33. Jackson
33
JACKSON
I t’d been just over a week since someone had tampered with the electricity and we were still no closer to finding out who it was.
After Theo and I discovered what had happened, he’d called the police whilst I’d phoned Edwin, who’d once again saved the day by arranging for a load of residents to bring over as many candles as they could to light up the library.
Luckily, Maddie was working late at the cafe, so she was able to fill up multiple jugs with freshly brewed tea, which we handed out to guests for free whilst we tried to make the room bright enough for them to read.
In the end we just about pulled it off and the majority of guests were understanding, which was a relief.
The real test would be when we announced the next event. I had everything crossed that people would forgive us and still attend.
Theo had stepped up security, putting cameras in the corridors and inside the bookshop and basement. He wasn’t taking any chances.
None of us could understand who’d want to harm the library. Theo’s dad was the obvious suspect, but after he’d denied it, he’d been ruled out.
I really hoped that whoever it was would get bored and stop soon because it was putting a lot of extra stress on Jess and Theo’s shoulders.
I was worried and so was Jane.
Jane.
Just saying her name made my body light up.
We hadn’t spoken much since the event.
Jess had insisted that Jane do the earlier shifts so she was never locking up or alone at the library. I’d been working the late shifts with Theo. During the day it’d been crazy busy, so we hadn’t got to catch up then either. Especially as I was working alone in the bookshop most days, with Jess or a volunteer relieving me for my breaks.
But things would be different today.
Jane and I had agreed to work late today to give Jess and Theo time to go and follow up on the only other person they could think of who might have something to do with the attacks on the library: Jess’s ex.
Although he didn’t go into detail, Theo said that Jess’s ex was against her reading romance novels and they’d had a bad break-up. Would that be enough of a reason for him to throw a brick through the window, cut the electricity or attempt to ruin the books by creating a hole in the roof? They seemed to think so.
The police hadn’t come up with any leads, so I totally understood why Theo and Jess felt that it was worth paying her ex a visit .
I stepped inside Mum’s care home with a spring in my step. Not only was I excited about getting to visit her, I was also relieved because for the first time in months, I wasn’t worried about walking into reception or seeing the manager, Hilda.
Up until recently, whenever I visited, my heart would be pounding in my chest because I was worried about being summoned to the office to discuss my overdue invoices.
But not today. For the first time in what felt like forever, Mum’s account was up to date. And it was all thanks to the videos, which had gone viral.
When Marcus had called before Jane and I had sex, it was already doing well. With all of the excitement of being with Jane, then what happened at the event the following night, by the time I got home, I was too exhausted to check my messages. But when I did the next morning and saw how much it’d blown up, I couldn’t believe my eyes.
It was insane. And it kept growing.
That was when Marcus had suggested I film more. Then he’d come up with an idea to take requests and create different subscription tiers. People who paid more got to make a request for what cleaning tool they wanted me to dance with next in a video.
It was fucking genius.
Those were the videos I’d filmed this morning. Marcus did all of the liaison with the subscribers and sent over a list of instructions. I knew I wouldn’t get time to do them once I got back from the library and I wanted to see Mum before my shift started. So I got up extra early, cleaned the house, then got in front of the camera.
It still took me a while to get into doing them and I still felt kind of embarrassed. But the bottom line was, I’d earned enough to pay the bills that had been hanging over my head and the relief was priceless. So if I had to swing my dick around and create sexy videos to make sure Mum got the care she needed, that was what I’d do.
Knowing that everything was anonymous because I wasn’t showing my face on camera definitely made things easier.
‘Hey, Hilda!’ I said enthusiastically.
‘Mr Campbell.’ She nodded in acknowledgement.
‘Did you receive the payment safely?’ I asked.
‘We did, thank you. Next one will be due in two weeks.’
‘No probs!’ I said confidently. With the extra subscriptions and my salary at the library, I was close to being able to pay for all of that too.
Ordinarily I’d say money didn’t buy happiness, and I knew that first-hand after the stress I was under in my last job, but right now, having this extra cash really helped.
‘Your mother is expecting you.’
‘How is she today?’
‘Good.’
‘Great! I’ll go and see her now.’
