now that I thought about it, I should probably turn my phone back on. Maybe I’d do that later. I was at work after all.
‘It’s okay. I’m happy with it just being a one-off thing,’ I said, trying to convince myself as well as Jess. ‘I need to focus on finding somewhere else to stay and we’ve got a lot to do here. I don’t want to get distracted.’
‘If you say so.’ Jess raised an eyebrow.
It was true. I needed to focus.
But I also knew that if Jackson offered me the chance to have another ride on his dick, whether I had to deal with work, finding a flat, or facing the wrath of my ignorant family, the truth was, I’d say yes in a heartbeat.