Chapter 22
Olivia
I’ve been trying to play it cool around Robbie but I don’t think it’s working. Ever since I admitted to Alice that I have feelings for him it’s like a cloud lifted and made everything clearer. And yet, my nerves have been through the roof. I had a plan, damn it. Which then promptly got derailed when Robbie mentioned his whole family is going to the farm with us to pick a tree.
Not that I am not ecstatic to spend more time with the Elliots, but my plan involved a very romantic confession from me among the Christmas trees. And provided it all went well and he reciprocated said feelings, my plan also involved some immediate make out sessions in his truck. My plan also included me taking him to a nice restaurant for a date right after we were done taking the tree back to his house.
Now I have to pivot. This is why I am not a planner. Things never work out in my favor.
I’ve showered and I’m pacing the kitchen after warming up the delicious food that Robbie no doubt woke up early and made. Why didn’t he want my help with it? I guess I can’t fault him for letting me sleep in when I did the same for him weeks ago.
“Hey,” Robbie’s deep voice startles me and makes me jump. I turn around to face him and see he’s holding a bunch of boxes on top of each other so I step in and help.
“Hey yourself. Let me help with those.”
“Thanks. We can put them on the living room floor.”
“I warmed up the breakfast you made. Thanks, by the way. For making it. And for letting me sleep in.” I give him a shy smile.
“Of course. Hey,“ he starts, looking like he might come closer to me, but he stops himself, “are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been a little jumpy.”
“Fine. It’s fine,” I say, my voice more high pitched than usual. I cough and then try again, “Seriously, Bobbert. I’ve just had a lot on my mind I guess, but I’m okay.”
He searches my face and I must placate him somehow because he drops the subject. We have breakfast together, feed the cats, and then we leave for the tree farm.
We picked up Alice and both of Robbie’s parents on the way, while his brother Michael with his wife and kids are driving separately. We somehow need to fit three Christmas trees in Robbie’s truck and he’s convinced it’s possible. Even though his mom keeps saying she wants an 11-foot tree.
As soon as we park and get out of the car, Alice immediately pulls me up ahead to chat under the excuse of getting hot cocoa.
“So, did you tell him?” She and I have been texting since last night and I may have mentioned my plan to her. I also mentioned how I am bailing on said plan because there’s no way in hell I’m confessing my feelings in front of his whole family.
I groan, “No.”
“Why? Just tell him. Trust me, he won’t care if anyone else is around.”
No, but I do. If he rejects me, which I have thought about plenty last night while wide awake, I will take it in stride. I will tell him I understand—even if I won’t—and ask if he’d be willing to stay friends—which might actually be the death of me—but I won’t do all that in front of his family. Because seeing just a glimpse of what they have, it’s made me crave that connection so much more. And if I have to say goodbye to them too, it will break my heart.
“He’s planned so many wonderful things, I just want to do the same for him. I want to plan the perfect confession and date and surprise him with it. So please, Alice, please keep this to yourself,” I beg her in hushed tones.
She squeezes my arm and throws her head back on a sigh but says, “Fine, but you better do it soon. I want you both to be happy. And for the record, you could confess your feelings in a Taco Bell while you’re chewing on a burrito, with cheese all over your face and Robbie would still think the world of you.”
That gets a laugh out of me. She really is Robbie’s sister.
Once we get hot cocoa for everyone, and the men each select a handsaw, we get in line to wait for the tractor. I’ve never been to a tree farm before so I don’t know what to expect, but Robbie gently pulls me to his side and says, “Once the tractor gets here, we all get on it. Then they take us out to separate sections where they grow all different kinds of trees: pines, firs, spruces. They yell out the areas as we go and we request to get off. Once we’re done cutting our trees, we pull it to the road and wait for the tractor to pick us back up.”
“This is all seriously cool,” I say, admiring the scene around us. There are so many families of all sizes, couples with kids, couples with dogs, everyone gathered to pick out their perfect tree for the holiday.
Robbie brings his gloved hand to mine and holds it. I wish it wasn’t cold enough already to have to wear gloves so I could feel his skin on mine. I’ll take what I can get. I look up from our hands at him and give him a big smile. He makes me so happy.
“Ready to help me find the most perfect tree so we can decorate it when we get home?”
I nod.
Home.
Why is it starting to feel like he could be my home?