I walked along the corridor and when I got to Mum’s room, I knocked on the door.
She was sitting by the window, which looked out onto the gardens. It was a decent view. They kept the grounds well maintained, so the residents could sit outside or stare at the colourful floral arrangements from their room, which Mum liked to do.
‘Hi, Mum.’ I walked in. My heart thumped against my chest and I crossed my fingers, hoping that today she’d remember me.
‘Jackson!’ Her face lit up. ‘How are you, son?’
‘I’m good!’ I said enthusiastically as I walked over and wrapped my arms around her.
She remembered who I was. This was great.
I’d lost count of the amount of times that she either didn’t remember me or got me mixed up with Dad, which was heartbreaking.
‘How’s work? Are you eating?’ she said. ‘Got to keep your strength up for your big City job! Don’t make them work you too hard. It’s important to make time for family.’
So she thought I still worked in finance.
This was always the difficult part. I never knew whether or not to go along with what she thought or correct her.
‘I’m at the library now. I’ve got a new job. It’s really fun. I get to talk to lots of people about romance books.’
Mum used to love reading romance novels, so knowing one of her biggest passions had been ripped away from her was one of the hardest things to see.
Both of my parents were always big readers. And even when Dad passed, Mum was never without her romance books. She’d read them on the bus to her many jobs and if she got an evening off from work, which didn’t happen often, she’d prefer to sit and read instead of watching TV.
But now, she could barely read a Post-it note.
Mum couldn’t read books anymore because she couldn’t follow the story. And even if she’d read something a few minutes earlier, she wouldn’t be able to remember what happened.
Seeing the kind of books that she used to devour in the library and bookshop that I could’ve bought for her to read but knowing that she couldn’t do that or simple things like write her name anymore broke my damn heart.
‘How’s work in London, son?’ Mum repeated.
Shit.
I knew it wasn’t good to correct her or make her feel bad for forgetting, so I decided it was best to go along with it.
‘Everything’s good. Do you want to go for a walk, in the garden?’ I stood up and held out my hand, but Mum didn’t take it.
That meant she just wanted to keep looking out of the window. So that’s what we did. For an hour, we sat there together.
Occasionally she’d speak. Usually to ask me the same question, and I answered the best I could and smiled in the right places, despite my heart shattering.
This was such a cruel disease. I still didn’t understand how my vibrant, smart mother couldn’t even do the things that used to be so easy for her. It was like she was a shadow of how she used to be and it was so tough to watch.
Eventually, I hugged her goodbye and told her I’d be back soon. It was unlikely that she’d even remember this visit, but I’d still keep coming to see her. Because it mattered. Even if me being there made her feel happy for just a few seconds or minutes, it was worth it.
As soon as I stepped through the library’s doors, my shoulders relaxed. This place was my sanctuary.
The cherry on top right now would be to see Jane before I started my shift. I missed our chats.
Although I’d been busy at work and making videos over the past week, I still thought about Jane. All the damn time. I hoped that we’d get to spend some time together later once the library closed. I didn’t want the fact that we’d fucked last week to get in the way of our friendship.
Things with Mum were bound to get harder, not easier, and I could really use a friend. I wasn’t ready to talk about Mum yet, but when I was, I knew Jane would understand. She was always a good listener.
It wasn’t just her empathy that I liked. There was something about her that made things better.
When she smiled at me, it was like she turned on a happy switch in my body. And, no, I wasn’t talking about the happy switch in my boxers, although, yeah, based on the night we spent together, she did that too.
It was more than that. Whenever Jane was around, I felt comfortable. Accepted. Happy.
Instead of heading straight to the office, I made a detour to the library hall to see Jane, but she was with a member.
I hovered by the door for a while, hoping to catch her attention, even just to wave at her. Anything .
Going to see Mum was always difficult. I could really use a hug right now.
After a couple of minutes, I left. She was busy and I had to plan the next event.
‘Hey, Jackson,’ said Jess as I stepped into the office. ‘Are you okay?’ Her face creased with concern.
‘Yeah, fine,’ I said. It wasn’t a complete lie. Although I was still sad about my visit to see Mum earlier, now I was at the library, I was feeling a bit better. ‘How are you?’
‘I’m good. Dreading my visit to see my ex later, though, to be honest. ’
‘I can imagine,’ I said. ‘At least Theo will be there.’
‘Yeah. That’s a good and also a bad thing.’
‘Oh?’ I frowned.
‘Theo’s not a fan of my ex after what he did to me.’
‘Did he hurt you?’ I ground my jaw. Jess was a good person and I hated the idea of anyone doing anything bad to her.
‘Physically, no. Mentally, definitely .’
Jess went on to explain that he hated her reading steamy romance books and when she refused to get rid of them, he burned her entire collection.
Actually set fire to them.
What kind of fucked-up person would do that?
No wonder he was a prime suspect. Anyone who could do something that shitty was capable of anything. The guy should be locked up.
‘Fuck. What an arsehole. I’m with Theo. I don’t blame him for wanting to punch your ex’s lights out.’
That was exactly how I felt whenever I heard about the things Jane’s dad did or said to her. If he ever upset Jane again, I couldn’t be held responsible for my actions.
‘Yep. My ex was a monumental shithead, so I’m not looking forward to coming face to face with him again. But I need to go. I have to look him in the eye and find out whether it’s him that’s doing all of this.’
‘I hear you. I hope you get to the bottom of this soon. Let me know if I can do anything to help.’
‘You’re already helping by filling in tonight. Thanks again.’
‘No worries,’ I said, picking up the laptop. ‘If you need me, I’ll be in the bookshop.’
I couldn’t believe it was almost closing time. There’d been so much to get through today. Checking the stock, ordering stock and sending out the email newsletter for the next event.
After the last customer had left the bookshop, I finally got the chance to go and see Jane.
Excitement raced through me. It felt like it’d been months since I’d spoken to her properly, not just over a week.
When I saw a guest leaving the meet-cute desk, my pulse quickened. Jane was finally free.
‘Hey!’ I said.
‘Hello, stranger.’ She smiled.
‘It’s been a while.’ I stood in front of her, grinning like a teenager who’d just met his celebrity crush in real life.
Our eyes locked and we stared at each other in silence.
As well as coming to speak to Jane, I’d come to ask her something, but now I couldn’t remember what. All I could think about was how much I wanted to touch her. To hold her. To kiss her.
And more.
‘That was the last guest.’ Jane broke the silence, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose.
‘You going to your parents’, or do you want to hang out, here?’
I’d considered inviting her back to mine, but I couldn’t say Mum was still away. Plus, the sex thing was a one-off and if she came home with me, that’d be putting temptation right in front of us.
No. It was safer to read here .
‘Yes!’ Her eyes widened. ‘I’d love that.’
‘By the way, I read two of the blind date books and I finished Office Delight .’
‘No way!’
‘Yep.’
‘I want to hear what you thought!’
‘Cool. I’ll lock up. You okay to get some tea and biscuits and then we can talk about it?’
‘Course!’
A wide smile spread across my face. There weren’t many people that would want to stay late at their workplace voluntarily. I hated doing that at my old job, but I’d be happy to chill here all night with Jane.
I went back to the library hall, where Jane was already curled up on the sofa.
A flashback of her lying naked in my bed popped into my head and I pushed it out again.
It was just a one-off , I reminded my brain.
If my dick could talk, it’d ask whether it really had to be.
This was the battle I’d been fighting since we’d had sex last Thursday night.
It was now the following Saturday and I still hadn’t managed to get my desire under control.
‘Party Rings and Jaffa Cakes!’ I grinned as I looked down at the plate.
‘Yep. I’ve been saving them. Just in case.’ She smiled and my heart swelled. Her buying my favourite biscuits wasn’t going to help me keep my feelings under wraps.
‘Thank you.’
‘So!’ Jane fixed her gaze on me as soon as I walked into the room. ‘Tell me all about Office Delight and the blind date books you read.’
‘In a minute.’ I sat beside her and tried not to be affected by her delicious strawberry scent. ‘First, I need to hear how you’ve been. Are you still at your parents’?’
Jane’s body language immediately changed. Her shoulders dropped and she hung her head.
‘Yeah. Still there. I’ve been looking and there’s nothing. I thought I’d found somewhere in a town about forty minutes away, but a few hours before I went to see it, I got a call to say it’d been rented. There’s so few properties and the ones that are available are either too expensive or aren’t safe, either because of the location or the condition of the property. One I went to see had so much damp I was surprised it hadn’t been reported.’
‘Shit.’ My chest tightened. I hated that she was going through this. I’d start looking myself to help her tomorrow. ‘I’m sorry.’ Guilt washed over me. I wished I didn’t have to hide the video stuff from her and Mum’s condition. Then she could stay with me.
If I waited a few more weeks so I saved up enough money to clear next month’s payment, hopefully then I could consider asking her.
‘Don’t apologise! It’s not your fault. It’s okay for now. I’ve been able to keep out of Dad’s way and his photoshoot has been put off for another couple of weeks, so it’s only when that comes around and I tell him I’m not taking part that things are really going to kick off.’
‘Well, if it ever gets too much, you call me, okay?’
‘Okay. Now, please! Tell me your thoughts!’
‘First I’ll tell you about the blind date books.’
‘Which ones did you read? ’
‘So I went for the short and sweet one first, which was The Exception to the Rule by?—’
‘Christina Lauren,’ Jane said, finishing my sentence.
‘That’s it. And I loved it. All the emails were really cute. Then I read the one which said to open it when you want a romantic adventure that will make you laugh and warm your heart, which was The Love of My Afterlife by—wait, I know this one: Kirsty Greenwood.’
‘Correct!’
‘It was brilliant. I loved the premise. It was really unique and the ending warmed my heart, just like you predicted.’
‘I’m so glad you enjoyed them!’
‘You’re excellent at book recommendations. I can see why you’re a librarian.’ I laughed.
‘So, I’m dying to know your thoughts on Office Delight !’
‘Well.’ I slid my shoes off, lifted my legs up onto the sofa, then angled my body to face her. Jane tucked her legs under her chin and leant forward, her eyes wide with anticipation.
I fought the urge to take her head in my hands and kiss her. Instead I told myself to focus on answering her question.
‘Spoiler alert… I loved it!’
‘Yes!’ she cheered.
‘I mean, at first I was like, this Rocco dude is a giant, what was the romance lingo again? Alpha-hole ?’
‘Yep!’ She nodded.
‘Yeah, so at first he seemed like an arrogant twat, but when I learnt more about his character and backstory and saw how much he loved Virginia, he wormed his way into my good books, excuse the pun. And the grovel was good,’ I said, using another one of the romance phrases Jane had taught me when we’d had dinner at the fish and chips restaurant.
‘I know, right!’
‘It was funny, romantic and I’m not gonna lie: it was a bit emotional in parts too. The ending was cute. And the spice… damn !’
‘It’s hot, isn’t it?’
‘That’s putting it politely,’ I said, thinking about all the different ways Rocco had fucked Virginia and wishing I could do the same to Jane.
Focus. Focus. Fucking focus.
‘I liked when Rocco had Virginia up against the desk and the wall…’ Jane said, her cheeks flushing.
‘Yeah.’ I smirked. ‘I noticed, from the way that almost every page of that chapter was highlighted.’
‘ Oi! ’ She hit my arm playfully.
‘What? No judgement. But if you don’t like people dog-earing pages, how come you don’t mind underlining and annotating your books?’
‘It’s totally different! It’s not intentionally damaging a book, it’s making it my own. When I annotate a novel, it’s a sign of love and appreciation. I’m documenting my favourite sections. I’m showing which parts I connected with emotionally and my reactions. What made me laugh, what made me cry, what made me…’ She bit her lip.
‘It was a great chapter. I enjoyed it too…’ My voice trailed off and our eyes locked again.
Shit.
I was trying to focus, but all I could think of was pinning Jane against the meet-cute desk. Or wall .
Then again, now that she wasn’t a virgin anymore and knew how amazing sex could feel, she could’ve met someone else already.
Jane was smart and sexy. Like I’d always said, any guy would be lucky to have her and I wasn’t the only man on earth, so it wouldn’t take long for her to be snapped up.
‘So how about you? Have you found someone to take you against a desk or wall since we, y’know …’
That just slipped out. I had no right to ask her. It was none of my business. But I couldn’t help myself.
‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘I know I’ve only had sex once, but you’ve ruined me. No one else is going to compare to our night together.’
My eyes widened and I admit, hearing that made me feel ten feet tall.
‘You don’t mean that.’
‘I do. In case it wasn’t obvious. I really like you, Jackson. I think about you. A lot .’
‘Yeah?’ I cocked my head. ‘What kind of things do you think about?’
‘When I’m… in the shower holding the jet against my…’ Her voice lowered like she was embarrassed to say the word.
‘You think about me when you’re holding a showerhead against your pussy?’ I filled in the blanks.
‘Yes,’ she said softly and my dick jerked.
Fuck. Me . I was trying to keep my cool, but she was making it difficult.
‘And at night. When I touch myself,’ she added.
‘I think about you too,’ I said quickly. ‘I have fantasies about all the different places I’d like to fuck you.’
Jane swallowed hard, then bit her lip .
My cock was now straining against my jeans. I wanted her so much right now.
‘I think about that too,’ she said softly. ‘Last night I dreamt that you… never mind.’ Jane dropped her head.
‘What?’ I lifted her chin. ‘Tell me.’
‘I dreamt that you had me up against the bookcase. Right over there.’ Jane pointed.
‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah.’
I’d been thinking about that since I first saw her again, but hearing Jane saying she’d had the same fantasy activated a switch in my brain. And my cock. There was no going back now.
‘Talking of a bookcase, I was looking for a book earlier and I couldn’t find it.’
‘What book?’ Jane frowned.
‘It was the new one by Susie Tate.’
‘It’s definitely there.’ Jane frowned. ‘I literally saw it two hours ago.’
‘Can you show me?’ I got up, then held out my hand.
‘Course.’ She jumped up and took my hand.
I knew I’d missed the feel of her palm in mine, but it was only when our fingers intertwined that I realised how much.
Jane led me over to the bookcase, then went straight to the section.
As she bent down to get it with her back to me, I stood behind her.
‘Here it is!’ She spun around.
‘I have a confession,’ I said. ‘I knew the book was there. That wasn’t why I asked you to find it.’
‘Oh,’ she said. ‘Why did you? ’
‘Because you just said you’ve been thinking about me when you touch yourself. Then you told me that your fantasy is to be fucked against a bookcase and I don’t know why, but it’s like, whenever you tell me you need something, I can’t help doing whatever I can to make it possible.’
It was true. The same thing happened when I knew someone going down on her on a sofa was her fantasy.
The same thing happened when she asked me to take her virginity.
And now that she’d told me that she wanted to do it in the library, how could I refuse?
I’d tried everything to forget about that night we spent together, but I couldn’t.
I’d missed Jane. Not just the physical, but spending time with her. Talking to her.
And I’d been thinking. Maybe we could make this work.
Things were going well with the videos, and with the money I was earning at the library now I was working full-time, I’d be able to pay for Mum’s fees for at least the next month or two, which was amazing. So I wasn’t under so much financial pressure.
Jane had mentioned that Jess and Theo knew that we’d hooked up and were fine about it, so I didn’t have to worry about things blowing up at work. So maybe we could enjoy ourselves a little bit. Not anything serious, but just enjoy spending time with each other and see where it went.
‘You want to have sex, here ?’ Jane’s eyes bulged.
‘Only if you want to.’
‘So you’re just doing this to help me?’ She raised her eyebrow .
‘I’d be lying if I said this was entirely selfless. I can’t stop thinking about you. I want to be inside you again. And you’re a love librarian, so surely being fucked against a bookcase is a rite of passage, right? I reckon it’s occupational research and I’d be very happy to volunteer my services to help you. So the only question now is whether you’d like to accept.’
‘You’re seriously asking if I’d like you to take me against a bookcase like I’ve read and fantasised about so many times?’
‘Yep. Consent is important. Especially considering we’re co-workers.’
‘I appreciate you checking, but in case it wasn’t obvious, the answer is a very clear, extremely enthusiastic yes .’
‘Good,’ I growled. ‘That’s all I needed to hear…’